SCG report - Last place

So after 2 years of not playing Magic, I was finally tired of World of Warcraft. It seemed like with a Roanoke SCG just a couple weeks away, maybe I should give it a shot again.
Of course I had no idea what the metagame had changed to, what deck to play, or even any cards from the past 15 months or so.
Naturally TMD was my resource for looking at what had been winning, the state of the metagame, all that sort of stuff. With no new cards, and nobody to playtest wtih... seemed like going with an old favorite was my best bet. I took a basic control slaver list, used disrupts for the couple of 'play' slots... mostly because I had no idea what else to use and it seemed like it would be good vs flash and combo, and reasonable vs other decks.
With no practice or research going in, I was apprehensive... the biggest lesson from my 'glory days' with the Paragons and ShortBus was that tournaments were won or lost before you even showed up... with preperation and hard work... with no preperation or even basic practice with the deck, it seemed like I was doomed before I sleeved up. But a few days before the tournament, I got some great news. Not only was Smmemememmenemenemmememen going to be there, but Kowal and the Brassman were coming down... and even Marc Perez was going to set aside his eternal quest for manlove and attend. The good times of previous SCG's were just too much to miss a chance to hang with my old buds again. So I took my slaver deck, got in the wife's Volvo and headed out to Roanoke at 6am. 2 and a half hours in the car later I came to a few conclusions.
1st - Once out of Richmond there are a tremendous number of country music stations... and even the very best "Lost my dog, Lost my job, my sister left me" song wasnt going to cut it for the remaining 2 hours of my drive.
2nd - These tournaments were significantly more fun when the site was 10 minutes from my house...
So around 8:45 I arrive at the new SCG game center. Wow, Pete and company have really outdone themselves. The area is very spacious, the seating isnt too crowded, and they have TVs all around the room. During the round the televisions show the time remaining, and between rounds they show the pairings. Its better than even my experienes with the Pro Tour.
Upon walking in a couple of the judges recognize me. The last year of playing Magic I had really stopped playing and mostly gone to judging. In retrospect this was an awful decision because it turned the game into a job and I think helped push me away from it. So one of the judges recognizes me and does a double take. We catch up for a bit and move along to go register my deck.
At the other end of the tournament hall I find Kowal and the Brassman in the center of a group of people, carrying on with exactly the kind of redicuous behavior that I remember. I immediately sat down near them and started writing out my decklist. Immediately the conversation turns to hamburger throwing stars, and the greatest lucksack of all time, Eric Miller. Perhaps I should just go with the Eric principle and put 1 trinisphere in a deck with mishra's workshop.. .and just always draw it in my opening hand. Worked for him.
I finish up my decklist and recount just to be sure. 25 mana sources, 35 spells. perfect. Look around for Perez and he still hasnt arrived. Apparently Smememememememen isnt going to be able to make it either... big bummer. One of the Meandeckers did show up, but its one I never met before, Paul Mastriano.
The tournament begins and Perez has still not shown up. I had expected him to cut it close, but not to actually miss the tournament. oh well, another disappointment.
I sit down for the player meeting and the guy across from me is Hill Redwine... another long time type 1 player I recognize from back in the day. Great to see he made the trip up. Chatting with him apparently he has barely played in a while either. Hill was always a great guy, winning or losing he was friendly. Glad to see him at the tournament.
Pairings for round 1 go up, and I am playing Paul Mastriano. WTF.
Suddenly I'm remindied of why I started judging... I am forever paired in the first round with the best players. Oh well, nothing but to go for it. It does occur to me that this is the first time I've played this deck in 2 years... and even back then it was as part of a testing gauntlet! What on earth was I thinking?
Round 1 - Paul Mastriano with a TPS variant (from my observation)
Game 1 he wins the die roll and opens with Tinker, but I have the FoW. I tutor up an ancestral and get the card lead on him. A goblin welder starts attacking as I have yet to find anything to weld. We trade spells and I dig further into the deck. I find yawg will before bleeds away all my counters and seal the game with a tinker for colossus.
Game 2 he leads with duress which snags my tinker... and reveals my disrupt. It occurs to me that disrupt is significantly less good when the opponent knows its there. He misses his 2nd land drop but drops a lotus. I end-step a brainstorm and he responds with a FoF off his lotus. Mistake on my part as he was waiting for me to tap that blue in order to fire the FoF free from my disrupt. He reveals 2 lands 2 brainstorms and a ritual. I split the pile into business and mana. He passes on the mana to take the brainstorms. Disrupt kills the first one and I am off to the races with brainstorms and thirsts for knowledge. No business though. Just mana. His 2nd brainstorm resolves and he sets up a few cards. Leads with a duress to take my mana drain and the following turn double rituals into bargain. Bargain gives him the game.
Game 3 I keep a hand I probably shouldnt have. It has 2 force of wills a brainstorm and some other blue card. The FoW +mana + brainstorm seemed like a good idea at the time... but in retrospect I should have mulled to something a little more powerful, like a chalice. I brainstorm and see a thirst + lots of mana. Pop a fetchland next turn to shuffle it away. Thirst for knowledge into yet more mana. My hand is 2 FoW and an Underground sea. With 8 mana on the board already. Paul starts to go off and pops a small tendrils for half my life. Yet then shows the yawgmoth's will. I Force of will the Will and he uses his last card to pyroblast it. I look at the 3 mana on th etable. The FoW and land in my hand... and the match is done.
0-1. Not the start I was hoping for... but given the mana floods, my own lack of preperation, its better than I would have expected. Plus now I'm in the losers bracket... so I should at least get a few good games.
Round 2 - I'm paired up. vs Kevin Binswanger.
Shuffle and present my deck when the judge comes by. Sure enough he'd like to see my deck. I'm thinking I got the random deckcheck for the round but he doesnt ask for my opponents deck... oh uh... I've done enough of these as a judge to know whats coming.... I screwed up my decklist. Cant be right though. I double checked it... 60 cards.
I was right... I didnt screw up my 60 cards. I screwd up my sideboarrd. Somehow I managed to include my entry for 1 Sundering Titan twice. Now, Hi-Val's nicely modified Sundering Sliver is indeed a special card, but the judge didnt seem it was special enough for me to include it twice and I was given a gameloss for illegal decklist.
Stupid mistake... the kind of stupid mistake that you just cant afford to make even when you're at the top of your game... especially when you're a random guy with a deck and no practice.
I follow it up with a bigger mistake. I let it get to me. I dont know that I made any mistakes vs my opponent, but I didnt make any brilliant plays either, and the fact that I barely remember the game tells me I wasnt playing as well as I should. His first game win means the match is over.
0-2.
My opponent was quite polite and I wish him goodluck. He takes the matchslip up and I sit at the table a bit to collect my thoughts. At this point I'm out of the running for any prizes and decide to go ahead and drop before I manage to set my cards on fire. Side events wotn start for some time and the handful of people I know are still in the running. So I go chat with a few people and say goodbye.
Before I do, I talk to Kowal and we get Mr Perez on the phone where we discuss at length whether he is in fact a bi-pedal vagina, or merely some lower sort of manwhore lifeform. This lengthy conversation cheers me up quite a bit. and I head out to start my car drive home.
Not willing to face another 2 hours of music regarding a life of unemplioyment and incest I mull over the days events in my head instead.
I came to a few of conclusions.
First - Magic as a hobby in and of itself isnt that great. The game has a tremendous luck based element in the factors of pairings and mana flood/screw. In my fond remembrances of the game I had forgotten all of its infurating little quirks. Yes quality players can minimize these things, but there is a random element at the heart of the game that will simply always be there.
Second - Magic as a hobby for a group of friends is awesome. Even several years removed from my teammates I was still able to have a terrific time talking with them, and the social aspect of the event/game is phenomenal. Gamers are dorks, but they are friendly dorks, and have a terrific sense of humor. Had a few more of my old crew been around I think I'd have sat and lost all day and been just fine with it.
Third - Type 1 remains every bit as competitive and serious as when I left it. You have to do your homework, you have to bring your "A" Game... or you're just going to be a speedbump in somebody else's tournament report.
Fourth - I am getting way too old. My decision to leave following my 0-2 drop was just as largely influenced by the recognition that I could get home in time for my wife to make something awesome for dinner as it was by the lack of side events.

That about wraps up my tournament report. There are maybe a dozen people on the site who even have any idea who I am, but hopefully they found it amusing.

Thanks to Brassman, Kowal, and Hill for coming to Virginia... it was worth riding out to Roanoke just to hang out with some old friends.
Thanks to Starcity for hosting the event... fantastic venue and well run.

Slops to me for not having the patience to wait a few months and really get prepared before I went back to a tournament.
Slops to Marc Perez for being a bi-pedal vagina