[Forsythe Article] Cards That Will Never Be

[Bardo]

Link.

We had a long discussion in R&D about whether or not Humble could be used as removal if Night of Soul's Betrayal was in play. I don't think it can (ask Carter), so I made up this card:

Night of Humble's Betrayal
3WBB
Legendary Enchantment
Continuous effects that would be applied in layer 6 as described in rule 418.5a are applied in layer 4 instead.

(and)

Greedzor, Invitational Submission
1U
Legendary Creature – Human Wizard
1/3
U, T: Draw three cards. Play this ability only if you are better at Magic than your opponent.

__

These are quite brilliant.

I find the Card Creation Forum too intimidating to casually peruse, but are there any cards there that fit this theme? Or any other creative cards you have created?

[Revvik]

Those two cards are hilarious.
The first one confuses me because of the intense delving into the rules involved.  And the second one measures a quality that is both immeasurable and (mostly) opinion-based.

Pretty cool, though.

[Bardo]

The first one confuses me because of the intense delving into the rules involved. And the second one measures a quality that is both immeasurable and (mostly) opinion-based.

It's humor. You're not supposed to take them seriously.

[Matt]

I find the Card Creation Forum too intimidating to casually peruse, but are there any cards there that fit this theme? Or any other creative cards you have created?

No, we decided a long time ago that we would focus exclusively on serious cards. We don't do "Un-" cards, so we certainly don't do these kind.

[Revvik]

The first one confuses me because of the intense delving into the rules involved. And the second one measures a quality that is both immeasurable and (mostly) opinion-based.

It's humor. You're not supposed to take them seriously.

Ha that would be why I labelled them as 'hilarious.'  Those were just the reasons why.

I could see the massive arguments spawned by the second card by egotistical Magic players, though, if someone were to be blind drunk enough to let it see print.

[dandan]

I was sooooooooooooo disappointed by the article. With that title, I thought we would get to see some 'gems' of R&D that development strangled at birth. Seeing and understanding cards that are deemed to be broken would have given us more insight into exactly where the limits of playability are.

[Bardo]

When my friends and I first started playing MtG we came up with the following cards, most being inspired by my first entry:

Chronic Vale (aka 'Vale of the Purple Nuggets' aka 'Stoner's Vale')
Legendary Land
T: Add one mana of any color to your mana pool. If Chronic Vale is tapped for mana, take a hit from target bong; opponent gains control of Chronic Vale at the end of the turn.
"Dude, this Richard Kane Ferguson art is so fucking awesome..."

After tapping this land for Blue mana a few times, I came up with this one after activating a Jester's Cap:

Jester's Pawnshop
Artifact
casting cost: 3
3, T: Sacrifice Jester's Pawnshop to search target player's library. If you find a card you want, you may make a trade offer for the card using cards you own from outside the current game. If that player accepts the trade, exchange ownership of the cards permanently, and you may shuffle your new card into your library.

It's a little wordy and the templating could use some work, but you get the idea.

The next was inspired by several friends' love of Frank Zappa:

Balduvian Philistine
Human Barbarian
casting cost: UW
power/toughness: 2/2
U, T: Replace target cd that sucks in nearby cd player with one that doesn't suck.
"I mean, sure, Jazz from Hell was pretty good, but what the hell is this crap?

Ashnod's HoneyBucket*
Artifact
casting cost: 5
4, T: Sacrifice Ashnod's HoneyBucket to defecate on target player's library.
"Well now you know how I feel about 'Control Magic'."

It combos nicely with [card]Goblin Welder[/card] in a multiplayer setting, if you have strong colo-rectal control.

Gamer's Revenge
Enchantment
casting cost: 2U
Bob is such a flaming asshole.

This would be considered 'high concept' by today's standards. 'Gamer's Revenge' was actually a part of a cycle of cards that were based on real world observations. Other gems in the cycle included cards with the following 'rules text': "Mike's sister is really hot and I even find her lisp cute when I'm drunk," to "I honestly doubt Chris will ever lose his virginity," and "This is the best damn donut I've ever tasted!"


This flavor of geek humor no longer appeals to me, but I felt compelled to share.

Who else has come up with cards like these?


* HoneyBucket is a brand of porta-potty here in the Pacific Northwest (and elsewhere?)

[Ephraim]

I really like Jester's Pawnshop. Granted, it's an UN card through and through, but I could see them printing something like that in Unleashed (my guess for the title of the third UN set.) Collector Protector, in Unhinged, already allows you to give cards to an opponent. It would be awesome if Unleashed introduces a minor card-trading subtheme.

[Petey4335]

Back in my early days of magic (about '95 or '96) I remember seeing a few around on usenet like:

Table 
Taping table does not cause table to tap
Table: annoy target opponent

Keg
, Sacrifice Keg: Tap all Soldiers and Knights

I remember about that time in either Inquest or Scrye had a card contest for such things.  I just wish I could find a copy of this one which included a great pic:

Baby In a Blender
Play Baby In a Blender to scare the living bejusus out of target opponent. (or something along that line)