INTENTIONAL Irony [was: Unintentional irony], a primer

[PucktheCat]

Just a heads up, this post is very irrelegious in nature.  If this is likely to offend you, don't read it.  I myself feel that the institution I am attacking has little to do with religion and a lot to do with ignorant, socially conservative assholes, but others may feel differently.

So I was looking at political satire sites yesterday and I surfed my way to a page called landoverbaptist.org.  That site was alright, but pretty repetitive.  The whole site felt like a The Onion article: once you read the headline you can fill in the rest of the joke.  However, somewhere in the course of my browsing I came across a page called Objective: Landover Baptist Shutdown.  This is a site dedicated to eradicating the plague that is religious satire, but in my opinion it is far better religious satire than the site it attacks.  As far as I can tell it is a real site, but the unintentional irony of some of their statements is absolutely unbelievable.  Let's start with the first one I found, from their "progress" page:

[June 8, 2000] We reported yesterday that the FBC subcommittee on merchandising had approved our Al the Anti-Lies Bear promotional beanbag toy design. Unfortunately this decision was overturned later yesterday due to a number of members who have taken issue with the color of Al. Although its regal purple color was chosen to signify the Truth of Christ - who is the King of Kings - apparently the color purple has been appropriated by the homosexual community, with whom it is associated in the popular culture. Since this popular culture - especially the beanbag toy collectors segment - are who we were hoping to outreach to with this witnessing tool, we have no choice but to redesign Al to avoid any confusion. I would like to assure the members of the FBC that had we known of this unfortunate association we would never have submitted the original design. We apologize for any offense this incident may have caused. This time, we've decided to use a less controversial color scheme: a multicolored pattern that evokes the rainbow that marked the end of the Flood, signifying the Truth of the covenant with our Lord.

Here is a picture of the bear in question.  I don't think I could write that comedy that well intentionally.

I am sure you can find your own gems on their site.  The others I came up with were the spy in their midst, the Abstinence Czar (especially the sentance regarding "ugliness"), and the error of Triclavalism.  The last made me want to shout "throw down the sandal and follow the gourd!"

Anyway, regardless of whether this is a real site or not (if it is a parody it is a brilliantly deep one - the links are all straight up) it is one of the funniest things I have ever read.

Leo

Edit:  I looked a bit more and I am convinced that this site is, in fact, brilliant satire.  They use the perfect links to outside sources that are almost as crazy as they claim to be though.  It really is well put together.

[Dr. Sylvan]

Awesome. I didn't look at it too deeply, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's fake. Fundamentalist homophobes would probably know about the rainbow thing because people wear rainbow ribbons or have other activism symbols that they would reasonably have encountered, so that's a giveaway as far as I'm concerned.

[PucktheCat]

It is certainly possible that it is fake, but I can't see any evidence of it.  The links go to real testimonials (some of them very serious), charities, and actual baptist sites.  If this is a hoax it is way better than the others I have seen, things like dihydrogen monoxide, etc.  Either way it is brilliant entertainment.

The only thing that makes it seem fake is how Ned Flanders over the top the whole thing is.

Leo

[Jacob Orlove]

“Why Hast Thou Forsaken Me?�
How would you answer the Baby Jesus?

[Matt]

Oh, how many-tiered the irony goes, thou Jew! How would you answer the baby Jesus, Jacob?

[Machinus]

Wow, yeah, no way this is real. I have a low opinion of faith-based philosophies but no one could be this stupid.

[EDIT: I mean, come on guys! "How to Report Atheists to the FBI" is a pretty good giveaway.]

[Jacob Orlove]

Oh, how many-tiered the irony goes, thou Jew! How would you answer the baby Jesus, Jacob?

"I am the Lord thy God, who have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery." (Exodus 20:2)

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me. Thou shalt not make unto thyself any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down to them, nor serve them." (Exodus 20:3-4)

“If prophets or those who divine by dreams appear among you and promise you omens or portents, and the omens or the portents declared by them take place, and they say, ‘Let us follow other gods’ (whom you have not known) ‘and let us serve them,’ you must not heed the words of those prophets or those who divine by dreams; for Adonai your God is testing you, to know whether you indeed love Adonai your God with all your heart and soul. Adonai your God you shall follow, Him alone you shall fear, His commandments you shall keep, His voice you shall obey, Him you shall serve, and to Him you shall hold fast.� (Deuteronomy 13:2-4)

[PucktheCat]

Wow, yeah, no way this is real. I have a low opinion of faith-based philosophies but no one could be this stupid.

[EDIT: I mean, come on guys! "How to Report Atheists to the FBI" is a pretty good giveaway.]

Does anyone have any suggestions for how to confirm or deny the seriousness of this site?  The material itself is really over the top, but I find it hard to believe it is pure satire because the pages it links to, often on entirely different sites, aren't much less absurd than it is.  One of its sponsors sells a video of "things VH1 and MTV are afraid to show you" to teach parents about the satan worshiping ways of rock-and-roll.

Basically, if it is satire then it would have to be part of an elaborate network of satire or have linked into an existing network of people as crazy as they are pretending to be.

Leo

Edit: another tidbit:

In what can only be a sign from the Lord of the importance of my inchoate research, the song they performed was called "Baby Got Baptism" and was about the very same erroneous doctrine of paedobaptism (or "infant baptism") that many of the Waldenses themselves endeavored to correct -- and which, sadly, is still promulged throughout most of the world. Fred was kind enough to give to me a CD with the song that included printed lyrics -- co-written by him and Mr. Eschatology, a few verses of which I'll reproduce here (do not be put off by the unusual spelling; it is part of the hip-hop vernacular):

She got baptized but she don't know why
All she can do is coo an' cry
'Cause when a girl gets elected inna bitta haste
An' don't know His Saving Grace
She gets sprinkled
Inna shallow font
No full immersion, just a front
She's not Jesus acceptin'
Ain't nuttin' but a baby wettin'
No, gotta axe Him be your Save-ya
Your Faith professa'

Tha Bible tried to warn yall
Nevermind your Pope, who's all
"Me so holy!"
Well, forget ol' St. Austin
Council of Mela don't mean nothin'
Mark sixteen, sixteen... belief before ya get tha sheen

Ya gotta know Him
To get tha ball rollin'
Ya met, wet, then born again with no regret

I'm tired of heresies
Saying baptism's all you need
Salvation is by Grace through Faith, ya know
But baby knows zero, so

Mothers (praise!), fathers (praise!)
"Suffer them to come to Me" (hallelujah!)
But sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle, sprinkle don't do a thang
Baby got baptism

An excellent argument against the error of paedobaptism. I think I shall play it on Sunday during my sermon so the congregation can become jiggy to urban youth hermeneutics.

[Machinus]

The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. welcomes your comments concerning the Site. However, we can not accept submissions of any kind whatsoever unless we specifically request them. Consequently, please refrain from sending us any ideas, manuscripts, scripts or drawings which we have not asked you to send us. Should you, despite this policy, send us an unsolicited submission(s), that submission(s) becomes the property of The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd.. As such, we will have unlimited, exclusive, perpetual rights, throughout the universe and by any means now known or yet to be discovered, to use the submission(s) for any purpose whatsoever, without any compensation or notice to you. Further, The Landover Baptist Church or Americhrist Ltd. will assume no liability whatsoever for any use it makes of your submission(s).

You will want to make your reservations 2 years in advance for any service where head Pastor, Deacon Fred is preaching. (Please be patient, we are booked solid) Cost is $75.00 per person. Other services and guided tours can be arranged by calling the Landover Information line at: 1-900-976-7867. Reservations for church attendance and payments to hear the gospel of Christ can be arranged through a Christian extension of Priceline.com ticket sales (keyword: priceline.com - landover baptist church ticket sales)

For anyone still in doubt, read this page and you will be convinced:

http://objective.jesussave.us/gametheory.html

[PucktheCat]

Well, Landover Baptist is clearly satire, the other site is the question.  I think it is satire too, but much more subtle and clever satire.

Leo

[Machinus]

I think they would have to be in league with each other. Both of the sites are complex and there is an immense volume of material on both. Landover is just the set-up for the REAL parody site, which is OBJECTIVE. It is brilliant to make the parody three layers deep like this; it looks so real that it is hard to decide whether it is or isn't.

[PucktheCat]

I have been reading some of the guestbook, which is what convinced me finally that it must be a parody (they get almost no positive messages).  It makes me wonder, though, since they do get one or two, if there are any people who seriously link to (or even give money to) this site.  Much less convincing hoaxes have convinced people to make real decisions, afterall.

It is extremely clever to set up a deadpan site to match the obviously humor site.

Leo

[Machinus]

The joke, then, is on those people who think OBJECTIVE is real. That is the intent of the creators of the site, and I for one think it is hilarious, as I do believe there are people who believe it, and have probably donated money and taken a genuine interest in their programs and products.