Time Warp, 1st place with TPS

I get off the bus at 1:45, and start walking across 28th street. I glance over and see that the wino on the bus with me is following close behind, with that slow shuffle that comes with drinking too much Mad Dog. He spits in the street and flips off the bus and starts screaming at cars. I quickly create some distance and get to the Warp without any further delay.
I get a deck registration sheet and fill out the following list:

4x thoughtseize
4x Dark Ritual
2x cabal ritual
4x Force of Will
1x Misdirection
1x tinker
1x DSC
1x Memory Jar
1x chain of vapor
1x rebuild
1x merchant scroll
1x brainstorm
1x ponder
1x ancestral recall
1x time walk
1x timetwister
1x mystical tutor
1x gifts ungiven
1x vampiric tutor
1x imperial seal
2x grim tutor
1x demonic tutor
1x yawgmoth's will
1x mind's desire
1x necropotence
1x yawgmoth's bargain
1x tendrils of agony
5x moxen
1x sol ring
1x mana crypt
1x mana vault
1x black lotus
1x lotus petal
4x polluted delta
1x bloodstained mire
1x bayou
2x swamp
2x island
2x underground sea

SB:
1x bayou
2x xantid swarm
3x tarmogoyf
1x massacre
1x thrashing wumpus
1x hurkyls recall
1x regrowth
2x tormod's crypt
1x leyline of the void
2x yixlid jailer

The maindeck is Steve Mennendian's Starcity Games recommended deck for vintage, or whatever the tag line for that is. I swapped the duress' he had for thoughtseizes because I expected at least two people would be on fish, plus it snags dark confidants in the mirror if they bring them in.

And why not? Plenty of people copy Mennendian's decks, but I doubt any of them have driven around unfamiliar cities with the man looking for ping pong balls so that we could play beer pong, or had the balls to embarrass him during a hotel party over the subject of wine coolers.

As for the SB, the xantid swarms were terrible. The regrowth carried me through at least two matches.

We have another pathetic turnout of 11 players. Seriously, for every single vintage player here in Colorado that hasn't shown (EDIT:) what can I do more to make you play?
Just before the tournament starts, EdWord (who has taken over the role of Tournament Organizer for these events, and has done a Fantastic job) asks me what to play.

"I want to play fish," he says. "Got a list?"

I think for a second about the janky 4x tarmogoyf, 4x seedtime deck I've been MWSing with, and then tell him "just play ichorid"

"I've never played it before though. Hell, I've never played t1 before!"

"Just mulligan to Bazzar, and you'll do fine."

RD1 EdWord/ Dredge (Godot's list from Worlds)
I got whipped and shamed this round. Harshly so. G1 he rolled me because he had two chalices and two bazaars.
g2 I mulled to six and kept mox jet, necro, and lands. I figure a turn two necro, turn three win is a decent enough race--and certainly better than five cards. My necro gives me a slew of lands, yawgmoth's bargain, imperial seal and vampiric tutor, and tendrils. I dont get there. I dont remember how I boarded.
0-1 (0-2 in games)

I shake my head in frustration. He kept his opening seven both times, which always irratates me. I've played manaless ichorid once, Day Two of Starcity Richmond, and I NEVER kept an opening seven. Or six, for that matter. The deck is like rolling dice rather than playing cards. For some reason, those dice always come up snake eyed for me, but boxcars for every ichorid player I've ever played against.

RD2 Eric Weeden/fish
Weeden and I have a competitive history that includes an epic ptq t8 bout, and infinite FNM battles--back before I decided to just play t1. He beat me last week, so i was stoked to have a rematch. Even better, he had asked me for a fish list the day before, so I knew basically what to expect.
G1 I mulligan to four. Not close.
-1 DSC, -1 Tinker, -1 Memory Jar, -1 mox pearl, -1 rebuild, -1 mana crypt, +3 goyf, +1 regrowth, +1 bayou, +1 Thrashing Wumpus
G2 He duresses me and sees a goyf and a wumpus. He slumps. The goyf gets Forced, and the Wumpus deals all twenty by himself.
G3 We both get stuck on mana, and a jotun grunt with some duress and thoughtseize action rip my hand and grave apart. I'm finally able to chain of vapor the grunt, Force of WIll it down to one life, stick a goyf, and ride him to victory.
1-1 (3-3 in games)

RD3 Peter/fish
G1 I get put in a position to where, between meddling mages, a null rod, a stifle, a FOW, and a duress or two I just can't win. I rip a tendrils off the top and dump my hand, to drop him to 8, where I hope his dark confidant will finish him off before his bears can race my newly found twelve life. Bob flips a ton of lands over and I lose.
i boarded the exact same.
g2 Vamp for a Recall, and Force it through. I then regrowth it. When was the last time you cast ancestral twice and lost?
g3 My goyf beats down for a good number of turns. he finally finds a swords, but I just gifts in response for: goyf, demonic, thrashing wumpus, ancestral recall.
2-1 (5-4)

Rd4 Fetus/TPS
Here's a kid who knows his way around a tendrils deck. I try to convince him to scoop me into t4, because his breakers won't hold even if he wins. He declines.
I mulligan into something truly busted: Mox jet, dark ritual, thoughtseize, tinker, timetwister, polluted delta. I seize him and see: tolarian academy, underground sea, mox pearl, grim tutor, and gifts ungiven--as he took two trips to paris. I take the grim tutor, and this was a mistake. It should have been mox pearl.
I tinker up a DSC and ship it. He draws a mox jet, plays it with his pearl, and the academy. I draw a land and swing in. He end steps a gifts for: demonic, rebuild, merchant scroll, duress. I give him the blue cards after much thought. He has a duress, and plays a rebuild, replays his artifacts, and scrolls up ancestral.
I rip a vampiric and get an ancestral too. When it resolves it gets me a yawgmoth's will, and two rituals. I get there on the spot.
-1 DSC, -1 swamp, -1 mox pearl, -1 time walk +1 regrowth, +1 bayou, +2 tormod's crypt
G2 I keep: tormod's crypt, 2x thoughtseize, necro, bayou, chain of vapor, mana vault. On the draw, if he has a first turn duress, he's forced to take the crypt. This lets me stick two thoughtseizes to him, which should give me the time I need to get down my necro and try to ride it to victory.
I firmly believe that duress/thoughtseize effects are the most important cards in the TPS mirror. It's one of the reasons I sided in the regrowth in every matchup where I expected anywhere between 4-8 duress.
He opens of dark ritual, duress (takes the crypt), dark ritual, necro for eight. Pretty busted. I start thinking about my outs immediately. A lotus off the top would be best, though I'd gladly settle for a ritual or a Force of Will. Mox jet, too, is kinda hot.
I instead draw a yawgmoth's bargain. I thoughtseize him, and he Forces it. I ship the turn and set my hand down. To my surprise, he just plays a land, an artifact or two, and draws more cards with necro. During my turn I draw a rebuild, and thoughtseize him again. HIs hand has an imperial seal, a grim tutor, a demonic tutor, and some rituals. I take the demonic without hesitation. Between his fetchlands, his FOW, and necro--his life is too low for him to use grim tutor twice, so he can't get yawgmoth's will and win with it too. He frowns and imperial seals, and draws down to one. I draw a minds desire, and play my mana vault. When he yawg wills, I use it to cycle my rebuild. I dont get a force and let it resolve, pointing out that he's at one, and his demonic is RFG. He extends the hand.
3-1 (7-4)

T4 Dobby with Strategic Slaver

We start talking about how we are going to split up the 100$. Fucking Lou starts yelling about how anyone who doesn't agree to winner take all is a pussy, and I have to agree. But the other three guys want a four way split of 25$ a piece. I try to go for a 50/50 split for top two. Again, it's denied. I look over at Paul and frown. What's the deal? I ask. He turns to me, "I'm cold. I have no sideboard cards for ichorid." Well, let's do 50, 30, 10, 10 then? They agree and we are underway.

G1 I lead the way with a thoughtseize and take a mana drain. His hand is full of cards that don't shine in this matchup, like rack and ruin, crucible of worlds, and mindslaver. I win with a lethal tendrils on turn three.
-1 DSC, -1 swamp, -1 time walk +1 bayou, +2 Xantid Swarm
I'm shuffling up and just want to put in the regrowth. I might need to cast two ancestrals, you know? But I can't figure what to take out . . . and I'm growing anxious to leave. Fucking Lou, Travis, Eric, and Paul are looking to hit up some happy hours on Pearl Street. And so am I, for that matter. So I grab my tendrils of agony and calmly put it in my sideboard, and slide my regrowth in.
g2: He resolves an early ancestral, and I thoughtseize away his will. He tinkers, and grabs a platinum angel. I let her beat me down until I can cast both my gifts ungiven and my rebuild. I have a dark ritual and minds' desire in hand, so if he lets the gifts resolve I'll just go broken, if rebuild resolves I get a sol ring and a mana crypt back in my hand--so that's storm four with a land on top, or storm five if I draw some buisiness. He counters the gifts, and I stick the rebuild. I draw another dark ritual and slam down the desire with a storm of five. It finds me a mox ruby, a land, a grim tutor, a force of will, and a cabal ritual. I grim tutor for yawgmoth's will and just jack up my storm till he concedes.
4-1 (9-4)

T2 EdWord with Ichorid
He won't split. Unreal. I calmly tell him that I'll just 2-0 him, and he should take the money because I want to leave. Again, the refusal.
Well, you can't always bluff your way out of things. Looks like I'll just get rolled again.
G1 He keeps his seven, after serum powder gets rid of four dredgers, a bridge, a narc, and a cabal ritual. I keep my seven, but right now, I'm blanking on what that seven was. My notes are still in Travis' car, so I'm going off hungover memory. Anyway, I get there on a non-tinkered memory jar because his bazaar doesn't kick up enough dredgers for him to race.
-1 DSC, -1 misdirection, -2 thoughtseize, -1 time walk +1 leyline +2 tormod's crypt +2 yixlid jailer.
G2 He keeps his seven again. I look at mine. swamp, mox sapphire, mana crypt, sol ring, grim tutor, chain of vapor, and yixlid jailer. I keep, hoping that his seven doesn't have a bazaar, a chalice, and an unmask. Guess what? He had them all . . . even a leyline or three he forgot to put into play. He picks up jailer and reads it, frowns and glances at his sideboard.
"he forgot to put in his fucking contagions!" I scream it before I'm even done processing the thought, and how lucky it makes me. He takes the jailer.
I look at my now garbage hand, and shake my head. Thankfully, there are no dredgers--yet. I play my sol ring and pass. He starts getting fiesty with an ichorid and growing a graveyard. I draw a cabal ritual, and ritual into my grim tutor for my second jailer and pass. He doesn't kill me the next turn, and I drop the little punk into play and start swingging. Eventaully I start drawing lands and get another non-tinkered memory jar, which I break, and get there.
Justice!
2-0 (11-4)

I grab my cash money and head out to pearl street, where we partake in many things that . . . well, aren't appropriate for the mana drain. Though a nice group of students stopped Lou to let him know that marijuanna is a gateway drug. That was fun, though my favorite part of the night was a very drunken Cheon screaming, "If you don't know how to tap islands, don't talk to me!"
But those are pretty much all I want to write about that.

Props: Everyone who has played at a Vintage Time Warp event. Thank you, and please keep coming back. It's only a matter of time till we start getting twenty, thirty, or more players showing up.
Steve Mennendian, for having a great starting sixty.
Travis and Godot for getting in a few games with me the friday before.
Travis, Lou, Eric, and Paul for a good time out at the bars.

Slops:
Winos.
Bob. Where Yu at?
EDIT: those of you who could totally be playing in these events.