The Tale of a Man who forgot to Sleep…
A Tiny Taste of Background.
I work as a cab driver, working midafternoon to three or four in the morning, most nights, so I’m not what your would call a “morning� person. I also have a Wife, and four kids (although only 3 live with me) and ever since I was a kid I have suffered from cluster headaches. If you have ever had one, trust me, you know they are somekinda fierce. Ya ya I know, enough about me, on to the report.
7/9/05 Saturday 5:30 pm
I open my eyes to the sight of a pair of naked breasts staring at me. Smiling in welcome to the big round fleshy melons, my hearing finally returning to me, hearing the wifey saying “its 5:30, if you’re going to draft today you need to get your ass up�. Mumbling sourly as my favorite twins get hidden away and then leave the room without me, I fall out of bed and grab my smokes and my painkillers, lighting one and swallowing the others… I think it was the cigarette I lit, but I’m not really sure. Wandering out of the bedroom I do the usual morning stuff, even though my morning just happens to most peoples dinner time. I hop in the shower, toss some clothes on and grab my stuff and head out the door. Now I’m only semi coherent so this usual morning stuff take about an hour and a half and I know there is no way in hell that I’m going to make the draft, but then again I was planning on heading to Manchester for Double Midnights tourney, so I was more worried about getting some testing in then drafting, so I think to myself, no biggie.
7:07pm
I pull into the parking lot, jump out, grab my bag and drag it into local magic store Toys in the Attic (yes that was a random plug, sue me). I plop my stuff down, grab one of the comfy swivel chairs and drag it between Adam and the Mormon as they pass around last of the cards from their champions packs. Various people either yell, mutter or whisper that I’m late, which was in fact was rather obvious, but that’s my friends for you. I ask Adam if he’s coming up to Comic-con for the tourney on the morrow, but I find out he has to work tomorrow , so I frown and pout and ponder getting all teary-eyed when Mac says he’ll come up with me if I loan him a deck, which I brightened up and say sure too. Somewhere between betrayers and saviors Mac and I flesh out the details and I wander off to pick up some cards and try to decide on which deck to play tomorrow, the choices being my version of Gary Wedge’s Lodestone Myr-Time Vault-Metalworker-Staff of Domination deck That I had been testing for a few weeks, or MeanDeck Gifts, which I hadn’t even thrown together on Workstation, never mind even having played yet. My decision is made for me with I can’t find a third Staff, or a single Greaves in the entire damn store… so Gifts it is. I shove some random humans out of the way, pull out my list for Gifts and toss it together, finding out I’m short a Misdirection, asking around for one for trade, finding none, then pulling out my sharpie and proxying the sucker up. Gunky, the local pest and non-magic player plops down across from me asks if I want to play, so I sleeve up in my brand new shiny foily skully sleeves and shuffle up, when I find out he’s playing a Kawi-block deck against me and he finds out a I’m playing Type one against him, he asks if I have a block deck to play against him, and I tell him for the Zillionth time I only play Real Magic, and draft once and great while. Now Gunky, since he doesn’t play Magic, shrugs and shuffles up and we play, both games ending with an 11/11 trampling-mass-human-murdering artifact beastie gutting him in short order.
After playing what would be my only two test games with the deck, I, in no particular order, smoke cigarettes, chase Gunky around, and watch the semi’s of the draft between Paul and The Mormon, and shoot the shit with Mac and Adam (who ended up splitting the draft finals with Paul), then pack up my shit and head for home.
11:00 or so that night
I arrive at the homestead, pop in and smooch various sleeping 3 and 6 year olds, snuggle with a random 8 month old and wifeys, grab a bite to eat, take some pain meds cause my damn heads pounding again and watch Jamie Foxx kill Tom Cruise, in no particular order. Then the wifey heads for bed, rugrat in tow, as I start work on my sideboard, stealing mystic remora tech from someone’s tourney report and finalize the decklist, choosing echoing truth main over vamp, and running 5 fetch with 3 volcanic, and two undergrounds.
3:00 am Sunday
OMFG, the damn dwarfs won’t stop marching around in my skull, arrrrrgggggg. Chainer’s edict or no? Hmmmm, no, it’s the ass, what’s that I see? Ascendant Evincar? Maybe I should ask Mac if he wants to board that in oath (that being the deck I’m loaning Mac to play).
5:00 am
Damn marching Dwarfs!!! I finalize the list and board for both decks, there’s what I play.
Meandeck Gifts
4 Force of Will
4 Mana Drain (One signed
)
4 Brainstorm
4 Merchant Scroll
4 Gifts Ungiven
3 Misdirection (one proxy, damnit)
1 Yawgmoth’s Will
1 Tinker
1 Time Walk (proxy)
1 Recoup
1 Burning Wish
1 Darksteel Colossus
1 Ancestral Recall (proxy)
1 Fact or Fiction
1 Rebuild
1 Echoing Truth
1 Demonic Tutor
1 Mystical Tutor
3 Islands
1 Snow-Covered Island
3 Polluted Delta
2 Flooded Strand
3 Volcanic Island
2 Underground Sea
1 Tolarian Academy
1 Mox Sapphire (proxy)
1 Mox Pearl (proxy)
1 Mox Emerald (proxy)
1 Mox Ruby (proxy)
1 Mox Jet (proxy)
1 Mana Crypt
1 Mana Vault
1 Black Lotus (proxy)
1 Sol Ring
1 Lotus Petal
Board
1 Tendrils of Agony (like my Headache)
1 Red Elemental Blast
1 Pyroblast
1 Hydroblast
1 Pyroclasm
3 Tormod’s Crypt
1 Sundering Titan
3 Mystic Remora
2 Rack and Ruin
1 Boseiju, Who Shelters your Mom or something like that
7:00 am
@#$%$##$%#^$#%# Dwarfs in my Skull! Kids are up, so I snuggle and watch some nature show with the Monsters, then wake up the better half and hop in the shower, thinking to myself, I’ve had no sleep, my head is pounding, I’m going to scrub out, I’m going to scrub out…. Then Mac calls to make sure I’m up and remember I’ve got to get him. Damn, can’t back out, Mac’s depending on me (he’s between cars atm). I calm down, dress, splash on some cologne (TECH!), grab my stuff, and run out the door.
8:30am or some such time
Grab Mac, throw him in the car, tell him he’s playing oath and start driving. We hash out the list on the drive (it’s an hour or so from Dover, were he lives, to Manchester. I live in Rochester btw if anyone cares). Tell him about the Evincar and what it might be good against (Slaver, random aggro , random elves and such, and he makes the final decision, yes going to board it (sorry about that Cross, it’s kind of my Fault). Along the way we find out Mac forgot his wallet, but I tell him no problem as I have got plenty of cash and when we get home he can hook me back up. Lots of random statements are made, most involving the word random or other random things of that nature (Btw, this sentence was in fact rather random, now that I think about it).
9:50
Pull into my brothers house, and unpack both the cards and the Mac, and wander out back, mise some hugs and kisses from the nieces and nephew, kick my brother in the ass and load up in his van and force him to drive us to the Radisson Hotel so I don’t have to pay for parking or some such excuse. Arrive (finally) at our destination were good lucks and cell numbers are exchanged, and into the venue we go.
The actual tourney report kind of starts here (for those who love to scroll).
Mac and I run into Gary Wedge, savage player of Lodestone Myr’s and Time Vaults, from here on referred to as The Gary Wedge. I pay for Mac and I, we get our sexy as hell red paper bracelets and green hand stamps and head inside. Glancing around, I see an ass ton of comics dealers, a few artists, and it finally hits me… so this is why it said Comic-con. I drag Mac to the back of the room Brett, the T.O., sitting in front a laptop and printer. I tell him allo and ask him what’s up with the whole knee immobilizer on his leg and find out he tore his ACL. Now when I was like 19 or so (I’m 28 now) I tore my MCL, and my leg has never been the same, and an ACL tear is worse, so I truly feel for him. We chat for a minute or so, then get the reg sheets and plop down in chairs to fill them out. I know my list well, and finished in record time (ok, I had a crib sheet, sue me), then wander off to check out the dealer tables for Magical type cards. I find a dealer/soon to be ex-player who selling off his collection, with a nice binder of stuff including the third misdirection I need and a Colossus for Mac and trade some of that useless green paper for some sexy cards, wander back over to Mac, hand him his Colossus, fix my list and turn it in.
I decide to wander around and see who’s round about, my eyes searching for Justin, Jared, Tyler and other various Mana Drainers, and see only a few face’s I recognize, including the incomparable Seth Patterson, the coolest English Man in New Hampshire (Oliver), and The Gary Wedge again. After wasting a half hour chatting with various human types and throwing hello’s around like they were free, I hear Brett say we have eight or so more minutes before we start so I run outside for a smoke to help me stay awake. Whilst outside I gab with some of my fellow players and find out that the wanted one, Jared (for those not in the know, that’s Nataz) and Tyler are no were to be seen.
I crush out the butt and head back inside and see Dan “the Man� of Myriad Game fame and slide into a chair. Brett gets everyone’s attention and tells us that do to the low turnout of only 17 players, yes that right only 17, that he’s pulling the twister for second, but is leaving the Ancestral for first. Now I, for one, think that it took real balls to do that.
A played Ancestral is worth at least $400 I do believe, and he was only getting $340 from us Magical slingers. That my friend is taking a hit. Hell, I would have played if he only put up the Twister and I would not have batted an eyelash. To all of you out there reading this, if you live anywhere near the Rochester area and want to go to a Double Midnight Tourney and don’t have a ride, let me know… I’ll drive you up, just Pm me brother.
The really Real Tourney report starts in this a-hear spot (I promise).
It’s 5 rounds, cut to top eight.
Pairings are up and I’m matched up with…The Gary Wedge (nooooo)
Game one
Shuffle up, cut, draw and keep my seven and I’m on the play, I think (it would be a recurring theme today). The Gary Wedge plays an ass-ton of ancient tombs, pinging himself, as I draw and search, cast ancestral and get ahead on card advantage. After a few turns of this he plays and then hit me once with jug, and passes. I merchant for mystical, then pass the turn. He then untaps and plays lodestone with the time vault already in play (that was his first turn play I think) then attempts a greaves which I let through despite having Drain in hand. He enters his attack step and I Rebuild his board… before he does his untap-tap tricks with the Lodestone which was obviously major mistake Number one of the match. I mean, me having a shitload of extra turns with mystical in hand is savagely good you know. So he passes and junk and I eot for tinker, then on my turn replaying my artifact mana then tinkering for Big Sexy, and passing. His turn, he untaps casts Lodestone, which I let go (say hello to big mistake of the match number two everyone) then he casts time vault…which is ok by me… and then he casts greaves which I counter. He shrugs, plays a land and casts another greaves; I dope slap my self and die gruesomely. After wards he shows me and extra vault and be both agree that I’m a dumb ass for letting the Lodestone resolve, and yes, in case you’re wondering kids he only had one Lodestone in his hand. As I scoop up my deck I happen to see the top card, which was time walk. Like arrrrgggg and stuff.
I board in a pair of Rack and Ruins and board out a Gifts and a Merchant Scroll I think.
Game two
Not much to say, I keep a savagely good hand that involves an early tinker for Big Sexy and smash face.
Game three (board same as for game two)
On the play, I fan my seven, which consists of Tinker, Ruby, Sapphire, Crypt, Volcanic, Rack and Ruin and Sol Ring. I think to myself, this is the nut draw against his deck and sooooo keep it. I mean, first turn tinker, with rack and ruin back up? It’s awesome, is it not? The Gary Wedge keeps, plays workshop, lotus and then taps the shop and casts Trinisphere. I cry inside as he passes and I top an underground, play it and pass. He plays workshop #2 I think, and casts metalworker and sends it back to me. I top a delta, play the volcanic and pass back. He untaps draws, plays waste, killing one of them thar lands and taps workshop and casts Staff of Domination, shows three artifacts in his hand and I scoop.
I stumble outside for a smoke and suffer major case of the I’m an idiots, threatening to throw myself off the nearest curb to a gruesome death of deceleration syndrome. Rethinking that I head back inside instead and wait for the pairings…
Round two I’m paired up against Mr. Bye, who concedes and runs from the Hotel screaming his bleeping head off.
So I have like an hour, my head is pounding and I’m tired… I scout around for a while, watching Mac oath up the Ascendant Evincar against Cross, smoke some cigarettes, and my mind turns to mush from sleep depravation. Memo to self= sleep good.
Finally pairings are up and I sit down across from Cross (yes, the Cross of TMD fame) with control slaver
Now it’s time for some apologies, I’m so exhausted that I details are foggy or even screwed up for the next few rounds.
Round three
Game one
Honestly, I don’t remember much, but I’m pretty sure that it was over rather quick, with me tinkering for Big Sexy with counter back up and then winning.
Game two (board in REB and Pyro, board out gifts and something else)
I win via Tendrils in this game after winning a counter war over ancestral. I think. Maybe. Cross if you read this here report and haven’t been put to sleep by it could you let me know?
Honestly, the only thing I know for sure from this round, is my impression of Cross. Three words… Super-Cool-Guy
Yet again I have a cancer stick or 3, yap with other players and head back inside and wait for the pairing to go up
Round four vs Adam with oath salvagers
I had played him at the last tourney I had went to at Myriad Games, and I’m pretty sure he’s playing the same deck, I however am not (I was with Stax that tourney). I’m glad to be paired with him for two reasons 1) I think it’s a good matchup for me and 2) Most importantly, to me at least, is that he’s super cool and joy to play against.
Game one
There are about 5 cards in his deck I care about. The oaths and the tinker, and that’s about it. He’s playing less counters then me so I’m not scared. His oath’s don’t resolve, I ping him with my Kids for a few points ( I have pictures of my family in sleeves, inside hard sleeves that I use for tokens), he balances and loses a most of his hand and all but two of his lands, I top will, gifts for moxen, will, gifts a few times, rebuild once get demonic and then burning and Tendrils him for an ass-ton.
Game two (board in REB and Pyro, board out Gifts and a Scroll?)
Counter oath, counter oath, tinker for Big Sexy gg.
I head out for a smoke, meet up with Mac and we're both 3-1 and can draw in. So we smoke and I try sleeping standing up, fail miserably and head back inside. The tie-breakers are up and we find out that Cross had dropped and one person at nine points wouldn’t make it in. My breakers were the suck, but if I draw, it’s a moot point. Pairings go up and I’m matched up with Chad, who’s sitting pretty with 10 points and already in. He sits down across from me and I offer the draw, visions of food dancing around in my head, around the feet of the stomping dwarfs, of course. He says no to the draw, the dancing food stops dancing, and the dwarfs are so shocked the stop stomping. I shake my head to bust up the cobwebs that had to have been blocking up my ears and offer the draw again. He politely refuses again, and then explains that his teammate Dan (Myriad Games) probly only makes it in if I lose to him. So I Frown and shuffle up and get ready to play
Round five Chad with Burninator?
Game one
I mull for the first time this tourney and get crushed, the beating involving a hearth kami that I have to read that eats my Crypt (?) for lunch. I break out my sideboard fuming inside… I mean I was livid… no damn draw, and then get smashed by burninator?? Getting angry did one thing; I woke me the hell up for the first time almost since I started playing today.
Game two (in comes pyroclasm and hydro, out goes a gifts and a brainstorm)
I fan my seven, and the lone mana source, a Ruby stares at me… growl and mull to six and keep island, sapphire, pearl, tinker, force and misdirection. I go mox mox island tinker for Big Sexy and smash face.
Game three (board same as two)
I mull again (Chad’s a jinx) into volcanic, mystical, hydro, crypt, island and misdirection (ok, maybe Chad’s not a jinx) he plays something and passes it to me. I draw merchant scroll, play island and pass (I ish scareded of that damn hearth kami, and wasteland) he plays something else and leaves a red open. His eot I mystical, it resolves, I throw tinker on top, then untap draw, play volcanic and crypt, cast tinker and I’m pretty sure it was this game, (but not one hundred percent sure) he blasts the tinker, and I misdirect pitching scroll with a hydro as back up and squish him flat as one of my mothers pancakes.
I gather my stuff check with Mac (he drew in) and stomp outside for a smoke. While I’m out there I stop and think, if I had been in the same situation I would have done that same thing as Chad had. Personally, I blame the marching dwarfs for my anger, the bastages. If your reading this Chad, no hard feelings ok? You did the right thing for your teammate and I’m sorry if I came off as a jerk. I, however, do not release my anger… instead I focus in on what deserves it, those mother @#$&^%$# dwarves. I head back inside, use the restroom, stuff my head in a sink and almost drown myself. As I look up, I’m fully awake, in charge and I head back. I swing over to a table and grab some chips, and candy and head to the tables were I find out I’m paired against…
Top eight vs Dan of Myriad Games fame
With 12 points, I’m the one seed, and I’m paired against Dan who just slid in (hey, no harm, no foul in the end). Before we play my foily Yoda went jumping with Dan’s Jump, and I signed a foily mountain for him, and he signed a foily island and gave it to me, and I had him sign one of my many Darksteel Ingots…yes I know, I’m obsessed with it, give a break will ya?
Game one
See game one vs Chad… mull to six and get killed.
Game two (in with pyroclasm and hydro, out with gifts and brainstorm)
Not really much to tell, I keep my 7 (finally), tinkered for Big Sexy and won quickly.
Game three
More of the same, keep the seven, play tinker for Big Sexy, whom I know was just saying “You puny humans, I squish squish you!�(Actually Dan’s rather tall, but you get the gist).
Sometime doing my match with Dan, the fact I hadn’t sleep the night before somehow escaped my mouth, along with the fact I suffer from cluster headaches. Brett, Dan and I talk about it some and Brett asks me if I’m ok to drive home, at which time I point out Mac and say it’s cool. Brett and Dan seemed surprised that I top eighted considering how I felt, and to be honest, I was more shocked then they were.
To Brett and Dan, even if I never win another game in tourney play ever again, I give you my word that it’s humanly possible to be at one of your tourneys, I’ll be there. My entry fee will be there and I will bring more human types to flood you in money. All I can say is thank you guys, for your concern for my welfare.
Ok, enough of that stuff, back to the actual tourney
Mac lost to Adam, my round 4 opponent, so it’s rematch time.
Semi’s vs Adam
Game one
Ah, not much to say… on turn 3 or 4 I tinker for Colossus with time walk in hand and he scoops
Game two
I get kid tokens, who beat him down for a while until he’s around 8 or so while I’m at 19 I think. He fights a tinker through for colossus, I tinker for mine on my turn, swing with kids, get him down to 5 or so and pass, he does nothing and passes, I swing with the team, blocks Big Sexy with his twin brother, goes to 2, takes his turn, draws hoping for balance, doesn’t get it and scoops to the brood. I’m now 3-0 vs Adam, and I just know he’s going to kick my ass next time.
Finals vs Oliver (Englishman in New Hampshire) with salvagers/gifts
As I’m shuffling up for game one, Mac and Adam are trading so Mac can get the stuff to put together Oath (who’s got four extra oaths? Adam, that’s who… can I get a round of applause for this guy or what?).
Its official Mac’s a full fledged convert to Type one. People ask, how do we get more players into our favorite format? More proxies? Nope, not to me…it’s exposure to the greatest of all magic formats… you have a buddy who plays type two and is doesn’t know about type one, or is even scared of it? Loan him a deck and drag them kicking and screaming to the tourney if you have too. Grassroots baby, grassroots.
Oh yes, on to the finals
Game one
We play draw go for a while, until turn 4 or 5 we have a counter war over his tinker, which I lose. He also duresses me and takes my merchant scroll over yawg will, figuring if he took the will, I would just go get ancestral (he was right) I had pitched my echoing doing the counter war and he doesn’t know I also run rebuild main, which turns out to be rather important. He passes and I draw brainstorm, casting it and sending the will to the top then fetching it was, leaving me with another fetch, rebuild, force, and I pass it back to him. He draws, lays a mox or a land, I can’t remember, and swings with colossus, I respond by casting rebuild. He replays his mox (one card in hand, that being colossus) and has 5 lands and a mox in play, then passes. I untap, draw ancestral, and cast it getting mystical (yes I can get tinker and then my Big Sexy Monster!) then Colossus (Noooooooooo!) and a random non-brainstorm blue card. I’m a little sad, but I’m ok I have force just in case, and then I pass it back to him. He draws and plays Lotus, which I let through. I consider casting mystical for brainstorm, but if I do that, how do I get tinker? So I untap and draw…mana drain! I frown a little and pass it back to him. Now I have a new plan. Let him cast the damn beast, I’ll drain it with force back up, and if he decides to wait for counter back up, well I have more counters then him and I just need brainstorm to win. He untaps and plays mana crypt, looks at me and taps out with only colossus in hand and attempts to play it. I drain and he calmly shuffles him back into his deck and passes. I untap, topdeck timewalk, very calmly play my colossus into his frown and the crowd’s (what there was of it) excitement. At this point Oliver was around 10 life or so, for one reason or another but in the end I walk, swing, he draws nothing and it’s time for game two
Game two (in REB and Pyro, out gifts and brainstorm)
After the last game, this one is anti-climatic. Turn 3-4 I tinker out Big Sexy and swing for the win.
I’m kind of staring at him as he scoops up his cards and shakes my hand. I hear some congrats and stuff, realizing I really won. I let out a Whoop of victory and then immediately apologize to Oliver. He tells me its ok, but it’s really not. I going home with an Ancestral Recall, and he’s getting store credit… That whoop of joy was unfair to him and unsportsmanlike of me. Oliver, you were a great opponent and a true gentleman and I feel horrid about that whoop. I once again, humbly ask your forgiveness for acting like bloody fool.
Soon after I get handed my Super Sexy prize, smiling like an idiot, and proceed to pull out my Darksteel Ingot binder and sharpie and have as many people as I can grab sign my little tiny obsessions. I put away my binder and pack up, call my brother to come and get Mac and I, tell him that I won, he tells me congrats and then I pass some smooches to the nieces (nephew was a sleep), pick up Mac and toss him in the car and head for home. I could tell you all about the ride home, but even I don’t want to hear it so I’m going to end my report now with props
Props
Mac : for keeping me awake, alive and for being the Man
Oliver : for being a great opponent and great guy
Brett : for running the tourney despite a torn ACL and leaving the ancestral up even though you didn’t have to.
Dan : for the signed foils and savage jumping Yoda tech
Chad : for being a good teammate to Dan and a great opponent
Adam : for being so cool, trading almost everything Mac needed for oath to him after our match
The Gary Wedge : ( who did top eight btw) for being The Gary Wedge
Adam : for being my homie despite not being able to come up for this tourney… you’ll always be my favorite randomfatkid85
And to any one else who showed up, Props to you all
