Selecting Ninth Edition (My Final Submissions for All Cards)

[Ephraim]

I'm very excited that they're allowing us to submit some flavour text for the cards in ninth edition. Before I submit anything, though (since I'm only allowed to make on submission per card), I'd like to run my idea(s) past you folks first.

The first item up for consideration is the flavour text for Naturalize:

The whole of nature is incensed
Against deceit and artifice
Let all her wrath be here condensed
And with a stroke such dross dismiss

[Jacob Orlove]

the first 3 lines are spectacular.

[Ephraim]

the first 3 lines are spectacular.

That's what I thought, which is why I want to keep them. Unfortunately, that means I have to find a rhyme for "artifice" that adequately completes the poem. The next best thing I can really think of is "Restore a state of guilelessness," which is a bit of a tongue twister as well. It also doesn't flow as well from the third line.

Inspiration Flash!
"The lies of mages to dismiss"

[Jacob Orlove]

Sounds great!

[WilD]

Looks awesome! i've already put my vote in for this version
The whole of nature is incensed
Against deceit and artifice
Let all her wrath be here condensed
The lies of mages to dismiss
Everyone vote this one in! If we can get the whole community behind it I think it could easily win, nice one Ephraim

[Ephraim]

Submissions at this time aren't votes. If WotC staff likes the submission, they'll put it up for vote after the two-week submission period is over. Please, do not spam the submission email address with redundant copies of this poem.

[Ephraim]

Fear
Fear not the petty demons
That doth reside in hell,
But rather fear the demons
That in thine heart doth dwell.

[Laurie Cheers]

"Doth" is the singular form of the verb. He/she/it doth. They do.

Fear not some petty demon
That doth reside in hell

Or maybe nicer:

Fear not some petty demon
That down in hell abides
But rather fear that demon
Which in thy heart resides

[johnstown713]

The fear one is good.  They might care a little about the word hell but I doubt it.  Mine was:  "True fear is not experienced until confronted, then you wither away."  

It was something along those lines.  I though it was one of the bad ones out of the 3 that I did.  I found that the shock one was the most fun to do.

Johnstown713

[Jacob Orlove]

Ephraim's Fear text is awesome, but Laurie's suggestion would make it better, I think. Or maybe:

Fear not those petty demons
Which down in hell abide
But rather fear those demons
Which in thy heart reside

[Ephraim]

Improper use of the word "which". I also think it would be better to have the demons reside in hell and abide in one's heart, rather than the other way around. Abiding conjurs up the feeling of something that may be waiting to strike, as well as the image of something dwelling. I prefer the plural form since "that demon" sounds kind of campy to me. I discovered that "thine" precedes an initial vowel or h, instead of "thy." Lastly, I'm having second thoughts about using both 'demons' and 'fear' twice in the poem. I'd rather come up with something else in place of the second occurence of demons.


Fear not those petty demons
That deep in hell reside,
But rather fear the devils
That in thine heart abide.

[Jacob Orlove]

I would switch demons and devils, but other than that it looks good.

[Ephraim]

Final Naturalize Submission:

The whole of nature is incensed
Against deceit and artifice;
Let all her wrath be here condensed,
The lies of mages to dismiss.

Final Fear Submission:

Fear not those petty devils
That deep in hell reside,
But rather fear the demons
That in thine heart abide.

Final Shock Submission:

A blinding flash, a deafening boom, then stupefying pain.

[Lockdown]

Love the first two, I'll definitely vote for them.  My only concern is the length.  Can the cards actually afford 4-5 lines of flavor text?

[Ephraim]

I'm almost certain that Naturalize can handle four lines of text. Scathe Zombies has six lines of flavour text with a little bit of room to spare. Naturalize has one line of rules text, which should leave plenty of room for four lines of flavour.

Fear should only have one line of rules text, but if they include reminder text, there may not be room for four lines of flavour. Here's hoping.

As far as Shock goes, I didn't think that a poetical flavour text was strictly appropriate, so I just submitted something.

[Lockdown]

Here's something I just came up with for Shock (and hope that I can get some help with it before I submit it):

Wording 3
The charred flesh should have taught the goblins a lesson.  But goblins have always had exceedingly short memories.

EDIT: Sigh... I'm starting to like wording 3/4 best, I think the first two are too wordy.  But, I still await feedback.

EDIT2: Just sent off wording 3.

[Ephraim]

Tomorrow is September 6. Vote for me.

[johnstown713]

Assuming yours is one of the top 10.

I'll be on at midnight to see my flavor text be there.

Johnstown713

[johnstown713]

Sorry Ephraim.

I thought a lot of the flavor text submissions were not up to par.  I do like a lot of the shock ones though.

Johnstown713