Azhrei
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« on: August 05, 2004, 01:34:59 pm » |
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Years and years ago, back on Beyond Dominia, Matt D'Avanzo and I cooked up a Magic version of a list of logical errors we found in a Scott Adams book. The some of the stuff doesn't make sense any more (this was 2000, maybe 2001), but in context a lot of it was hilarious. It'll be funnier to people who were around then because they'll know who things were targeted at and what the metagame was, but some of the stuff is still worth a laugh even if you don't have firsthand memories of the inspiration.
However, the best part of this was that Yamo read it and got pissed off, until Matt explained that "I meant my Uncle Yamo, not you. Don't be so egocentric."
Yamo promptly apologized.
You Are Wrong Because:
For your convenience, I have circled the brain malfunction(s) that most closely resemble(s) the one(s) you recently made on the topic of (fill in topic): __________________________
1. AMAZINGLY BAD ANALOGY
Example: Playing the Keeper mirror is like being in the Matrix and dueling with Zorro in your underwear.
2. FAULTY CAUSE AND EFFECT
Example: Keeper only wins because so many people play it.
3. I AM THE WORLD
Example: In my local card shop, everyone plays fat green creatures and straight burn. Therefore, decks like Keeper and combo only exist online because no one has the cards in real life.
4. IGNORING EVERYTHING SCIENCE KNOWS ABOUT THE BRAIN
Example: Your personal style means nothing. Just play a net deck.
5. THE FEW ARE THE SAME AS THE WHOLE
Example: Michelle Bush is a woman. Michelle Bush plays a lot of Magic. Women must play a lot of Magic.
6. GENERALIZING FROM SELF
Example: My R/G fatty deck beats my friend’s Keeper deck 4 in 5 games. Therefore, my deck beats Keeper 80% of the time.
7. ARGUMENT BY BIZZARE DEFINITION
Example: Aggro is not bad. It just loses to control and combo.
8. TOTAL LOGIC DISCONNECT
Example: If someone plays a Noble Panther, Keeper gets decked.
9. JUDGING THINGS WITHOUT COMPARISON TO ALTERNATIVES
Example: I run Mox Diamond. It’s a restricted mana producer.
10. ANYTHING YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IS EASY TO DO
Example: Keeper isn't so hard to play. Just tutor for, and drop Abyss.
11. IGNORANCE OF STATISTICS
Example: Land Grant sucks in Stompy, even though it thins your deck, decreases the chance of drawing superfluous land, and gives you a non-creature, non-pump spell to pitch to Bounty of the Hunt.
12. IGNORING THE DOWNSIDE RISK
Example: I think Prohibit is a fine counter spell. What is someone going to do, cast Shivan Dragon?
13. SUBSTITUTING FAMOUS QUOTES FOR COMMON SENSE
Example: “There are no wrong threats� so I’ll use Ridgeback in Stompy.
14. IRRELEVANT COMPARISONS
Example: I am perfectly qualified to comment on the state of Vintage control. I play Type One every weekend with a totally illegal Necro deck.
15. CIRCULAR REASONING
Example: Brian Weissman told me understands control better than I do because he invented "The Deck," and that he was able to invent “The Deck� because he has a better understanding of control than I do.
16. INCOMPLETENESS AS PROOF OF DEFECT
Example: Keeper is no good because it loses to 4 resolved Meddling Mages and 2 Clones.
17. IGNORING THE ADVICE OF EXPERTS WITHOUT A GOOD REASON
Example: Sure, the best players on the board claim that this is why control wins, but me, I'm convinced it’s Mana Drain.
18. FOLLOWING THE ADVICE OF KNOWN IDIOTS
Example: Yamo says Keeper should run 3 Morphlings. That's good enough for me!
19. REACHING BIZZARE CONCLUSIONS WITHOUT ANY INFORMATION
Example: Keeper has stopped using as much white. I think it’s time to not run any removal in my control deck.
20. FAULTY PATTERN RECOGNITION
Example: Combo has won the last five tournaments here. I think I’ll play Sligh again.
21. FAILURE TO RECOGNIZE WHAT’S IMPORTANT
Example: My rating is over 1800, but I’ve never touched a breast and an entire city hates me.
22. UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT OF SUNK COSTS
Example: I’ll keep buying Pokemon cards because those little guys are bound to be popular again, and I can make the money back later.
23. OVER APPLICATION OF OCCAM’S RAZOR
Example: I would have won if the Keeper player hadn’t gotten lucky and topdecked Balance.
24. IGNORING ALL ANECDOTAL EVIDENCE
Example: I keep losing to Library of Alexandria. However, without a statistical analysis, I have no way of knowing if I need more land destruction. Therefore, I will continue to run only two Strip Mines.
25. INABILITY TO UNDERSTAND THAT SOME THINGS HAVE MULTIPLE CAUSES
Example: Control only wins because it can counter spells.
26. JUDGING THE WHOLE BY ONE OF ITS CHARACTERISTICS
Example: I hate getting my creatures countered by Force of Will. Banning Force of Will would be great for the environment.
27. BLINDING FLASHES OF THE OBVIOUS
Example: If Wizards reprinted the Power Nine, more people would play Vintage.
28. BLAMING THE TOOL
Example: I bought all the cards to play Keeper, but I still lose. Keeper must be dead.
29. HALLUCINATIONS OF REALITY
Example: White Weenie is a perfectly viable Tier One deck.
30. TAKING THINGS TO THEIR ILLOGICAL CONCLUSIONS
Example: Academy needs another draw 7. Let's run Diminishing Returns!
31. FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND WHY RULES DON’T HAVE EXCEPTIONS
Example: I can run only 25 mana sources in my Keeper deck if I use more basic land.
32. PROOF BY LACK OF EVIDENCE
Example: I haven’t played in years, but I’m sure I don’t need an Edict and Moat is still a main deck card.
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