The Code

[Hydra]

http://www.liquorwits.com/code.html

My personal favorites are #21 and #57.

[Shock Wave]

Classic. Too many good ones to list.

[Mr. Nightmare]

#6 and #41.  I live and die by them.

[Bardo]

#6 and #41.  I live and die by them.

Re: #41. In those cases, I'll just use the stall and not be forced to empty my bladder like some feral beast.

Re: #56. Actually, there are many shitty Simpsons episodes, and it doens't hurt anyone to point out the truth in these cases.

[Moxlotus]

That Maxim is actually like one of the 3 I've ever read.  But that code is timeless and people should always be reminded of it.

[Dr. Sylvan]

I think #47 needs to be thrown out on account of shaving---my face would have a good chance of looking like I shaved with barbed wire if I did it in under two minutes.

#54 shouldn't apply if you dress up for work---my black dress shoes very intentionally match my dark slacks.

#56 is garbage; I refuse to even watch the Rocky movies.

#58 ignores the important exception for undershirts being tucked in.

Apparently I'm just not tough enough, because I break #49 (dancing movies) and #50 (crying circumstances) on at least a quarterly basis, even though it's well known that I'm an emotionless machine.

#33 is confusingly worded: "Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her." Does this mean the limit is your endurance, or how long you are *permitted* to have sex with her? In either case, the rule has no provisions for women you have no basis for judging this duration for, particularly family members. Moreover, it is not restricted to social calls, so at the office this rule falls apart. Also, based on this rule, having a female friend makes my nickname "Princess" roughly twice a week. I call bullshit.

There are important inclusions (e.g., 22, 31, 44), but I think this list was written by someone who doesn't know anyone older than college-aged.

[Yare]

Number 41 is the crown jewel of the code.  Those who do not keep it sacred should be purified of their sin by fire.

[Jacob Orlove]

Okay, so you guys think you have rule #41 down. Let's see how well you REALLY know your Proper Urinal Etiquette!

edit: google gave me the french version, for some reason. I changed the link to the main (english) version of the site.

[Ephraim]

Okay, so you guys think you have rule #41 down. Let's see how well you REALLY know your Proper Urinal Etiquette!

You scored 100% on easy questions, 94% on medium difficulty, and 100% on the challengers!

Here's a hint:  You DO NOT want to be anywhere near the naked guy.

[Bardo]

Oh my god, that was one of the funniest tests I've taken on the Internet in years.

Fucking brilliant!

Edit - Men's piss-rooms are odd places indeed. Last summer I walked into the piss-shack on the way up to Mt Saint Helens and, I'm not kidding you, the "urinal" was a 3' high, 12' long stainless-steel trough. Too much for me. I just pissed in the bushes out back. Fuck "bathroom logistics" when you have to stand with your dick in your hand, surrounded by five other dudes. Bah.

[Grand Inquisitor]

Vous avez répondu à 15 questions sur 15, au fait

Does that mean I did good?

[Addolorisi]

So on question 8 you have

A X B C X X

8. C (rule 4) Only placement that avoids a coupling.

Looks to me like you're standing next to a guy no matter what you pick. So...shouldn't A win out being next to a wall? Or perhaps I misunderstand coupling and it means having 2 pairs of guys at either end instead of simply being next to a guy?

Not to sound like I'm giving it a whole lot of thought, but most of these are common sense, and it seems to run counter to my initial reaction.

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

       You scored higher than 99% on Easy
       You scored higher than 99% on Medium
       You scored higher than 99% on Challenging

How is that possible unless a bunch of girls took the test and just said they were guys? Taking a piss isn't rocket science...

I'm not kidding you, the "urinal" was a 3' high, 12' long stainless-steel trough.

I've run into these at a lot of football stadiums, and it sucks to do your best to pick the least crowded one that's the most out of sight, stand at the very end, and still have a little kid walk in, sidle up next to you, and outright stare. ...yes, that's happened to me.

[Bram]

I've broken at least 25% of these.

2. When questioned by a friend's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

I've actually done this, including the last bit. I've found that denying his existence tends to weaken anything I say before it.

19. Unless you have a lucrative endorsement contract, do not appear in public wearing more than one Nike swoosh.

American men don't like matching shoes, then?

63. In an empty room, car, ect., a man can not ask another man if he is mad because he isn’t talking.

What? A man asking something to someone in a empty room is clearly mad himself.

41. When using a urinal in a public restroom, a buffer zone of at least one urinal will exist at all times. If the only empty urinal is directly next to an occupied on, then you are still required to wait. (Exception: at a sporting event where a line has formed to use the pisser)

You crazy Americans clearly have not invented the "schaamschot" (embarrasment-wall) yet. I think they're required by law here:



Also, you guys don't have these?



I wonder how the rules change in this "90 degree angle" situation.

Finally:



Hooray for emancipation!