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Author Topic: Sandwich Punch.  (Read 39915 times)
Twaun007
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« on: July 10, 2007, 04:40:11 am »

After many a debate I have decided to go public with my friends and I's little game we call Sandwich Punch. I caution you that this game is not for the feint of heart. It is for the sweet people like myself that have a blast with the dumbest of ideas.

Enjoy.


The Official Rules of The Sandwich Punch Game

1. Once a person knows the main rules to sandwich punch they are a player for life. Never punch a person's sandwich unless they are playing.

2. The game begins when one has first modified his or her sandwich.

3. Once said sandwich has been bitten, ripped or cut into, the sandwich is open for punching.

4. Once the sandwich is set down it must be covered with an object. Any object is welcome as long as it is an adamant object. Example: you can put a ketchup packet on the sandwich but you can't just put ketchup on top of the sandwich. Sesame seeds don't count; don't be an asshole. Other examples of objects you can use: fries, forks, spoons, knives, salt or pepper packets, napkins, wrappers, A FRIKIN OBJECT OF ANY SORT!

5. In the event that a sandwich has been bitten, ripped, or cut into by its owner and set down without an object being placed upon it, that sandwich is legally punchable. (Note: the sandwich owner must have his hands off the sandwich as well.)

6. Once punchable that sandwich is punchable until an object is placed upon it, or until it is picked up or touched by the sandwich owner.

7. The object used to cover the sandwich cannot be touched or manipulated by anyone at any time. Example: if someone bumps your table in an attempt to knock off the fry that's covering your sandwich and the fry falls off, the sandwich cannot be punched because that person has manipulated the object. There is an exception to this rule however. SEE BYLAWS; ACTS OF GOD.

8. In the event that a sandwich is unjustly punched, the person that wrongly punched the sandwich must buy the vicitim a brand new sandwich.

9. Enjoy! Welcome to the sandwich punch game. You are a player for life, and we look forward to punching your sandwich soon! We have included BYLAWS and an F.A.Q. Section for questionable senarios. Don't worry, we've got you covered!


BYLAWS

THE PRE-CUT SANDWICH:

In the event of a person receiving a sandwich that is pre-cut into halves, quarters, etc. the person will usually eat one half first. Only the half that is being eaten is in play. The other half is off limits until a bite is taken out of it. This rule only applies if the sandwich comes pre-cut. If the sandwich owner cuts the sandwich in half him- or herself, then both halves must be covered so as not to be punched.

ACTS OF GOD

In the event of an act of God, the object that is covering a persons sandwich is altered by something that is not at the will of any other persons around the sandwich. An example of this is if a random gust of wind blows off a napkin that someone is using to cover the sandwich, that sandwich is fair game to be punched. Another example is if there is an earthquake and it knocks off a fry covering someones sandwich, the sandwich is fair game to be punched. Once again, these are acts of God, which mean that no one in the proximity of the sandwich had anything to do with the manipulation of the covering object.

THE COMPLETE SANDWICH

In order to punch a sandwich it must be a complete sandwich. In the event that someone puts down their sandwich and takes off one of the pieces of bread, it is no longer a complete sandwich. This method of protection is comperable to putting an object on the sandwich. Keep in mind, however, that the bread is what makes the sandwich whole, not the inner contents. So don't think that you don't have a "complete" sandwich just because you took some lettuce out. As long as there are two pieces of bread its game on.


F.A.Q.
What is a sandwich?

The definition of a sandwich is two or more slices of bread with a layer of meat, fish, cheese, etc. between each pair. This definition holds true for the most part when playing the sandwich game but we also know that there are questions as to what is considered a sandwich. Here you go: Naturally a sandwich is usually two pieces of bread but what about subs? Yes, subs are punchable due to the fact that sub is short for submarine SANDWICH.

It is safe to say that anything that has sandwich in it is, in fact, a sandwhich.

This also goes for ice cream sandwiches. Confused? Don't be; its an ice cream SANDWICH, and furthermore if you're a person that puts down an ice cream sandwich in the middle of eating it, then you're an asshole and deserve to have your delicious ice cream sandwich punched. OREO cookies and all other cheap imitations of OREO cookies are included as well based on the fact that the package CLEARLY states that it is a SANDWICH cookie. Here's a list of things that are NOT to be punched: Tacos, burritos, pitas, wraps, calzones, etc.

What happens if another sandwich is harmed in the punching of the uncovered sandwich?

From time to time an innocent sandwich is damaged in the devastation of the target sandwich. An example would be if one took a bite of a sandwhich and then set it on top of an untouched sandwich. If the top sandwich was punched fairly but the sandwich underneath was damaged then the puncher owes the victim another sandwich to make up for the damaged sandwich that was unjustly slaughtered. (NOTE: there must be visible damage to the innocent sandwich)

What constitutes a fair punch?

Once a persons sandwich is set down and physical contact is severed from the owner the said sandwich is open for punching until an object is placed upon it. Many a glorious punches have been made while the victim is grabbing a fry to place upon the sandwich. An open sandwich is an open sandwich and will remain open until an object is put on top or the sandwich is completely annihilated. We whole-heartedly encourage the latter.

Can a sandwich be covered with another sandwich?

Yes, smart ass it can, but there are stipulations to this that will be made PERFECTLY clear. In the event that one of your friends thinks he's real funny and covers his sandwich with another all the rules can still apply. If the sandwich is covered with another sandwich, the top sandwich must not have a bite taken out of it. If they covered their half eaten sandwich with another sandwich that has a bite out of it, then the top sandwich is playable and can be removed by another player and set beside it to make two, very punchable sandwiches.

If someone did not cover their sandwich, can we, like, grab their sandwich and do whatever we want with it?

Ok here's how it goes. It's called the sandwich punch game. It's not called the "Let's grab someones sandwich when its not covered and run across the room and then punch it until there's nothing left" game. Technically the said sandwich should stay on the table of the offender and is not open to be picked up, thrown, or ran off with. You punch a sandwich, it's fun, don't be the douche that ruins the game for everyone else.

This is a link to are sandwich punch forum if any of you brave soul dare to see the madness that we partake in.
« Last Edit: July 10, 2007, 04:44:57 am by Twaun007 » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: July 10, 2007, 09:01:41 am »

Rofl.  Just...rofl.  This sounds like the most stupidly hilarious game, fitting for Vintage tournament shenanigans.
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« Reply #2 on: July 10, 2007, 09:16:13 am »

I think there needs to be a definiton and clairification of what is a Punch.   I mean, lets say I'm sitting at a table with 4 people, one person who is in the middle of enjoying thier sandwich takes a bite and then steps away to make a cellphone call.  Does this mean that his/her sandwich is open to a 5 min three-way savage beating??

I am personally of the oppinion that once a sandwich has been punched (by anyone), it is no longer legal for punching.  One straight-wristed, closed fist, possibly standing punch should be sufficient.  Of course its your game, and I don't want to make up conflicting rules...

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« Reply #3 on: July 10, 2007, 09:26:43 am »

Does this mean that his/her sandwich is open to a 5 min three-way savage beating??

I am pretty sure that's exactly what it means.  To wit:
Quote from: Twaun007
An open sandwich is an open sandwich and will remain open until an object is put on top or the sandwich is completely annihilated. We whole-heartedly encourage the latter.
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« Reply #4 on: July 10, 2007, 10:35:32 am »

If someone punched my sandwich, there would be a legendary beating.
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« Reply #5 on: July 10, 2007, 10:43:04 am »

If someone punched my sandwich, there would be a legendary beating.

So does that mean you're in?
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« Reply #6 on: July 10, 2007, 11:00:02 am »

It would be a savage beating.  I'd also entwine it.

Seriously, somebody goes after my sammich and there will be a holocaust of Hitlerian proportions.  There may not in fact be a tournament site left after I was done.  I'm definitely a man who enjoys his sammich far more than he enjoys the company of idiots who would punch it.
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« Reply #7 on: July 10, 2007, 11:14:52 am »

Do not mess with a man's sandwich. That's just wrong.
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« Reply #8 on: July 10, 2007, 11:38:33 am »

Do not mess with a man's sandwich. That's just wrong.
It's like "The Game" only desecrating amazing sandwiches at the same time.  What a horrible idea.

By the way, you all just lost.
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« Reply #9 on: July 10, 2007, 12:26:51 pm »

I was introduced to Sandwich Punch this past Sunday in Columbus, and it is not a spiteful game.  Do not fear for your sandwich if you do not want to play, for it will be safe.  That is not the goal of Sandwich Punch as I understand it.

However, I have some questions (as I promised I would).
1. The specific example of a Hot Pocket was used Sunday, and it was stated that it was a Sandwich.  However, you specifically list a Calzone as non-Sandwich.  I question this rule, because what is my 4-Cheese Pizza Hot Pocket but a microwaveable Calzone?  And, as another counter-example to Calzones,  I can go to Penn Station and order a Pizza Sub.  This Sub contains pizza sauce, pepperoni, and various other pizza ingredients as desired (cheese, mushrooms, etc.).  Its ingredients are almost identical to a Calzone, except that a Calzone is sealed instead of open like my sub.  Why is a Calzone not a sandwich?

2. What if I don't believe in God?  Is my sandwich then safe from acts of God (such as earthquakes)?

3. What if the Pope removes the fry from on top of my sandwich?  Is that an act of God?  And, if not, what if the Pope first declares his next action infallible, and THEN removes my sandwich protector?  Can he then destroy my sandwich?

4. Harlequin brings up an excellent point.  At what point is a sandwich, upon being repeatedly struck, no longer a sandwich?  If I punch a sandwich so hard that the bread literally explodes and coats everyone at the table, is that sandwich no longer punchable because there is not enough left of it?  What it all the insides come out (except maybe some soggy mayo stuck to the bread)?  Can I repeatedly beat on those two pieces of bread until my arm gets tired, or has that sandwich been declared "annihilated" ?

I'll make sure to post more questions as I come up with them, but these are pressing matters as there is a tourney in RIW coming up Sunday, after which there will certainly be dinner and likely sandwiches.  I have heard there's a good chance of His Holiness showing up, so I need to know if I should worry.

-Jimmy McCarthy
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« Reply #10 on: July 10, 2007, 12:48:04 pm »

I think I'd like to lobby for the "One Punch" rule.  Because, really ... unless your Chuck Norris, the sandwich will probably be mostly edible after a single punch.  But after you wail on it for a good solid 2 mins, its going to be paste!  It might as well be "Sandwich - throw into trash."  With the One Punch rule, I think there's a bit more classy - I mean which is better: watching your friend (or soon to be former friend) throw away his sandwich paste; or watching your degraded friend eat a sandwich with your fist-mark in it.

As far as the Pope is concerned... I think he can basically punch anything he wants.  Game or Not!  He just going to be like "Thy Will Be Done - HA!" and give that sucker a face full of Pope-knuckles.  He's the pope... what are you going to do about it?
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« Reply #11 on: July 10, 2007, 12:51:09 pm »

1.  If a food declares itself to be a sandwich—as in Hot Pockets® brand stuffed sandwiches—it is automatically a sandwich.  This goes for Oreos and other sandwich cookies as well.  Also if something appears on the "Sandwiches" section of a menu it is punchable at that location.  So if you go to Pepe's Pizza (a restaurant I made up) and order a calzone from the "Sandwiches" section of Pepe's menu, it is punchable.  The rule to remember for all other cases is this (emphasis mine):
Quote
The definition of a sandwich is two or more slices of bread with a layer of meat, fish, cheese, etc. between each pair.
Since calzones, burritos, gyros, etc. have only one continuous piece of bread, they are not sandwiches.  There is ongoing debate in the NEOH-G Forums as to whether an "open-faced sandwich" is a sandwich.

2.  God does not care whether you believe in Him.  He will act as He pleases.  Watch your back.

3.  If the Pope removes the fry from the top of your sandwich, it is an act of God.  However, if you can get corroborating evidence that the Pope was only doing it to be an ass, you may then punch the Pope.  Any consequences of you punching the Pope are your own problem and are not covered under the Rules of Sandwich Punch.

4.  It's Sandwich Punch, not Sandwich Fistfight.  You get one shot at a sandwich, so make it count.  Once a sandwich has been punched, it is done until its owner alters it to put it back into play (puts pieces together, takes a bite, adds or removes condiments, etc.).  If you punch a sandwich so hard that the bread literally explodes and coats everyone at the table, nice hit!

Nat Moes, Level 2 Sandwich Punch Judge
« Last Edit: July 10, 2007, 01:05:14 pm by Lochinvar81 » Logged

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« Reply #12 on: July 10, 2007, 06:04:18 pm »

You and your sandwich have nothing to fear if you don't want to play but don't knock it until you've witnessed it.  Watching a Thurman Burger getting pulverized is epic.
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« Reply #13 on: July 10, 2007, 06:11:00 pm »

You and your sandwich have nothing to fear if you don't want to play but don't knock it until you've witnessed it.  Watching a Thurman Burger getting pulverized is epic.

I was in North Carolina and felt the shock waves from that punch.
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« Reply #14 on: July 10, 2007, 06:23:12 pm »

Since calzones, burritos, gyros, etc. have only one continuous piece of bread, they are not sandwiches.  There is ongoing debate in the NEOH-G Forums as to whether an "open-faced sandwich" is a sandwich.

But if one continuous piece of bread exempts a would-be sandwich from punching, what about a delicious Subway Sub?  These subs are built with one piece of bread, sliced, and filled with ingredients, but the bread remains one continuous piece.  In this case, the sandwich is quite obviously a sandwich, even though it only technically has one continuous piece of bread. 

Just for clarification then, is the hierarchy: a) does it call itself a sandwich?  If so, punch away; b) if it makes no claims to sandwichness, how many pieces of bread are involved?  If there is only one, it is not a sandwich.

If that is the case, I would like to see a rules update to reflect as much.

-Jimmy McCarthy
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« Reply #15 on: July 10, 2007, 11:27:20 pm »

From the Rules of Sandwich Punch as published above.

Quote
Here you go: Naturally a sandwich is usually two pieces of bread but what about subs? Yes, subs are punchable due to the fact that sub is short for submarine SANDWICH.
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« Reply #16 on: July 11, 2007, 12:22:07 am »

Will told me that JR got his sandwich punched while explaining the game to Will. Juan had snuck up behind Jr, to the booth behind him, and punched savagely upon the burger. However, this was the exact moment that JR was explaining the rule about covering the sandwich and had placed a chip on top of it. Upgrade to a new, free sandwich!!!
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« Reply #17 on: July 13, 2007, 06:05:22 pm »

Will told me that JR got his sandwich punched while explaining the game to Will. Juan had snuck up behind Jr, to the booth behind him, and punched savagely upon the burger. However, this was the exact moment that JR was explaining the rule about covering the sandwich and had placed a chip on top of it. Upgrade to a new, free sandwich!!!

Yup. If the chip wasn't there, it would have been the greatest sandwich punch in the history of the world. As it was, it was still pretty amazing to see. I'll be able to hear the sound of it in my head when I'm 100.
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« Reply #18 on: July 16, 2007, 03:42:29 pm »

Ah crap Anusien, I just lost.
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« Reply #19 on: July 16, 2007, 04:36:14 pm »

Ah crap Anusien, I just lost.
I lose that game every time someone even mentions you in a report or a post.

Also, I just lost three times while writing this post.
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« Reply #20 on: July 16, 2007, 04:50:30 pm »

Ah crap Anusien, I just lost.
I lose that game every time someone even mentions you in a report or a post.

Also, I just lost three times while writing this post.

How did you manage to get three sandwiches punched while writing that little post?
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« Reply #21 on: July 16, 2007, 08:45:11 pm »

I lost again!

Also, we're talking about "The Game", not Sandwich Punch.

...sigh. You know the drill. The me, the posting, the losing.
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« Reply #22 on: May 10, 2008, 08:15:59 am »

I do understand that this topic has been necro-ed, but with the Cleveland Crew hitting up Richmond I was wondering if anyones sandwich has been obliterated?

Mods: feel free to delete, but sandwich destruction should always be held at the utmost importance.
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« Reply #23 on: May 10, 2008, 03:49:02 pm »

I introduced sandwich punch to one of my friends here.  We're very good natured about it, though.  It isn't so much about obliterating the other guy's sandwich as it is about confusing the other bar patrons.  He'll be having a bad day or something and I'll be like, "I know what will cheer you up" and then I genially slide my calzone toward him so that he can punch it.
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« Reply #24 on: May 10, 2008, 03:54:09 pm »

I do understand that this topic has been necro-ed, but with the Cleveland Crew hitting up Richmond I was wondering if anyones sandwich has been obliterated?

Mods: feel free to delete, but sandwich destruction should always be held at the utmost importance.


Now that Eric Becker has been made aware of the sandwich punch game, somebody in Richmond needs to smash his sandwich.  He will have one.  He always brings along a "Wonder Bread" sandwich case. 
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« Reply #25 on: May 11, 2008, 03:53:34 am »

Juan R. punched my Thurminator a few months ago. It actually helped me because I was having trouble eating the monstrosity. His smashing it turned my overly american sandwich into a 2 pounds of meat salad.
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« Reply #26 on: May 13, 2008, 02:48:08 am »

I was introduced to this game in Richmond over the weekend, and it seems like a great game.  I am certainly in.  There needs to be a list somewhere of people from TMD who are "in," so that we all know who is legal for sandwich punching and who is not. 
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« Reply #27 on: May 13, 2008, 06:16:40 am »

I introduced sandwich punch to one of my friends here.  We're very good natured about it, though.  It isn't so much about obliterating the other guy's sandwich as it is about confusing the other bar patrons.  He'll be having a bad day or something and I'll be like, "I know what will cheer you up" and then I genially slide my calzone toward him so that he can punch it.
I have a correction to make.  For me, this is the best part.  For my friend, it is the perverse amusement he gets from eating a sandwich with knuckle imprints in it.
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« Reply #28 on: May 13, 2008, 07:52:05 am »

My friends and I were playing for a while, but they are no longer amused, as I seem to be the only one capable of remembering to cover my sandwich.  As they do not enjoy eating mashed sammich, it was the game or them.
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« Reply #29 on: May 13, 2008, 12:45:16 pm »

You're in for life!   Just let them think they're out for like, 3 weeks.  Then, DESTROY one of their sammaches.   That'll teach 'em!  Then yell "IN FOR LIFE BRO!"
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