Teaching, crap!

[Matt]

So I accepted my first assignment as a substitute teacher. For the next four days I'll be teaching an elementary school class for half the day. And I am FREAKING OUT about it.

I know some of you are teachers, or have teaching experience: do you have any pointers? Anything to watch for? I am kind of jumping into the deep end of the pool here.

[Moxlotus]

If you get any lip, a good smack on the butt with a paddle works every time.

Note-if you don't want to get fired and sued, don't listen to me

[Juggernaut GO]

you said elementary school right?

teach them about hookers and 8-balls now, before its too late for them!

[Godot]

I dont know much about elementary school kids, but it only took me two weeks to make a college girl cry and little kids are probably much easier.  Once they see that you mean business they fall in line pretty quickly.

As far as other more pertinent tips, its all about attitude.  If you're scared they'll know, and they'll exploit it.  If you have an air of confidence and authority, they wont give you shit (so long as you back it up).  The one thing that I found to be more helpful than anything was enthusiasm.  If you're enthusiastic and excited about what you're teaching, they'll be more excited about learning it.

[KiL0]

So I accepted my first assignment as a substitute teacher. For the next four days I'll be teaching an elementary school class for half the day. And I am FREAKING OUT about it.

I know some of you are teachers, or have teaching experience: do you have any pointers? Anything to watch for? I am kind of jumping into the deep end of the pool here.

Matt

What are you specifically worried about? e.g. Behaviors, lessons, students, etc.

I teach elementary level K/1; a move up from my three years at preschool teaching. I'll try to give simple tips to use. PM me, I'll log on later to check.

[Revvik]

I dont know much about elementary school kids, but it only took me two weeks to make a college girl cry and little kids are probably much easier.  Once they see that you mean business they fall in line pretty quickly.

College girls have had around 18 years to build up emotional issues and problems.  Once they get to the stage where they're writing poetry and listening to emo music, all you have to do is mention that they'll never be as successful as they would have been had they been born a man and they'll start bawling 

Congratulations though, I hope this works out for you.  I know a lot of people who take sincere joy in teaching.

[vartemis]

Easy, start your first day with this speech:

"Talkin' out of turn, that's a paddlin'. Lookin' out the window, that's a paddlin'. Starin' at my sandals, that's a paddlin'. Paddlin' the school canoe, ooh, you better believe that's a paddlin'."

No one would dare cross you... and dont let them know you are human.  Once I realized my teachers were human, it went all downhill.

Best of luck, and remember, kids are the cruelest creatures alive.

j

[BigMac]

In all seriousness:

Do not show fear. (they will smell fear and abuse it)

Try to be their friend without losing your authority.

Do not, i repeat, do not try to be popular over the head of a child. Popular is good but never at the cost of somebody else, let alone a child.

Try to look further than first impressions.

Give all children a chance.

Try to work with them, not against them. Try to let them work with you and not against you.

Be very, very consequent while dealing with problems.

Did i mention not to show fear, ever. They will devour you when they smell fear. Nerves can be good, fear never.

Never see them as opponents. See them as people to work with.

Some of these may seem over the top. But if you look at them seriously they will make sense. A child needs a friend but a firm hand as well. If you give them to much space they will eat you alive. If you give them to little space they will break free sooner or later and you will never restore the very delicate balance of teacher - pupil.

[Jacob Orlove]

Be SURE to get a good rundown of what usually happens from the real teacher. Otherwise, you can get put in the extremely uncomfortable situation of the kids telling you what they "usually" do.

[Matt]

Heh it was actually a TON easier than I expected.

[Bram]

What age are these kids?

Congrats on the job, by the way. A disproportionally large number of my friends are elementary school teachers and they say they have great time.

[Matt]

What age are these kids?

Congrats on the job, by the way. A disproportionally large number of my friends are elementary school teachers and they say they have great time.

5th grade, so like 9-11 years old.

[Bram]

http://aa.1asphost.com/dlazechk/ch870414.jpg

[edit] made into a link once I realised not everyone has a widescreen monitor.

[t3h_fury]

To those who can't understand the rest of it, its.

Teacher: Who's Calvin?

Voice from back of class: NOT ME!!!


Calvin and Hobbes FTW.  Nice add Bram.  Age is a huge advantage in teaching (I'm assuming your underr 40).  It's a huge advantage over the crotchedy old bitch teachers that their used to.

[Matt]

Yeah, I'm 22.

[Cross]

I was a substitute for a bit at the end of last school year, and I've got to say it is the easiest job I have ever had. Maybe schools in Maine aren't that terrifying, but I was seriously paid to just hang out for a day....so sweet.