--The beginning of this report was written by leviat, then handed over to me, then back to him. I'll paste that part, then go on with my own.
Binghamton Crew:
Jason ~ leviat
Carl ~ CrazyCarl
Derek ~ Big_D_of_CF (Unreg)
Shawn ~ BigDCool247 (Unreg)
Ed ~ Nylex (Unreg)
Well, it would appear that it's another amazing report from the Binghamton Crew. Yes, we're traveling through the evil that is Vermont again but I'm getting ahead of myself again so let's go back to the beginning... the VERY beginning.
"Nothing ever goes as planned." A lesson of life you might say, but even if you keep this in the back of your mind, it often cannot even prepare for what TRULY can go wrong.
*Saturday, May 24th*
Life is good. I'm up early in the morning, I take my shower, and I'm ready for two days packed with magic, friends, and trash talking. I'm watching some weird Star Trek rerun where this guy escapes from prison and is single-handedly taking out everyone on the Enterprise. A knock on the door and two minutes later I'm riding in the front of Ed's van "Merf Mobile"(Also known as the Love Machine because of all the "supposed" ass that Ed claims to have begotten whilst in it. --Carl) on my way too Fat Cat's.
Bad News #1: Ed is worried that we cannot take the van because the Check Engine light refuses to go away. Bah! Squishing five people in a small car for a six hour drive is NOT tech.
(This was where Jason had a tournament report, but it was one round, so i'll just delete it and put mine)
I played GAT /w Red on Saturday, thinking I might play it on Sunday.
GAT with Red
4 Force of Will
3 Misdirection
3 Mana Drain
4 Gush
4 Brainstorm
2 Opt
2 Cunning Wish
2 Merchant Scrolls
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Time Walk
1 Mystical Tutor
4 Quirion Dryad
1 Regrowth
1 Fastbond
1 Demonic Tutor
1 Vampiric Tutor
1 Yawgmoth's Will
3 Psychatog
2 Fire/Ice
4 Polluted Delta
3 Tropical Island
3 Underground Sea
1 Volcanic Island
2 Flooded Strand
1 Library of Alexandria
1 Black Lotus
1 Mox Sapphire
1 Mox Emerald
1 Mox Jet
1 Mox Ruby
SB
3 Red Elemental Blast
3 Naturalize
2 Smother
2 Duress
2 Hurkyl's Recall
2 Submerge
1 Berserk
Round 1: Matt Silvernail playing GodAwfulGrow.dec
Yeah, his deck is REALLY TERRIBLE, though Nimble Mongeese keep owning people and he makes the top 4 on a regular basis. This is my first tournament in a few weeks and I'm afraid I might be a bit rusty...
Game 1: I'm able to beat down on him with a pair of Dryads, he gets no real action, and I win in short order with honest Dryad beats.
Game 2: He gets the jump on me, and I'm on the defensive for a while. I end up in a situation where he's got enough on the board to kill me. However, because I'm an amazing Magic player, I'm able to somehow bluff that I'll WRECK him if he attacks, so he just doesn't, and I'm able to draw into Yawgmoth's Will and kill him with a REALLY mad Dryad.
Round 2: Josh O playing Grow-A-Tog
Josh is a pretty lucky guy, but he's pretty easy to read, so that makes our matches alot easier for me(I can say the same for most people heh).
Game 1: He gets turn 1 Library. I come close to doing OK, but the Library is a backbreaker.
Game 2: I start off very strong and keep him on the defensive. When Grow-A-Tog is on the defensive, it doesn't win. This game is no exception.
Game 3: I have the advantage with a Dryad double his own's size. However, Josh is the SLOWEST player on the face of the planet, and Game 1 took a long time despite his large advantage, so we run out of time in this one which I would have easily won had we had the time. That made me unhappy.
Round 3: Someone I smashed really easily because I don't remember the round.
Round 4: leviat with WhenType2CardsAttackWithBerse
rk.dec
I CONSTANTLY give him shit about Wild Mongrel, so this is my chance to back up my smack.
Game 1: He gets an early lead, and attacks with an awful 2/2 for a few turns. I get out a Dryad which starts attacking, and a Psychatog. He attacks his Mongrel into my Tog. I expect him to pump a few times and for me to just save(or to not pump at all), but he goes balls to the wall with a double Berserk and a ton of pumpage. I Force of Will one of them, then pump my Tog just enough to beef it up to the point where it'll kill his Mongrel and let me live at one life. He's got like, a land and nothing else to my land and Dryad. Guess who won.
Game 2: Much more one sided(my side), and I win.
Top 4 decides to split after Josh goes on some speil about not wanting to hold us up because he didn't want to make a decision and look like the bad guy(cuz he was feelin greedy I guess) I told him I had no problem with anything. Either I stayed and got more money(seeing as how I had beaten EVERYONE IN THE TOURNAMENT AT THAT POINT RAWR!!!), or I get to leave earlier to get to Concord. He sees the light and decides to split along with Silvernail(who I think felt lucky to not have to play me again mwahahahaha).
Fat Cat's Top 4: May 24
Carl ~ GroAtog
Josh ~ GroAtog
Jason ~ DogAtog (Goddamn stupid Mongrel. Seriously, wtf -Carl)
Matt ~ WretchedBadGrow
Yes, that's right, FOUR gush decks in the Top four. Lucky for us Gush isn't broken or anything.
Bad News #2: Bryce cannot come with us because of work or something. Grrrr!
Bad News #3: We decide to take the Van anyways because it's just so damn cool (you might think for a moment that this is good news, but it's not, I'll explain later).
Bad News #4: After looking at the Yahoo Map directions and the Mapquest directions, we were suddenly struck by bolt of idiocy and decided to use the Mapquest directions. Why is this a bad idea you might be wondering? Because the directions suggest going through Vermont. Oh yes! Vermont! The spawn of all evil. The devil of the world(Yeah, this part sucks --Carl). If the world suddenly became plagued with a horrible virus and people starting dropping dead and decomposing into this nasty putrid slime of flash, Vermont is where we would stack them. Vermont is really THAT bad. But more on that later.
Things start off pretty good. We're crusing along minding our own business. Driving with Ed is always kind of exciting because he's incapable of staying in the driving lane. He's one of those people that just drifts around the road veering left or right to avoid the more important obstacles. About two hours into our trip (after stopping for some Grand Slam goodness at
Denny's) we stop as a gas station so that Carl can cast death on the bathroom. A little while later Carl walks out of the bathroom with a somewhat triumphiant smile on his face and we pile back into the Van. Of course we don't really get
anywhere because the "Merf Mobile" refuses to start (yeah, more like "Derf Mobile").
Well, if there's anything that magic geeks can do, it sure as hell ain't mechanics. Oof! So we all get out and inspect the engine making very unintellegent guesses and fully admitting we don't know shit about autos. So anyways I start doing the usual, check the oil and the transmission fluid. (Sidenote: Did you know that the dipsticks on a van engine are like 10 feet
long, I'm serious, you just keep pulling and pulling and this long unmanagable dip stick comes out. It is a total pain in the ass, but anyways...)(It was at this point Ed and Jason got pretty excited. hehehe --Carl). Both the oil and the tranny fluid seemed to be in proper order which was sorta bad news because it didn't help pinpoint the problem. Oro! (<-- Kenshin reference)(In case you didn't get my comment, I was in a roundabout way suggesting they love the cock. Most of the humor on this trip followed the same line of thought. Good times - Carl).
After considering things for a little while, we decide our only chance at this point is to appeal the auto gods and hope for the best. So we sacrifice a couple Psychatogs, feed the thing some oil, dump some water into the coolant overflow and turn the key... VROOOM BABY! That's right, we're on the road again. Of course we didn't make it very far before we entered....
VERMONT! At this point I'm going to pass the report over to Carl because nobody can truly explain the evil that is Vermont quite like Carl can.
--Carl's Part of the Report--
So yeah. Ed, Shawn and Derek just thought I was trying to be funny when I said how much Vermont sucked. Heh, that'll teach em. We get about 20 minutes in, and we're still on paved road, so I'm like, cool, they actually improved this
shithole of a state in the past year. I was pretty proud of em. After about 5 minutes after I have this thought, we hit some nasty ass dirt fucking roads. It was awesome, only not really. What made this trip EVEN BETTER was the FOG
ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. And it wasn't constant fog either, it was like, this shitty on and off stuff that just irritated the hell out of us. I honestly thought I was going to die, it was that bad. We lost the road a few times, almost plowed into a few hotels and houses, but in the end, We Survived Vermont. So we get to New Hampshire, revel in it's paved roads and logical system of... paving roads, and we sorta get confused when we get to this like, circle thing which is supposed to take us to NH-9, but we see a sign, so it work out well(Note: We're able to see this sign ecause unlike Vermont, you can SEE things in New Hampshire because it isn't full of FOG and THEY PAVE THEIR GODDAMN ROADS). I kinda freaked out a bit because I thought we were taking the wrong road, but apparently we were on the right one, so it worked out well.
Now, I can type IN REAL TIME. It'll be just like you're on the road with us. Shawn said something derogatory towards Ed, and in return, Ed made a comment about leaving him on the side of the road, and Shawn coming home to find his mom 9 months preggers. (Actually it was going back to find Derek's sister 9 months pregnant, but I guess noone cares --Jason). his was clever for two reasons: One: He said he'd take 9 months to get home, making fun of his speed(or lack thereof), and Two: He had sex with his mom. (Sister --Jason)(I had sex with yer mom - Carl)
Team Binghamton: Doin yer sister since befo you was born IOTCH. Who's yo daddy? (Yeah, Bryce really does where off on people --Jason)
Derek said that, it seemed amusing so I typed it. Heh. Ed also mentioned something about being able to drive w/o using his hands or knees. While I can figure out the lack of hands thing, but I REALLY don't want to know what he's doing with his knees :. For some reason right now, Ed and Derek are talking about the Keeper vs Weirding matchup. Why they're talking about Magic is beyond me, but whatever. As of now, it's 11:30, so we'll be on NH-9 for another 10 or 15 minutes, hen we hit the Interstate to do some techy moves which nvolve going from one highway to another, then going to Concord. I love New England.
Bad News #Whatever: MolotDET called earlier today and informed me he wouldn't be coming up tonight to chill, which was rather unfortunate. And even worse, I gave Zherbus a call before my phone left my service area, and he told me he came down with SARS as well, and will be taking the evening off to rest up. While this kinda sucks, it coulda been worse because we're not even getting into Concord until like midnight.
Good News: We're not in Vermont anymore. God that rocks. (Here here --Jason)
So. I'm done rambling now. With luck, I'll be in the Top Whatever tomorrow, finish my match quickly, then type up some match coverage. That'd be the hot shit. Oh oh! Or I could get a BYE round 1 and cover like a Binghamton vs Hadley or CT grudge match. That'd be awesome. Anyways, I'm handing this hizzy back over to leviat. Ta.
--Back to Jason--
Good bye Vermont; don't call, don't write, your ugly and I hate you.
I'm not really going to comment on the next part of the trip. It primarily consists of a lot of really bad mom jokes, Derik's sister, and some very not-G-rated stuff. What is wrong with these people?!
Ed: "Write this down. Write down just how sick and wrong these people are! Blumpkin Blumpkin Blumpkin (he repeats this about 20 times)(He loves the Blumpkin - Carl). You must write in there how Shawn is threating to teabag everyone. Write it down, NOW!"
--Back to Carl--
Whatever. We get into Concord around Midnightish, get settled into our room about 20 minutes later, the orgy ended sometime around 1, and the chitchat and dick jokes ended at about 1:30, so that's when we got to sleep.
I'm a moron, so I INSISTED on getting up at 6:30. Jason refused to set the alarm for 6:30, so I set my phone to go off at that time. <3 Samsung. I get spruced up, notice I have no gel, lay back down, let Derek have a shot at the shower, then chill for about an hour until everyone else decides to get ready.
Anyways, a few times on the trip, I noticed how waitresses kept on eyeing me up. I don't mind being thought of as a sex object by lovely ladies, but while I'm eating? Sigh. This one waitress(who wasn't our server, sigh) at the Friendly's in Concord was QUITE attractive. I was very close to asking her out. However, we had to go game and stuff. What a gigantic suck.
We get "asked to leave" Friendly's at about 9:30 because we're gettin up in the sever's hizzy(making her lose tip money etc), so we tip her a bit extra because we were drafting(which took up all that time), then go to Micky Dee's where Derek and Ed mise me and Shawn out(Let's say I might have drawn 10 lands and 2 nonlands against Ed at one point), play a few games for fun where I give Derek a few pointers because he's playing my exact version of Keeper, which was as follows:
WhoFollowsTheLeader.dec
4 Force of Will
4 Mana Drain
4 Brainstorm
3 Cunning Wish
2 Morphling
2 Future Sight(Teh Bombz0r)
1 Merchant Scroll
1 Mystical Tutor
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Fact or Fiction
1 Time Walk
1 Demonic Tutor
1 Mind Twist
1 Yawgmoth's Will
1 Skeletal Scrying
2 Swords to Plowshares
1 Balance
1 Gorilla Shaman(MVP after Future Sight)
1 Fire/Ice
1 Black Lotus
1 Sol Ring
1 Mox Jet
1 Mox Ruby
1 Mox Pearl
1 Mox Sapphire
1 Library of Alexandria
1 Strip Mine
2 Wasteland
2 City of Brass
1 Island
3 Volcanic Island
3 Tundra
3 Underground Sea
4 Polluted Delta
SB
1 Blue Elemental Blast
1 Coffin Purge(not used)
1 Vampiric Tutor(Wished for ALOT)
1 Skeletal Scrying(Also Wished for alot)
1 Plaguebearer(not used)
1 Shattering Pulse(Same, no Stax)
4 Red Elemental Blast
1 Swords to Plowshares
1 Circle of Protection: Red
2 Disenchant
1 Aura Fracture(h8 Celestial Dawn)
We get to Concord Card at about the time that it opens, sit down, play some games, chill out till Steve comes along, chill some more, then start the gaming.
Round 1: Bye
THE PARAGON FIX IS IN. I get my wish and cover the Hulk Vs Inquisitor grudge match. Steve will get up the match sometime(No rush, it wasn't that good anyways). It was alot of fun though.
Round 2: leviat playing Dog-A-Tog
I get to have a shot at this deck playing Keeper too? Awesome!
Game 1: He gets out more creatures than I can kill, I take a gambit, hoping he doesn't have a Berserk. He does, we go to game 2.
Game 2: I play Land, Lotus, Mox, Walk, Land Demonic, next turn, Land, Future Sight. I won that game.
Game 3: I kill off his early stuff, counter any drawers he gets(which weren't many) and easily win.
Nice try kiddo, but try playing some Type 1 calibur creatures, then we'll talk
2-0
Round 3: Nice guy playing GAT
Hadn't met him before, but he seemed to know me(Probably from TMD). Like GI said in his report, a quiet, here-to-play-cards kinda guy.
Game 1: He trounces me with a pair of Dryads that I just can't seem to kill.
Game 2: I get out a Future Sight after making him fight over the first one. He seemed to be trying to out-control me as he pointed out somewhere in the middle of the game, and Keeper is the r0xx0r at control, so I'm able to force through Yawgmoth's Will(by playing a bomb spell pretty much every turn of the game).
Game 3: We have <5 minutes left at this point, so I'm pretty much playing for a draw, but he obviously wants to win, so I keep the speed normal(which for me is pretty quick). He gets an early Psychatog, not the threat you want in a control matchup for a quick win, and I'm able to stay alive long enough for the draw.
2-0-1
Round 4: Summer Sausage(I know it's spelled wrong, but the name amuses me so NYA) Playing OldSchoolKeeperh8.dec
Before the round Nick tells me I must win, and I tell him I'll do my best.
Game 1: He gets out an active Phid, and I can't deal.
Game 2: He gets out an active Phid, and I can't deal.
Blood Moon what? Paragon Keeper don't care about no Blood Moon.
2-1-1
Round 5: Grand Inquisitor playing with your mother.
I was looking for vengance for the round 1 draw he gave me at TMD Champs earlier in the year, and I was VERY much hoping this match didn't end up as a draw(which wouldn'tve helped me much obv.)
Game 1: Your mother doesn't seem to put on alot of pressure, so I'm not really getting anything out of the deal. I decide to cut her off with my Future Sight and just go nuts all over her. She just isn't able to fight back enough.
Game 2: She really kicked into gear for this game. DAMN. I knew she was capable of some freaky shit, but she Willed THREE TIMES. Being a guy, I'm able to Will once a game(if I'm lucky!), but she's got the stamina of an ox. I guess it's the Burning Wish she has to go off in a big way. I try to fight back, but she's just too much for me.
Game 3: I play an early monkey, and she doesn't seem to be into beastiality, so she doesn't do a whole lot and I ride my hungry little bitch to the win and to the top 8.
(GODDAMN THAT WAS FUN! Thank's Steve )
Quarterfinals: Pernicious Dude's Son Sam
He seemed like a really cool kid, knew what he was doing, but after an, ahem, slight error in game 1, he didn't seem all into it.
Game 1: My hungry monkey comes to play very early, putting the hurt on his one land, mox, lotus(which he plays after the monkey dies, more on that later). He is able to cast a Show and Tell because I have no way to stop it. He puts out Academy Rector after he has already cast 2 Cabal Therapies. I'm kicking myself for letting myself get into this position, but when he searches with the Rector's ability, he's unable to find his Yawgmoth's Bargain! It turns out it was in his hand :\. By the time he's able to cast it, I have plenty of counter mana and am able to win easily.
Game 2: I sided in 2 REB's for a Fire/Ice and something dumb. I'd have brought in more, but I figured I'd need Plows too. At the very least, I could Wish for em if I needed them. Sam has another slow start this game, and he just really seems down from his error Game 1, so we just kinda joke around a bunch(I have a feeling my joking around didn't help him out much. Sorry buddy :\). This kid knows his stuff though, I think he can make some SERIOUS bling on the JSS circuit. It was nice to get to meet him and Dan, you guys are really cool and I'm so jealous of you Sam
.
Record matters how now? heh.
Semifinals: Summon Sausage playing SkillIntensiveHosersinmySideb
oard.dec
Game 1: He gets out a turn 1 Future Sight. I'm able to Yawgmoth's Will, but make a HUGE mistake in not REBing his Future Sight, opting to Time Walk instead. My reasoning was that I still had SOOOOOOOO many ways to find a Cunning Wish, and I needed to have countermana availible on his turn to stop his next Phid(which was on top of his Library). I lose as Nick is able to help me figure out after the match because of this. Frown. I don't make mistakes often, but when I do...
Game 2: He gets out an early pair of Blood Moons, Strips my Island, and counters my Mox Sapphire.
Good times.
I topdeck Lotus, cast a bunch of must-counters with it, drop Aura Fracture, Yawgmoth's Will. Then win.
BLOOD MOON FUCKING WHAT!Game 3: He gets early Phids and I draw alot of Vermont.
Games lost to Blood Moon - 0
ph34r Keeper. Honestly, you guys get to bring in 3-4 worthless cards, while we bring in ONE. Seems fair...
Oh well. Game 2 was a big enough beating that I guess a loss wasn't so bad
After my loss, I go off with Bill the Fowl to get some greasy food-shaped items, consume them, play some Mental Magic, play some FUCKED UP multiplayer with Jared and Ray, then chill at Friendly's after getting lost trying to find a Taco Bell(damn health nuts
) for the Hadleyers, Bingolanders and CT'ers to game at for a while, then hanging out with just the CT crew, which was a great time, despite our incompetant waitress. I tried to talk Jared and Ray into hitting on some highschool girls with me, but Jared explained that it would be like hitting on his little sister's friends, which would be icky, so I understood. We'll find college girls next time boys.
Thanks to everyone who made this tournament a great time!\n\n
