[Report] Aggro Makes Dick Jokes Easy v2: 1st @ Myke's Mox

[Kowal]

--Hold it!--
I realized while writing this I have nowhere near the talent Bowers does for making an hilarious report full of dick jokes.  As such, the title for this report isn't as appropriate as I'd hoped...  But whatever.  I couldn't care less, I just won a mox with aggro.
--Resume--

Our story begins with my first Hadley FNM in ages.  Hadley FNMs are like other FNMs but without random promos or bad type two decks.  We just throw cards at eachother and have a good time, really.

I played monoblue, so my time wasn't quite as good.  I didn't even win, which, in a field of like 13 people, kinda blew.  My loss to fish in the final round caused me to abandon monoblue, and instead forced me to play something....  unique.

Flash forward:  Diaonic and his compadres show up at my place for playtesting and general fucking around.  Suddenly, I feel compelled to play aggro.

BOMBS OVER BAGHDAD, 2004 redux

where my dawgz at?
4 Wild Mongrel

Team Lizard Beatz (tm)
4 Basking Rootwalla
4 Arrogant Wurm
3 Roar of the Wurm

mad phat and supafly
2 Anger
2 Wonder

this shit is hot!
3 Fiery Temper

i make drawing fun!
4 Bazaar of Baghdad
2 Deep Analysis
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Wheel of Fortune
1 Timetwister
1 Windfall

b0rk3n
1 Tinker
1 Darksteel Colossus
1 Time Walk
1 Crop Rotation
1 Crucible of Worlds

bling
1 Black Lotus
1 Sol Ring
1 Mox Emerald
1 Mox Pearl
1 Mox Ruby
1 Mox Sapphire
1 Mox Jet (proxied, more on this later)
1 Lotus Petal
1 Mox Diamond
1 Lion's Eye Diamond

lands that don't draw me cards
3 Wooded Foothills
3 Taiga
2 Volcanic Island
2 Tropical Island
2 Riftstone Portal
1 Strip Mine


cyborg
4 Chalice of the Void
4 Artifact Mutation
3 Pyrostatic Pillar
3 Ray of Revelation
1 Artifact Blast (more on this later too)

Pretty straightforward.  Some changes are the addition of Tinker Colossus, because hasted flying indestructable fat is good, and Crucible of Worlds, because I literally cream when I think about infinite bazaars.  The rest of the maindeck is no secret--  just a bunch of good beaters and the best draw the format has to offer.

Before we can actually start the tournament, Myke argues with the hotel over where our hall is.  Apparently they misplaced the reservation.  We hit Friendlies for brunch.

God what a mistake.  The food took over an hour to arrive, and it sucked.  And we got overcharged for drinks.  And the service was shit.  Friendlies eats shit.  Burn Friendlies.  Burn them all.

Anyway, we get there and get our shit started.


Round One:  Meddling Mage with Control Slaver
Game one I shit out an early angry dog and start beating him up with it.  He tinkers for Big Platts when I've got 20-something points of damage on the table, and when I realize two of my tempers are already burned, I decide to scoop.
Game two I resolve a dog and start beating him up, followed up with an arrogant and a strip mine turn two.  He has no freakin way to stabilize.
Game three he's forced to tap almost completely out for Tinker.  I capitalize with Artifact Mutation on the Pentavus.

1-0, 2-1


Round Two:  Ben (one of our travelling companions) with metagamed 5/3
Ben and Corey are both running 5/3 with Razormane Masticore because it madpwns little bitches.

Game one some shit happens, and he manages to take control of the game after tinkering or something.
Game two he gets crucible/strip, but I have my own crucible, and we start fighting over my manabase.  Eventually he gives me a turn to play my game instead of make my land drop, and I send Mutation at his Crucible.  For three turns he plays wastes from his hand, but I have too much beatz.
Game three I artifact mutation like twelve times.

2-0, 4-2


Round Three:  Tog I think
I don't really know.  I saw Sea, Island, Swamp, and Intuition/AK.  I assume tog, but I killed him too fast to really find out.

Game one I apply mad flying beatz very early.  And by very early, I mean he entered his first turn with like 10 life.
Game two I have second turn Strip + Tinker.  I get Colossus.  He casts Intuition on his main phase for Echoing Truth, Cunning Wish, Tinker.  I let him have Tinker because I've got wonder in hand.  He never gets a chance to use it though, because I rip the ruby for my wheel, and I get the time walk out of it.

3-0, 6-2

Holy shit, I draw in!  I think I drew with dragon and control slaver.


Top Eight:  Matt Lawrence (Eastman's twin brother) with "The Game"
The Game is a deck that I think is mostly if not all Mykeatog's baby.  It's essentially just tinker/colossus and disruption, but it has the random workshop one-ofs that win:  jar, slaver, trike, and I think Duplicant.

Game one Matt establishes the trike lock with like 86 welders (which means two) and I get madpwned.
Game two we go back and forth, but a colossus and a trike can't stop flying and pissed off roar tokens.
Game three he plays a turn one jar, which I match with a turn one Mutation.  Here's where a couple people looked concerned.  They felt he should have popped jar in response to prevent giving me tokens.  I think that's ludicrous because I run more artifact mana than god and the madness guys to ditch eot.  Regardless, his mana is fucked, and my strip mine doesn't help him.  I run through him with little bitches.

4-0-2, 8-3


T4:  Workshop Aggro (with tangle wire)

I don't remember much here, except that Artifact Mutation is amazing, and I think beat him up in front of his dad.  Mise.

5-0-2, 10-3


Finals:  Corey (Diaonic) with 5/3
SO MUCH WORKSHOP.  HATE.

Game one, he tinkers up Big Platts.  I hate it when that happens.
Game two, we're going back and forth, but he's in a very lofty position with Trinisphere and like 15 points of beatz on the board.  With one turn left, I rip a draw seven, and my dog goes lethal.
Game three, he gets first turn welder and jugg.  I frag his welder after a turn or two with a fiery temper from my mongrel, and then I block and kill his jugg with a rootwalla.  My bitches get some help from airlifted saproling tokens.
EDIT:  I got game three slightly wrong.  The rootwalla didn't kill the jugg, it was the saprolings gang-banging it from the other jugg that I mutated.  Thanks for catching this, Corey.

7-0-2, 12-4


The Mox Jet:  Yeah, that's not proxied anymore.

The Artifact Blast:  A joke card I promised I'd bring in against Corey.  I lied.  It just chilled there lookin sweet and Antiquitastic.


Props:
Corey for driving and taking it like a man in the finals.
Derek (our fourth and final companion) for also top eighting, making our group 3/4 ownage, 1/2 finalists.
Mykeatog, for setting shit straight and running a solid tournament.

Slops:
Friendlies.  Fuck you, Friendlies.
The hotel, for forgetting Mykeatog's hall reservation.
People that expected this report to be as good as Aggro Makes Dick Jokes Easy version one, for obvious reasons.

In closing, in Al Dubuc's words, "respect the aggro cock, bitches."

[The Atog Lord]

For the record, you're right. Friendly's is terrible.

[Phantom Tape Worm]

Excellent job Kowal, yet another victory for Short Bus!!

[Mykeatog]

Top Eight:  Matt Lawrence (Eastman's twin brother) with "The Game"

The Game is a deck that I think is mostly if not all Mykeatog's baby.  It's essentially just tinker/colossus and disruption, but it has the random workshop one-ofs that win:  jar, slaver, trike, and I think Duplicant.

You know nothing about The Game.

*Dissapears into the night*

[wuaffiliate]

In closing, in Al Dubuc's words, "respect the aggro cock, bitches."

aggro is so dope.

[Hyperion]

Congratulations.

I haven't played Madness in a few months, so sorry if these are antiquated questions, but

I'm assuming you must have tested Memory Jar (with the Tinker already being in there, and its obvious synergy with the Madness mechanic and with the draw-7 theme in your build) and discarded it at some point. What were its shortcomings (besides the obvious potential ones) and would you ever consider running it in future builds?

How were the Crop Rotation and Mox Diamond in the course of the tournament? I guess they're cool with Crucible, but was Crop Rotation ever an issue against control?

Why only 3 fetchlands? With the Crucible, it'd seem like you'd want to run more.

A card on my list of cards to try if I pick the deck up again is Thirst for Knowledge. Have you tried it? What were your observations?

[Kowal]

I'm glad you asked, those are some points I'd like to address.

As far as Jar, I had it in my first rehash this autumn, but I found myself never actually getting the Jar with Tinker.  It was also hopelessly too expensive to cast unless I found the real lotus as opposed to Lion's Eye.  I kept Tinker/Colossus in though, and here's why.  The draw7s are included because they just win, but the reason they just win is because they tend to poop out around eleven points of damage that just so happens to be angry and/or flying.  Colossus does this without Jar's help.

Crop Rotation as absolutely astounding.  It saved lands from wastes, and every so often would grab a Bazaar or better yet, the Strip Mine if Crucible was already in.

Mox Diamond was mediocre, but strong enough to the point where I think it's going to remain.

As for fetchlands, I can't really count on seeing Crucible, so I'd prefer to keep the manabase the way it was prior to Fifth Dawn.  Generally the amount of draw in the deck (four bazaars and the d7s would be enough, but DA too has been just astounding for me) assures me I'll find a fetchland eventually should Crucible hit.

Lastly, the problem I have with thirst is the same problem I had with trying to wrap my head around Careful Study when you were trying that.  I just don't see it "just winning" the way the draw7s do for me.  The best way I can desribe it is as...
Wild Mongrel + Draw 7 = The game is over.
Wild Mongrel + Thirst = Bad synergy.

I know it's an old debate, but I think you should give the d7s a try again.

[ill_Dawg]

Props on winning, and super special props for using a  wheel to win kwhen nothing else could.  Don't think you  should have scooped to plat with 2  tempers down unless you had already blown your twister, though.

How was windfall for you? I'll never be quite convinced that it's the best fit for that slot,  but it's always tempting because it cays discard your entire hand, some of the sexiest words in the game. that, and I have the asian ninja windfall.

-=ADAM=-

[Kowal]

I was swayed in judgment by the korean-ness of the Windfall I got in GenCon, but it turned out to be super-amazing all day.  It's better than Deep Analysis #3 anyway.

[Triple_S]

Hmm, and who hooked you up with that Korean Pimp Windfall?  

[Green Knight]

I played a version of this deck last night at a local proxy tournament (16 people I believe), unfortunately they won’t let you proxy up commons (which is quite harsh when you own power but not all the commons…anyway); so I basically ran this w/o Fiery Temper (more on this later). I ended up going 3-1 into the top four, with my only loss coming to Dragon  as they combo’d out game one, game two I used Root Maze to slow him down, and Game three he beat through my army w/ re-animated Sundering Titan and Verdant Force in the end it was really the swarm of tokens that took me out.
Going into the finals I was paired vs. Dragon again, so I won game one w/ C.O.W strip mine lock (the mine coming from the Crop Rotation, this card is so good). And game two he has to mull down to 5 while I kept a 7 card hand w/ Root Maze, I knew he went the man plan on me this game, just as he did in the swiss, but root maze seems enough to slow the combo down. Having the Bazaar’s come into play tapped while he’s struggling to match my beats is some good. Needless to say I won this match and went on to face Sui-Black (I know), these games were swingy and game three came down to myself @ 4 while he was @ two. He was running pesky things such as Wretch and not-so-pesky Hypnotic Specter, he crypted my ‘Yard so I didn’t have flying and the evasion really came through for him. If only I had the Fiery Temper this game would have been much better, but as is I lost to Hippie, with my team of ground ponders.

My side was like this:
2 Blessing
4 Root Maze
4 Seedtime
4 Artifact Mutation
1 Oxidize

Main deck was:
-  3 Fiery Temper
+ 1 Roar
+ 2 Forest (so un-needed, I kinda put this together last minute…)
-  2 Volcanic
+ 1 Wooded Foothills
+ 1 Tropical


Not so good vs. aggro, but the Seedtime really was a MVP in the swiss when I played vs. ‘Tog and again vs. Gro those extra turns were key.

I do not advocate playing w/o Fiery Temper but you play with what you can. And this deck is really a blast to play, I found myself siding out the DA most often vs. Control (along w/ a roar (running 4 due to lack of Fiery) and a Forest) for the Seedtimes.

The Riftstone portal is Amazing! I love being able to tap those Bazaars for mana when the need arises, also mixed with the Mox Diamond this card is great not to mention the synergy w/ Bloodmoon, so good.

What is your plan vs. Deathlong or Dragon? Just Pillar them to death? The Root Mazes seemed to work pretty well here.
 
Good job with the deck, it is so much fun to play and quite the change from control, I have been playing control for *so* long and it was a nice change to move to something different. This deck functions so smooth. I love it.

Edit: Grammer

[Gandalf_The_White_1]

What is your plan vs. Deathlong or Dragon? Just Pillar them to death? The Root Mazes seemed to work pretty well here.

I think the plan is to just pray/be optimistic.  Even with sbed hate ANY combo matchup is quite rough for madness decks without fow and rod (i assume you would sb pillars and chalice to slow them down, taking out draw 7s as they can be very dangerous and probably wurms as they are slow).  I would only play the deck if I didn't expect to face combo.  (and notice that Kowal did not play against a single combo deck... )

Congrats on your victory kowal, but I was very dissapointed that the promised jokes were not forthcoming.

[Vegeta2711]

Pillar rapes Deathlong so bad it's hilarious.

Vs. Dragon race, your goldfish w/ a good hand is about equal to their own, then post board you have Ray's to slow them down