I am Svg

This is all by memory so bear with me.

EnchanTrix tears up LA

Around 10:05 Pat, Charlie, Brian, and Chris arrive at my house. After an intense struggle trying to pry open Pat's door, I finally get in. We drive around my neighborhood a bit while Pat tries to get Cid's directions (He thought he printed my directions twice, only to find he already has his address). After a few phone calls, Pat realizes that he already has Cid's directions. I feel bad for him.

After driving around, we arrive at this place, the holy grail of all trailer parks, Cid's place. We drive around this slice of trailer heaven till we find Cid. My God! Cid is so sexy, but he looks nothing like a Cid =\. While our stay in trailer suburbs, we find that they have their own golf course! Holy fuck, it was sweet. We contemplated staying there just to play 9 rounds. But alas, it was not our fate.

On our way to frank and sons, with everyone in the car, suddenly the car begins to turn to shit(tier?). We lose power steering. So we're driving along and Pat is cranking the wheel soooooooooo hard. Like a trucker jerking off, it was intense. So, when we finally arrive, we pack out and enter the tourney seen. After we sign up and finish our deck sheets (Charlie filling out a deck registration is like watching a soap opera). I finish scraping together my SB and start round one.


Now, my savage deck:

//NAME: EnchanTrix
   1 Sol Ring
   2 Taiga
   4 Windswept Heath
   4 Flooded Strand
   3 Volcanic Island
   3 Tundra
   4 Tropical Island
   1 Regrowth
   1 Burning Wish
   2 Seal of Cleansing
   1 Fastbond
   1 Exploration
   2 Misdirection
   4 Force of Will
   2 Sylvan Library
   4 Eladamri's Vineyard
   3 Enchantress's Presence
   4 Argothian Enchantress
   4 Brainstorm
   3 Gush
   3 Donate
   4 Illusions of Grandeur

Round One, Ian playing MonoredhateMax.dec

So, I end up playing what looks like a Sligh deck, but turns out to be a 4 blood moon 5 Blast main deck fuckmaxover.dec. Fine. We play game one, it gets pretty close, but eventually I combo him out. Next games sucked ass. Second game I just loss and the third game his 8 blast royally turned me over and called me it's whore. I shake his hand like the great guy I am and we chat a bit, debating whose deck is jankier (while watching the clearly jankiest of all jank play right next to us. We saw basic lands, burning wish, demonic tutor, mana vault, and several other objects I cannot state as it banes me so.).

   Round Two, White Border Sligh guy (from Cid's thread)
   Game One: I combo him
Game Two: I combo him.
After this short occurrence, his friends gather around to make fun of him. I dispose of the little ass monkeys and pat this kid on the back. He is grateful, and since I felt bad because he is plagued with little dick hermits for friends, I give him some girl scouts cookies (TECH)
I go grab a churro and contemplate my good doings in self-satisfaction. Toilets are good.

Round Three, Chains-Anvil BW combo.
Game One: He duress's a couple times, I brainstorm the good stuff. Soon enough I quickly combo him out. It was svg.
Game Two: I realize that he is clearly superior to me by all levels, so I offer him an offer he can’t refuse. I give him girl scout cookies (thin mints), and he will say I combed him out turn one. Damn, I am great.

Round Four, Chris with b/g Void
Game One: A very, very close game, I seal his void, he drops a deed with no mana left. I go off, I draw practically all my deck, but end up one mana short to donate this turn. He wins from there.
Game Two: He declines my girl scout cookie tech. I lose.

Round Five, Oath.
Game One: Close matches, eventually I drain all his counters, Burning Wish for Replenish, and continue to go off and win. I had to Donate twice as he sacked a Spike for 4 life.
Game Two: He offers me girl scout cookies, how can I decline that offer?!
Game Three: I drop an early Illusions, Donate, he counters. I Regrowth Illusions, play Donate, counters. Burning Wish for Replenish, get Illusions, go off with Fastbond + Gush + Enchantress + enchantments. Get another Donate, I win. =-)

So, after I pull of this disappointing 3-2 (we all know EnchanTrix should go 5-0), me, Cid, and Chris hang out and watch Brian win his top four match. Charlie and Pat were out there fixing his car. Soon, Pat comes marching in stating his car's fan belt broke off. We leave to find the car dismembered, the chairs were mangled and twisted, doors open, everything. After a while we fix the car, and Pat is pretty pissed. He breaks out the fan belt and begins to beat me because I have girl scout cookies and he doesn&'t. When he gets his anger out, we out to find a place that would fix his fan belt. Well, it turns out, that in a place called City of Industry, we cant find a single place that would fix his fucking belt. We finally give up after a person from information hangs up on Pat.
After giving up on the fan belt, we're off to find food. Its relatively late now, 6:30ish, but in about 5 minutes we find that there is a purpose in life. On our way to get food, we see these two brown guys riding bikes. Now, these are you regular Joe's you see working in your neighbor's backyard, nice, hardworking people. Well, one of these guys is riding his back and piloting another. This guy had a smile as far as your mom can see. We start to crack up and yell out the window at him. This guy is savage, and his 1337/\/355 rivals that of my girl scout cookies. He fucking jacked a bike and couldn't be happier. Maybe his daughter fancies shit brown stolen bikes, who knows.

Well, after that even, we realized that nothing could ever amount to the great feat that had, so we quickly got food and went home. It was the end all be all of everything.

Props
-My Thin Mints girl scout cookies, they won me soo many matches. Svg tech
-Cid, for making me run EnchanTrix
-CooperB, for making Enchantress such a shitty deck I had to make a parody around it.
-Pat, Thanks for the ride man
-Cid, Chris, Charlie, Pat, and Brian, for being very cool guys who made this trip very enjoyable.
-Beaner Man, you made life worth living.
-Pat's van, you got us from a to b

Slops
-Pat's van, for doing it in shitacular fashion
-Walmart of City of Industry, for being the shitiest Walmart ever
-Beaner Man, theres not much more left to live for. =\
-Cid's Trailer Park heaven, for making my house look like shit.
-All you naysayers, FUCK YOU

*Dont take any of this seriously