Why is Europe so goddamn weird? PART DEUX

[Matt]

"We wanted something that was real war - Smurfs losing arms, or a Smurf losing a head -but they said no."

[BigMac]

It could very well be if those planes are identified Belgium will declare war on that country. Nobody touches the Smurfs, nobody. That is what was taught with all the in vain tries of Gargamel.

Our blue friends are the embodiment of our childhood, who touches the Smurfs touches every one of us.

So in the end it probably is a good move by UNICEF.

[forests failed you]

Poor little buggers, they didn't stand a chance.

[dicemanx]

The final frame bears the message: "Don't let war affect the lives of children."

For more accuracy, they should expand that to:

"Don't let war affect the lives of children - let them die of starvation, genocide, or aids instead". Because that often is the alternative. 

[BigMac]

Poor little buggers, they didn't stand a chance.

At least they got to throw a few mushrooms at the planes. Which by the way is the truth in real life as well. You either join a group of rebels or the army or get caught in the middle. Let alone the diseases and starvation.

[dandan]

Is this weird? I'd love to bomb the Smurfs.

[Saucemaster]

This is AWESOME.  The idea of children inadvertently seeing Gargamel's Final Triumph, and the resulting psychological trauma, is so very sweet to savor.   Next up: Mickey Mouse in "Why Gluetraps Aren't Actually That Much More Humane".

[dandan]

My daughter will happily sit through Tom and Jerry beating each other up but gets very upset if people hit each other on TV. Even the Incredibles had this effect. Cartoon characters often get bombed/mashed/mangled etc. The real problem is when it happens to real people.

[BigMac]

As the story depicted, it had a gruesome effect on adults, not on children. For some reason most adults seem to have lost their ability to step into their children's shoes, hence the word adult. How many of us have been watching Road Runner in our childhood and were secretly hoping the coyote would never get the bird because that would mean the end of a great cartoon. And then to think that this ACME building corporation really exists. I wonder if any of the devices either Sylvester or the coyote ever ordered are still available.

[Bram]

It opens with the Smurfs dancing, hand-in-hand, around a campfire and singing the Smurf song. Bluebirds flutter past and rabbits gambol around their familiar village of mushroom- shaped houses until, without warning, bombs begin to rain from the sky.

Oh man, I'd love to see that. Kinda makes you wonder where Gargamel found a bomber squadron, though.

[Magi]

lololol this reminds me so much of this:

[dandan]

Because smurfs don't have weapons of mass destruction either?

[Bram]

This issue was discussed last night on prime-time Dutch news (as, strangely, most humor forum topics appear to be these days). They showed the whole movie. It is simpy awesome. It begins with the classis Smurfs opening scene. Without warning, bombs start falling out of the sky and mushroom houses are blasted apart. Sadly, we don't get to Gargamel piloting a warplane (matter of fact: you don't see the warplanes at all). On the upside, Smurfette actually dies.

Dutch UNICEF officials issued a formal statement saying that 'this type of commercial would never be shown on Dutch TV since it it far too shocking' and that 'Belgium is on its own regarding this.' Apparently, images of Smurfs being bombed to shit are far, far more shocking than actual footage of six-year-olds being trained to use an AK-47 or children being abused and tortured in Bangladesh prisons.

Go figure.

[Limbo]

The net has finally caught up and there is now a movie in french available.

/Insert random french white flag joke here

[Matt]

On the upside, Smurfette actually dies.

Thereby dooming the smurf race!

[BigMac]

If i read it right only baby smurf survives, so the race would be dead anyways. Just look at the mohikans for that.

[Bram]

Gargamel bombed the Mohikans, too? Heartless bastard...

[Matt]

The smurfs could be hermaphrodites and self-fertilize. Or maybe they reproduce by asexual means. Wasnt smurfette gargamel's creation anyway?

[Bram]

Smurfs are NOT hermaphrodites. Proof of this is found in the following cartoon by my favorite Dutch cartoonist, Mark Retera:






Translation:
(cell 1)
"Good morning, we're Jesmurva's Witnesses. We've come to talk to you."
(cell 2)
"You're wearing your pants backwards."
(cell 3)
"I'm gonna go home and change."

[Saucemaster]

Wasnt smurfette gargamel's creation anyway?

Wait, seriously?  That's so fraught with theological and political symbolism.  I can't believe I didn't know that.

[Matt]

Bram that whole cartoon is worth its own WIESGDW thread.

[dicemanx]

Papa Smurf is the Smurf who turned everything around for Smurfette. After a successful operation of "plastic smurfery", Papa Smurf transformed the ugly (and unhappy) brunette Smurfette into the blond bombshell she is today.

http://bluebuddies.com/help/smurfette_created_by_gargamel.htm

[dandan]

When a country has a smurf as a sex symbol you know something is wrong (obviously the Cadbury's Caramel bunny is an exception).

[Saucemaster]

Smurfette was made in the wizard Gargamel's laboratory. She was created by a magical potion. Her list of ingredients include: "Sugar and spice but nothing nice...A dram of crocodile tears...A peck of bird brain...The tip of an adder's tongue...Half a pack of lies, white, of course...The slyness of a cat...The vanity of a peacock...The chatter of a magpie...The guile of a vixen and the disposition of a shrew...And of course the hardest stone for her heart...."

Misogyny much?  Damn.