Dearest Vintage Community (A letter)

[Komatteru]

Dearest Vintage Community,

Right now is a period of transition for me.  This year, I am graduating from college with a degree in Mathematics.  Next year, I will be returning to my home state and heading to the University of Michigan to do graduate work in Electrical Engineering (that itself, is a somewhat turbulant story in and of itself).  Many of you have probably heard that I will be heading off to Japan for most of this summer.  Needless to say, there are going to be a lot of changes for me in the coming months.

I do not want Magic to be a part of that transition.  At least, I want to choose it to be a part of that after it all settles down.  Interestingly enough, I chose Magic again during a different transition.  It was the end of my sophomore year, and after a huge social rejection of being excluded from my best friend’s fraternity by 2 votes (my school is 45% Greek, so having a good social life mostly requires being Greek, or feeling excluded), I had just gone through a really rough falling out with a certain girl. I was literally at ends for what to do with myself.  My carefree roommate, Chuck, had suggested that we go to Origins that year (2004).  As a consequence, I decided that it might be a good idea to start playing Magic again.

On June 14, 2004, I played my first match of Magic again after an over-two year hiatus.  Ironically, that match was against Mark Biller playing Draw7.  I was completely distraut over the “yellow-haired girlâ€� and I needed a direction for my energy.  Magic turned into that direction.  I am a very driven person, as my best friend Joe has often cited that I always completely throw myself into what I am interested in.  It was hard to be thrown into such a competitive Vintage metagame at first, filled with amazing players such as Brian Demars, Mark Biller, and Ben Perry.  I don’t want to turn this into an article about my Magic history, but as I got better, I started to become deeper and deeper in.

Since I never played competitively before, the previous years of my Magical card playing served no purpose other than having a solid card stock (back when duals were $10, you know) and learning the actual rules of the game.  Thus, when I started again in 2004, I was starting with a blank slate.  In that regard, I think I had one of the fastest rises in Vintage.  In just over a year, I had become a member of Team Meandeck and a Vintage Adept on this site.  Some people even considered me a master of an entire archetype.

What might strike you as strange is that I have low self-esteem.  My teammates only seemed to be moderately aware of it (mostly the ever-perceptive Stephen Menendian), and they always had the “pleasureâ€� of reading my constant brooding and self-lamenting whenever anything went wrong.  The more success I had, the worse failure became.  I have always been a bit of a perfectionist – the kind of student who cringes at a 96 on a test, having lost 4 points to silly errors such as arithmetic or transcription.  In high school, I strove to be at the top of my classes, often nearly killing myself in the process, and mostly succeeded.  At the end of my senior year, I walked away with the awards (based on average) for best Calculus student and best Computer Science student (+ some minor ones for other courses), in addition to the Chemistry, Latin, and Mathematics awards I had won the previous year.  I was considered the best Latin student ever in the history of my school, having reached such an unprecedented level that I had to have a new course just for me to take senior year.  Despite this, I was often miserable inside, always wanting more than I had, or feeling inadequate with my performances.  If I could do better, I wanted to.  96% was not good enough.  97% was an A+, and that was good enough only if no one else was higher.

Academically, I managed to escape that at Rose-Hulman (thanks to my roommate Joe, I learned how to relax), and after my social rejection sophomore year, eventually, my drives ended up in Magic.  It consumed me, and my personal moods and esteem were often directly correlated to my performance at Magic tournaments.  When I was winning, I felt great, but it was never long before the quest for perfection took over and tore me apart.  When I scrubbed out of an event, I took it as a personal failure and a poor reflection upon me as a person – How could I let me represent myself that way?

For example, I took my 2c Long deck to 3 tournaments this year.  I split for first at two of them, losing all of 1 total matches in the process.  I felt good about it and took it Richmond Day 1, and went 0-2.  Those who where there saw just how hard I took that failure.  After another failure in a side event, I really just wanted to go home, but being 14 hours from home and with 3 other people didn’t afford me that luxury.  My teammates and Randy Buehler had to convince me to play the next day.  Needless to say, I didn’t respond well to the 9th place finish the next day either.

After that, Magic was no longer helping me to relieve the stress of my daily life and grid, the rigors of academic life at a school as grueling as Rose-Hulman.  After the summer at William and Mary, having realized a life of math research is not for me, I had given up pursuing graduate work in math, and the need (as I saw it) to be the best in my new field was gone. My friend, professor, and advisor Dr. Leader commented that I seemed driven by not only a love of mathematics but also a desire to be the best – a combination that yielded fantastic results, but at a high physical and emotional cost.

I’ve always been comfortable academically and intellectually (one aspect I actually do have confidence), and this year, I haven’t been trying that hard academically, as I have finally learned how to sit back and rely on my natural intelligence to autopilot me through courses.  I had been doing that to an extent the middle two years, but I was still very driven to learn it all for the future.

As I got deeper and deeper into my electric courses, I found I didn’t have to work as hard as others, as electrical engineering is 80% advanced math, like the stuff I had so loved in the previous years.  I already knew more than most of the other students, so I was learning how to apply what I had already learned—the most enjoyable of academic experiences.  I needed to put my drives somewhere, and they ended up in Magic.  The more people built me up and complemented my abilities, the more I needed to one up that, outdo myself, and prove that everyone was correct.  However, I needed that praise to keep my self-esteem up, as without the praise I felt lost.

Magic went from being enjoyable to becoming a burden.  Those who’ve ever looked in my AIM profile know I have this quote in there:

It is important to be serious about what you do. But if you don't have any fun doing it, then someday even your favorite things might become a burden.

I’ve had that quote in there since before I started playing Magic, and finally, one of my favorite things became a burden.

It is with this that I announce my retirement from Vintage (and Team Meandeck).  I thank you for all the memories and good times (as well as frustrations ) over the past two years.  I am not 100% certain of my future at this time.  I am pretty certain I will be leaving Vintage behind, for reasons I’ve outlined in various other threads, but I’m not sure I want to give up Magic altogether just yet.  That will be a decision for when I return from Japan.

I hope that everyone enjoyed my presence at tournaments and that I will have some sort of legacy after it all.  I’ll still be around a bit I’m sure, but I need to get away from certain aspects of Magic, and right now, Vintage contains all of those.

Sincerely,
JD

[Moxlotus]

We'll miss you JDizzle.  At tournaments, your stories kept many people entertained.  Your insight into combo decks was phenomonal.  Your tournament reports rival Mark Perez as the best reports I have ever read.  You are a great person and I hope you find something that makes you happy.  Hopefully you come back (as cardboard crack is very hard to give up) but if you don't, have a great time in Japan and in grad school.

Random piece of advice you may or may not want to take: don't sell your cards now.  You never know if you'll want to play again, even if its only a few months hiatus.  Wait till you need the money or are sure you aren't going to play again.  Too many make this mistake only to regret it.

It's been great to know you JDizzle.

[Roxas]

Your outgoing, charismatic presence will certainly be missed at events. Hopefully you'll be back into Magic (maybe even Vintage!) after your trip to Japan.  As Moxlotus said, it might not be a good idea to sell your cards yet.

In any case, it was certainly a pleasure to have known you.  While it's sad to see you go, I hope you end up finding something else you love and can dump your exceptional energy into. 

Live well, have fun, and keep in touch ^_^

[Machinus]

Take care man.

[PacmanXSA]

There comes a point in everyones life where they must quit that which they know in order to find what they want to know.  Until this is achieved, many cannot be happy.  

With this in mind, Mr. Droba, I wish you said happiness.

We will always have our Japanese lessons at Ram's Horn and your partners hanging up on the crazy southern receptionist because they thought that Pac-Man calling them was a prank call!!!

Catch me on AIM if you ever require any assistance.

Thanks man...

Pac

[Klep]

<3

[PucktheCat]

Good luck.  I'm sorry I only got to meet you once, but I'm glad it wasn't never.

[Anusien]

<3

</3
(get it, it's a heart breaking?) (Fixed.)

Man, you stood up for the combo players, and I really respected that.  Plus, your tournament reports were awesome.

[Dante]

You've come to a rare understanding of yourself, which is priceless.  Besides, you were always a better comedian than Magic player, and you are a pretty good card slinger...

I'll always remember our side event match, two of the fastest decks (long vs doomsday), and game 1 took 40 minutes. 

I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for in Japan.

good luck, not that you need it

Bill

PS - Once more, with feeling

[The Atog Lord]

JD,

You were always fun to hang out with. The community will miss you, and I am no exception.

As a Latin scholar, perhaps you have come across some of the tenants of Stoic philosophy. While I regard it as a fundamentally flawed philosophy, it does have within itself some useful insights. In particular, a powerful concept is that we ought to be concerned with only those things over which we can have impact. That is to say, before a tournament we ought to put all of our thoughts into how to do well in the upcoming event. Yet, after the fact, win or lose, it does nothing for us to dwell upon how well or poorly we did, except to the extent which it will allow us to prepare for the next similar event. This is a very powerful concept which I have found very useful in my own life.

Nowhere is this concept better stated than the Enchridion by Epictetus. When you have a bit of respite, I highly recommend that you read it. It just might help you come to grips with those things over which you struggle.

And of couse, please keep in touch.

Rich

[Komatteru]

I thank you all for the kind responses.  It means the world to me.  I am at a loss for words as I wipe a tear or two from my eye.

However, fear not, as I have found something I think I'd like to do so that I can continue to remain a part of the community while avoiding the stresses of competitive play.  I can judge (I'm DCI certified).  There's a chance you might see Judge JD at Gencon and the SCG Chicago events.  I hope they'd be interested in hiring a shady character such as myself.   I'm sure I might even be able to make it to small local events if I can bum a ride from people.

[GrizzledVeteran]

Droba-

Despite team Michigan's incessant need and desire to make fun of you as much as humanly possible, we do love ya man. You'll be missed.

~Minore

[CrashTest]

JD, we have not met in person, but i have read some of your reports, and always enjoyed them. You will definitely be missed in the community. I have always had a soft spot for combo decks, and it's great to see someone who fights to keep them out there!

      I agree with the card pimping thing you mentioned over at SCG.  It definitely can get a bit excessive and take away from the strategy side of the game if you aren't careful.

           Having said that, I got dibs on whatever pimpage you are selling.

     (Just kidding..)

   

[ErkBek]

JD,

It has been great hanging out with you in the recent months. You've taught me and others a lot about the game.

It is great to see somebody with such an understanding of their position in life. Not very many people can say the same. Your introspection and analysis of what you need to do are insightful to me.

I knew you where a perfectionist, but never realized quite how goal driven you are. You seem to be a quixotic person.

Your a great person that always has a enjoyable story to tell. I wish you the best of luck in your future endeavos. My admonition to you is, beware of the Japanese, they are flipping crazy. http://www.youtube.com/w/HINOI-Team-with-Koriki---NIGHT-OF-FIRE?v=yJQdMBG9ZeY&feature=Random&page=1&t=t&f=b 

If you ever need a ride to an event to judge (or even play), give me a call.

-Eric

[dandan]

Live long and prosper.

[pyr0ma5ta]

JD, I don't pretend to know you.  In fact, I would not be surprised if you don't know who the hell I am even on these boards, let alone in person.  But let me speak for the many who read and enjoy your articles and posts here and on SCG, without ever knowing you in person.  You have proven yourself multiple times to be an amazing Magic player, and I'm sure that you can use your talents well doing other things in life.  Take it easy, and maybe I'll get to meet you someday.

[Anusien]

I call forth for other players to anxiously await the second coming of the Combo Messiah!

[bomholmm]

You have always been one of the folks I looked forward to seeing at the midwest tourneys, this last weekend in bloomington it was pretty obvious that you were terribly sick of the game. You just didn't have that "Im gonna solve this" attitude I usually see, the break will probably be good for you.  I hope you still keep a presence and it would be very cool to see you judging an event, there aren't enough judges with real vintage experiance.

[arj]

That is really sad news.

Your work on belcher was mindblowing

[carlossb]

There are some members on TMD.com that are either loved, or hated.
You (were) are some of the loved ones, by everybody.

Thanks for all the reports, laughs and insights on combo.


You should be in the Hall of Fame of Vintage.

[GrandpaBelcher]

It was a pleasure losing two to you in Dayton.  Thanks for sharing the hot GrimLong tech with me.

Good luck.

[Disburden]

JD,

I never met you in person, but I had more respect for you as a player than most in the format. Your abilities in combo made me a player of the archtype myself, especially with Long variants. Since then I have moved to Stax, Drain decks, and back to Long all over again, but if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have been as confident with the deck, since you showed us all how good Rituals can really be. You are one of the best players in the format. Thanks for it all.

N. Fanzo

[yespuhyren]

Although I'm not a perfectionist in school like you are, but I am with other things like playing pool and Magic.I know exactly what you mean with Magic taking up your time and driving you, and I have recently done the same thing.  Last weekend, I packed up my cards, and they are all put away, and I'm not sure exactly when I will be returning to the tournament scene.  I am not selling them, because I know I will want to play sometime, and I spent 2 years trying to pimp out stax, and finally when I got my last foils I needed (3 foil signed tangle wires, 1 badly altered) I put them in my deck, looked at it, said I'm finally done, and boom, the cards are packed up and gone. 

It was consuming my social life, I was talking to less and less friends, I wasn't going out with girls and stuff as much as I used to, and I was basically putting so much time into testing my deck against every possible archetype and fixing constantly, that I almost dug myself a social grave.

For all I know, it will be months before the deck I've put so much deck into innovating, pimping and learning how to play ever sees the light of day.

Good luck with all your future endeavors, and hopefully you and I can both come back to Magic on our own terms, without it consuming us more than we would like.  I know when I learn to balance the two, I will return, but not until then.  It needs to be more of a game than an addiction.

[forests failed you]

-JD,

You'll be sorely missed in Michigan;  You were one of the founding members of the Michigan Vintage Community, and one of the nicest people I've met playing this game.  I'm really glad that we got the opportunity to get to know each other playing Vintage, and I really consider you to be a good friend and a really quality person.

Ironically, for all of your success playing Vintage M:TG, my favorite M:TG moment with you happened just a month ago when you teamed with Phil Cape and I at the Colombus PTQ.  In round four in the last turn of turns when you mised the Weird Harvest for the win to keep our drive to the top eight alive and kicking.  That was an awesome moment.

You sir, are a Champ;  Good luck with all of your school stuff; and keep in touch.  I'm really looking forward to you moving back to Michigan.  I'm sure I'll see you around campus and stuff.

GOOD LUCK!!!

FFY

[RThomas]

Justin,

As much as I have attempted to convey my thanks to the effect that you've had on my Magic exploits over the past months, I don't believe that I've really expressed to what extent that effect had.  You've continued to advise me on issues including my gameplay, general theory, and deck strategy.  You've ignited an interest in the combo archetype in me (as you've clearly done with others) that I hope to develop ever further as time goes on.  The effect that you've had on the community as a player is nearly unparallelled.  I pat you on the back for this.

Most importantly, however, you've been a wonderful friend.  Many times I've come to you with personal issues, both inside and outside of the game of Magic, and you've taken the time to listen and offer your views and adivce.  You were kind enough to offer myself and another accomodations when we trekked to a weekend tournament near you.  You've never been anything except kind to me.  I extend you the warmest of thanks for this.  If you're ever in need of a listening ear, or any services of any form, you can always call on me.

The first of the four Noble Truths of the Buddhist faith is the Dukkha, which means, "incapable of being satisfied".  Life is transitory, and insatiability of desire is always imminent.  You're in a transition of times in your life right now, and my only hope is that you come out of it with a much better mindset than you started off with. 

I refuse to say good bye, so I'll say good luck.  Like so many legends, You will be back.

[Lunar]

I'm 100% certain that things will not be the same without you. Thank you for your dedication to the format and community, and of course your savagery whilst playing Combo and for being the catalyst for people using Pink Sleeves (I swear, I saw you mention pink sleeves a LONG time ago, and I mentioned it in a MTGSalvation article and there are like a billion people using Pink Dragon Sheilds now...its really amazing, lol...soooo HOT!)

Good luck in your future endeavors of course and you will be missed here.

-lunar

[EnialisLiadon]

I only met you once, during that Chicago tournament for a Lotus (I was the short kid hanging around Lyle, as I'm sure you don't remember ).  However, you were a blast to be around and hearing you launch into magical tales of battle with full gusto quite possibly made my day.  Your tournament reports and posts in general are always insightful or hilarious and often times both.  You will be missed.  Have a wonderful time in Japan!

[Meddling Mike]

Rest assured, you shall be missed.

*bows*

[Bram]

Another one bites the dust :-(

Dammit, would cool people please stop leaving the game?  It's wicked frustrating, you know. Every time I see one of these threads, it feels kinda like reading a suicide note (or a 'Dear John' letter, with which I'm personally more familiar ;-)

It's time for me to take a stand. I'm not going to let you quit Vintage. There.

[Necrologia]

I basically taught myself Magic, but you were the closest thing I ever had to a hull. I loved reading your posts on TMD, especially your much anticipated tournament reports. You better keep coming to Vintage Events though. I don't have my foil Desire signed by you yet.  Good luck in your future endeavors.