I wake up early in the morning to make last minute changes and print off my decklist. After extraneous testing from scratch, to Rakdos, to the current pile, the maindeck plays solid. Unfortunately, I’m still not sure what my sideboard’ll be. It’s gonna’ be a long day.
Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention
AKA Everything Wins Again Version 3.1234…
Beaters 22
4 Dark Confidant
2 Joten Grunt
2 Sulfur Elemental
4 Sage of Epityr
2 Ninja of the Deep Hours
4 Meddling Mage
4 Mishra’s Factory
Disruptions 17
3 Cabal Therapy
4 Duress
4 Pyroblast
3 Daze
3 Echoing Truth
Random 2
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Time Walk
Manas 19
1 Mox Jet
1 Mox Sapphire
1 Mox Pearl
1 Mox Ruby
1 Mox Emerald
1 Black Lotus
4 Bloodstained Mire
4 City of Brass
1 Plateau
1 Badlands
1 Underground Sea
1 Volcanic Island
1 Scrubland
After I take care of the normal daily pleasantries, like showering and eating, I run at full speed through downtown to reach Double Midnight on time. As usual, I wait for Oliver for a few minutes outside of the comic shop as other interesting people file past. Only interesting people hang around the Maple Valley Plaza in the early morning... Well, except for the 12 year old bicycle gangs. Oliver arrives before I die to bad beats, and we’re off.
After interesting metagame discussions we reach Myriad Games. I cast a savage Brainstorm and set up the following sideboard:
Both the Best and Worst Sideboard Ever
4 Aven Mindcensor
2 Sulfur Elemental
1 Yixlid Jailer
4 Flash
4 Protean Hulk
I figure that against combo decks I will sideboard in Mindcensors. Against creature decks I will sideboard in the other Sulfur Elementals, because they can kill both Grunts and Salvagers. Against everything in between like Ichorid and Stax it’s a coin flip anyway, so I’ll just sideboard in Flash-combo to make it more of a coinflip. Right? ... Right.
Round 1: Dana, with UBW Fishes
Game 1:
Dana gets a very poor one land hand, and I get a very good hand. I start off with an early Duress, only to find that his hand has no mana, multiple Meddling Mages, some other beaters, Echoing Truth, and Brainstorm. I have a Daze in hand, so I decide to hit the Echoing Truth. I end up casting Therapy to nail the Mages, Dazing the Brainstorm, and dropping multiple Confidants backed up with Meddling Mage.
Game 2:
This game starts off a little more even. I drop an early Sage, and then sneak in a Ninja. There’s no responses from Dana, so I decide to pop down an Elemental at the end of this turn and beat for some more. A red light probably should have gone off, because he hadn’t played a turn two dork. On his turn Dana drops Balance with no creatures in play! BUM BUM BUM! Luckily, we’re still relatively even because of Balance, because… well, Balance balances things. It’s also pretty hard for me to overextend since I play so many beaters. I have both my Grunts in hand, and they’re looking pretty sweet right after that Balance. I drop them both into play; Dana frowns. I start beating. Dana tries to put a Cutpurse in to block, but I have a Pyroblast.
Round 2: Durney with the Swamps Win Again
Game 1:
I mulligan to six cards; my hand is 3 Pyroblasts, 1 Duress, and two lands. I am tempted to mulligan, because I just happen to know that Durney is playing a crazy black deck. Yeah, yeah, I know; pot calling the kettle a black deck. However, I decide not to mulligan again. Going to five cards, I’d lose a card anyway, and there’s a chance I’ll get mana screwed. (I probably should have mulliganed though, because the chances of success with my hand definitely weren’t good.)
I open with Duress, only to find that Durney has a hand of Leyline of the Void (not Singularity), Chalice of the Void, Mishra’s Factory, and a Hypnotic Specter. I decide to take the Chalice, for some odd reason. Durney starts drawing discard, which makes me ecstatic, because my hand sucks. Durney plays his Duress and gets a real kick out of my hand: “QERWEHT11!!! Triple Pyroblast!” I start laughing, too. I heart Vintage.
Perhaps to adjust my karma, I topdeck a Meddling Mage to name Hypnotic Specter. Durney plays his Factory. The draw go begins.
After a few turns, I put my own Factory into play. Durney lays a Chalice at one (Thank God that wasn’t two!) and then casts a Hymn to Tourach, taking both my Pyroblasts (Yes, now they’re like real cards!). I get a Grunt into play, and Durney doesn’t look too happy. He casts his Leyline for good measure. I start beating, getting Durney to six before my Grunt dies because I can’t fill my graveyard. I drop another beater into play, and think, “Yes! I might just get there!”
Unfortunately for me, Durney draws his Massacre when my pants are down, allowing him to cast both the Hippies in his hand. I can’t recover fast enough. Well, on to game two.
Game 2: (+ Flash Combo and Sulfur Elementals, - Discard and Pyros)
I get a good draw, laying down discard and Meddling Mage early naming Massacre. Durney tries to catch up, but my team of Mage, Confidant, Sulfur Elemental, and Factory are too much for him.
Game 3:
I draw my hand. I have two lands, and multiple Mages, Bobs, and a Sage. I drop a Sage, and set my library, seeing both Hulk and Flash in the top four. “Sick!” I think. “Even if my beaters aren’t enough, I’ll combo out in two turns!”
Durney Duresses my hand, but there isn’t anything he can take. On his turn he thinks for a minute, and then passes. I draw, and decide to cast Confidant (Instead of, say, Meddling Mage. Makes sense, right?) Durney untaps, casts the acceleration and drops Chalice at two. Uh oh…
So, I have a Hulk in my hand, some lands, and cards I can’t play. I think, “What’s my out?” Durney drops a dork into play. “WHAT’S MY OUT?!” Durney drops another dork. “…” Then it hits me. “… If I can just draw a land, and then a lotus, I can hardcast Hulk.” I get hit with a hippie, I discard useless card number one. Draw… Land. I have four land in play. I get hit with Hippie again. I discard useless card number two.
“Heart of the cards… GUIDE ME!” Draw… Lotus! Yeeeaaah!!! “HARDCAST PROTEAN HULK!”
Suddenly, the game swings in my favor. I start beating with Hulk, and Durney starts chump blocking. I’m still taking some damage, but I have a shot. Durney looks worried, but he keeps drawing blockers. He only has four lands in play, so dropping both a Hippie and activating a Factory in one turn is out. Right before Hulk takes the final swing, Durney topdecks the Dark Ritual to play two Hippies in one turn, producing just enough tempo to inch it out. We shake hands and wish each other luck. This is why I play Vintage.
Round 3: Chris Hatcher back from a year’s hiatus with Savageness
Game 1:
I get a good draw with lots of early beaters. My clock is pretty fast, with Confidants, Mages, and the like. Hatcher gets both Stripmine and Crucible into play, but it’s not enough to slow me down. It reaches the critical turn, and I have fatal damage on board. Hatcher has to combo out. He does a lot of obscene things involving Tinker, Yawgmoth’s Will, and Timewalk, but after a few minutes of chaining spells it still isn’t quite enough.
Game 2: (+Flash Combo and Mindcensors, - Therapies, Sages, Ninjas, and Dazes)
I start off with mana, Mindcensor, and two Pyroblast in hand among other things. After I have two mana up, Hatcher tries a Brainstorm. I attempt to Pyroblast it. Hatcher forces. I Pyroblast again. Hatcher forces again. The Brainstorm resolves. On Hatcher’s next turn he attempts to Tinker, and I cast a Mindcensor in response. Hatcher casts Brainstorm in response, puts the cards back, and says that Mindcensor resolves. He then flips the top card of his deck into play, saying, “Hug me!” I’m staring down an altered card, bearing a large rainbow Teddy Bear asking me to hug him. Oh, Colossus… Savage. I do not draw Echoing Truth in time to save me.
Game 3:
Game two had a baby.
My record is 1-2, and the field is tight, so my chances of reaching top 8 are non-existent. Oliver signs me up for the Vintage draft, so the next round is just for fun?
Round 4: Nick with Rector Flash
Game 1:
Nick’s hand is not the nuts, so I get a bunch of guys into play with disruption. Nick does not draw enough business to stop me.
Game 2:
Nick’s hand is the nuts. I get killed on the first turn and he has Force backup.
Game 3: (+ Flash Combo [Perhaps I will finally cast it?])
Nick’s hand is the nuts. I get killed on the second turn and he has Force backup.
[Aside; General Thoughts on the Metagame:
Well, the format is definitely speeding up, albeit slowly. I have heard complaints about Vintage not being interactive, with every deck winning on turn 1 or 2… etc. Fun? How can this be fun? Well, yes, Vintage can be all about the turn 1 or 2 kill if both players are playing decks that are built to kill on turn 1 or 2 with minimal disruption. However, this particular Myriad Games tournament had all three top 8 spots taken by Bomberman (one of them was Salvagers), two other slots taken by both new and old schoolish TMWA builds, a suicide black deck, one Ichorid (One of two that was played), and a Stax deck. Will the format become terrible once people start breaking Gush? I’m not sure, but if Vintage is good at anything it’s taking a hit in the junk.]
T-Shirt Challenge (tm): Dan with the new version of TMWA that Chad top 8'd with
Final Game:
I win the die roll and opt to go first. I look at my hand, only to find that it's ridiculous. Dan drops Leyline into play before the game starts. I play Mox, Mox, Mox, land, Ninja of the Deep Hours. Dan plays a land. I beat, draw a card, play a Factory, and drop a Confidant. At Dan's end of turn I put a Sulfur Elemental into play. Dan cannot find a Ghostly Prison in time to stop the beats. I recieve a Myriad Games T-Shirt. Hooray!
Well, time for the Vintage draft!
Hilarity ensues and I manage to draft a deck that’s something like this:
Small Beating Things 14
2 Fire Sprites
2 Stone Throwing Devils
1 Bog Rats
1 Whippoorwill
1 Sisters of the Flame
1 Vampire Bats
1 Argothian Pixies
2 Goblins of the Flarg
2 Goblin Digging Team
2 Wyluli Wof
Additional Helpers 4
2 Ashes to Ashes
1 Gaea’s Touch
1 Giant Strength
Bombs 4
1 Clockwork Avian
1 Urza’s Avenger
1 Bartel Runeaxe
1 Jerrard of the Closed Fist
Land 17
6 Forest
5 Mountain
6 Swamp
From the first couple picks I noticed that Dan had cut back blue a bit since I’d last drafted. So, I decided to draft my second initial idea: little beaters! Vintage draft is such a slow format that putting a bunch of little dudes into play and swinging may often be enough. I picked as many small guys as I could, highly valuing evasion. I did take a few bombs though, because a late game plan is nice to have, too. Also, Ashes to Ashes ends games.
Round 1: Rob of Myriad with Counter-Burn (It’s a good thing I hate drafted the Ghost Ships!)
Game 1:
Rob drops a first turn Fountain of Youth and I’m playing old Standard aggro against Sun Droplet. Rob continues to drop blockers and gain life, but I have plenty of beaters to catch up. A Desert comes into play at some point, but Wyluli Wolf is there to keep my guys from dying.
Game 2:
This game goes for a long time. Rob gets another turn one Fountain of Youth, followed by Giant Tortoise. All three of my early drops meet Psychic Purges, and I end up taking damage a Rob’s Tortoise. I eventually get some more guys to stick, including Wyluli Wolf to stop Rob’s Desert from wrecking my board.
I make a critical error midgame, as well. Rob has been blocking my two power guy for a number of turns before casting Psychic Purge on my Goblin Digging Team. “I’ll kill your digging team before you realize my blocker’s a wall!” I check his blocker; it is indeed a wall. This error allowed Rob to soak up a lot of damage.
I’ve taken some damage, and Rob’s over twenty life, but I start to recover… Slowly. When I finally drop Rob to sixteen, he drops Inferno, killing my whole board and dropping me to ten life. I try to recover, but Rob has a few follow up guys to bring me within Eternal Flame range.
Game 3:
I get a quick slew of dudes into play. Rob’s start doesn’t include first turn Fountain of Youth, so my plan is much more effective. By the time Rob does draw Fountain, he’s at two life without an out.
Round 2, Semifinals: Rich Shay playing Atog-less Mono-Red with Artifacts
Game 1:
Rich plays a certain Arabian Nights land early, which if unanswered builds up ridiculous card advantage. I drop two mana creatures with added disruption abilities into play to try to rush him before his advantage overwhelms me. Unfortunately for me, it isn’t enough. Rich draws a particular four mana artifact creature that dwarfs my guys in combat and I can’t recover.
Game 2:
I get a very fast start with my creatures with additional abilities. Rich drops a certain artifact into play that can steal my creatures. I have never won against this artifact while using creatures. I fear for my life. Luckily, I have just enough two mana creatures to serve fatal damage even after Rich activates the artifact.
Game 3:
Rich’s deck does what his deck does. He drops large artifact dudes while I struggle to keep my permanents in play. Eventually, I am made short work, because his guys are bigger than mine, and I can’t get enough mana into play to recover.
Rich goes on to the finals against Brassman, which I believe Brassman narrowly won with certain undercosted 4/4 creatures that have additional disruption abilities.
Tumbling Dice time!
With vicious strategical maneuvers, or just luck, I am victorious!
Myriad closes up and we go eat at Uno’s. The End.
PS: Here are pictures of the Sulfur Elemental proxies I made in five minutes, to secure the voting audience.
Which one is the real Sulfur Elemental?
IT’S OVER!!
Props:
Myriadgames
All Participants
Bad Beats
Pizza
Lamp
Slops:
The Military Industrial Complex
Sexism
Injustice
Malapropism:
Malapropism
