Funny old Magic writings

[ctthespian]

Oh the joys of old magic writing!   I stumbled upon this while google searching for something.

http://www.textfiles.com/magazines/MISC/grim1.txt
http://www.textfiles.com/magazines/MISC/grim2.txt

I love the following: (just a taste of what's to come)

The Most Underrated
                                 And,
                            Overrated Cards
                                In MTG!
                          -------------------

        ** Note: This article was originally written by me before
        Chronicles came out, the reprinted cards mentioned are still
        useful (or useless) but now just a little easier for everyone
        to find! **

Alpha/Beta/Unlimited
-------------------

-----------
Over Rated:
-----------

Ancestral Recall -

O.k, I know its only one blue, GREAT with
Vises.  But for 3 extra cards the $75.00 price tag is a tad to
much!  Unless your playing a Zap deck (and there aren't to
many Zapish things in blue) this card seems useless until
mid-game when you have enough mana to the cards you get from
the spell!

2-Headed Giant of Foriys -

Unless your opponent is played a weenie deck where you could
kill 2 creatures blocking for 2 damage each.  Other than that
it's just an expensive 4/4 trampler that can be Psionic Blasted
out of existence.  And the $30.00 price tag doesn't help much
either.

Blaze of Glory -

O.k. this is awesome with an Abu Jafar, or Basilisk...but a
lure works just as well doesn't it?  Unless its a color
problem, in which case if your willing to pay $30-$40 for a
white lure, and not $5-$8 for some Savannahs be my guest.

-----------
Under-Rated
-----------

Natural Selection -

O.k. Everyone says this card sucks.  Visions can let you look
at 5 cards, Orcish Spies 3 and they are both low dollar
cards.  But Natural selection allows you to RE-ARRANGE these
cards, which is awesome especially when you need mana, when
you don't want them to have any mana or a specific card (these
are a must in all my land destruction decks), or when your
just about to cast Darkpact and want to exchange the Mox you
anted with that Counterspell.  And as one of the lower priced
OOPs they are still easy to get.  When more people realize how
useful these cards can be, you can count on their prices shooting up!

Cyclopean Tomb -

With all the craze over land destruction I'm surprised this
card isn't more expensive ($35 or so right now!).  Since its
only 2 colorless to change any land to a swamp (good w/
Karma!!!) and it can be hacked to any other land if say, they
do play black (proving again Blue is the best color around!
).  

Raging River -

Yes the $35.00 price tag is a little much, but if you live in
an area plagued by overrun, and white-green weenie decks this
card works great.  Low casting cost, great effects...attack
where your opponent is most vulnerable!  Works especially well
with Goblin War Drums, Tramplers, and Eternal Warriors (or
Windseeker Centaurs).

[jpmeyer]

I mean, Saul of Tarsus maindeck without Road to Damascus?  Please.

[Toad]

I mean, Saul of Tarsus maindeck without Road to Damascus?  Please.

Discuss.

[Saucemaster]

Some of this is definitely going in my sig.

[Dr. Sylvan]

Oh man last year I was the greatest Type One player ever.

Date: Sat, 25 Jan 2003 17:43:37 -0600 (CST)
From: Philip Stanton <palladin@imsa.edu>
To: IMSA-MTG-Officers
Subject: Decklist

I finally made the coolest deck ever.

WTFn00b.dec

4 Taiga
4 Mishra's Factory
3 Wasteland
3 Treetop Village
2 Mountain
2 Forest
2 Mossfire Valley
1 Mountain Valley
1 Strip Mine
1 Bloodstained Mire
1 Wooded Foothills

4 Cursed Scroll
4 Tangle Wire
3 Lightning Bolt
3 Chain Lightning
3 Pyroclasm
3 Wall of Blossoms
3 Ensnaring Bridge
3 Steel Golem
3 Stormbind
2 Powder Keg
2 Naturalize
1 Tectonic Instability
1 Regrowth
1 Sol Ring

Sideboard:
1 Meekstone
1 Defense Grid
1 Covetous Dragon
3 Null Brooch
1 Nevinyrral's Disk
2 Hull Breach
3 Masticore
1 Rishadan Port
1 Melting
1 Serra Advocate

I will now pinpoint all the awesome deck rules I subconsciously used to
make this deck:

-No proxies
-No borrowing
-No trading for cards I need
-Anything that looks through your library is restricted
-Any one-of in the main must be restricted or ridiculously janky
-One-ofs in the board can be dragons, pre-tap symbol artifacts,
ridiculously expensive, completely useless, OR talk about how much goblins
smell in the flavor text.
-Four-ofs must be WC rares, duals, or manlands with more text than Ting
-Two-of spells must be cards that belong in the sideboard
-Two-of land must be basic or subpar
-Commons must either be Disenchant or Lightning Bolt (only the best!)
-EXACTLY half of the maindeck must be rare
-Every creature must have 4-toughness unless it's a dragon
-It must be impossible for this deck to control a 1-power creature unaided
-A deck is incomplete without a Melting in the sideboard.
-There must be a white card (Look what happened in September when there
wasn't one! And the only thing that saved me in November was Swirling
Sandstorms!)
-After those requirements, the only nonrares in the board have art from a
man with the surname Snoddy, which I find hysterical.

Last but not least:

-THERE MUST BE EXACTLY ONE WAY FOR ME TO WIN IN FOUR TURNS GOING FIRST.*

*(Drawing different combinations of lands doesn't constitute a new way.)

Giving James a headache with all the three-ofs, Tony a headache with the
weirdness, and Katz a headache with the incredible level of not-logic,
--
Philip Stanton

[Dr. Sylvan]

Two days later and I'm still digging through old email logs. I figured this was worth bumping the thread for:

Magic Cards Are Like Women
by Philip Stanton

-You start out knowing nothing when you meet your first one.

-There's a large number of complicated rules that need to be followed to make it work.

-Discovering what you didn't know about those rules is frequently embarrassing or humiliating.

-When you meet some that you like, you can't help a continuing affinity for and growing attachment to them.

-You invest and invest and invest...and then you lose.

-The shiny ones always cost more, especially if they're perceived to be in high demand.

-Just when you think you've got a stable relationship with a deck/woman, it needs hours of editing.

-An aggressive deck/woman will sometimes just work magnificently, and other times crash and burn after turn six.

-Playing control requires much more money and a lot of patience.

-Real control means a lot of devotion to being blue a lot of the time.

-If you want the best, they've only ever made about 21,000 of a given type, and there are about a million eligible buyers.

-Moving from being friends with a deck/woman to anything more complicated might be a 7-0 idea one time, but absolutely stupid another time.

-Getting a crush on a deck/woman is likely to induce much putz-like behavior.

-The newest, most popular one looks good before you invest your effort in it, but it rotates out before you know it.

-Netdecks are like some ladies' fake personalities: missing something essential to winning.

-Either can keep you up late at night for no reason other than love.

-A stable deck/woman is constantly telling you to stop worrying about it, but you keep making play mistakes and developing your ulcer anyway.

-The deck/woman is always doing more work than you are, no matter what.

-You get the deck/woman an expensive present, and then it becomes obsolete the next day.

-When your deck/woman meets another that it doesn't work well with, you're looking at a bad day in the making.

-If you like two decks/women that oppose each other, you'll constantly be torn in supporting relationships with both of them.