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Author Topic: The Retardedest Movie I have Ever seen Ever.  (Read 3957 times)
LotusHead
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« on: October 22, 2007, 01:18:12 am »

Transformers.

I could be wrong, only 20 mins into it.

I almost CANT find a way to make this thing better/bearable.

I will issue full apology if this movie isn't completly worthless.

It looks hopeless at the moment.

I was wrong about StarShip Troopers 10 years ago.
« Last Edit: October 22, 2007, 09:50:17 am by LotusHead » Logged

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« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2007, 10:18:07 am »

You didn't see it in theatres?

Shame on you.
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« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2007, 11:22:20 am »

I'm still watching it.

Megatron got unfrozen, and his introductory dialog was "I am Megatron" to an audience of no one.

This movie is WORSE than..., gosh, Mortal Kombat II?

I would have seen it in the theaters, with my buddies, but I was hella broke. (Hell, this is the first movie I've rented since probably spring.)

This movie is WORSE than..., gosh, Mortal Kombat II?
Seriously, I am actually quoting from THIS post to reply how LAME this movie was/is.

The data about the cube got "sprayed" onto grampa's glasses 70 years ago, in Antarctica, never got cleaned up, and are for sale on Ebay? Seriously?  His peice of shit car is his guardian angel/robot? that he bought at random?*

I want THAT job where I can write that crap and be able to afford $1000/hr callgirls with sextoys, nightly.

* Seriously, anyone who knows me know that I own a PEICE OF SHIT CAR that IS my gardian angel, and even *I* don't buy this piece of crap movie.


* Seriously,
A MOUNTAIN DEW vending machine turned into a GoBot.
I rest my case.''

** Transformers blink. This was revealed to me by some jagoff on YouTube, and I didn't belive he could seriously hate this movie so much, until now that I have seen it.

*** During the closing monologue, the main character, who's name escapes me even though the closing credits are rolling right now, fornicates with his hot girlfriend on top of his male-robot-car, after they have a baby, that's say, 6 months old when the credits roll.  They (main character guy, and hot chick girl) both know that his car is a sentinent alien robot (that's probably a dude).

actually, that's kind of kinky.

.2 stars out of 10.
« Last Edit: October 22, 2007, 11:49:20 am by LotusHead » Logged

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« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2007, 12:08:11 pm »

Hear, hear!

I saw Transformers in the theater (second run) last Wednesday night for $1.50 and still wanted to get up and leave.  The movie was so bad that my friends and I actually hold a lower opinion of people who say they enjoyed it.  Michael Bay has zero concept of pacing, character or plot development, and cinematic composition.  The fight scenes really could have been pretty cool if they didn't look like a big pile of scrap metal rolling around.  Frenzy is 2007's Jar-Jar Binks.  And I could go on.

I can't wait for the second one, since they're rushing to get it out before the actors' strike.

Also, when Optimus says, "We're here," in his dramatic last lines of the movie, did anyone else mentally add "We're queer; get over it," and laugh hysterically?
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« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2007, 01:08:53 pm »

You all can shut up.  This movie was a veritable geek-gasm.

5 stars out of 5
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« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2007, 01:15:06 pm »

It was awful.

I really dislike product placements in movies because I didn't pay $8 to be advertised to. This movie has epic levels of it.

It was like that scene from Wayne's World about product placement but instead of it being satire, they were serious.
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« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2007, 01:17:01 pm »

It was awful.

I really dislike product placements in movies because I didn't pay $8 to be advertised to. This movie has epic levels of it.

It was like that scene from Wayne's World about product placement but instead of it being satire, they were serious.

I have no idea what you are talking about...

On a completely unrelated topic I could really go for some Burger King, with a tall glass o' Mountain Dew.. in a Porsch.
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« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2007, 01:25:08 pm »

If you have trouble with the movie making sense, then you should really have a problem with the cartoon:

where Megatron is a GUN?
or when Optimus Prime looses an arm, then later has it, only to later loose it all in one episode?

Oh the huge manatee!
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« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2007, 01:36:32 pm »

When I went into the movie, all I wanted to see was a bunch of shiny metal dudes, a shit ton of explosions, and some sexy girl torso.

Needless to say, I was satisfied.

Not every movie has to be Citizen Kane.
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« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2007, 02:01:00 pm »

When I went into the movie, all I wanted to see was a bunch of shiny metal dudes, a shit ton of explosions, and some sexy girl torso.
Needless to say, I was satisfied.
Not every movie has to be Citizen Kane.

The special effects were amazing.

.3 stars out of 10.
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« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2007, 02:20:51 pm »

When it comes to movies featuring live-action fights between giant robots which can transform into various vehicles, and also fights between those robots and US military, you cannot do better than Transformers.

If I want a plot and good dialog I'll pull Capote off the shelf.
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« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2007, 02:28:37 pm »

When it comes to movies featuring live-action fights between giant robots which can transform into various vehicles, and also fights between those robots and US military, you cannot do better than Transformers.

If I want a plot and good dialog I'll pull Capote off the shelf.

If I want to be assfucked up the nostrils by the movie makers, I'll watch Battlefield Earth again, and that got .6 stars out of 10.
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« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2007, 08:32:40 pm »

If I want to be assfucked up the nostrils by the movie makers, I'll watch Battlefield Earth again, and that got .6 stars out of 10.

I'm with LotusHead on this one. Transformers was terrible......Utterly terrible! How could such a piece of shit make it through the editing room? Seriously, I can picture it now...... "Well, Nokia paid upteen million dollars in endorsements for this movie so we will make a transformer out of one of their cell phones with the cube O life. Yeah man, I mean yeah! Thats a great idea." Are you Fucking serious?

Every time I purposely forget that this movie was ever made someone brings it back up. Shit, now I'm all heated and pissed again!

Thank god I still have the old cartoon movie to fall back on!
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« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2007, 09:58:30 pm »

I really dislike product placements in movies because I didn't pay $8 to be advertised to. This movie has epic levels of it.
It's funny to say that about Transformers, of all things, given their product history.  The whole Transformers concept is just one big product placement for a bunch of undistinguished Japanese changing robot toys.
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« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2007, 11:57:09 pm »

If you watch the cartoon again, you're not going to get an amazing story or brilliant dialogue. It's a kids show about giant robots. I thought it was a great adaptation of the cartoon. That's all I was hoping for, and I was pleased overall with how it was done.
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« Reply #15 on: October 23, 2007, 01:25:32 am »

I didn't really watch the TV show/cartoon.  I was a more AD&D/C64 kinda kid.

But I like movies, and especially SciFI Movies.

This Sucked.

EDIT: Calling this movie Retarted/stupid is an insult to stupid/stupid people. TMD Cencorship?

I think they put swear words into the script so that 8 year olds would watch this "movie".
« Last Edit: October 23, 2007, 01:53:37 am by LotusHead » Logged

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« Reply #16 on: October 23, 2007, 04:38:50 am »

As a huge Transformers geek, I must say I enjoyed this movie. I went in with the correct expectations, which is to say: I didn't expect a Transformers film, but rather a "Super Morphing Outerspace Fighting Robots" film. This is because I was fortunate to see the following trailer review before the release date:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tY9H8_nEPBA

I suggest you guys check it out, come to the conclusion that you all agree with it, and be done with the whole thing Razz

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« Reply #17 on: October 23, 2007, 10:41:06 am »

Going in, I didn't expect Transformers: the Movie in live action.  I had seen enough previews to know that this was goign to be Super Morphing Outerspace Fighting Robots, and that was cool; I was looking forward to it.  I mean, even if Optimus has a flaming new paint job and Megatron now, logically, transforms into something befitting his size as a Super Morphing Robot, it's still Optimus and Megatron!  Hot damn!  I wasn't old enough when the cartoon was on TV to know much beyond that anyway.  Watching episodes now, I can say that they're cheesey as hell, but giant fighting robots that change into awesome cars—what a concept!

I guess I just expect a bit more from movies as an adult than I did from my cartoons when I was four.  How unfair of me.

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« Reply #18 on: October 23, 2007, 12:48:13 pm »

I really dislike product placements in movies because I didn't pay $8 to be advertised to. This movie has epic levels of it.
It's funny to say that about Transformers, of all things, given their product history.  The whole Transformers concept is just one big product placement for a bunch of undistinguished Japanese changing robot toys.

To me, product placements in a movie tell me that they either got too little funding from moviehouses to do the flick so they have to sell ads, or else they don't have respect enough for what they're making to do it without them. Either way, it's pretty tacky.

Even really good action movies have product placements, which annoys me. Batman has Marlboros, Superman (the good one) had Cheerios, Bourne had (I think) Sierra Mist. At least they weren't overt, though.
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« Reply #19 on: October 23, 2007, 07:57:49 pm »

Didn't we already have this discussion somewhere?   Deja Vu.
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« Reply #20 on: October 23, 2007, 10:30:23 pm »

I'm okay with product placement when it adds to realism.  Like, it's annoying when movies have to strategically maneuver around making any statement of a brand.  If a quick shot of a display room with the logo clearly visible is what we need in order for Jazz to transform into a real car with real logos on it instead of a "car," I'm okay with that.  Where this movie goes over the line is when it becomes contrived (guy holding XBox 360 out from his body to make its logos clearly visible before it transforms, completely forced line about Nokia before the phone gets changed, etc.) or extremely prolonged (as someone mentioned in the other thread, the scene where Bumblebee updates his look and it literally looks like you're watching a Chevy commerical).

I don't really have a problem with kids in the lunchroom not having to drink their soft drinks out of paper bags, and always having the logo turned toward the camera is a small price to pay for the added realism.  Just don't make Will Smith preach to me about "Vintage 2004" Converse sneakers.
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