Retirement / New Supercomputer Recruitment

[Dr. Sylvan]

Some of you may have noticed a reduced article productivity from me (most sharply since the beginning of May), and I've finally decided to accept it as a permanent state of affairs. I don't have enough time with all the real life stuff for me to graduate UIUC in May 2006, so I've decided I'm not going to phone in unenthusiastic* articles with inadequate analysis.

* : The Enthusiasm For Magic curve has been concave down for a while now.

In addition to letting everyone know not to expect more Stanton articles, I am also hoping that this post will attract the attention of someone who wants to keep compiling data from events. In the interest of continuity from my last metagame report forward, this person would have to start soon.

This site is full of people who can both write and do arithmetic; someone just has to come up and do it. I have a lot of notes (sometimes haphazardly organized and often in half-complete table form) in .txt files that I'm sure would be helpful to whoever was interested in acting as "successor". I don't really have a particular plan or person in mind, I just want to get it out there that there's an opening to do this for the community, and I'm willing to help whoever wants to fill it.

Most importantly, everyone has been awesome throughout my time writing. I love you guys, and I will still be hanging out here because the community is that cool, even without Magic.

[everythingitouchdies]

JDizzle was made for this job.

Its been great having you as part of the community. Goodbye sir.

[rvs]

So umm..... does JDizzle have enough hawaii shirts, and no sense of fashion whatsoever? Otherwise, I can never accept him as a replacement!

[Jacob Orlove]

So umm..... does JDizzle have enough hawaii shirts, and no sense of fashion whatsoever? Otherwise, I can never accept him as a replacement!

If by "hawaiian shirts" you mean "foils" and by "fashion sense" you mean "shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiny", then yes.

[everythingitouchdies]

So umm..... does JDizzle have enough hawaii shirts, and no sense of fashion whatsoever? Otherwise, I can never accept him as a replacement!

I dont think he has any hawaiian shirts but the guy wears more bling than flava flav and still accents it by wearing sandals in the winter.  Lack of fashion sense? Well he doesnt have a white border. But I think he just eccentric enough to pull it off. And I hear he is a math overlord or something too.

[Magi]

I guess this is the end of Club Sylvan.

[Bram]

There was a club? And I wasn't invited? You bastards.

[Dr. Sylvan]

There was a club? And I wasn't invited? You bastards.

I believe Club Sylvan was founded when Magi admitted to living 50% of his life online.

Also, living 50% of your life online makes you a member of Club Sylvan. We're like SkyNet, only without the access to nuclear missiles.

I don't believe the Terminator movies ever specified whether SkyNet had taken over control of Dutchieland, but I imagine since it was sentient it would have ignored a place weird enough to invent clogs.

So does JDizzle or anyone else actually want to volunteer himself*? So far I've got JP expressing interest.

* : Sorry Shannon. You can volunteer, too, if you want. :-)

[Komatteru]

I suppose I could do it.  I'd need to discuss it first with Dr. S to see just how much time it takes.

[forests failed you]

good luck phil.

[Dozer]

That's sad. You did an awesome number-crunching job, and I really hope that you can pass that torch on to someone else. Regardless of who does it, we will probably refer to the numbers as "Phil's results" or "Stanton's latest article" for quite a while. I just want to say thank you for the work you put in. So, thank you.

Dozer

[Methuselahn]

Hey, good luck at UIUC Phil!  I know you have spent alot of time, selflessly, contribributing to the Vintage scene, so thanks.

I don't have the time or resources to take over such a project, but since I have the opportunity, I will plead with you to give the project over to someone who will do it if only it is NOT premium.  I can only believe that if it is NOT premium, people will be more likely to contribute.  Personally, I have no desire to (and no longer) contribuite stats if I cannot read them (not having Premium)   

Goodluck and godspeed.

[Anusien]

I suppose I could do it.  I'd need to discuss it first with Dr. S to see just how much time it takes.

Ditto.

[Dr. Sylvan]

The tables (including card counts) I've got in the monthly reports take 2-3 hours at most when using a spreadsheet. YMMV.

The articles obviously vary based on writing speed; I write kinda slowly and rarely all in one chunk, so that took me at least 4-6 hours in addition to whatever time my brain devoted to thinking of topics before I actually wrote. (Especially since I tend to go over each paragraph three or four times and revise as I write instead of doing actual "drafts" like they teach you in school.)

And regarding Jeff's concern, I guess the venue of the reports would be up to whoever it was that did them. I know Knut thinks of statistical compilations as Premium content, so if they went to SCG that's likely what it would be (particularly if JP ended up doing it). If someone wanted to just post their work to TMD, that's really up to them. I'm certainly not gonna get into a sell out/shell out debate over it just as I'm getting out of the business. :-)

[Godot]

(Especially since I tend to go over each paragraph three or four times and revise as I write instead of doing actual "drafts" like they teach you in school.)

Geah, this is exactly how I write too.  My stuff usually comes out well, but it makes the process so long and tedious.  I've tried to break the habit, but I just cant do it.

Also, will the Type One Pro Points continue?  I always thought that was really neat.

[jpmeyer]

I'm going to try to keep them going.

[Dr. Sylvan]

AREA GRAD STUDENT ASSUMES SUPERCOMPUTER DUTIES

NEW YORK---Area graduate student J.P. Meyer has once again returned from the astral plane and assumed physical form to undergo the elaborate coronation ceremony for the title of Type One Supercomputer. The title's previous holder, known variously as "Philip Stanton", "Pip", or "Dr. Sylvan" in different venues, finally selected his successor after a number of days of deliberation.

Citing the demands of "real life", Stanton, one of the internet's most anthropomorphic supercomputers, retired from devoting processing cycles to compiling sophisticated-sounding gibberish about Magic: the Gathering this week. Several cults of followers were believed to have mass suicides in the works until today's announcement of an "anointed successor" by their departing leader. Stanton is said to have selected Meyer after thoroughly consulting his fraternal order of internet servers, which has a name over 12,000 binary characters long.

When his android body emerged from the underground lair which houses Stanton's dimensional nexus right next to the famous Red Lion, a component of the Voltron robot that guards humanity, he evaded most questions. "I know that some believe J.P.'s duties will be negatively affected by his other responsibilities, but let us assure you that this decision was made without the slightest inbibing of intoxicating liquors during last night's council meeting at the Voltron Force Gentleman's Club."

"I felt this title was worth reinhabiting my body for," said Meyer. "I must continuously expand my supply of worshippers in the real world so that they will continue to make human sacrifices, providing me with the energy to continue my disembodied work. My other organizations simply haven't been delivering enough growth in worshipper population."

Meyer's other title, Pope of the Roman Catholic Church (translated from the totally fruity-sounding official Latin title), was awarded earlier in 2005 when several European Cardinals, swayed by appeals from the interest group "J.P. For Pope", put his name before the College after the death of Pope John Paul II. The Cardinals were most influenced by the idea that electing a young Pope would reduce the need for stressful future meetings and expensive Vatican funeral ceremonies. Citing budget cuts, they accepted the need for a vigorous, youthful occupant for the papacy, and selected Meyer for the job.

Cardinal Ratzinger, the one awarded all of the lame public duties of the papal office without the power of billions of worshippers supporting his astral work, described Meyer as "eminently qualified for his new duties as Supercomputer". He further predicted that Meyer would display the "foresight to exploit the marketing opportunities exposed by the coincidence of these two powerful offices in one individual".

Stanton, for his part, seemed to accept his retirement. "My readers were gradually realizing that I didn't actually play Magic, anyway. It was only a matter of months before the [editor and Dark Lord of the Sith] Son of Knut found someone who made fewer uninformed generalizations about the game and could also do arithmetic." He noted, amused, that the latter qualification was in even shorter supply than the former, and proceeded to make several quips about the state of education among this dimension's merely mortal life forms.

His time since the announcement of a successor has been devoted to using his telekinetic abilities in the construction of a new facility taking advantage of the mystic energy flowing through the ley line intersection at the St. Louis Gateway Arch. "Now that I'm out of public office, I'm free from a lot of onerous regulations about taking bribes, maintaining financial records, and minimizing my conflicts of interest. For instance, I can now say 'the guys from Meandeck are actually pretty damn nice' and only a small lynch mob will be on my doorstep the next morning. Small mobs don't scare me," said Stanton as he fondled the lightsaber dangling at his belt.

Influential Magic community member and famed Jedi Master Steve O'Connell a.k.a. Zherbus could not be reached for comment; he is believed to be constructing a monsoon-season home on Dagobah. Outspoken loudmouth Ben Kowal was similarly unavailable: he was last sighted in a duel to the death with the guard of the impound where his car was being held for its numerous violations of automotive decency laws. Steve Menendian was reached, but only murmured unintelligible phrases about "the summoning" while spooky skeleton ghosts floated throughout the room where he was meditating over a black tome titled "Necromancy for Advanced Users".

[Dozer]

You know, that should be your good-bye piece on SCG. Just submit it and see what Teddy Cardgame says.

Really, I mean it.

[Bram]

He'll say: "I've seen this before on themanadrain."

[Jacob Orlove]

He'll say: "I've seen this before on themanadrain."

He doesn't read this site the way we do. He'd just have to edit his post before submitting it.

[Anusien]

Just run it before the first new Supercomputer article.

[Dr. Sylvan]

That might fit if SCG ran retirement notices whenever a writer disappears, but since they don't, I think the most that could come of it would be if JP linked to the post.

It is, however, reassuring to my future stand-up comedy career that at least a few people thought it was funny. :)

[Jacob Orlove]

It is, however, reassuring to my future stand-up comedy career that at least a few people thought it was funny.

I hate to say this, but it isn't really very reassuring. Most people will laugh if you make enough in-jokes, but the problem is that the better your jokes get, the smaller your audience becomes. That post is literally only funny to a few hundred people.

[Bram]

I was disappointed that I wasn't in it

Other than that, it was pretty hilarious

[MuzzonoAmi]

It was hilarious. Unfortunately, Jacob is right, but I'd say the number more in the 80-100 range.