The Mountains Win Again - SCG Roanoke - The Most Epic Tournament Report EVER

The Mountains Win Again
SCG Roanoke: The Most Epic Tournament Report…Ever!

Having traveled nearly 1500 miles to the latest SCG Vintage Power tournament in Roanoke, VA this past weekend, I felt compelled to jot down some thoughts about the trip. I did not fare well in the tournament itself, due entirely to my own entirely avoidable misplays, but I enjoyed the trip itself and encountered some folks I had not had the pleasure of meeting before. Several of these players indicated that they enjoyed my tournament reports. As I have not written one since January, I decided to oblige. I felt this was as good an opportunity as ever, given the assortment of outlandish adventures our crew experienced while traveling. This report is humbly presented and dedicated to all of you who enjoy such anecdotes.

Friday, June 15th
The trip from New Hampshire to Virginia is about 12 hours from New Hampshire, including necessary roadside interludes. We accordingly planned to travel down Friday, stay at one of the many hotels in the local vicinity, play all day Saturday, and travel back all day Sunday. This would truly be a magnificent road trip.

Cast of Characters:
Dan aka Master of Mountains
Sara aka Ms. Mana Cookie
Kyle aka Almighty
Chad aka Furious George
Sean aka Liar’s Dice Champion
Mike aka Mike_Bergeron

We got started nice and early by picking up Kyle. We retrieved some necessary supplies from Myriad Games and then Sara proceeded to get lost traveling a route she’d driven to work for years. After a 52,800 ft. excursion, we got back on track. We met up with Mike and consolidated into the Beast from the East, which would function as our capable transport throughout the weekend. This particular model was interesting in that he comes equipped with the optional Chuck Norris with a Rocket Launcher.

Whenever we got in a tight situation, we’d just press the Chuck button and he would appear, sure as shootin’, with his trusty rocket launcher and any number of other various implements of destruction. All throughout the trip, Sara reminded us to be Kind and Friendly, just like her kindergarteners, so we just let Chuck take care of anything that needed to be done that wasn’t Kind and Friendly.

It was a long journey into the bosom of the South and the closer we got to our destination, the more Cracker Barrels appeared. We decided to keep count on the way; we passed no fewer than 15 Cracker Barrels!

Nowhere else combines classic, greasy, homestyle cooking and a variety of Americana knick-knacks like Cracker Barrel.

As crossed the Mason Dixon line, sleeveless shirts became all the rage, with many a pony tail flowing from under the baseball caps of locals at the wheel of their trusty pickup trucks. It was a harrowing experience, but we persevered, managed not to stop in West Virginia, and approached our weekend destination…

We arrived at the SCG Game Center and walked past the bingo hall to arrive at the game center itself. The venue is clean and well organized, altogether impressive. It even features a convenient grill entitled The Sideboard.

The friendly SCG staff helped us procure the cards we required and provided directions to the locale of our hotel.

Traveling in Circles: A Brief Aside Concerning Navigation Theory
Throughout the rest of the weekend, we drove in directions that were less than optimal. Some members of our party attempted to blame me for poor navigation, until I pointed out to them that we were never “lost” so much as exploring. Also, this “poor navigation” on my part helped to avoid future delays by exploring all the wrong options so that we would know the correct choices for future trips. This came up several times throughout our travels around Roanoke. My ability to confuse our fellow travelers remains undisputed.

We arrived at the hotel and settled in for the night, preparing for an invigorating tournament experience the following day.

Saturday, June 16th

Arnold Schwarzenegger woke us up bright and early with some of his girlie man incantations. The conversation went thusly.
“One of us is in deep trouble”
(Waking up) Whuh, huh?? Who are you?
“I’m a cop, you idiot! I’m Detective John Kimble!”
   What are you doing in my room?
“I want to ask you a bunch of questions and I want them answered immediately”
   That sounds reasonable.
   “Who is your daddy and what does he do?”
   Do I really have to answer that?
“Stop whining!”
Did you ever consider that your predilection for halting, disjointed inquisitions might be caused by something internal … a tumor perhaps?
“It’s not a tumor!”
Whatever, I’m going to get some breakfast.
“I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach!”

We enjoyed a sumptuously passable breakfast courtesy of our hotel. We also reinforced the political correctness of our party. We remonstrated a member of our party for referring to the hotel staff as food ladies, rather than the preferred inclusive term, hotel people.

Tournament: SCG Vintage Power 9 at the SCG Game Center, Roanoke, VA

We strode into the tournament venue with decklists at the ready. Upon our entrance, we heard cries of lamentation from a certain Brassman. He was aware of our newest version of The Mountains Win Again. He’d been explaining the concept of the deck to some of his compatriots with the disclaimer that it was only played in the Northeast, so they wouldn’t have to worry about anyone playing it in Virginia. Andy’s enthusiastically dismayed expression as we entered was one of the highlights of the trip.

We signed up at the central judges station, greeting some officials we’d know from up our way (Nick and Jared) as well as the rest of the tournament staff. The entire SCG tournament staff was excellent throughout the day.
Attendance was a bit sparse at an even 60 players, but up from the 40-ish range that some of the previous events had achieved. Here’s the latest list that Sean, Chad, and Dan were piloting.

The Mountains Win Again version 34.7
aka Mountainless Mountains Win Again aka Little Lego Problems

4x Plateau
1x Battlefield Forge
7x Plains
4x Ancient Tomb
1x Mox Ruby
1x Mox Pearl
1x Black Lotus
1x Sol Ring
4x Simian Spirit Guides
4x Magus of the Moon
4x Aven Mindcensor
4x Glowrider
4x Windborn Muse
4x Whipcorder
4x Exalted Angel
4x Leyline of the Void
4x Chalice of the Void
3x Null Rod
1x Trinisphere

Sideboard
4x Samurai of the Pale Curtain
4x Sphere of Resistance
3x Kataki, War’s Wage
3x Umezawa’s Jitte
1x Null Rod

Recent changes were meant to adjust for a metagame including Gifts, Combo, Flash, Ichorid, Stax, and Fish, in about that order. The previous versions of this prison-esque build took Chad to a Top 8 at Myriad Games on May 26th
It is notably different from Mindcensor Stax lists and from more traditional two or three color TMWA builds because it focuses on having a bunch of little impediments. These impediments, much like Lego blocks, build up into a formidable barrier to traditional wins from most decks. It does not rely on the graveyard nor on artifacts overly much, which improves its matchups against elements of the metagame that traditionally prey on Workshop decks. On top of all that, this deck includes over 30 creatures post-board. And most importantly, it’s a ton of fun to play!

After a brief player meeting, the tournament begins. The playing area is spacious, clean, and well organized, all attributes I continue to appreciate throughout the day.

Round 1 Jeremy Beaver
TMWA vs. Combo aka An Inauspicious Beginning
Jeremy gets slowed down by some minor impediments and then goes off after getting some bounce. I recall he had quite a bit of artifact mana, including Lotus, and no lands in Game 1. Game 2 it seemed as if I had him locked down, but he broke out with another Lotus and Mox and Tinkered in Titan. I wished Jeremy good luck and tried to shake off the early loss.

Record: Matches (0-1), Games (0-2)

After round one, which went rather quickly for me, we discovered that Sean had been disqualified after winning his first game. Sean plays Magic about twice a year whenever Chad brings him to a tournament. In between games, he looked at notes he had with him so that he could remember what to sideboard. He was summarily removed from the tournament for Cheating – Outside Assistance. This was disappointing since he traveled all this way and was now unable to play. There were several other disqualifications throughout the tournament and all those I heard about involved new or inexperienced players who did not understand the tournament rules and penalties. This was a strict but fair enforcement of the rules. It was also unfortunate. We calmly confirmed the actual ruling and penalty with the judges and congratulated Sean on his undefeated record piloting TMWA.

Round 2 John Shields
TMWA vs. Ichorid aka Hooray for Leyline!
I lost Game 1 after keeping a decent hand on the play. Magus shut off his Bazaar after a single activation, but I didn’t see a Windborn Muse in time to save me from the Zombies. Game 2, I opened with Leyline of the Void, first turn Magus of the Moon and we went directly to Game 3. I opened the third game with double Leyline and followed up with some other impediments including Sphere of Resistance. The Sphere ended up making it impossible for him to break out of the already intimidating double Leyline lock since he only had a single Emerald Charm.

Record: Matches (1-1), Games (2-3)

Round 3 Chris Coppolla
TMWA vs. Combo Take 2
I pull out Game 1 on the back of lots of little Lego impediments. Chris shakes his head at all my Glowriders and other silly cards. Game 2, he combos me out after bouncing Sphere of Resistance and Pyroclasming away Glowriders on two separate occasions. Game 3, I lock him down entirely with Magus of the Moon, Sphere, Glowrider, Null Rod, and Chalice at 1. Chris shakes his head in disbelief again, and I wish him the best of luck in all his future games.

Record: Matches (2-1), Games (4-4)

Round 4 Juan Rodriguez
TMWA vs. Bomberman aka Major Misplay Reporting for Duty
I’m on the play Game 1 and look at my opening hand, happy to have a 1st turn Trinisphere provided he doesn’t Force it. He does not Force by Chalice on 0, and I proceed to lose this game as I look in astonishment at the Mox still in my hand. He proceeds to play a host of low casting cost cards and overwhelms me with beats. Game 2 we slug it out for a while and I win eventually through Mindcensor beats while I’m at 2 life. This game he had the infinite mana combo on the board but no way to replay Spellbomb (I believe I had Chalice at 1). It was a grueling game. I had a decent hand game 3, but nothing close to prepared for his turn 1 play of: Mox, Sol Ring, Land, Trinket Mage, Lotus, Sword of Fire and Ice. I play a Chalice at 1 and pass to him. He swings for 6 and draws a card – Time Walk! He swings for another six, I take my second turn and I’ve already lost. He finishes it off the next turn with a single well-equipped Trinket Mage. This entire game took less than 3 minutes. His friend standing behind him comments that it must be nice to live in Christmas Land, referring to his drawing the Time Walk off the Sword. I still chalk this match loss up to my misplay in Game 1, which would have potentially made Game 3 irrelevant. I wish Juan good luck and apparently it worked out because he ended up making Top 8.

Record: Matches (2-2), Games (5-6)

Round 5 Michael Franklin
TMWA vs. U/W Fish Take 1
Michael is a friendly guy who comments that “at least some people dress nice” since I’m wearing a vest, tie, and pocket watch and he’s wearing a button-down shirt. I concur and we proceed to a game one during which I discover that he’s playing Fish. He also mulled down to 3, so it wasn’t much of a game. Game 2 he runs me over with some small dudes as I take more damage from Ancient Tomb trying to stop him. Game 3 I have three morphs on the table and he Echoing Truths one. We confirm with the judge that just that one returns to my hand. I hardcast an Exalted, equip Jitte, and take home the match from there. I wish Michael the best of luck and get some eats from The Sideboard.

Record: Matches (3-2), Games (7-7)

Round 6 Cody Barnes
TMWA vs. U/W Fish aka Overconfidence vs. Top Deck

I lose game 1 to lots of little beats and drawing three Ancient Tombs as my only mana sources. Game 2, Cody mulls down to 4! I mull down to 6 and keep a potentially awesome hand. I get overconfident because this deck has tested to have a good matchup against Fish and I’m up on cards. I open with first turn Magus of the Moon, which gets … into play – it resolves! It’s good!! Cody sighs, plays a Tundra Mountain and passes back to me. I continue to play some minor impediments and assure myself of victory. He top decks the best card he could hope for in this situation, Black Lotus. He plays Lotus, sends my Magus farming, and drops Meddling Mage naming Magus and Savannah Lions. He draws more removal and counters for the rest of my relevant cards and cruises to victory. I’ll admit, I saw the first then Magus and got greedy, keeping a hand without enough mana to go the distance. I wish my opponent the best of luck and proceed to await the final results, knowing that our best shot for Mountains at this event is that Chad made Top 16.

Final Record: Matches (3-3), Games (7-9)

While the tournament was wrapping up, I had the opportunity to meet a certain Zombie Shakespeare who is also dedicated to the refinement of non-blue Vintage decks. We discuss Vintage philosophy and card choices for a bit. Several other players introduced themselves throughout the day, including Anusien. It was a pleasure to meet them all. Mike also awarded props to the members of Team Pink Sleeves and everyone he met from Georgia. It seemed that all in all, despite our lackluster performance, the entire group had a great time.

We also played some Liar’s Dice, which became even more ridiculous with the inclusion of more than 5 dice per player and additional assorted polyhedral shapes beyond the standard hexahedron. These various and sundry objects included tetrahedrons, octahedrons, dodecahedrons, and icosahedrons.

Kyle and I decided to play a casual game of TMWA vs. Type 2 decks. Did you know that Leyline of the Void and basic lands can be played as morph creatures? Neither did I until these silly games. As we were playing, a certain Kowala Bear approached and commented that he had tested the deck (referring to TMWA: MMWA, LLP) and “It’s actually really good.” I thanked him for the kind acknowledgement and reminded him that this is the two year anniversary of The Mountains Win Again. It’s been through many, many iterations, all of them a blast to play and a fresh take on the deck within the existing metagame. Maybe when I get to version 50 I’ll finally write a massive primer chronicling the development and accomplishments of The Mountains Win Again over the years. But now it was time for results!

Chad came in 15th place and won a very appropriate Italian black-bordered Plateau! Brassman made Top 8 playing his favorite card EVAR, Gifts Ungiven!
Both of these gentlemen received the heartiest applause of the winners. I’ve never asserted that we’re not overzealous.

We’d heard that an impromptu Mox tournament would be hosted at the Knight’s Inn, but we opted out since we assumed that players were required to wear some sort of plate mail or scale mail in order to attend. I wonder how that turned out. All we know is that we have not heard from the organizers since the event and, last I checked, the Knight’s Inn has Vacancy and a fresh stock of Izzet Guildmages and Ichorids.

We wished Brassy good luck, said our goodbyes, and departed the tournament establishment for a point of refreshment. As we headed to our cars, we were waylayed by the inimitable George Thorogood.

He pulled up in a jalopy chock full of musical equipment and asked for directions to a local music club. Then, as we opened our mouths to reply, he started wailing on his crazy air guitar, driving away at the same time, with no hands on the wheel. We were somewhat stymied by this inordinate display, but we proceeded to our cars unimpeded. As we discussed where we were going, another car pulls up. We turn around and who should it be? Why none other than the inimitable George Thorogood! This time he asks us the same question and again drives away wailing on his air guitar! We decided to depart before this obviously addled rockin’ dude decided to return and complete the trilogy. As we drove away, we recalled one of his more popular songs, which might account for his unusual behavior…
One Bourbon One Scotch One Beer
“Well I ain't seen my baby since I don't know when,
I've been drinking bourbon, whiskey, scotch and gin
Gonna get high man I'm gonna get loose,
Need me a triple shot of that juice”

We headed back to our hotel, which was located in the midst of a vast array of dining establishments and decided to walk to the nearby Flat Rock Grille.

Our Kind and Friendly waiter was most agreeable, making recommendations and providing excellent service. As he was carding one of our number for a tasty beverage, he noted that we were from New Hampshire. When we replied that some of us were from Massachusetts, he exclaimed with sincere candor “Dang – that’s even further north than New Hampshire!” We smiled and sat in silence as he left and then confirmed with each other that he’d actually said what we thought he’d said. Our meal was most enjoyable. Afterward, we went to see Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer at the local cineplex. It was as expected. Our travels then led us down the strip to the sumptuous Bruster’s Ice Cream for some luscious lactose.

Purple Dinosaurs are amazing!

After returning to the hotel for the evening, we began the real reason for the trip, the championship Liar’s Dice Tournament. It was an epic battle of guile and skill as we battled against each other for a good many minutes.

Final Standings with Top Dice Lists (NB: These standings are only partially based on fact and may, in fact, be altered or exchanged for other standings at any time)
1st – Sean (6 d6 + 1 d20)
2nd – Chad (6 d6 + 1 d20)
3rd – Mike (6 d6 + 1 d10)
4th – Kyle (6 d6 + 1 d20)
5th – Sara (6 d6 + 1 d20)
6th – Dan (6 d6 + 1 d20)

Note the metagame dominance of six six-sided dice and one twenty sided die. Only one of the Top 6 competitors opted to use a d10 instead of a d20 and all the rest of the dicelists were exactly the same. I think this clearly points to a necessary policy change. Twenty-sided dice are dominating the format. You’re either playing d20s or you’re playing d10s to try to beat d20s. This is not healthy for the format as it limits the interactivity between players and diminishes the overall fun of the game. Whereas d6s are the glue that holds the format together, d20s are clearly broken, even as a restricted die. They drastically alter the format simply by existing. If they were banned, other dice like d7s and d5s would no longer need to be restricted and might actually see some play. We can only hope that the LDI agrees with this assessment when the next Banned / Restricted list update is posted on April 1st. Hopefully they’ll behave rationally and see fit to ban d20s altogether, so that I can finally play competitive Liar’s Dice with a d4.

Sean the Liar’s Dice Champion, being the swaggering braggart that he is, immediately launched into a rendition of his own personal theme song…

Bad to the Bone by George Thorogood
“Every woman I meet, they all stay satisfied
I wanna tell ya pretty baby, well ya see I make my own
I'm here to tell ya honey, that I'm bad to the bone
Bad to the bone B-B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-Bad B-B-B-Bad Bad to the bone”

And with that and some rambling conversation, we head to bed, preparing for our long trip home the next day.

Sunday, June 17th
During the trip back, we decided to employ the services of a certain Garman, a GPS Kyle had brought along. We had preprinted directions from Google Maps, but decided in the spirit of fairness to allow the Garman the opportunity to guide us.
We were betrayed!
It turns out this particular GPS is under the thrall of a sinister conglomerate of money-hungry transit authorities including New York State, the New Jersey Turnpike Authority, and The People’s Republic of Toll-ovia. We decided, after reconciling for its blatant partisan redirection, to ignore it all together, revert to our preprinted directions, and simply use the map function to let us know where we are. Not surprisingly, New York City remained the focus of the overhead map for the remainder of the trip. Shortly after we stopped using the Garman, it began leaping from the windshield, attacking those sitting in the front seats. It is presently being detained in an undisclosed location awaiting trial for its vicious assaults.
Speaking of vicious assaults, my prognostication skills were put to the test later that day as were visiting a nearby family barbecue where there were two neighborly mixed-breed dogs, a Rottweiler and a Pit Bull. While these two fully grown female dogs live together, they have been known to engage in spats on occasion. As we arrived, I was explaining this to Mike and Kyle, saying something to the effect of “these two like to tear each other up.” At that very moment, the two dogs entered into the same room as each other and began another Ridiculous Dog Fight. We surmised that they were simply debating the relevance of team names and player superiority in the age-old, time-honored fashion of internet pundits. After they were separated, we enjoyed delicious sausages before continuing on our way.

Who Do You Love? by George Thorogood
   “I walked forty-seven miles of barbed wire,
I got a cobra snake for a necktie.
   Snake skin shoes baby put them on your feet
got the goodtime music and the Bo Diddley beat.”

   During the rest of the drive home, we engage in various Magic The Gathering travel games but are distracted when Robot Bears attack!

After we defeated the Robot Bear army, with the trusty aid of Chuck Norris and Bruce Willis, we approached the Connecticut border. We consulted the Garman to ascertain our geographical location. It insisted that we were still in New York and we should head toward New York City in order to return to New Hampshire. Tired of these old tricks, we asked a passing toll-booth operator what state we were in, to which they replied, “New York – no Connecticut!” It was like a scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail… “Blue…no Yellow!” We are now convinced that The Garman is in fact a Decepticon bent upon delivering unsuspecting souls to the ravages of the New York / New Jersey tolls.

I’m not entirely unconvinced that Mike is not an Autobot, since he was able to drive the entire trip both ways without accepting any proffered relief. Toward the end of the trip, he did get a bit loopy. “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough” came on the radio, a Michael McDonald classic. Tales of McDonald were told, including how Michael McDonald’s dulcet tones can lull Robot Bears to sleep and how The Doobie Brothers were once horrifically massacred after waking Robot Bears by playing “China Grove”

Michael McDonald could also employ his mellifluous melodies to lure Chicago into singing “25 or 6 to 4”

which would culminate in horrific slaughter by a Giant Robot Bear

Needless to say, The Beast of the East brought us safely back to home in the Northeast. Our epic journey had been a success!

And finally, a firestarter:

Michael McDonald vs. Bruce Willis

Discuss.

This tournament report has been brought to you by …
Cracker Barrel, George Thorogood, and Team Kind and Friendly.

"I like the color red because it's a fire. And I see myself as always being on fire."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger

Until next time, may The Mountains Win Again!