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1  Vintage Community Discussion / General Community Discussion / MURDOLONT: no can defense! on: January 31, 2009, 01:24:54 pm
It has been FOUR FREAKING YEARS since my last post on these boards -- one year for each of the beautiful Legions commons that are the first cards into any decklist that I write.

I don't know anything about Magic anymore.  I'm just another loser in his late twenties with a job and no time do to anything fun.  I don't know anything about what cards are broken, or which random 11-year-old from Japan is crushing everyone not named Jonathan Magic in the pro tour.

But what I do know is that the people in charge of figuring out that cards that get reprinted are OUT OF THEIR FREAKING MINDS AND SHOULD BE FIRED IMMEDIATELY, and replaced by me.

Why?  I'm glad you asked.

How is it possible that all these years have gone by and the greatest green creature EVAH has not yet been reprinted?  I'm surprised that people are even willing to still play Magic, given the magnitude of this travesty.

When I am hired by WoTC to lead the development of the next block, I will remedy this travesty, and amend the reprint policy to ensure that BESERK MURDOLONT is always in the current set.

According to The Gatherer, there are currently 24 beats that are legal in Standard.  Giant, vicious beaters wandering aimlessly around beyond Dominiaria without a deck to call home, because they lack the leadership and vision that the MURDOLONT provides.

The BESERK MURDOLONT is the BARACK OBAMA of Beasts.  He provides a stimulus package to all of his companions and he SHREDS THE PACKAGES of his opponents.

BESERK MURDOLONT must be reprinted.  I know that WoTC is concerned that it will skew the Standard metagame similar to reprinting Counterspell, but they need to find their balls and reprint the MURDOLONT, before the MURDOLONT comes for their nuts!

In conclusion, you have no chance to survive make your time.  I encourage you all to write WoTC and demand the reprinting of BESERK MURDOLONT.

2  Eternal Formats / Miscellaneous / [Article] Running the Vintage Gauntlet: R-Z on: June 12, 2004, 02:24:09 pm
I think the chalice is pretty suboptimal.  Even with Mirsha's Workshop, it's pretty hard to chalice for more than three.  What if your opponent plays a BESERK MURDOLONT.  Then u will just luze.dec
3  Vintage Community Discussion / General Community Discussion / synergize for success on: June 11, 2004, 02:51:14 am
Greetings once again my fellow TMDers.  I have not posted here since the new boards went live.  I return to you now because months of careful, meticulous metagame studies have culminated in deck innovation which I must now present to you all.

The metagame of today is a complex one in which decks must be able to quickly move into different roles.  Take Hulk, for example, which must be equally strong as both a control deck or an aggro-combo deck depending on the matchup.  A deck which falls squarely on Rock, Paper, or Scissors is no longer versatile enough to be tier 1.

I ask you now -- do you want your decks to become more streamlined?  Do you want your winning percentage, IN ALL MATCHUPS, to go up by at least 73%?  Do you want to be granted the coveted full member status?  Do you want to make your opponents beg for mercy and have them asking you to sleep with their girlfriends because you are so incredible?

Then heed my advice.

Go to your local card store.  Look for the glass case in which the owner keeps all of his most precious Magic cards.  Right next to the Black Loti, you will see a Legions common.  A common card in terms of its quantity, but truly a rare card when you consider it's ability to improve your deck.

That card is BESERK MURDOLONT, which we all know is one of the finest green creatures -- NAY, GREEN CARDS -- ever to see print.

Buy 4.
Run 4.
Win 4L.

Consider the value you get -- a 3/3 body for a mere 5 mana.  People say that if you spend 5 mana in Type 1 you had better JUST WIN.  Well I say to those people, have you ever seen someone WINDMILL SLAM A MURDOLONT ONTO THEIR OPPONENT'S NUTSACK AND NOT SUBSEQUENTLY DECLARE IMMEDIATE VICTORY?

Imagine a MURDOLONT hunting you in the jungles of the Tangle.   As you cower under a bush, you catch a glimpse of it through the trees.  Its fangs drip with the blood of a deceased MYR MANSERVENT.  Amidst its horns you see that it has strapped a Sword of Fire and Ice onto its head.  This makes you tremble further, because you know that the MURDOLONT needs no equipment other than its MANDIBLES OF DOOM to remove your nutsack.

You turn to run, but then you realize that your true doom comes not from one MURDOLONT, but from the fully unrestricted pack of FOUR FREAKING MURDOLONTS that are all coming at you, and they all have +1/+1 if you block them.

You twitch involuntarily as you are dismembered.  You cry out "Save me Rakso" but your plea for mercy goes unanswered.

In summary, why swing for two when you can swing for 4 (if blocked)!!!
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