Wake me up inside,
Wake me up inside,
Call my name and save me from the dark;
Bid my blood to run,
Before i come undone,
Save me from the nothing I've become...Or,
How I brought Keeper to life, by waking it up inside. And saving it from the dark.
The Hero's of Our Adventure:
Me, yay!
Eli
Ross
Liz
Josh O(BIG O)
Shawn(Thundercles)
Bryce(Mr. Awesome)
Derek(Aspiring Lesbian Porn Director)
And random New Englanders I'll mention once in a while.
The Car Arrangements:
-Derek's Car
- Derek
- Thunderclese
- Big O
- Mr. Awesome
-Eli's Car
- Me, yay!
- Eli
- Liz
- Ross
So, our adventure begins on Friday, on like, the 20th or something. I go to school because I like not failing. Me and Liz are sitting around in the awesome cafe at school realizing we should be playing some Magic, but instead we have a discussion about this hot girl's belly button piercing and whether her ring looked normal, or like a Cheerio/Spaghetti O. Somehow I end up at Target with Liz and this girl from school to develop pictures. I wanted to play video games, but Target sucks, so I had to settle for eyeing old women and winking at them. I got no play, but a brotha's gotta try.
I called Ross before we left for Target, and we find him sitting at a table upon our return, unhappy with coming to school when we weren't even there. We ignored him and watched some people play Magic. I think I played against my friend Rob's White Supremecy theme deck and Ross playing Joblins. I think I only lost one game, and that was to White Supremecy. Let's just say, Ication town with 3 Crusade effects in play is perdy darn broken.
At around 12:30 I realize I should probably go to English class, but I don't want to, obv. After a bit of debate, I go and find that our class has been canceled! Huzzah! We bounce off to my house shortly after so I can pack and play Magic Online while they kind of sit around until Eli shows up. We hit the road around 5:30. Not that that's important, or realavent to the report in any way, but since I'm writing it, I can tell you what time we left! And there's nothing Theresa can do about it! And I don't even care if I mispelled her name! Because there's nothing she can do about it!
[size=tiny]yet...[/size]
We're out on the road for a few hours, talking about random shit, racing after some kids in their "pimped" out cars, using them as plows to reach speeds exceeding 100 MPH. Eventually we pass them, making them get separated in the thick traffic of I-84. Owned. By owned, I mean we got owned. We had to go back to going 85
.
When we're around 30 minutes away from Waterbury, the computer in Eli's car decides the car doesn't work anymore, despite it being in for repairs less than a month ago. So Eli has to do this tricky thing with the pedals and sticky thing to make the car go. We figure out that the car can't go under 30 or so, or else it stalls and we become at traffic hazard. We stop at an Applebies or however you spell it, and call AAA. I had respect for AAA before this call. Afterwards, no more. They asked us for the information we gave them multiple times, weren't able to get us a rental car, and suggested we get towed to Waterbury, 30 miles away, at $3.50 a mile. No sir. Eli hotwires the car again and we get to the Marriot in one piece. Eli calls the repair shop and tells them to fix the car Saturday, leading to me getting calls from the repair shop all morning. How dumb. The guy kept calling me Mr. Kassis, too. I took great offence at his statements, but I decided to be merciful.
We crash in our room at like, 9, order 2 pizzas and a calzone, eat around half of the pizza and calzone and decide we're full. Pizzowned. Big O shows up about an hour after this and declines our offer of food, due to not being able to handle a taste of Big Willy's. How unlucky. Ross and Josh stay up until 11 on myself and Liz's bed playing the TnT on Joblins matchup until I kick them off and tell them to leave the room(After giving them a key, of course. What do you think I am, a barbarian? AM I NOT MERCIFUL?) Eli's been passed out since 10:30, and I get to sleep around 11:30.
I wake up before the alarm and decide to turn it off so that it doesn't make that unpleasant alarm noise. Everyone does the hygiene thing, gets un-naked, and goes downstairs in small waves. We hit up the breakfast buffet, which was really funny. I thought it was free, so I didn't eat a whole lot, half of a half of an omelet, some danish, and a bunch of chocolate milk, mind you, no easy task. We end up having to pay 12 bucks for it(including gratuity), so whatever.
Eventually we head to the hall, which is quite large, and mingle. I lend Eastman some obscure cards for his sideboard, learn of Hadley's Gilded Drake tech, and make fun of Brian Phelon for a while. I think I kind of sat around for a while. Ray made some announcements, the purpose of most being to pwn andystok who had a tournament at 4 PM that same day. Then he said some other stuff that we were supposed to listen to, then put up the pairings...
Here's where I talk about Magic. I don't profess to get all of the details right, so don't bother correcting me or I'll ban you from the site, k?
I didn't lose any matches until the semifinals(sorry to ruin the suspense), so I'm not doing that X-X-X thang. I'm good like that.
I played this deck. It was awesome.
4 Flooded Strand
3 Tundra
2 Underground Sea
2 City of Brass
2 Volcanic Island
4 Wasteland
1 Strip Mine
1 Library of Alexandria
1 Alpha Island
1 Sol Ring
1 Black Lotus
1 Mox Jet
1 Mox Sapphire
1 Mox Ruby
1 Mox Pearl
4 Force of Will
4 Mana Drain
4 Brainstorm
3 Cunning Wish
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Fact or Fiction
3 Skeletal Scrying
1 Demonic Tutor
1 Mystical Tutor
1 Yawgmoth's Will
1 Mind Twist
1 Time Walk
2 Swords to Plowshares
1 Balance
3 Exalted Angel
2 Gorilla Shaman
1 Decree of Justice
My Sideboard Consisted of the Following:
1 Vampiric Tutor
2 Coffin Purge
1 Gush
1 Fire/Ice
2 Blue Elemental Blast
1 Swords to Plowshares
2 Disenchant
3 Red Elemental Blast
2 Rack and Ruin
Round 1: Jason playing Food Chain Joblins(FCJ)
Game 1: I keep Jason's Welders from doing anything to me and poop out an Exalted Angel. I started to attack, and for two turns in a row, he casts Food Chain, which I stop in some way, and Drain Life him for 4 again to kill him after a Time Walk. He informs me afterwards that he had another Food Chain in his hand, along with all of his combo pieces. I'm some lucky.
Boarding: Out: 1 Scrying, 1 Wish, 2 Shaman. In: 2 BEB, Fire/Ice, Plow
Game 2: He runs the ole Mulligan to 6 play, and ends up with a fairly slow draw, alllowing me to beat him up with 2 Angels.
I played Jason at "The Tournament That Must Not Be Named" when I was playing Workshop Slaver, where he beat me because I a) couldn't count and b) had a bleeding eyebrow. I wish him luck, and tell him I will help his tiebreakers(Foreshadowing).
Round 2: Ben playing Mana Drain Slaver
Games 1 and 2: Ben mulligans to five, plays a Mana Vault and a Mana Crypt and a couple of lands and some arbitrary card drawing spells that I counter.
For the record, my boarding against Bad Tog is something I make up on the spot.
Ben's a bit disappointed that he wasn't able to put up a fight. It sucks. I wish him luck and go drink pop.
Round 3: Sam playing Keeper
Game 1: I take a fairly early lead, countering a few threats, tapping my face down Exalted for a few turns. He catches me at a bad time to cast Ancestral, which I'm stuck letting resolve. Off the Ancestral he nabs a Balance, which balances out the game. We draw-go for a while, going kind of back and forth on spells, but I eventually resolve a Scrying for 6, prompting Derek, who was recording the match on his camcorder, and Jarad who was just watching, to walk away in disgust. I get to Will and stuff, so I win.
Sideboard: Out 2 Plow, 1 Wish. In: 3 REB
Game 2: Sam doesn't get to do much as we kind of sit around for a while until I catch him with his pants down by getting of a cycled Decree for 7 which kills him in 3 turns.
Sam was a nice kid who made a few play errors as far as I remember, but he seemed to have a good idea of what he was doing, and enjoyed playing his first control mirror -ever-(!). I tell him that in time, he'll get it down and will do fine.
Round 4: Ryan playingFish with Red spells that deal damage and counter stuff.
Game 1: Ryan gets off to a really slow start that begins with a Voidmage Prodigy getting Drained into an Exalted and going downhill from there.
Sideboard: I bring in the REBs and the Fire/Ice, but the only thing I remember removing is a Mind Twist.
Game 2: He has a good aggressive start which I have to struggle to keep up with with my one Tundra and Strip mine. I didn't win that game.
Game 3: Ryan gets out a little bit of early pressure with a Curiosity on a Voidmage that we have a little counter war over that gets through a few times. I started out with a Library however, and was able to keep up with his draw, at a small cost of tempo from playing the Library turn 1. I get rid of his Voidmage soon enough, but he follows it up with a few 1/1's and a Curious Lavamancer. I scrying for 4 at his EOT, putting myself at 9. He has me at 2 a couple of turns later. Completely tapped out, I get to cast an unmolested Yawgmoth's Will which nets me some cards, a Walk, and an Exalted off one of a City of Brass, leaving me at 1. I start attacking, and the fat lady sings from there.
Our first pair of games were pretty crappy, but the third was so swingy, actually involving decisions instead of casting random broken cards and winning. Though I did cast random broken cards... Anyhow, we part ways after wishing each other luck.
Round 5: Justin playing FCJ
Game 1: As I remember little about this match, I'll just make something up: He casts a turn 1 Vedalkin Archmage, which I match with an Archivist, followed by an Isochron Scepter with Dreams Grip. He plays a few burn spells, luckily nothing at my little 1/1, and starts attacking with a Darksteel Colossus. I get worried, but then cast Exalted Angel and kill him.
Sideboarding: Same as before
Game 2: Justin basically got out a turn 1 Lacky that I was unable to deal with. The game went downhill from there.
Game 3: This was my favorite game of the day. My opening hand consists of FoW, Wish, Jet, Pearl, Wasteland, Exalted and Mind Twist. He leads with Black Lotus, which I ask him to stop for a second. My hand allows me to deal with two threats, but his lotus would let him play as many as 3 or 4. I decide to Force the Lotus. He then plays mountain, Lacky. I draw a not land, drop my Angel and say go. He drops a land and passes. I draw a not land again and Mind Twist him for 2, hitting a mountain and a Warchief. We do nothing for about 2 turns until he wastes my Wasteland. I topdeck Mox Sapphire, cast Brainstorm with it, drawing Scrying, X and Balance. I put the scrying on the top, and cast Balance. He loses both of his lands, 2 cards, and I think a creature he had played. From there everything he casts is easily dealt with and I get to tap my Angel while she's Face Up and kill him.
After the game ends, Justin tells me that he had a Red Blast in his opening hand, but neglected to play the land before the Lotus. He'd have been able to cast Warchief then a few other Joblins to get out a gangbang Commander turn 2. We agreed that that was the reason he lost, but he took it well.
Round 6: A nice gentleman who's name I don't remember.
No games, we drew after I told him 6-2 would make it, and if all the 5-0's drew, we'd all make it into the top 16. He agrees and we go for the draw, with him apparently relieved because he feared something in my deck, though I don't know what. *Shrug*
During this round I go out to Subway with Rich Shay and a friend of his. We chatted about Type 1 and how people are bad at Magic and how stupid Type 2 is. Walking into Subway, I found a dollar on the ground! I got the last half of bread left(yes, they sold out of bread) thanks to the generosity of my Subway Traveling Compainions. I used said dollar to buy pop from Theresa to wash down my delicious Tuna Sub.
Round 7: Ray playing Mana Drain Slaver
Game 1 and 2: Before the round I found out that the other 2 5-0's decided to play, eliminating the possibility of triple drawing into the top 16. I was very displeased, as was Ray. We were forced to play, and Ray wasn't able to do a whole lot either game. He put up a valiant fight, the most notable play being Wishing for Echoing Truth to take out the 7 Soldiers I made with a cycled Decree.
Sideboarding was the same, only he didn't have Blood Moon, so the BEB's just killed Welders.
Ray's kind of bummed, but I remind him of the safety net of the next round that we had, and I tell him he'll do fine. As it turns out, he wins and makes top 16
.
Top 16 Sebastian playing Hulk
Sabastian was a very pleasant Canadian player who had come up in a seperate car from Wuaffiliate and specialK. Nice guy outside of game, and serious and thoughtful in game. Good combo.
Game 1: We go through the game with each of us trying to get our draw spells through, and I eventually am able to hold him down a bit with mana denial and casting Skeletal Scryings. I tap that Angel to kill him.
Sideboard: Out 2 Plows, 1 Wish for 3 REB's.
Game 2: He takes a bit of a lead, sifting through his deck with Brainstorms, eventually Duressing me and casting a Tog with the coast clear. I topdeck Demonic Tutor and search for a REB to 187 the Tog. He comments on my luck, and I don't deny it. The game goes on for a while, and he goes for Intuition during his turn, and Drains the Force I use on it. He gets his AK's, casts the one for 3 and passes. At the end of his turn I stop to think, then realize he hadn't gone through his attack phase and used his mana during his second main phase. I point this out and it takes a few people to convince him of how Drain mana works with the phases. He doesn't take it well, but we continue regardless. I learn later that he had played Liz earlier in the day, and skipped the mana burn from a 1st main phase Drain and used it the next turn, costing her the win. This bum's Liz out, but she feels better because I win. I end up casting Yawgmoth's Will to snuff him out, getting all the goodies and my lovely lady on the board.
I apologize for the Drain thing, but he refers to it as "rules cheese". I try again to convince him that's just how the game goes, but he switches subjects and asks to look at my deck, so we compare notes and stuff and leave on friendly ground.
Quarterfinals Chris from the Cape playing Mana Drain Slaver
Game 1: Chris isn't able to really get going, getting a little bit of draw through, but isn't able to compete with my FoF and Scrying that get through. I do the Angel thang and take game 1.
Sideboarding was the same, as per usual.
Between games, Ray asks us to move our match to another table, as the part of the hall we're in is in the process of closing. How unlucky. We were comfortable there
. Anyhoo, we move into the other room, the spectators sit down, and we get down to it.
Game 2: A couple of early Welders are able to come out for Chris, and I have an opportunity to stop them at one point, but instead opt to use the Wish I had to counter a spell. I was damned either way, and the Welders are eventually able to get online and start up on Big Pents, ending it all with a really, really big Yawgmoth's Will and Slaver. I think I must have misplayed at some point during the game as I had some good stuff in my GY. I think he might've just countered it all. Whateve.
Game 3: I get a pretty good start with some early drawing and stuff, but Chris doesn't get the mana he needs to get going. I'm able to kick him while he's down by just wasting and chomping on everything he has between strips and Joblin Shaman. He casts some stuff I'm able to let go because my hand is set to take care of anything he can cast for the rest of the game, which is a very short time because my little ho is out workin hard for the money.
Chris was a really nice kid and seemed pleased to get as far as he did. He did a very good job of ignoring the comments during the match, of which there were many. Midway through game 3, Eastman randomly calls out Brian Phelon on his being a cum dumpster. Ray jumps to Brian's defence, refuting Dave's claim, retorting with saying Brian was not a cum dumpster, but a
savage cum dumpster. Sometimes you just can't ignore the facts.
I also bring up the time where myself and Brian made out at the Waterbury where I had won a Beta Emerald and he made me sick for a few days. He made it a while without using discriminatory terms to describe people, but in the end, I forced it out of him. I rule.
Semifinals: Steve Houdlette playing a deck with Quirion Dryads and stupid sideboard cards.
Before the match begins, I ask if someone will get me something to eat and/or drink really quick. Liz agrees to bring some food down from Derek's room, which makes me happy. In the mean time I decide that myself, Steve and whomever else that wished so to join us in a victory cigar. Derek had bought around $450 of cheapass cigars, and passed them out like candy. They may have been cheap, but they were good. Good chats were had, Brian was referred to as a cum dumpster again, and Liz hit on Jeff's girlfriend Dyannah.
We eventually decide to come back, being properly smoked up, and I take about five more minutes eating animal crackers and drinking Canadian awesome sauce water. I love Canada.
Game 1: I start out with a pretty mediocre hand, and Steve wastes no time in getting out his little Green Giant. I end up being unable to get anything past the plethora of pitch counters at Steve's disposal, eventually ending up with 3 Scryings in hand, no 2nd white source to flip up my baby, or black source to cast said scryings. I die a miserable death at the hands of a rival's ho. How embarrasing.
Sideboarding: Near as I can remember, out came a Wish, Mind Twist, and the Shamans for some REB's and a Plow.
Game 2: The game starts out slow with me getting out a saucy little Library, and Steve playing some Mishras. He attempts to Wasteland my Library on the third turn. I respond with an Ancestral when he has 5-6 cards in hand. He has the Misdirection, and I REB it, but, obviously(winky face) he has the second pitch counter to get it. Ahhhhhh, reminds me of the days of GAT. I miss them. Not.
The rest of the game is something of a farce. I'm unable to morph my Angel for a long time, and when the time does come, Steve comes up and trades me his dinky little ho for my FINE piece of ass! Luckily at the end of the game she decides to come back, but I have to slap that bitch up right, just so that she remembers who's her daddy.
Yay for tournaments! I won a Mox Pearl!
Everyone decides to hit up Denney's afterwards, everyone being: Me, Liz, Ross, Derek, Mr. Awesome, Ray, Theresa, Wu, specialK, Jarad and Ray's friend Mike whom I was never introduced to. Very, very good times were had. Many milkshakes were ordered, though most of the American contingent ordered either vanilla(ick) or strawberry(more ick), whilst the Canadians and myself ordered chocolate, the nectar of the gods. I become an honorary Canadian, at least as far as the milkshakes were concerned, and we made fun of the silly Americans.
Myself, Jarad and Ray decided we'd like to learn more of the wonders of Canadian culture. I mention soda a few times, prompting the Canadians to laugh every time the word "soda" comes up. I ask them what's so efffing funny, and they tell us that we're stupid and that in Canadia, they have "pop". I start to think that maybe they're a bit like the British and have lots of other neat names for shit. I ask them if they use the "loo", and I get a blank stare. We ask them what terms they use for using the bathroom, and K gives us the phrase "sinking a submarine", which caused a great deal of laughter.
These cultural questions leads us Americans to become more curious about Canadian life. We wonder, with all of the trees Canada has, is their chief export paper? Wu informs us that this is not the case, as their main export is ice. We inquire as to what they
did with their trees. Wu describes the process of harvesting the ice, something like how cranberries are "picked". They then form the ice they don't export into igloos, which are then nestled in between the brances of the trees to create igloo treehouses.
I find this quite fascinating, as my dream is to move to Canada and become a Mountie, so naturally I ask them what are the requirements to join the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. I believe the response was "How the fuck should we know?" This frustrates me. I ask if they could point me towards a Mountie school, or even a frickin pamphlet. Obviously, they can't, but tell me that when they return to the Great Icy North that they'll look for a school, and if one isn't availible, they'll build a special igloo to house a Mountie Training Centre(that's how they spell "center" in Canada. Silly canuks!)
A little bit later, Ray tells us a story about how, in a very scientific way, convinced a kid in his high school that 8 hours during the day, Canada had no gravity. This was confirmed by our friends to the north. I then realize how crushed ice is made. The process involves keeping a vigilant watch on their ice fields, and then right at the moment of gravity loss, throwing out big nets to catch the pieces of crushed ice that will rise from the lakes/fields/whatever and then send them to ignorant Americans like us.
Some other topics included:
- Canada's involvement in the War on Terrorism("We kind of just sit back and laugh at you Yankees while you soak up bullets and get captured)
- The differances between popular chains such as Wal-Mart, Denney's and McDonalds("When we got here, we were confused by your Mc Donalds because the sign didn't have a Maple Leaf like ours do.")
- How awesome Canadian currency is(They have hockey on the back!)
- The Canadian educational system(Recess and nap time until 12th grade.)
- Me falling for their description of the Canadian educational system.
- The Canadians blaming me for the overabundance of bridges in our great land("It's like they don't know how to build around water!")
- How despite my great desire to become the King of Canada, I won't be allowed past the boarder due to my American heritage. I blame you, baby Jesus.
That's the end of my report. I was really tired when I wrote it, and now I have to do something for my buisness law class so I don't fail. There are props and slops, but they're inside the report. You all rock. Night.
Carl, owner of a new Mox Pearl, which is coincidentally up for sale...[/i]
