Vintage Academy

[kl0wn]

You both sound like a couple of bickering little 12-year old bitches with skinned knees. How the fuck do either of you expect to talk shit acting like that, much less teach it to other whiney metrosexuals? And how the fuck do you expect anybody to hear you when it's coming from that muffled pair of lips between your Naired chicken legs? That's not shit-talking, that's playing fucking tug-of-war with your fucking dollies. Now both of you go to your rooms, or I'll take away your easy bake ovens. And you can be damned sure neither of you will be getting a pony for your sweet sixteen. Bitches.

I win.

*kisses*

Oh, and one more thing:

Oh, no the big mean Klown guy said nasty things about me!  I'm so upset, whatever shall I do?

If by metrosexual you mean well groomed, then okay sure, thats not such a bad thing.  I have seen you at events and you are a wreck of epic proportions.  So, clearly I understand why you would want to lash out at your peers who understand the benefits of proper grooming, suave good looks, and good hygiene.  However, I don't blame you for being a person of such terrible disposition; it is apparent that you probably had terrible, poor mannered parents that never taught you a variety of things.  In particular, class, manners, and creativity are all character traits that come to mind.  However, if lashing out at me unprovoked makes you feel better about yourself, then I'm glad I could help you out.  I take a certain amout of solice in knowing that I am able to do my part in helping those less fortunate than I am.  So as you make your way back to the cardboard box that I assume you call your 'home,' just remember that I was your buddy today, because I let you take all of those insecurities and festering feelings of failure and frustration that you had boiling up inside of your disgusting, smelling, greasy body out on me.  Thus delaying the realization that you are clearly an unhappy and dissatisfied human being for another day.  I only wish that I could do more to help.  Please, come see me at the next major Vintage event... I'll donate a tube of toothpaste, soap, or something to your cause.  Not only will you feel better knowing that you are clean and germ free --but you'll may actually be able to 'make it' with a female.  I'm sure once you have experienced the joy of sexual relations with a woman, you will no longer feel the need to lash out at your peers!

Clearly, you win!  Cheers!

Seriously. You suck at trash-talking. Give it up. You lost my attention after the first couple of sentences, and I'm sure most other people found it less entertaining than mine. Your post further illustrates my point that you shouldn't try to spread your trash-talking incompetence to others.

For the record, my whole "you sound like a twelve-year-old girl" thing wasn't intended to be personal, just some general trash-talking to illustrate the effective way of doing it. Thank you for providing the bad example for others to compare.

Furthermore, you took all that shit personally and decided to try to attack me on a personal level (do my looks, which are a "wreck of epic proportions", mean you're not going to ask me to prom? and what kind of dipshit gets all groomed and dressed up for a Magic tournament?), which means that I obviously got to you. Good to know I ruined your day after seeing the kind of personal attack my general trash-talking comments elicited. I'd dissect and respond to it piece by piece, but I'd rather just not waste my time.

However, I will point out a couple of things that might help you in future trash-talking attempts:

1) Stop being so long-winded. The general public will just get confused by the message you're attempting to convey by the third paragraph, chief. I was once like you: all long-winded and proper (I guess that's what you kids call "creative" these days) until I noticed people looking at me like "huh???" after I got off my tyrade. The more words there are, the less effect they have. Keep it concise.

2) Don't repeat and rephrase your insults. Once is enough if you make it a good one, but the same rehashed insult over and over again will make you look like a jackass. I got it the first time; you don't think I'm pretty. Ouch. Less words say more.

3) Stop sounding so damned prissy. How are you going to get under someone's skin sounding like a 16 year-old bookworm wearing silk panties? Do you think anybody takes what you say seriously when you turn into some kind of haughty, better-than-you engrish major? No, they're going to laugh at how pathetic you and your attempt to mess with them are. Like me, for example. Just now after reading your little response, I was thinking about how much of a sissy you sound like. Am I going to take some sissy's insults about my "hygiene" and my manner of dress when I'm around a bunch of guys seriously? No, not really.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to point out that I have no idea who in the hell you are or what you look like, I just know you trashtalk like a bitch. But then again, I don't spend my time at Magic tournaments checking out other men and formulating opinions on either their "hygiene" or their "outfit". Basically what I mean is that you're beneath me (in a figurative sense; get that mental image of me being on top of you out yer head), so I could really give a flying nun about your opinion. I'm just hoping this little tutorial on trash-talking will prevent any further pathetic outbursts from you. Feel free to talk shit at me, just don't be so terrible at it.


Oh, and I "made it" with yer mom, does she count as a female?

[JuJu]

Bryce's Flying Nuns > Demars Life.

[Vegeta2711]

That was beautiful. Hell, kl0wn was even nice enough to give you tips!

[Klep]

That was beautiful. Hell, kl0wn was even nice enough to give you tips!

That's just the kind of guy he is.  Really classy.  Kl0wn is the kind of guy who, if he threw up in your toilet, would clean up after himself without you having to ask!  You have to admire that kind of respect for another man's things.

[forests failed you]

Although I disagree with you that blatent vulgarity and questioning an opponent's masculinity is the most optimized version of shit talk;  since it clearly means so much to you, I'll just conceed the arguement.  You can be the head of the 'ministry of shit talking' for the make-believe Vintage Academy.

However, I will point out one thing to you.  If I were playing a game of Magic the Gathering and my opponent started randomly swearing and calling me names, I would most certainly not feel intimidated in any way whatsoever.  I would probably think to myself something along the lines of, 'this person is kind of pathetic,' or 'I sort of feel sorry for this person, because they think they are being cleaver, creative, cool, et cetera.'

Oh yeah, and also, don't take anything that I stuff that I said about you being a 'wreck of epic proportions' too seriously; as I actually have no idea who you are.  I just assumed from all of the swearing, homophobic references, and 'yer mama' lines that there was chance that you were kind of a slob and I ran with it.  I actually have no idea whether it is true or not.  So, if I actually offended you or anything, I didn't actually mean it, I was just joking around. 

Anyways, its all good clean fun.  I enjoyed this entire thread emmensely, I've been laughing my ass off the entire time its been going on. 

[Komatteru]

Actually, Brian, you are incorrect.  You do know who Bryce is.  At least, if everyone got their stories straight.  Last year at Gencon, he handed you a flyer for his TMD Challenge thingy (the one he lost a fortune on), and you were shocked about the allowance of proxies.  At least, this is what I was told.  You can correct me if I am wrong.

[forests failed you]

Perhaps this is true, I have no idea and no memory of this event.

[CapitanJon]

Seriously. You suck at trash-talking. Give it up. You lost my attention after the first couple of sentences, and I'm sure most other people found it less entertaining than mine. Your post further illustrates my point that you shouldn't try to spread your trash-talking incompetence to others.

Demars, clearly what he is trying to say is that his little mind can't comprehend the big words and correct punctuation you used; so possibly next time you could draw a picture or use a pop-up book for reference for him.

[Klep]

Demars, clearly what he is trying to say is that his little mind can't comprehend the big words and correct punctuation you used; so possibly next time you could draw a picture or use a pop-up book for reference for him.

Pop-up books are AWESOME. I would love to see a flame produced in that medium.

[Samite Healer]

"How to wear pimp ties at Magic events!"

[kl0wn]

Seriously. You suck at trash-talking. Give it up. You lost my attention after the first couple of sentences, and I'm sure most other people found it less entertaining than mine. Your post further illustrates my point that you shouldn't try to spread your trash-talking incompetence to others.

Demars, clearly what he is trying to say is that his little mind can't comprehend the big words and correct punctuation you used; so possibly next time you could draw a picture or use a pop-up book for reference for him.

I love it when people try the "lack of intellegence" angle on me. I won't cite numbers or anything, but trust me; according to the powers that be, my mind is more powerful than 99% of the population's. This includes yours. Fact is, I've transcended all the "try to sound smart" garbage and have absolutely no need or desire to prove it to anyone. It's a waste of my time. I prefer to just focus on what's relevent. However, before you call into question my capacity for comprehension, you might want to check your friend's post for punctuation, spelling and grammatical errors.

It's not that I couldn't understand what he wrote, I just found it boring and subsequently lost interest about a sixteenth of the way into it. Now are we going to keep beating a dead horse here, or can we stop with these lame little "attacks"? It's getting dull and you keep failing. Miserably.

Oh and a pop-up book flame WOULD be awesome. Except it would have to be in the form of like some kind of 3-D thing with the glasses and whatnot, since I'm not sure how you'd have that kind of thing popping out of a computer screen like a pop-up book and all since the screen is made of GLASS. But I'm sure you MENSA candidates probably have something in the works that you're kicking around your secret think tank.

I KNOW! It could be like one of those remote-control vibrators, but instead of a vibrator, it could be like a blowtorch or a keyboard that heats up like an electric range or toaster oven to burn those you wish to smite. Wow, that would be great.

[forests failed you]

Jeff you are one classy dude.

[orgcandman]

I KNOW! It could be like one of those remote-control vibrators, but instead of a vibrator, it could be like a blowtorch or a keyboard that heats up like an electric range or toaster oven to burn those you wish to smite. Wow, that would be great.

I have built this device. PM me for information on how you can ship me your soul in exchange for one.

[Magi]

I <3 kl0wn

I want to have his abortion

[t3h_fury]

You both sound like a couple of bickering little 12-year old bitches with skinned knees. How the fuck do either of you expect to talk shit acting like that, much less teach it to other whiney metrosexuals? And how the fuck do you expect anybody to hear you when it's coming from that muffled pair of lips between your Naired chicken legs? That's not shit-talking, that's playing fucking tug-of-war with your fucking dollies. Now both of you go to your rooms, or I'll take away your easy bake ovens. And you can be damned sure neither of you will be getting a pony for your sweet sixteen. Bitches.

I win.

*kisses*

Oh, and one more thing:

Oh, no the big mean Klown guy said nasty things about me!  I'm so upset, whatever shall I do?

If by metrosexual you mean well groomed, then okay sure, thats not such a bad thing.  I have seen you at events and you are a wreck of epic proportions.  So, clearly I understand why you would want to lash out at your peers who understand the benefits of proper grooming, suave good looks, and good hygiene.  However, I don't blame you for being a person of such terrible disposition; it is apparent that you probably had terrible, poor mannered parents that never taught you a variety of things.  In particular, class, manners, and creativity are all character traits that come to mind.  However, if lashing out at me unprovoked makes you feel better about yourself, then I'm glad I could help you out.  I take a certain amout of solice in knowing that I am able to do my part in helping those less fortunate than I am.  So as you make your way back to the cardboard box that I assume you call your 'home,' just remember that I was your buddy today, because I let you take all of those insecurities and festering feelings of failure and frustration that you had boiling up inside of your disgusting, smelling, greasy body out on me.  Thus delaying the realization that you are clearly an unhappy and dissatisfied human being for another day.  I only wish that I could do more to help.  Please, come see me at the next major Vintage event... I'll donate a tube of toothpaste, soap, or something to your cause.  Not only will you feel better knowing that you are clean and germ free --but you'll may actually be able to 'make it' with a female.  I'm sure once you have experienced the joy of sexual relations with a woman, you will no longer feel the need to lash out at your peers!

Clearly, you win!  Cheers!

Seriously. You suck at trash-talking. Give it up. You lost my attention after the first couple of sentences, and I'm sure most other people found it less entertaining than mine. Your post further illustrates my point that you shouldn't try to spread your trash-talking incompetence to others.

For the record, my whole "you sound like a twelve-year-old girl" thing wasn't intended to be personal, just some general trash-talking to illustrate the effective way of doing it. Thank you for providing the bad example for others to compare.

Furthermore, you took all that shit personally and decided to try to attack me on a personal level (do my looks, which are a "wreck of epic proportions", mean you're not going to ask me to prom? and what kind of dipshit gets all groomed and dressed up for a Magic tournament?), which means that I obviously got to you. Good to know I ruined your day after seeing the kind of personal attack my general trash-talking comments elicited. I'd dissect and respond to it piece by piece, but I'd rather just not waste my time.

However, I will point out a couple of things that might help you in future trash-talking attempts:

1) Stop being so long-winded. The general public will just get confused by the message you're attempting to convey by the third paragraph, chief. I was once like you: all long-winded and proper (I guess that's what you kids call "creative" these days) until I noticed people looking at me like "huh???" after I got off my tyrade. The more words there are, the less effect they have. Keep it concise.

2) Don't repeat and rephrase your insults. Once is enough if you make it a good one, but the same rehashed insult over and over again will make you look like a jackass. I got it the first time; you don't think I'm pretty. Ouch. Less words say more.

3) Stop sounding so damned prissy. How are you going to get under someone's skin sounding like a 16 year-old bookworm wearing silk panties? Do you think anybody takes what you say seriously when you turn into some kind of haughty, better-than-you engrish major? No, they're going to laugh at how pathetic you and your attempt to mess with them are. Like me, for example. Just now after reading your little response, I was thinking about how much of a sissy you sound like. Am I going to take some sissy's insults about my "hygiene" and my manner of dress when I'm around a bunch of guys seriously? No, not really.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to point out that I have no idea who in the hell you are or what you look like, I just know you trashtalk like a bitch. But then again, I don't spend my time at Magic tournaments checking out other men and formulating opinions on either their "hygiene" or their "outfit". Basically what I mean is that you're beneath me (in a figurative sense; get that mental image of me being on top of you out yer head), so I could really give a flying nun about your opinion. I'm just hoping this little tutorial on trash-talking will prevent any further pathetic outbursts from you. Feel free to talk shit at me, just don't be so terrible at it.


Oh, and I "made it" with yer mom, does she count as a female?

Wow, you guys really do suck at trash talking. 

All your comebacks do is take up space.  "Oh shit, I fucked your mom!","Your ugly!"  seriously get a fucking grip.  You guys (or should I say ladies) sound like a bunch of fucking eigth graders. 

Do you wanna know why you want the trash-talking job?  Because you have the playskill of an autistic child.  Which, coincedentally is what you have hidden under your bed to pleasure you at night. 

If I ever played you I would gladly show you that a deck with a goldfish of turn 61 is not a good, however its no worse than that 56 land 4Fireball deck that you claimed was a DTB in the current "meta." 

Oh, I sent you both pop up books last night, but I think you were confused by the multiple colors and words like "Black Lotus" and "Ancestral Recall."  Way to suck at life, dumbfucks.

Me, FTW.

[Bram]

Did anyone mention 'Cheating 101' yet? In that Vintage Academy Class (possible taught by Mike Long and Kurtis Hahn), I would like to learn what the best way is to go about the following:

- Insufficient randomization
- Randomly determining the outcome of a game
- Adding cards to a Limited deck
- Unsporting conduct severe
- Playing with marked cards
- Drawing extra cards
- Bribery
- Fraudulent use of a DCI number
- Failure to comply with tournament official's instructions
- Assaulting a judge
- Fraudulent Tournament Reports
- Obstruction of DCI investigation
- Misrepresenting match state

[Methuselahn]

What the heck is going on here?  First, can you Vintage Adepts go and post your bickering in the Mod forum so that us that are not in the fraternity don't have to read it?  plsoktks.  Seriously, did a house land on everybody's sister in here?  More shocking than that, we have a Dutchie bringing the thread back on-topic.  Holy wtf Batman.  Actually, it's still a flame, but a nice segue into being on topic.

I believe one of the most profitable classes would be something based on bluffing and more importantly, tells as to what your opponent is playing and what they may do.

[t3h_fury]

Did anyone mention 'Cheating 101' yet? In that Vintage Academy Class (possible taught by Mike Long and Kurtis Hahn), I would like to learn what the best way is to go about the following:

- Insufficient randomization
- Randomly determining the outcome of a game
- Adding cards to a Limited deck
- Unsporting conduct severe
- Playing with marked cards
- Drawing extra cards
- Bribery
- Fraudulent use of a DCI number
- Failure to comply with tournament official's instructions
- Assaulting a judge
- Fraudulent Tournament Reports
- Obstruction of DCI investigation
- Misrepresenting match state

Yeah, I know a few people who could teach that.  One guy tried to put a Shrapnel Blast on my lap so that he wouldn't get caught for drawing extra cards.

[kl0wn]

Wow, you guys really do suck at trash talking. 

All your comebacks do is take up space.  "Oh shit, I fucked your mom!","Your ugly!"  seriously get a fucking grip.  You guys (or should I say ladies) sound like a bunch of fucking eigth graders. 

I already used the gender-questioning in my initial flame (and much better than you did, I might add). Steal someone else's material. Oh, and I have a grip...on yer mom's titties. She's such a dirty, dirty slut.

Do you wanna know why you want the trash-talking job?  Because you have the playskill of an autistic child.  Which, coincedentally is what you have hidden under your bed to pleasure you at night. 

Dude...seriously. C'mon, autistic children? We've stooped to new lows here and that means A LOT coming from me. Don't go there, girlfriend. And obviously since you've thrown your gloves into the ring, you must suck ass like the rest of us.

If I ever played you I would gladly show you that a deck with a goldfish of turn 61 is not a good, however its no worse than that 56 land 4Fireball deck that you claimed was a DTB in the current "meta." 

Oh, I sent you both pop up books last night, but I think you were confused by the multiple colors and words like "Black Lotus" and "Ancestral Recall."  Way to suck at life, dumbfucks.

Magic-related trashtalking sucks and is very ineffective. Not only that, but you're trying to talk shit about playskill to two Vintage Adepts whilst you are only a lowly Basic Usar. You might want to change your plan of attack and use a different angle. As it stands, it's like you're some random couch potato telling Muhammad Ali and George Foreman that they suck at boxing; people are just going to be all like "who the hell is this guy?". I know I am.

And the only pop-up book I got was called "t3h_fury Tosses Salad". Was that from you? If so, you're such a sweetheart; I really enjoyed it. There was no mention of 'Black Lotus', 'Ancestral Recall' or anything Magical in it though, except for the way you magically maneuvered your tongue in and out and around that guy's anus. I bet your partner is a very happy man.

Me, FTW.

Uh, no. You lose and you did it to yourself. Thanks for playing though.


Edit: removed the goatse link for the sake of the children. You can thank me later.

[t3h_fury]

Yay, back to sexuality insults.  Yea, and about that little pop up book you said you got.  Look closer, thats your mom and the other person is not me.  I just took the pictures.  You misread the title, it's T3h_Fury's book of your mom tossing salad. 

But yeah, the autistic child thing was pretty low.  I'll edit that part out.

As for me being a basic user and such, I've beaten Legacy adepts on The Source, I've never played you, but I don't think you'll kill me because your an Adept.  Also, nice job comparing yourself to Muhammad Ali, as you are really dominating the format the way Ali dominated boxing.   

Yeah, BTW I'm just fucking around.  This is fun though Kl0wn, keep it up.

[Bram]

As for me being a basic user and such, I've beaten Legacy adepts on The Source

Way to go. I bet if I called you ugly, you'd reply with "I'm hotter than Corky," too.

[kl0wn]

As for me being a basic user and such, I've beaten Legacy adepts on The Source

Way to go. I bet if I called you ugly, you'd reply with "I'm hotter than Corky," too.

SMASH!! Ten points to Bram.

Yay, back to sexuality insults.  Yea, and about that little pop up book you said you got.  Look closer, thats your mom and the other person is not me.  I just took the pictures.  You misread the title, it's T3h_Fury's book of your mom tossing salad. 

So you look like a fifty year-old woman then?

[t3h_fury]

Bram, if you called me ugly, I would find it odd that you were judging other guys.

I JUST TOOK THE PICTURES

[Jacob Orlove]

This is why we can't have nice things.