Kird Ape Wins Library. Lmao. Lol. Rofl.

[Dxfiler]

As much as I really want to play a real deck, I just can't bring myself to do it.  The night before the 40 dual tournament I was dead tired with no sleep and slightly depressed over my 2-2 drop at regionals.  Of course I did zero testing... and I let a certain Atog come over at 4 in the morning and build me a concoction.  I prefer not to call it a deck.  I had to hold this individual at gunpoint to get atogs removed from the list.  So after I got pwned me, Angelo and toothless Jeff went to see Star Wars.  Jeff couldn't fit in the seat.  Angelo was drunk.  The usual.  After dropping them off I really wanted to just relax the next day, but the free entry to the 40 dual tournament was burning a hole in my pocket.  I thought about branching out and running something more powerful, but the night before the tournament the spectre of Yoda showed up to offer me sagely advice.
He said to me, verbatim:

"Yawgamoth's will?  Heh.  Force of Will?  Heh.  A Feinstein craves not these things."

My path was chosen.

So I wake up the next day and conveniently forget to pick up Angelo.  This had absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that there was an open bar and he had no deck.  I'm sure Angelo would have behaved and just quietly sat there all day.  I can't believe I 'forgot' to pick him up.  He only got thrown out (and snuck back in) to a PTQ for public Drunken-ness once.  Everyone deserves a second chance at an open bar tournament.  What was I thinking.

After driving 80+ the whole way I barrel-ass into the elks lodge and cruise by Hatchman.  I walk into the tournament and suddenly those damn voices in my head start up.  Now I'm definitely not a normal person, but I've never had mental troubles.  Only recently have voices started echoing throughout my head.  They only talk during magic tourneys.  Type 1 tourneys to be exact.  They always say the same thing, over and over again:

"...To Dave Feinstein!"

I wonder if maybe it's not voices in my head.  Then I think to myself, who in their right mind would ever celebrate me?  It must be the voices in my head.  So I meet up with Shaytog and StrongSad.  Shaytog is playing control slaver.  StrongSad is playing workshop.  So far no surprises.  I look around the room to see what other T1 all-stars showed up and sadly neither Big nor 'lil Smemenen are in attendance.  I shed a tear and decide to move on with my life.
Notables who showed up included Outlaw, Jason Zheng, Null Rob, Travis, and last but not certainly least: Gary and Gary's Girlfriend. 80 people even showed up. I saw endless fields of workshops... they were harvesting fish, using them as batteries.  The poor little fishies were horribly outnumbered and had very little control in the room to feed off.  If workshop are the machines and fish are the humans,
GR beats is Neo :-p

Without further ado, here is Teh one:

WhydoIkeepplayingthisawfultie r5deck.dec
4 KIRD APE. 
4 Hidden Gibbons
4 Grim Lavamancer
4 Lightning Bolt
3 Gorilla Shaman
4 River boa
4 Hearth Kami
3 Incinerate
3 Null Rod
3 Artifact Mutation
1 Mox Ruby
1 Mox Emerald
1 Black Lotus

5 Mountain
4 Forest
4 Tagia
4 Wooded Foothills
3 Wasteland
1 Strip Mine
 
sideboard:

3 pyrostatic pillar
3 red elemental blast
4 naturalize
1 incinerate
1 null rod
3 rack and ruin

I made basically no changes since the last time.  I tried to keep this thing as mainstream as possible beause even with the glut of shop and fishies, there was still a smattering of oath, combo and control slaver.  I'm going to keep match coverage short and sweet because all of my games were fairly straightforward.

Rd 1: Gary's Girlfriend: 2 Land Belcher =/
I beat Jessica at Waterbury only because she misplayed with a tinder wall.  She sat down looking for revenge and I had a feeling she'd get it.  Game 1 she belches me to 1 and then I stabalize.  The turn before I kill her she tendrils my head in.  Game 2 she turn 1 kills me.  Very exciting and skillful match. 
0-1

Rd 2: Sata- I mean Andrew Stokinger: Affinity?!
I have absolutely no problem with Andy inside of a match.  He genuinely tries to have fun and is pleasant to play against.  My thoughts on Andy outside of a match and what his minions are doing to the state of trading... I'll keep those to myself.  Let's just say that right before this match I tried trading with one of his agents, who apparently forgot his bling that he always wears to pre-releases.  Every time we were about to finalize a trade, he'd try and add another card into the deal saying "C'mon man.  I got kids to feed."  Watching the control slaver mirror is less painful than this trade was.

Game 1: He kicks my head in while i'm stuck on 1 land.
Game 2: I kick his head in while he's stuck on one land.
Game 3: We both draw lands and actually have a game.  He leads with artifact land and sphere.  Turn 2 he drops Academy, taps 3 mana to drop forgmite and passes the turn.  I give him a really funny look, so he looks down at frogmite and asks for the takeback.  I let him have it so instead of 1 froggy and him being at 18, he's now at 20 with 2 froggies and a disciple.  Frowns.  I waste the academy and have a ruby and taiga on my side.  I pass the turn.  He swings with his frogs and when the dust settles, both frogs are down and I have 2 surviving insect tokens. Once I dropped the kird ape it was all ova!
1-1

Round 3: Steve Bakes.  I beat Steve in the first rd of top 8 at Hatch's last tourney, but that was through alot of luck.  I knew he was playing combo yet again, but the type he was playing threw me for a loop...
Game 1 we both start off slow and he therapies alot.  I start to stabalize but out of the frigging blue he drops future sight, top and helm of awakening.  Meh.  I board in all of my sensei sensei hate, as this match becomes ridiculously good for me post board.  I have a nice starting beats hand and lead with the almighty kird ape.  He goes first turn oath of druids and I frown... alot.  I drop river boa and send.   He then asks if River Boa can block again after it regens, puzzled by his comment I layout the entire scenario of what happens if he 'theoretically' oaths out a colossus and sends.  I explained to him how trample damage and assignmkent works and even told him to assign 1 to the boa and 10 to me.  I could have easily used the force and in the immortal words of JJ Stors, "mindtricked" him, but I am not a dark jedi.  1-2 DROP.  I wish Steve good luck and decde to mope around for a bit.

Yes, I dropped from the main event.  Yes, I still mised a library from the event.  I'm getting there.  You must hear me babble more before I get to that.  Mwahaha.

So I watch the main event unfold for a while.  Strong Sa- I mean Mike Lydon is cruising to the top of the standings.  Despite casting chalice for 0 while holding moxen, Mike Lydon is an unstoppable juggernaut.  The funny thing is he locked himself against JuggernautGo and still didn't miss a beat.  You're such a sack Lydon :p  Mike eventually becomes 5-0 and gets paired down.  He is upset that he has to play even though he's guaranteed for top 8 at this point.  I offer him a box of tissues and then start to walk away, but a magical thing happens.  The small child he gets paired down against leads with a kird ape, and I quckly run back to the table.  Mike is happy I'm back.  I then inform him that I'm rooting for the small child (because he's running GR beats, not because he's a small child.  Although I do like small children).  Mike threatens to hang himself if I don't get my frown on and support him.  I simply look on as Mike battles Hidden Gibbons, Lightning bolts... Genju of the spires and viashino heretic?  I guess I'm missing out on some tech.
The two combatants have a very close match, but the evil titan known as mike Lydon is the victor and knocks the last GR beat deck in the room out of contention.  You will pay Lydon... you will pay.

So while the main event reaches top 8, somewhere in here I joined a 16 person side tourney for a library of alexandria and play some rounds.  I use the exact same list I used in the main except I swapped out an artifact mutation for a null rod and ditched the rack and ruins for blood moons.  All of the shops were still slugging it out in the main event so I figured the side tourney would be inundated with control decks. 

RD 1: TJ- He was a nice guy.  Before we could start this match, those damn voices in my head start up again and all I hear is "...To Dave Feinstein!"  I must have blacked out for 30 seconds or something, because I had visions of an entire table doing a toast and crashing their plastic mugs up against each other saying this phrase over and over again.  I snap back to reality and play game 1: I can't tell if he's fish or landstill.  I see tundra and a standstill.  I play no more spells and a gibbons goes all the way. Game 2: I lead with a kird ape and pass.  He untaps, draws, and those damn voices in my head pop up yet again.  The sad realization that they aren't voices becomes clear when I turn to my left and watch in horror as 10 people say: "... To Dave Feinstein!"
This scares me.  Alot.  Why did you have to take a perfectly good SNL skit and turn it into me?  I'm shit.  Don't celebrate me.  Maybe if I win the t1 world championships with GR beats (that would make me immortal), then you can celebrate me.  Until then, shut the hell up!  At this point TJ asks me what my name is.  I tell him my name is Dave Feinstein to which he replies (keep in mind there's a taiga and a kird ape on the board):
"Are you the Dave Feinstein who plays GR beats?"  I realize he's not joking when he asks that question.  I become frightened and quietly reply yes.  He doesn't draw a white source for the balance and a winner is me.
1-0

RD 2: MIXING MICHAEL= Sensei Sensei
I know I've already won this match when Mixing Mike sits down without his stylish tournament hat.  I like Mixing Mike alot, he's a good guy... but without that hat, he's deader than disco.  G1: I drop a very early null rod and there's just no way out for him.  I board into my anti sensei deck and keep a random mutation or two in if he decides to be cute and huck a colossous at me from out of nowhere.  G2: I keep a very disruption light and and he combos with no trouble.  G3: I lead with gibbons and he activates it.  He drops top and sight.  I naturalize and he counters it.  I rip another naturalize and luckily it resolves.  Had it not he was comboing off as soon as he untapped.  If only he had his hat...
2-0

RD3: Steve /w Mono BLue!
I don't have a clue what he's playing, as I didn't even see him in the room until this point.  The first thing he says is "If you're playing Gr beats then I'm in trouble."  I peg him for fish.
G1: I lead with gibbons and he frowns.  His first non counter play is an ophidian and about 5 minutes later we sign the match slip.  He was a very gracious opponent.  Both he and his wife were in the side tournament.  If he had a second mana source for the chalice he had game 2 then I would have been in serious trouble.  I wished Steve good luck.

RD4: Alex O'Connell- FCG
I want to draw into top 4 but we're unable to because it's double elimination.  Alex was going to concede but changed his mind and we played it out for fun.  This is not the first time Alex would say one thing and do another...

G1 and and G2: He kicks the ever loving shit out of me.  This matchup is by no means stellar but I drew absolutely horrid, even for this deck's standards, but he says he hopes to see me in the finals so we can split.  That's nice of him to say.  I look forward to trying to making finals and splitting with him.  Because clearly he'd split with me since he agreed to.  Why would anyone ever go back on their word.  Aren't all magic players nice people not motivated by money?  Oh look I'm ranting and foreshadowing.  I'll get back to this rant later...

Despite losing I know I'm in top 4.  I mosey back over to the main event and the top 4 is pretty strong with Null Rob Vs. Outlaw and Shaytog vs. Mike Lydon.  I sit down and suddenly feel like I'm on the set of Oprah.  Rich is Oprah (there's a visual), I'm Dr. Phil and Mike is one of the random Soccer moms that drowns the set in tears because she can't get Timmy to the game on time due to her hair appointment and her no good husband won't take poor Timmy to the game.  Poor lil' Soccer Mom threatens a divorce and Dr. Phil has to play Superman while Oprah randomly claps every 2 minutes and offers the soccer mom a free copy of the Beloved DVD.  That's how I felt here.

Mike basically bitches and moans non-stop for 5 minutes about how he had to get paired up against Rich and can't win the match...and he can only win 200 guaranteed dollars instead of 400... blah blah blah blah blah.  Rich informs him he hasn't lost yet, Mike insists he has.  I offer Mike a razorblade to slit his wrists with and instruct him to slice across the street, not down the highway.  I figure if Dr. Phil were here, he'd offer the same thing.


Top 4: Phil (not dr. Phil) /w tog
Top 4 is Steve's wife with oath, Alex with FCG and Phil with Tog.  All 3 are not good matchups.  Then again, I'm GR beats... so what the hell is a good matchup these days besides fishies?  Game 1 is one of the best games of type one Ive ever had.  He leadw with an early tog and I have ape + mancer.  We both waste each other's lands and start swinging away.  for 2 turns my ape is only a 1/1 so he's actually going to win the race at this point.  He stalls on lands and I draw a taiga.  I drop a gibbons and a g shaman.  He's relentlessly plugging away with tog getting me in lethal range.  Soon enough I'm at 14 and he has exactly enough cards to do 14 damage.  I start on chump block duty and untap.  His only land is Underground sea and his only other maan source is a mox pearl.  I want him to activate my gibbons so I drop a null rod hoping he counters it.  He stares down directly at my gibbons, thinks for a moment then FOW's it.  I'm instantly puzzled at this because I now have lethal on the board.  I mull the situation over for a bit and conclude that he's actually playing with swords to plowshares.  either that or he's doing a hell of a job jedi mind tricking me.  I swing with gibbons and some friends and sure enough he has the damn plow.  The life gain was extremely key for me and I could have swung in with the entire team but I keep a grim lavamancer back since despite the life gain he's still potentially lethal if he's able to draw 3 or more cards on his turn.  He actually has another plow for the mancer but is just short on damage (due to the life gain) and I pull out a ridiculously close game.
Game 2 is very anticlimactic as I lead with gibbons + ape and his only out is to draw a white source for the balance in his hand.  He doesn't and I win.  Phil took the loss well.

Finals: alex O'Connell with FCG- I asked alex if he wanted to sell the Library back to the store but he then says he'd like to play it out.  He obviously feels the match is in his favor enough where risking the guranteed split is worth it.  This angers me since he is going against what he told me he would do pre-top 4.  I'm not friends with Alex but we know/respect each other so I expected him to hold up his word and split.  I offer him a last chance split that is even in his favor but he declines so I turn into evil Memnarch.

G1: Before we start the game he suddenly takes cards from his deck ande switches them with his board.  I'm aware that his version of FCG runs 3 REB's main and as soon as he presents I ask the judge to make sure he didn't cheat me pre-board.  I normally would give any t1 player the benefit of the doubt but I'm severly pissed off and he genuinely looked like he was trying to run the cheats on me.  The REB's are in fact in his main and he gets offended, which is just fine by me.  He parises to 5 on the play and I get some early pressure.  He ringleaders out of it and drops a warchief.  I  bolt the chief and he drops another one.  My only offense is river boa.  A few turns later he drops goblin sharpshooter and I have another bolt in my hand.  "Might as well make you bolt the chief" he says.  Bolting the chief here would be just flat out incorrect, because he would still have the sharpshooter active next turn and then just mo down my team unless I TD another burn spell.  I shrug and say it resolves.  He smiles and the first thing he pings is some 1/1 that isn't my river boa.  I have no green mana open and as soon as he announces the non-river boa target I flash the bolt at the sharpshooter.  He's visibly shocked and starts muttering to himself about his misplay.  Unfortunately he powers out a few turns later with kiki + siege gang and that's all she wrote. 

At this point the main event is over. Rich got his 40 duals.  Mike got his $200 and somehow didn't have to be rushed to a hospital.  Hatchman and Dave were ready to go but had to wait for us.  They hover over to us.  I didn't have much of a board for FCG so I actually brought in pillars.  Game 2: I lead with ape/pillar and just decimate him.  At this point I ask dave how much more time we have before we get kicked out.  He informs us that we were all supposed to be out of here 30 minutes ago and he already lost $140 just because he had to stay open for us.  I really like Dave and Hatchman.  I feel absolutely terrible that they spent an extra $140 to wait for us.  Dave offers $150 straight up just so we can all go home, even though he already lost the money.  Before we present for game 3 I say "You know I was willing to split and call it a night."  They look over to Alex and he stops to think.  I basically made him look like a total asshole, which was my intent.  To seal the deal, I offer to split the library slightly in his favor with me getting the free entrance fee.  He agrees and that's that.  Yeah I know, I didn't actually win the library.  I liesz0rd.  Splitting is close enough.

So ends my journey.  Hatchman and Dave again put on a great tourney.  Congrats to Shaytog on winning.  Congrats to Mike on not killing himself, I know only winning $200 can be tough.  I probably came off as very harsh at parts in this report, but I didn't feel like candy coatng stuff this time so I hope I didn't piss off too many people.  To those who I didn't piss off, I hope you enjoyed the report :p

- Dave Feinstein

 

       
 

[Machinus]

Thanks for another very entertaining report. I'm not sure how I feel about R/G popping up at my tournaments. I fear the kird ape.

[alban]

nice report, fun to read 

To Dave Feinstein!   

[Kowal]

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!

You know, Dave Feinstein invented Kird Ape in 1973.

[49 Cents]

A hell of a entertaining report. Congratz!

[Luiggi]

I think I nearly pissed myself laughing when I read "I saw endless fields of workshops... they were harvesting fish, using them as batteries.  The poor little fishies were horribly outnumbered and had very little control in the room to feed off.  If workshop are the machines and fish are the humans, GR beats is Neo :-p", !

Congrats on your continued success with the deck! Are you gonna get some foil Kird Apes when 9th comes out?

Luiggi

[Outlaw]

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!

Did you know... Dave feinstein created and destroyed the universe 11 times till he got it to where he visioned?

[Mixing Mike]

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!

Did you know that Dave Feinstein invented the Fez and winning?

[[supa_t(im)]]

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!!

Even though I don't know you and you don't know me, I always love it when G/R does well, and you are the man.

How has hearth kami been working?  Would you always MD him, or only in a large field of workshops?

Great report.

[Null Rob]

Well...I don't really want to rip off everyone else who posted on this thread so far, so I promise I won't say TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!!!....dammit.  Dave congrats on another excellent finish with G/R beatz and thanks for another hilarious tournament report.   See you at the next one!  Go-go lightning bolts!

did you know that Dave Feinstein invented team Meandeck while still in the womb, and, before leaving his own team to swing with Kird Apes, handed the reins over to his twin brother....Smmemnarch?!?!?!

[food-chain-fan]

"Notables who showed up included Outlaw, Jason Zheng, Null Rob, Travis, and last but not certainly least: Gary and Gary's Girlfriend."

Even after I helped you find your sideboard I'm not a notable mention. That makes me sad.
Good Job. To Dave Feinstein, who invented IMAX theaters.

[Mastaq]

Nice report Dave. Only wish I could have gone to a t1 venue with a bar. That would have owned.

EDIT: Hatch I want another tourny with a BAR!!   

EDIT: TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!!
Did you know Dave is my generous benefactor who fuels my drunken escapades? 

[Nantuko Rice]

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!

Even though I don't know this joke nor watch SNL.

I basically went 0-2 and then decided to play two more rounds for fun. Round 1 I got a$s-raped by Ankh Sligh. I wish I could write entertaining reports like you 

[Klep]

Dave Feinstein would eat a homeless man if you dared him!

Nice work

EDIT: He might do it anyway.

EDIT EDIT: TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!!

[[FtN|FH] Negator]

Cool report!
Congratulations.

[Juggernaut GO]

Im playing RG beats at the next tournament i play in, it will include monkey cage however bitches.

[Meddling Mike]

So I watch the main event unfold for a while.  Strong Sa- I mean Mike Lydon is cruising to the top of the standings.  Despite casting chalice for 0 while holding moxen, Mike Lydon is an unstoppable juggernaut.  The funny thing is he locked himself against JuggernautGo and still didn't miss a beat.  You're such a sack Lydon :p  Mike eventually becomes 5-0 and gets paired down.  He is upset that he has to play even though he's guaranteed for top 8 at this point.  I offer him a box of tissues and then start to walk away, but a magical thing happens.  The small child he gets paired down against leads with a kird ape, and I quckly run back to the table.  Mike is happy I'm back.  I then inform him that I'm rooting for the small child (because he's running GR beats, not because he's a small child.  Although I do like small children).  Mike threatens to hang himself if I don't get my frown on and support him.  I simply look on as Mike battles Hidden Gibbons, Lightning bolts... Genju of the spires and viashino heretic?  I guess I'm missing out on some tech.
The two combatants have a very close match, but the evil titan known as mike Lydon is the victor and knocks the last GR beat deck in the room out of contention.  You will pay Lydon... you will pay.

I didn't actually have moxen in hand at the time I cast the chalice, I misplayed by not casting ancestral before dropping chalice for 0, but luckily brainstorm fetch allowed me to move along the dead cards in hand. I never actually saw Genju of the spires NO idea how I pulled out that match half his deck was hate for shop usually reserved only for sideboards with viashino heretics, artifact mutations, rack and ruins, gorilla shamen, naturalize, the list goes on and on.

[Demonic Attorney]

You know, Dave Feinstein invented Kird Ape in 1973.

Did you know that a Kird Ape gave birth to Dave Feinstein after being artificially inseminated by a savage buffalo?



...


...


wait for it...




TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!

Best.  Type One.  In-joke.  Evar.

[Whatever Works]

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN: (I dont know every1 else did it?)

Congrats on winning. I was in that tournement, and ended up 3-1 and some how didnt advance??? Kind of odd for a double loss elim tourney eh??? The tourney runner screwed it up and I was the odd man out I guess because I lost my first round which gave me the worst tiebreaks. This makes absolutly no sense however, because considering every person I beat the rest of the way is auto eliminated there is no possibly way for me to improve my tiebreakers. Though unfortunete I got a refund, but I still am upset that I never got the oppertunity to play you. Though you would probably of whiped the floor with CS, because for the short glance I had at your sideboard I just wanted to cry inside knowing that my 4 sideboarded Pyroclasms may not have been enough.

Hopfully see you at the Mykatog Tourney,

Kyle L.

[Luiggi]

Speaking on behalf of the many fine folks who enjoy the "TO FEINSTEIN" joke without actually understanding it, would someone please shed some light on us heathens? .

Luiggi

[Dxfiler]

Thanks for all of the feedback again.  I enjoy spending the time on these reports just to see how people react.  I'm always pleasantly surprised with the results. 

To Luiggi:
According to Demonic Attorney (Demonic Attorney), After SCG Rochester ended he, along with Brass Man and Kowal, were bored and out of their minds on the way back home. This resulted them in losing their minds.  According to various sources, for FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT every sentence  started with "Did you know Dave Feinstein..." and ended with "... To Dave Feinstein!"
I was not in this car.  I am very happy that I was was not this car.  Sadly, the legacy of that car ride lives on today and be heard in practically every Southern New England tournament I go to.  I also heard through the grapevine that other aftermath of this car ride resulted in the IRC channel being flooded with "To Dave Feinstein!", which may result in that channel getting a filter.  That is too funny to miss and I think I'm going to have to log onto IRC sometime (I am not the "Dave Feinstein" logged on IRC.  That is someone with too much time on their hands.  I am Dxfiler).


To Travis: I am interested to see how you perform with the deck.  Let me know the next tournament you'll be at.  Please don't run monkey cage, I want to see you do well.

If you or someone you know is running monkey cages, please intervene.  Friends don't let friends play with monkey cages.  Or Green Red beats.

- Dave Feinstein
 

[The Atog Lord]

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!

Excellent report Dave.

Did you know that Dave Feistein is both Dr Phil and Opera? His highest ratings involved the show where he interviewed a Kird Ape.

[kirdape3]

Wait, he so hasn't done me yet.

If you're going to play bad cards in R/G, play something awesome and awe-inspiring.  You know, Deranged Hermit and the like.

Gnawed to death.  What a terrible way to go.

[LordHomerCat]

I believe the "To DAVE FEINSTEIN" thing comes from an SNL(?) skit, where a group of guys were sitting around talking about the 'accomplishments' of someone named Bill Brasky.  Here's a short description from Will Ferrel's site http://planetwill.jt.org/media/characters/brasky.html:

"The "Brasky Bunch" (as many like to call them) appeared on SNL just a few times, but have developed quite a cult following. They haven't appeared since the end of the '96-'97 season and if you're one of those people who falls asleep after Weekend Update, you've probably never seen them.

So, for those of you that don't know who they are...These guys all sit around in a bar and drunkenly shout out things about a mutual friend of theirs: Bill Brasky. Many of the comments they say are not to be believed and as the sketch progresses the comments get more outlandish.

The only people left on the show from the "Bunch" are Will Ferrell and Tim Meadows who often joined in from another table with a comment like, "Hey! Are you guys talking about Bill Brasky? I know Bill Brasky, too!""

Some examples can be found on that same page.

Oh ya, always an entertaining report, kird ape is pretty awesome.  Too bad that other kid with RG beats didnt make the top 4.

[The Atog Lord]

Did I ever tell you about the time Dave and I got some burgers? All the local places were closed, so Dave directs me to a nearby slaughterhouse. And he proceeds to eat the entire thing. His toilet became clogged with animal bones and rusty nails, and it hasn't flushed since.

Dave Feinstein never gets lost in his home state because he has a life-sized map of Rhode Island tattooed on the back of his head.

Dave Feinstein once passed Fireball in a draft. And then did it again in another draft.

Leading scientists predict that by the year 2042, Dave Feinstein will own all the dice in the world.

[Jacob Orlove]

Dave Feinstein once passed Fireball in a draft. And then did it again in another draft.

That's nothing. Dave Feinstein once opened a Fireball AND a foil Fireball in the same pack. And then drafted them both. And then dropped to enter his two-card fireball deck in the T1 event. And then won a mox.

[Demonic Attorney]

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN

[Law]

Its always good to see a R/G deck do well. I still need to finish mine but it is already doing well in my area.

[NWI Team_Zilla]

To Dave Feinstein, the guy that has probably has 30 dead kird apes in his closet that talk to him.


If Massachusetts creates a law for people to marry cards named Kird Ape, can I be at the wedding?

Ohh, and I dare you to eat a homeless guy, I hear the taste like Kentucky Fried Chicken.

[Disburden]

I never met Dave Feinstein, but I heard many legends of how he threw Darth Sidius into a pit, brought balance to the force, and all with ONE HAND!!!

TO DAVE FEINSTEIN!!!!