It's been a while since I've done a report, but I wouldn't do one unless I had a respectable finish. Getting respectable finishes with the deck I play can be challenging. Since the last Waterbury, where I got tooled on playing control slaver (Don't ever accept Kool Aid from Atogs), I had come to my senses and decided to stick with what I know: Bad Budget Green Decks. I figured why the hell not. It's been succesful for me in the past, plus it's a High quality fully powered... oh who am I kidding. I played the deck because I own no power and love seeing the look on people's faces when I drop turn 1 kird ape.
Now the trick to playing this deck is realizing that in order for it to be competitive, it needs to constantly adapt. Green/Red is a metagame deck and if you don't have the right version then you're going to get owned. Even if you do have the right version, YOU'RE PROBABLY STILL GOING TO GET OWNED. With that said, I spent countless minutes the night before Waterbury trying to 'optimize' the deck I've always loved. While mulling over my very burn heavy list, it dawned on me that the burn wasn't necessary. It's really only good against decks you beat already. And there are many decks that GR beats has a great matchup against. And by many I mean one. Fish. While mulling over how to make the deck more competitive, I recalled memories of a year ago where I piloted ostompy to a top 8 at Waterbury. I missed that. It was such a fun deck and had good game against at what the time was a very control/combo oriented field. A year later... nothing has changed. The same decks that were on top last year are pretty much still kicking around. So why not just run ostompy again? It doesn't have kird apes. So I toiled over what I could do to solve this problem. After several hours of meditation at a zoo, it dawned on me-
ADD KIRD APES.
This revelation could have world changing implications. Stompy featuring Kird ape? It's a match made in heaven. The problem was finding something to cut. I dug up my year old stompy list and mulled over the possibilites. The majority of the cards I ran in that list have found their home all future lists and I am used to playing with them, so this cut would be a painful one. I called up that annoying red headed english hag who used to do this television show that I forgot the name of, then gently nudged my beloved card to the phone.
The last thing my Hidden Gibbons heard was "You are the weakest link... Goodbye! Please let me back on the air I really need the mon-"
I then hung up the phone. I couldn't look my Gibbons in the eye after giving them the news. I had to get rid of them for their own good. The format was just too different for them now. Rather than tell my Gibbons they weren't fit for this world, I covered them in a paper bag and flushed them down the toilet. Hidden Gibbons, I will miss thee.
So now that I had kird apes in the deck, I noticed that I used to run oxidizes in mono green. Artifact mutations are just plain better, so that swap was made as well. Other than that, everything else from a year ago and this weekend was practically the same. This is what I ran:
APE SHIT (A.K.A. "Meandeck Stompy," "Meandeck Ape Shit," and "The Worst deck in the world" Alternate titles brought to you by various individuals at Waterbury. Disclaimer: I am not on, nor will I ever be on Team Meandeck. I am on Team Feinstein. Team Feinstein is just me. It gets lonely sometimes.)
4 KIRD APE. BIATCH.
4 Basking Rootwalla
4 Wild mongrel
4 Elvish Spirit Guide
4 Arrogant Wurm
4 River Boa
4 Squee, Goblin Naboob
3 Root Maze
3 Null Rod (Kowala Bear walked over as I was filling out the decklist and gave me a drink. I think it may have been'special' Kool Aid.)
2 Artifact Mutation
1 Black Lotus
1 Mox Emerald
1 Mox Ruby
4 Wooded Foothills
4 Tagia
3 Wasteland
1 Strip Mine
1 Mountain
4 Forest
4 Baazar of baghdad
SB:
1 Null Rod (When the effects of the 'special' Kool Aid started to wear off, I was able to add this at the last minute. Take that Kowala Bear.)
1 Root Maze
3 Naturalize
3 Red Elemental Blast
4 Pyrostatic Pillar
3 Rack And Ruin
As Sean Connery would say, "The trap ish shet and the game ish on." 186 people total were playing. I showed up with my trusty drunk mexican in tow and we arrive just tin time. I would have loved to stay the night before, and was even invited to stay in a room with someone, but that someone then took off without any word or warning after inviting me. This individual will go un-named. I bear no ill-will toward this individual for inviting me to stay with him and then completely running away like a little ninny without me. Only a conniving, evil, MEDDLING MAGE woud and could do such a thing. So I say hello to the usual names and faces. Many T1 celebrities are here. A few un-named celebrities even walked up to me and laughed. "Look at the big scary Kird ape man." Then they did a dance. This dance should be OUTLAWED. Only an ASS MAN or a KOWALA BEAR would do such a dance. Yuck it up fuzzballs, my Kird Apes are coming for you.
Rd 1: John? /w Mono Blue Budget deck
John was very friendly. He seemed very relaxed and was clearly there just to have a good time. I admire that characteristic in a player more than anything else. John didn't get to do much in our matches. He played an arcane denial in game one and that was about it. Game 2 he again didn't really get to do anything. The turn before I killed him he attempted to play land number 6 and drop Mahomoti Djinn, but I quickly pointed to the root maze and he frowned. Had the Moti actually gotten out it would have been interesting to see if I could have finished him off, since I actually run no burn in this version and he could have potentially came back. I checked back with John sporadically throughout the day. He was a really nice guy.
1-0
Rd 2: Forgot name /w burn
Again another very friendly opponent. I completely forgot his name and wish I had written it down. These games ended up being very uneventful due to him only drawning 3 lands combined in both games. Both times he had a fistful of burn and it just didn't pan out.
Rd 3: Liz /w MEANDECK GIFTS
Game 1: I come out swinging with Tagia + Kird Ape. Turn 2 is maze + wasteland. Not in that order. She can't seem to draw anything and the turn before she plans to have a giant yawgmoth's will I drop the null rod. That was that.
Game 2: I draw an assload of cards off bazaar very early due to trip squees off the bat. I have pressure on while doing this and she apparently can't draw anything again.
3-0
Round 4- Labcoat Jared with fish
Labcoat Jared was a pretty nice guy. I saw him get feature matched and then subsequently destroy a certain Kowala Bear in Round 3. Kowal, I mean Kowala Bear, lost so fast that I didn't even know what Jared was playing. He belonged to a team of pretty nice guys whom I would speak with throughout the day. They all wore white labcoats with the slogan "We tap your mom's mana drain." Charming.
Game 1: I'm on the play and go with the best play in type 1. If I have to tell you what that is by now then you should stop reading. After I drop the kird ape He frowns. There's only one deck in the entire format that would frown at a turn 1 kird ape. I say aloud, "Fish?" and his nod of the head confirms it. His turn 1 brings nothing and my turn two also brings nothing. His turn two is where things heat up. He taps 2 for cloud of fairies, untaps and re-taps for cloud of fairies, untaps and re-taps again for cloud of fairies, UNTAPS AND RE-TAPS AGAIN for spiketail hatchling. Good Grief. With that kind of start I know I'm in trouble. I do everything I can to try and pwoer out of it, drawing many cards with Bazaar. One rootwalla or wurm will win the race as I do one final dig at the end of his turn with no cards in his hand, but I cannot find either and lose a close one.
Game 2: I do what I'm supposed to do and tap his mana drain up, down and sideways. That sounded dirty.
Game 3: he mulligans and I keep a slow baazar hand that had plenty of discard outlets but no early threats. I get only one use out of it as he has the waste and suddenly I'm under the gun from double fairies and a spiketail. With a spiketail on the board I tap out to cast Arrogant wurm and patiently wait for him to sac the damn spiketail. He thinks about it, looks down at it, then looks up at me and says "I wonder if you have elvish spirit guide in hand." He then pitches his only 2 cards to FOW it and I stare longingly at my ESG wondering why I'm not 4-0. I never lose to fish. Ever. :p Oh well. Labcoat Jared was a very friendly guy and I knew he was going to be good for my tiebreaks. So I wished him luck and moved on.
3-1
As I mull around the lobby I run into Outlaw and Kowal. Outlaw is 3-1 and Kowal is 1-3. Kowal then laughs at me. Alot.
Strange, strange little man that Kowal be.
They announce round 4 and I walk over to see my pairing. I notice I'm at table 25 and my opponent is Justin Guarini. Or Timberlake. Something like that. Vaguely familiar but I didn't pay much attention to it. So as I walk over to the always extremely crowded tables I hear "The feature match for round 4 is Justin A.K.A. Outlaw..." <Crowd cheers> versus and I swear he actually announced this word for word "The creator of all type 1 David Feinstein." Good God. To make matters worse after Ray announced my name you could hear a pin drop. Whose bright idea was it to feature match ME?! :p
Round 5: OUTLAW /w gifts slaver
The match starts with exactly 2 spectators. They have this nice little feature match table with green felt and an actual camera. They ask us to write our names on the board with the sharpie so he writes outlaw and I write, as large as I possibly can, KIRD APE. More spectators join.
Game 1: I come out swinging and he patiently builds up resrouces. He's countering the right things and I'm forced to just keep swinging with kird ape and rootwalla. The key turn comes when he tinkers for pentavus. Having already gone through a bucketload of counters and only 1 blue mana source open, I have the mutation and go for it. He responds with brainstorm. He has 4 cards BEFORE the brainstorm so I'm just waiting to see what he pitches to FOW. He thinks intently for a few moments... then frowns! Artifact mutation resolves! RIDE YOU LIKE A DONK-AY! :-p
Game 2: I have a great start with land/mox emerald/null rod on turn 1 after he just dropped a boatload of mana accelarators. To outlaw's credit, he doesn't flinch one bit and drops welder. Cards start to be drawn and mox monkey comes out to play. The monkey just sits there for a very long while and Outlaw continuously builds up cards to make a grand turn. The problem with this is why he's building up cards, so am I. Bazaar is doing wonders for me and I have plenty of answers for him when he does his big turn. Obviously the first thing he does is destroy my mox and then weld out my rod for it. Here's the not so bovious part:
Why wasn't this done earlier? :p He shakes his head when he does it and that one misplay arguably cost him the match. Had he destroyed the mox several turns earlier he would have had at least 3 more mana available to him every turn subsequent to that, but because this wasn't done when he tried to go off I had what I needed to have. Pentavus was on the board and in response to him welding I naturalize it. He can't make any guys. After this sequence penty is in the yard and I'm feeling good. He then drops engineered explosives. THE BASTARD KILLED MY KIRD APES. The good news is he's at one and his welder is in the yard.
He passes the turn at 1 life but pentavus is out and not looking very friendly. I baazar and hope for the best. The results yield me a boa and as the only card left in my hand once I discard I go for broke. It resolves. He untaps, draws, announces he too is going for broke... casts thirst... and... CONCEDES! wooooooo. The crowd goes wild. Ok so maybe only I go wild. But it was a hell of a match. I shake Outlaw's hand, pose for the camera and kiss a baby.
4-1
Round 5:
Andy /w EBA. Andy is a very cool guy. I met him at Jeff Anand's table earlier in the day and I knew this would be a stress free match.
Game 1: He goes turn 1 negator on the play. That's not stress free. He starts swgining away and I'm struggling to find something that can block it and stick around. I have chumpers but he keeps chucking out permanents to sacrifice. After about 4 turns of clinging on to dear life, I draw my my answer... and this time it wasn't kird ape. River boa comes out to. Like a champion, he holds the fort for me. I thought we would now have a bit of a stalemate, but Andy decides to swing Negator in once again when it's not lethal and I have regeneration mana open. I announce the block and for the first time in this match I get some emotion out of him. The look on his face tells the story and he's forced to sac a land and the negator. This effectively cripples him for the rest of the game and he can never catchup. You might be thinking I'm trying to embarass my opponent by mentioning the misplay or wondering how something that large can happen, but I mention it only because alot of people don't realize how taxing late rounds can be. This was round 5 of an 8 round tournament and we'd already been there for 6 hours. I can totally understand the misplay and I'd be lying if I said I never did any due to fatigue.
Game 2: I start with root maze and some wastes. He's trying to get to 3 mana to drop that mysterious morph in his deck, which may or may not be a blistering firecat. He mysterious morph gets out there but by the time it does I have adequate pressure on the board and he's forced to block without flip mana up. Shockingly, the morph is an exalted angel. I have alot of respect for Andy and we would later end up playing at the same poker table on Day 2.
5-1
It's Crunch time ba-bee. I need to win one more round to secure a top 16 spot. And my opponent is....
Round 7: Random French Canadian /w Slaver
Random Frenchie sat down looking like grim death. I had to pull teeth to get a hello out of him. His teammate came over and started talking. I was fine with that. Then they started talking in French Canadiany language. I was not fine with that. I glared menacingly at them and asks if it's ok if they talk in their native language. Sure, what do I care. Scout me all you want. WATCH OUT, I GOT LANDS... AND CREATURES!
The following is a re-creation of the conversation that I believe took place. Keep in mind I'm not spot on with my French-Canadian language interpretation.
Teammate: "Watch out, ur oppo-nant iz playing with ze kird ape. Aw-haw-haw.
Opponent "Yez. I will watch out for ze kird ape."
Teammate: "Und watch out for addishional Kird apez. Aw-haw-haw."
Opponent "Yez. I will crash him. Aw-haw-haw."
They then both started laughing together (in that same evil, aw-haw-haw type of way) and then started talking english again.
My opponent's teammate wished me good luck and then lurked away. Somehow I don't think he genuinely meant it.
Games 1 and 2 were basically the same game. I would get him ridiculously low, he'd stabalize with Platinum Angel. He'd graves it up both times for good measure. The ending life totals was each game had him negative. I conceded both times.
I didn't really enjoy this match but my opponent was very gracious after it and wished me good luck. I congratlated him on top 16 and hoped I could lucksack into it at this point.
5-2
Now it's bubble match time. The standings come in after 7 rounds and there are ALOT of x-2's. Tons. Oodles and noodles of them. Yes, oodles and noodles. I'm in 21st at the moment, and if my math works I will be in 15th-17th IF I WIN. meh. I seek counsel and find myself at the pedestal of wise elder master Jason Zheng. Master Jason Zheng tells me to be one with the grasshopper, whatever the hell that means. He then wishes me luck, snaps his fingers, and disappears into thin air. That Jason Zheng truly is amazing. No wonder he won two Waterburies.
Well, here goes nothing.
Round 8-
New Jersey Jason /w Landstill
Jason was a very friendly guy from New Jersey. Yes I said friendly and New Jersey in the same sentence. His side of the table was packed with friends. My side of the table had Hatchman. :p
Game 1: I start with taiga, rootmaze. I follow up with Kird ape. Boom-shaka-laka. He draws plenty of spells but is land light. The combination of maze + wastes/strip is good enough and the ape actually goes all the fricking way. As I'm sideboarding the cards literally almost fall out of my hands as I suddenly hear something along the lines of, "YEAH BABY. I'M HATCHMAN. YEAH. GET'EM WITHERED WRETCH. I'M HATCHMAN BITCH." Hatchman is winning his match next to me. He was excited. Now I'm perfectly fine with a little bit of showboating, and this was all well and good the first time it was screamed in my ear. But it kept going :p Thankfully his match was over by the time I had shuffled and drawn cards for...
Game 2: He gets a triple mishra draw and I realize I misboarded. I had no earthly idea this was landstill and kept the null rods in. Without naturalizes this match can turn bad in a hurry. And it did. He bneats the stuffing out of me with mishra's for a while. Ninja of the deep hours also comes into play. While this is going on, I rally back into THREE, COUNT THEM, THREE KIRD APES. MWAHAHAAHAHAHA. Do I need to explain the rest? Actually, I do. We both end up at 1 life and my apes have to start chumping. I draw a river boa the exact turn I need it and pull out the best game I had all day.
6-2
So it's time to sit around and wait to see if I made it in. They start to announce and they don't start mentioning the x-2's that got in until #12. That's bad. Really bad. Only five 6-2's make it in out of the 20 or something that were still around. So #15 comes around and it's Hatcher. =p Ray slowrolls #16 for a good minute....
"and in 16th place... .... ....
DAVE FEINSTEIN"
I hopped out of the chair looking like a damn fool chanting for kird ape. People actually cheered me. lol.
So I made it in. And that was a start. But I wanted another top 8. Hell, I'd like to have a kid with Britney Spears, but which is more realistic? That's right. In 5 years my first child will be Kird Ape Spears-Feinstein (regardless if it's a boy or a girl). Remember that.
Top 16: Jarad Divic (wicketsnatcher) /w severance belcher
Jared was surprisingly very enthusiastic. Actually overly so. He had to know what he was up against. No one smiles at me like that unless they're happy to see my kird apes. If they're happy to see my kird apes then I'm not happy to see them. I'm not actually not happy to see anyone! My deck is fricking terrible! But let's give it another go for top 8 anyway...
Game 1: I go broken with taiga kird ape (at this point I feel like that bag that always had turn 1 lackey at some random SCG event. Except turn 1 lackey and kird ape are on totally different levels and I've never kiki-jikki'd my opponent's creature).
Unphased, Jared hulks up and starts fecthing cards, The key turn comes when I have boa and ape out, he's at 5. I'm holding artifact mutation. He end of turn gifts for time walk, recoup, lotus and yawg will. I let him have lotus and recoup. Once Lotus hits he'll have 7 total mana available and I'm in a world of hurt anyway, but this option makes him stretch out his resources as thin as possible. He enters his main phase and attempts to put his top on top. I think long and hard for a very long and hard time. I decide to make my move and pop the mutation to represent the lethal damage. If he's going off he's going off this turn. Unfortunately, he goes off. Barely. He basically drew into a mana crypt exactly when he had to but I'm not going to take anything away from him. The turn was extremely long and complicated but he played it picture perfect and as a result he got game 1.
Sideboard should be good for me, if i sideboard correctly. Sadly I didn't. I keep the pillars in the board because I'm scared to death of the oath/lossus plan. I board in naturalizes and keep in mutations which was just plain incorrect. Had I actually scouted him pre-match I'd probably have boarded correctly but I try to avoid doing that when possible. Sure it's legal, but I just feel dirty doing it. I feel dirty enough playing with kird apes.
Game 2: Not gonna lie, he beat the tar out of me. Man it was ugly.
Final record: 6-3 and 16th place
Jarad was a nice enough guy but I was puzzled by his post in the Waterbury results thread where he said "I beat Feinstein in the T16 in a pleasant karmic twist." Not sure what karma has to do with that as I thought we got along very well and I don't believe I was rude at any point in time to him, but whatever. I wished him well.
Oh well, I got a playmat which quickly found its way to Jeff Anand and 10,000 people congratulated me. It's not quite what I was looking for but when you're playing this deck you take what you can get. I was happy that Travis finally got his big win and was also happy to see players come together and dole out tons of cards for players who had cards stolen. Watching Cap'n Slappy be donated Baazars (and tons of other things) by separate random people was awe-inspiring and I agree with Ray on his comment about being touching to the core.
I had a blast at this Waterbury and as a result I will probably play type 1 a great deal more than I have been recently. I hope you enjoyed my report. I'm going on hour number five to finish this damn thing. I hope you all enjoyed it and hopefully I didn't piss off too many people :p
Oh, and long live kird ape.
- Dave Feinstein
