STONE COLD HUMANS: THE BEST KEPT SECRET —
A VINTAGE PRIMER
My name is Noah Smith, but many of the Vintage community may know me best for my online presence on these forums, and for my contributions to the Noble Fish and Humans archetypes. I have always been fascinated by value hate decks in Vintage and that fascination has grown into a vested interest ever since the printings of Mental Misstep, Flusterstorm, Mindbreak Trap and Lodestone Golem have made my other favorite archetype, storm combo, a dubious deck choice for tournaments. I was particularly saddened by the printing of Mental Misstep as it gave a large number of blue decks a maindeckable answer to Dark Ritual and Duress in the same card that requires merely an often irrelevant 2 life to cast. It’s not that I’ve totally abandoned my first love, combo, but I acknowledge that piloting TPS to a top 8 at a large Vintage event is no small feat and requires some things to go your way. One of the decks that gives the greediest decks in Vintage a chronic headache is the giant stone elephant in the room:
Mishra’s Workshop decks. Many vintage strategists completely misunderstand this archetype and I’d like to debunk some common myths before delving into the deck I’ll be talking about in this article:
Stone Cold Humans. Here are the reasons why a deck with no visible draw engine actually competes with the likes of Ancestral Recall, Time Walk, Demonic Tutor, Vampiric Tutor, Tinker, Gifts Ungiven, and company.
1. Shops decks have the namesake of Mishra’s Workshop as a reusable Black Lotus with virtually no drawback. As such, the curve of the deck can start much higher than most Vintage decks are allowed to. Since the deck is colorless you have immunity to color screw and only need to worry about the total cmc of any spell. The curve starting higher increases the utility of artifacts at the 3-5 cmc slot that would otherwise be too slow for Vintage (see Trinisphere)2. The lock pieces in Shop decks are almost universally effective and have very little symmetry in hurting the Shop deck. In other words, a card like Tangle Wire tends to be nothing but value when you already have cards like Chalice of the Void and Sphere of Resistance to Tap down to it. You are left with all relevant permanents untapped through your own Tangle Wire while your opponent remains “Tangled.” 3. The virtual card advantage gained through these lock pieces often makes up for the lack of a “real” draw engine because you are effectively creating dead draws for your opponent. Now, one of the main reasons Shops isn’t adopted in as large numbers as blue is the feeling many Vintage pilots get of the deck being big, dumb, unfun, and underpowered. I personally think that too many players also think it to be a coin-flip deck requiring less play skill to win with. Nothing could be further from the truth. Good shop players win with the deck precisely because of play skill and bad shop players lose due to mistakes just like blue players do. I daresay that shops is actually LESS forgiving of mistakes than blue is because the high variance of blue decks can allow the blue pilot to win games he/she had no business winning thanks to a timely top deck. Shops can get timely top decks as well but I like to think of shop-esque decks as a ship that sails out of the harbor towards victory or defeat. You can steer the ship one way or the other but once you’re drifting in one direction you tend to stay on that heading until the end of the game. In other words, I think shop games are harder to turn around with a single top deck than blue games are. The variance is lower and it tends to be cumulative sequencing of draws/plays that win or lose the game.
Shops decks also test another skill that I find lacking in the blue arsenal: baiting. Now you might say “wait Noah, don’t blue decks bait when they have a bomb they are trying to protect from counter magic?” This is true, but I find that blue players often look at the concept of “baiting” only in the context of mirror matches where both players are slinging around Forces, Missteps, Flusters, Pyros etc. You are never really “baiting” when playing vs. shops as the blue pilot so why would a blue player have experience with it? The experience of leveraging counter wars to your advantage employs a different line of sequencing than simply expecting a threat to be countered and maximizing your plays based on that expectation. On the shop side there are countless decision trees that span out multiple turns that have to do with sequencing, baiting, and anticipating the line(s) your opponent will attempt to make to win. This is where the “next level” skill of shops comes in. You need to know ALL the decks you might face intimately in order to predict what they will do to win. This takes an incredible knowledge of the format and knowledge of the mechanics of all the top tier decks. If I know you are building towards a Dack + time walk turn on turn 4 or a hurkyl’s into upkeep vamp for Time Vault plan on turn 5 or a Dig Through Time on turn 5 into Academy into Mentor into Sensei’s Top then I can play around such plays to the best of my ability. Knowing your opponent’s fundamental turn and how they intend to break out of your lock is integral to winning with shops. A full understanding of shops goes much deeper than this, but this isn’t a shops primer so now on to the main event. First, the list:
Stone Cold Humans Land (24):4 Cavern of Souls
4 Windswept Heath
1 Verdant Catacombs
2 Savannah
2 Scrubland
1 Bayou
1 Forest
4 Wasteland
1 Strip Mine
1 Karakas
1 Gaea’s Cradle
1 The Tabernacle at Pendrell Vale
1 Maze of Ith
Artifacts (7):1 Black Lotus
1 Mox Emerald
1 Mox Pearl
1 Mox Jet
3 Chalice of the Void
Enchantments (3):3 Stony Silence
Creatures (23):4 Deathrite Shaman
4 Thalia, Guardian of Thraben
4 Dark Confidant
3 Grand Abolisher
3 Qasali Pridemage
2 Eidolon of Rhetoric
3 Knight of the Reliquary
Instants (3):3 Abrupt Decay
Sideboard (15):3 Containment Priest
1 Abrupt Decay
2 Swords To Plowshares
4 Mayor of Avabruck
1 Ghost Quarter
1 Plains
3 Gaddock Teeg
This deck as been a brainchild of mine for many years and also Guli from TMD. I have to give him a lot of credit for the initial build and some of the pillars of the deck that we will be discussing in detail. This deck ports a lot of tech from Legacy Maverick, but don’t be fooled, it really isn’t the same deck. There are many card choices that make this as “Vintage” as they come. I also want to address the misnomer that this is a “hate-bear” deck. It runs some “hate-bears” but it is much more than a simple hate-bear strategy. It runs a tutor engine in Knight of the Reliquary that doubles as the deck’s main win-con while also being a functional source of recurring wasteland effects. The deck also “forces” non-interaction from a key blue card in vintage: Force of Will. It does this through cards like Cavern of Souls, Abrupt Decay, Grand Abolisher and Gaddock Teeg. Now I would like to unravel the deeper meaning of my Shop preamble. I see this deck as a cousin to the Workshop archetype. That might be a somewhat grand claim, but as I explain the functionality of cards in the deck it might start to make some sense.
Ok, let’s go through the cards one at a time:
1. The CreaturesThalia, Guardian of Thraben - The centerpiece of the deck and a 4-of despite being Legendary. The reasoning for her as a 4-of is that you almost always want to see her by turn 2 and she is the first creature to get offed by the countless cheap removal spells for X/1’s that exist in Vintage. Thusly, you want to have a second Thalia to carry the banner after the first one gets it. Thalia, is probably the second best “sphere” effect printed in Vintage after Lodestone Golem and she even has some upside by being only 2 mana and having first strike. (Neat aside: Thalia + Mayor actually defeats Golem in combat
). She is often sided out vs. shops but really only in that matchup. She has applications almost everywhere else. Making preordains into a 1U cantrip is pretty good I hear. The non-creature clause can be an issue vs. Delver and Mentor but we have other goodies for those cards.
Dark Confidant - Probably the second most important dude of this deck. Dark Confidant is very close friends with Knight of the Reliquary in Vintage and is an insane turn 1 play off a mox. “Bob” has been a mainstay of Vintage for many years since his inception and I feel confident in saying that this deck abuses him as much as any Vintage deck ever has. This deck’s curve tops out at 3 and most of the cards in the deck are 2-drops or 0 drops (ie, land, moxen and chalices) so Bobs tend to be pure value and help you filter through your high land count faster. Bob is also a key way to keep the permanents streaming in vs. shops where a missed land drop can mean death.
Knight of the Reliquary - Now we get to Bob’s best friend and the theme of this deck. Can I say enough about this card? I fear I can’t. Knight is a Tarmogoyf, Crucible, Crop Rotation, Swords to Plowshares and Wrath of God all rolled into 1 card. Let’s now unpack why I’m making this claim. Knight is a Tarmogoyf at times because he grows to large sizes by virtue of the land-base we run. Fetch lands grow him at an alarming clip and wastelands a modest one. Knight is a Crucible in the sense that you can often play a wasteland on consecutive turns with his tutor ability and “waste-lock” your opponent. You have to spend more resources than Crucible to achieve this, but you are always growing Knight in the process so the net gain is often still there. Knight is a Crop Rotation because it can tutor up any land in your deck. Knight is a Swords to Plowshares because he can tutor up Maze of Ith and hold a giant monster at bay indefinitely (especially vs. blue decks that run few or no waste effects). Knight is a Wrath of God when he can tutor up The Tabernacle at Pendrell Vale and your opponent is locked on mana (something this deck is exceedingly good at doing). Now clearly I’m exaggerating a bit for effect, but I think my meaning is clear: Knight is a swiss army knife that has incredible heretofore untapped Vintage potential. I see a lot of “Junk hate-bear” lists running a singleton Knight and 1-2 Green Sun’s Zenith. I have thought long and hard about this approach and have come to the conclusion that simply running more knights is better. Knights in multiples are also rarely a bad thing. Worth noting is Knight’s ability to dodge most removal. His toughness is generally too high for Lightning Bolt, Pyroclasm and Massacre to matter. Toxic Deluge also becomes a losing proposition when you’re forced to pay 7 life just to kill a Knight.
Qasali Pridemage - This little Seal of Cleansing on a body has been tearing up the Vintage scene in “hate-bears” ever since it was printed. Pridemage is a fundamentally important and efficient answer to shops, Oath, Time Vault, and even just random moxen. It’s also very significant that he gets in there for 3 on his own because that makes him a much more dangerous mid game top deck. I’d never leave home without at least 3 in my 75.
Deathrite Shaman - The mana dork on crack. I was on the fence with this guy for many years and have gone back and forth with splitting him and Noble Hierarch for some time. I used to run 3 Nobles and 2 Shamans and after much testing I’ve found that Deathrite should just be a 4-of and, sadly, Noble should get the boot. If I knew my meta was heavy on shops I might find room for 1-2 Nobles in the deck, but I don’t think I’d ever go down on Shamans to do it. Shaman is just amazing in multiple match-ups and is a much more maindeckable mana dork. I’ve found that this deck doesn’t really need a mana dork to curve out vs. blue so having a guy like this with added utility is key for that matchup (even though we side out 1-2 copies vs. many blue archetypes). Against shops this guy is a godsend as he can keep you from waste-locks and really just shuts down the usefulness of Crucible of Worlds. He also is a mana dork in a matchup that revolves largely around mana denial. Shaman also has marginal effectiveness against the delve mechanic (often not stopping the first delve spell but sometimes hindering the 2nd one), and it can stop slow draws from Dredge. Amazing card!
Grand Abolisher - This might be one of the most controversial includes of the deck. It has been a late addition, but I’m already in love with the card. This card is far more than a way to resolve your spells through countermagic. It turns off some of the most gnarly plays that blue decks can throw at us. From end-of-turn Repeals to end-of-turn tutors to end-of-turn Gifts to end-of-turn Sensei’s Top activations (or draw with Top in response to Decay) to Gush in response to Wasteland etc., etc., etc., this card really packs an amazing punch. I actually kind of equate this card to Tangle Wire in a shops deck because, while it doesn’t actually “sphere” out any spells, it forces opponents to cast spells during limited phases of the game (i.e only on their turn) while not forcing you to do the same.
Eidolon of Rhetoric - This is also a very controversial card that I think some folks might not agree with at first. All I can say is: TEST IT! It is very effective at stopping Mentor and Storm decks alike and has reasonable applications in slowing down Gifts. This was originally included as an answer to the new Monastery Mentor card and it attacks on a unique front: preventing multiple prowess triggers a turn. This guy is also conveniently out of bolt range and can block Mentors all day long. Hopefully, when coupled with The Tabernacle at Pendrell Vale and other soft hate, we will just barely get there vs. Mentor to win the match. Eidolon is not a human but Abolisher helps him to resolve and 4 caverns often means you can name a second creature type beyond “human” in a lot of games.
2. The Other Static HateStony Silence - This is pretty much just better than Null Rod. It’s inclusion is pretty obvious. It stops as many as 8 (or more) mana producers in most decks and also cards like Time Vault, Goblin Charbelcher, Sensei’s Divining Top, Seat of the Synod and more. It also notably stops Engineered Explosives. I think Null Rod is a known enough quantity in vintage such that I needn’t go into any more detail than this.
Chalice of the Void - This card is so bonkers in this deck I can’t even begin to speak highly enough of it. Mainly you’ll be using it on turn 1 as a moxen-stopper when you either don’t have Stony Silence in hand or need to stop moxen on turn 1 in order to not lose (TPS would be a matchup where such speed might be needed). Chalice can often be set @1 against Delver despite making your future Deathrite Shamans uncastable (and not totally uncastable if you also have a Cavern of Souls set to “shaman” in play). Chalice allows insane openers like Chalice @0 + Thalia off a mox. This card has already significantly warped the vintage format in shops builds and this deck is only too happy to abuse the crap out it as well.
3. The Spot RemovalAbrupt Decay - This deck doesn’t need to run a lot of spot removal because of the efficiency of the static hate, but this one is uniquely awesome in that it is uncounterable and takes out many key cards in Vintage for the bargain cost of BG. This is a primary answer to Oath of Druids, Time Vault, Mentors, Delvers, Pyromancers, Crucibles, Tangles and many other widely played aggro threats. This card is also an answer to Chalice @2 vs. shops.
4. The Lands/Artifact ManaCavern of Souls - This is the card that makes this deck as viable as it is. Cavern single-handedly puts creature decks like this on the map where before they would often just get out-tempoed by blue. Cavern is also a critical card for playing around Chalice @2 vs. shops.
Windswept Heath - Fetchland manabase with basic Forest and Plains. Fuels Knight. ‘Nuff said.
Verdant Catacombs - Fetchland #5. I’ve found 5 fetches to be the correct number.
Savannah - We need white and green very often. Hence we run 2 of these.
Scrubland - This casts Deathrite Shaman and Thalia. Hence we run 2 of these.
Bayou - This helps cast Deathrite Shaman, Dark Confidant and Abrupt Decay. It also helps with Deathrite Shaman’s activated abilities. Hence we run 1 of these.
Forest - This helps keep our manabase from being waste locked if we can resolve a Deathrite Shaman. Run 1 of these and profit
.
Wasteland - Mana Denial of the deck. Knight makes you want to run the full 4.
Strip Mine - Strictly better than Wasteland. Restricted to 1.
Karakas - Bounces key legends like Griselbrand, Emrakul, Karn, Tasigur, and your own Thalia when Thalia is targeted by removal. Also taps for white which is very relevant.
Gaea’s Cradle - This land offsets the negative effect of either yours or your opponent’s Tabernacle and can just beat sphere effects. It was a recent addition along with Tabernacle and I’ve been loving it.
Maze of Ith - Great answer to Tinker targets or problematic beaters. Also very usable on offense with Knight of the Reliquary. There is a sweet trick where you attack with Knight and then use Maze to untap the Knight during the “end combat” step. This allows you to attack with Knight and use his activated ability in the same turn. This actually comes up more than one would think.
The Tabernacle At Pendrell Vale - This land is a nod to the utter broken power of Mentor and Pyromancer. Being able to tutor this puppy up ends games. Plain and simple. It is also a key out to Dredge’s zombie token army. Insane card!
5. The SideboardContainment Priest - Well, R & D finally threw us creature decks a huge bone! This guy is simply insane vs. Oath, and Dredge and at an acceptable mana cost. He can also be sided in as an out to Forgemaster or Tinker but it’s often less clear that he should be sided in in those circumstances. Priest is preemptive hate that is also reactive/surprise hate that can force an opponent to commit the card that Priest answers to the stack (Show and Tell, Tinker, Narcomoeba etc.). This extra value puts Priest over the top in power level, in my opinion. Don’t leave home without at least 3!
Abrupt Decay - See maindeck.
Swords to Plowshares - Sometimes you just need more cheap removal (i.e against shops, Mentor, Delver or the mirror) and while Plow lacks synergy with your own Chalice @1 it is often online vs. blue because they will bend over backwards to deal with Chalice @1 and then plow will be there waiting. With an active Abolisher you can also cast Plow without worrying about counters.
Mayor of Avabruck - This card is primarily in the deck to beat shops out of the board. It is one of the most uniquely cheap and efficient ways to “go wide” that has ever been printed (outside of clearly bad cards for this deck in Mentor and Pyromancer). Against shops you often are able to just not cast a spell in order to flip this guy to his “werewolf” side and then the shops player might not be able to flip him back (because they are in top deck mode after running out their hand). A 0 mana investing on getting 3/3’s (another convenient size for beating Lodestone Golems) is an effect that doesn’t exist on another creature in the history of magic. This guy is also conveniently a human and thus castable off a Cavern of Souls naming “human.” Mayor is also sided in vs other fish/hate-bear decks as a way to go over the top of them.
Ghost Quarter - This card comes in vs. shops, dredge and greedy non-basic mana bases. It is hugely helpful at keeping waste locks up vs. shops and it is tutorable with Knight. Great role player in the SB.
Plains - This comes in vs. decks that abuse wasteland to try to color screw you. It helps you cast Pridemage vs. shops as well as stony silence vs. shops. There is a small argument to be made for basic Swamp over basic plains but I’ve found white to be more important overall.
Gaddock Teeg - This used to be the Mother of Runes slot. I’ve decided to move away from Mother for now as most blue decks are running mass removal to deal with your creatures these days. Gaddock Teeg deals with key cards that this deck has no other good answer to (Gush, Dig through Time, Gifts Ungiven, Jace, The Mind Sculptor, Treasure Cruise, Engineered Explosives, and Repeal to name a few). He’s the most recent add to the list but I’m predicting that he will earn his stripes and become a mainstay eventually.
Now, how to play the deck. This deck runs out a lot like an old Smokestack shops list. You are going to be winning a fair number of games on a razor’s edge, but the deck can still just draw broken. Matches vs. big blue will often revolve around Thalia, Chalice & Stony Silence resolving while matches vs. Shops will often revolve around Wasteland, Knight, Deathrite Shaman, Pridemage, Confidant and Mayor out of the SB. Games vs. Delver will be largely about Thalia, Chalice, Knight and removal spells. Games vs. Dredge will be about direct hate and indirect hate like Thalia, Waste, Mayor and Chalice. Mirrorish matchups will often be about Knight, removal, and Mayor. I will not go into a play-by-play walkthrough in this article as this is just an introduction to the archetype but I’d like to simply point out that “baiting” with this deck is huge along with understanding “what’s important” in any given matchup. SB-ing plans are not hard so I’ll leave it to the folks who’d want to pick up this deck to decide on a boarding plan that suites their play style. That’s gonna have to be it for now. I hope this article helps folks understand the intricacies a really nifty deck that has some serious game. If you want to mix things up at your next weekend Vintage event, then I highly recommend sleeving this thing up and wrecking some dreams. I hope you’ll all read my follow up article that goes into game scenarios but until then. . . enjoy the hard stone of silence and the frigid cold of the ice queen guardian of Thraben.
-Storm
P.S. - Gameplay links to follow. Also, test the deck online and post your results here.
P.P.S - Hopefully I will soon publish an article on this deck for eternal central and in that article I will try to include some real match scenarios and opening hand sequencing. For the time being I don't have the time, but in the next couple weeks I hope to include that key piece of how the deck actually plays out. For now, test it and post comments here!!
