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Author Topic: How to turn kids into Catholicism?  (Read 2290 times)
Toad
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« on: March 29, 2004, 02:17:08 pm »

Landover Baptist salvation offer.

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Have you ever heard of Jesus Christ? Well, He's heard of you! And He wants you to have all the cool toys your parents are too cheap to buy! In fact, the Lord Jesus is very upset with your parents that they didn't give you all the latest stuff that every kid in America deserves! And Jesus has got your back, because He is your homeboy!  If you've never heard of Jesus, He is an invisible cloud-dwelling deity (infinite lives!) who loves you very much and wants nothing more than to give you a free PlayStation 2!


SAVAGE !

Jesus' UT2K4 Mod.
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Matt
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« Reply #1 on: March 29, 2004, 04:56:11 pm »

You know this is a joke, right?
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Toad
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« Reply #2 on: March 29, 2004, 05:33:15 pm »

Yes, but It's still pretty funny to read.
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Bram
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« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2004, 12:06:56 pm »

What was NOT a joke, was the recent newsreport of a (staged) beating of the easter bunny by religious fanatics in order to 'teach' children that Easter is not about bunnies and eggs but about jesus dying. Or getting resurrected. Or something.

Jesus would have been a great Dragon player.
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<j_orlove> I am semi-religious
<BR4M> I like that. which half of god do you believe in?
<j_orlove> the half that tells me how to live my life
<j_orlove> but not the half that tells me how others should live theirs

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« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2004, 12:19:37 pm »

Quote from: Bram
Jesus would have been a great Dragon player.

Academy Rector should've been given creature type Angel so we could nickname him Lucifer whenever he fetches Yawgmoth's Bargain.
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The Atog Lord
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« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2004, 12:38:37 pm »

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beating of the easter bunny


Jesus never goes aggro. Except maybe against Fig trees.
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Kowal
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« Reply #6 on: April 11, 2004, 02:14:30 pm »

Aha, I catch you off guard with my religious knowledge despite lack of caring about religion.

In some scene in the bible, the jews are complaining about the romans oppressing them while selling things with the icon of the emperor on them.  In this scene, Jesus actually beats the crap out of one of the jewish merchants with some leather cords.  Caught me off guard too.
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The Atog Lord
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« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2004, 03:04:32 pm »

Ah, theology!

That scene doesn't actually involve Jesus beating anyone.

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Luke 19
45. Then He went into the temple and began to drive out those who bought and sold in it,
46. Saying to them, "It is written, 'My house is a house of prayer,' but you have made it a 'den of thieves.' "
47. And He was teaching daily in the temple. But the chief priests, the scribes, and the leaders of the people sought to destroy Him,
48. And were unable to do anything; for all the people were very attentive to hear Him.


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John 2
13. Now the Passover of the Jews was at hand, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem.
14. And He found in the temple those who sold oxen and sheep and doves, and the moneychangers doing business.
15. When He had made a whip of cords, He drove them all out of the temple, with the sheep and the oxen, and poured out the changers' money and overturned the tables.
16. And He said to those who sold doves, "Take these things away! Do not make My Father's house a house of merchandise!"


It says that Jesus drove people out, not that he actually struck anyone.
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Kowal
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« Reply #8 on: April 11, 2004, 03:14:51 pm »

Accursed "the bible for dummies"!  You got me beat, Rich Shay.

...I'll get you next time.
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The Atog Lord
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« Reply #9 on: April 11, 2004, 03:58:04 pm »

Gotta defend Jesus on Easter  Very Happy
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jpmeyer
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« Reply #10 on: April 11, 2004, 04:16:49 pm »

Nobody fucks with The Jesus.
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Toad
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« Reply #11 on: April 11, 2004, 04:52:01 pm »

Jesus has respawned.
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Dr. Sylvan
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« Reply #12 on: April 11, 2004, 07:28:52 pm »

For my next miracle, I'm gonna turn water, into funk.
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MuzzonoAmi
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« Reply #13 on: April 11, 2004, 10:50:37 pm »

Quote from: Bram
What was NOT a joke, was the recent newsreport of a (staged) beating of the easter bunny by religious fanatics in order to 'teach' children that Easter is not about bunnies and eggs but about jesus dying. Or getting resurrected. Or something.

Jesus would have been a great Dragon player.



Go Glassport! Finally, the most insignificant town in the world has made the international news.


That was in my hometown. I'm glad I missed it - my dad teaches at the local school, he said that the next day there was a guy dressed as Santa Claus carrying a sign that said 'We believe in Jesus in the easter bunny.' No joke. I'll see if I can find the newspaper article.
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