THE TIDE IS HIGH SO I’LL GUSH-BOND / I’M GOING TO BE YOUR NUMBER ONE:

THE TIDE IS HIGH SO I’LL GUSH-BOND / I’M GOING TO BE YOUR NUMBER ONE: an impressionistic recollection of my experiences at the double SCG Richmond Vintage Weekend.

12th day one
1st day two

By Brian DeMars

Introduction:

Have you ever read one of those tournament reports where the author did a fantastic job of taking very detailed notes and could very accurately recount the play-by-play of each and every game? Well, if you were expecting to encounter such a report here you will undoubtedly be surprised to find that there will be very little of that ‘fact’ and/or ‘detailed play-by-play’ in this report. However, that is not to say that reading this report may not provide the reader with some sort of valuable experience. I have opted to instead of bore you with a detailed catalogue of cards that I drew off each and every Brainstorm I cast to provide a more impressionistic, perhaps even holistic account, of my experiences during the double SCG Power Nine weekend in Richmond Virginia. My logic for constructing my report in such a fashion is two-fold: Firstly, I believe that the experience of Magic goes much deeper than just the order one plays his or her cards during a match; and that especially in Vintage aspects of the social with regard to the community are equally entertaining and important as aspects of technical play. And secondly, since I didn’t take any kind of proper notes writing a tournament report aiming for accuracy is simply beyond the bounds of a possibility at this point. Enjoy!

Part I. “I’m an engine driver / on a long run / on a long run”

My Vintage weekend started on a somewhat sour note even before it started. I had made plans with my friends and fellow Vintage players from Michigan to carpool leaving on Friday morning all the way down to Richmond, which is approximately an eleven hour drive from Ann Arbor, Mi. Unfortunately, like super-delegates committed to the Clinton campaign they slowly began to one-by-one jump ship as time drew closer to the tournament, until finally by Friday morning each and every single one had abandoned me. But my resolve was strong to play Vintage—and after a brief stop at RIW Hobbies in Livonia Michigan for the purpose of borrowing four copies Duress and two Brain Freeze I set out for the great wide south. Pam (the best hobby store owner on the planet) takes pity on my situation and ships me a very generous amount of loot to help out with gas and entry fees for the event. And I am on my way.

Fortunately, I had downloaded a plethora of new music from my friend Melissa’s hard drive onto my Ipod, so I at least had the company of new music to lighten the burden of my drive. I resolved quickly not to skip a single song on my Ipod while utilizing the ‘shuffle’ function and spent the entire trip in a deep state of contemplation. During those eleven long hours of transcendental meditation I discovered many things including the meaning of life, the underlying mythic structure Cleanth Brooks had sought to find in T.S. Eliot’s “The Wasteland,” and how to achieve a peaceful solution to the turmoil in the Middle-East; but none of these things I will bore you with now—as I know you are anxious to hear about Magic cards.

Around one o’clock A.M. I pulled into the parking structure at the Marriot Hotel in downtown Richmond, grabbed my laptop, and walked towards the front entrance. The first person I encountered was Juan Rodriguez who was smoking a cigarette in front of the lobby entrance to the hotel. We exchanged pleasantries and quickly decide that we should hit the bars and have a few drinks to officially christen a weekend that would hopefully be a great deal of fun. After consulting a female valet with two lazy eyes that seems to watch us both at once we were informed that there was a pub two blocks away that could accommodate our thirst for liquor. But, she warned we must hurry because we only had 10 minutes left before last call. After a brisk walk we found the pub and quickly attempted to order our drinks. The barkeep informed us that the last call for alcohol had been given ten minutes ago and that he would be unable to serve us. Fortunately, my experiences as an Ann Arbor hipster-bar star extraordinaire would serve me greatly at this moment (as I have talked my way into service after last call on several other occasions). I pulled out my wallet and flashed my Michigan driver’s license and retorted: “I have just arrived in this great state after an eleven hour drive from Michigan. I have heard so much about the wonderful hospitality of Virginians; surely, you will not turn away a man of my circumstances and his friend without whiskey and cola?” The bartender nodded in agreement and we were promptly served. We were then joined by Travis who had been out and about looking for food, only to find that , shockingly, all kitchens tend to close around midnight. I assert that I may be able to get us all drinks after last call but that I don’t have the skill to get the pub to bring back their cook and reopen the kitchen. After all I may be a lush and have occasionally accused of being foppish, but I am no miracle worker.

Part II: “Tick-tock, you’re not a clock / you’re a time bomb baby.”

Since I had tested out the Tyrant Oath deck extensively with Paul Nicolo the previous few weeks I decided that it would be my weapon of choice for the weekend. I was growing more and more aware of how powerful the Gush + Fastbond combo was, and had every intention of trying to abuse it as much as possible. But, every good day starts with a good breakfast. Since I had crashed in Juan and the other Meandecker’s hotel room, Juan and I ended up looking for some grub together in the morning. I spied an all-you-can-eat buffet in the hotel lobby, which definitely did not disappoint. In fact, the buffet even had a chef making serve to order omelets, waffles and pancakes. It was then with my stomach satisfied with delicious crepes, omelet, and bacon that I crossed the street and prepared to play Vintage.

The list that I decided on for day one was very similar to the version of Tyrant Oath that Rich Shay had been playing. Here is the list:

Tyrant Oath

4 Brainstorm
4 Force of Will
4 Gush
3 Merchant Scroll
2 Ponder
4 Thought Seize
2 Tidespout Tyrant
2 Tormod’s Crypt
1 Fastbond
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Time Walk
1 Vampiric Tutor
1 Demonic Tutor
1 Kroson Reclaimation
1 Yawgmoth’s Will
1 Brain Freeze
1 Chain of Vapor
4 Oath of Druids

1 Black Lotus
1 Mox Jet
1 Mox Sapphire
1 Mox Emerald
1 Mox Ruby
1 Lotus Petal

4 Forbidden Orchard
3 Polluted Delta
2 Flooded Strand
3 Underground Sea
2 Tropical Island
2 Island

Sideboard

2 Annul
2 Stifle
1 Empty the Warrens
1 Tendrils of Agony
1 Ancient Grudge
1 Oxidize
1 Hurkyl’s Recall
4 Leyline of the Void
2 Extirpate

I notice that there are quite a few of the Vintage Old-Guard in attendance for the event as I quickly spy Ben Kowal (who I am very happy to see), Eric Becker, Steven Menendien, The Brassman, Lou Christopher, and Ben Carp among others. It looks as though there should be some very fierce competition for top eight this afternoon.

Round One

In the first round I get paired up against a middle aged woman playing a mono-blue Counterbalance control style deck. Also, Ben Kowal is sitting next to me so we chatter back and forth a little bit throughout the match. Things start off on an awkward note when she presents her deck and I pick it up to shuffle and she exclaims: “Oh Hell no!” I am somewhat taken aback by this and ask her what seems to be the problem. She informs me that she has expensive cards in her deck and that only a judge will be permitted to shuffle her cards. (Vintage Adept rolls eyes and calls for judge). The judge confirms that her assertion is correct and that whenever the deck requires shuffling to call him and he will take care of it. Fortunately, her deck does not play with either fetch lands or tutors (How lucky; a time saver and auto win all wrapped up into one!), and the match goes by quickly. In game one she counters my first few spells utilizing such classics as “Counterspell” and “Arcane Denial.” On turn six she unwisely taps out her six foil basic Islands to cast a big blue flier and I handily kill her during my next upkeep. Liz, who is sitting next to me watching both Kowal and I kill our opponents by Oathing up Tyrants and utilizing the storm mechanic comments to me after I go infinite on mana and storm with Tyrant. “Wow, that is so much cooler than the old Oath kill!”

The next game is equally bizarre as she starts of the game with a turn one Sensei’s Divining Top and a turn two counterbalance. My early Empty the Warrens is answered by her Silent Arbiter which is quickly enchanted by Diplomatic Immunity. Unfortunately for her the Arbiter and Immunity force her to tap out and she unwisely does not put her Top on top of her deck to counter my Fastbond and her match is ended by 10 spells and a Tendrils of Agony that came in from the sideboard.

1-0

Round Two

In round two I sit down against ICBM’s Vintage mastermind Ben Carp. I have played Ben several things before and know that he is likely playing his Phryxean Dreadnaught deck. Of the matches I have played against Ben in the past I can honestly say that we have never played a fair game of Magic and that every game has been decided very quickly by absurd brokenness. For instance, the last time we played at SCG Chicago I Slaver locked him on something silly like turn two both games, et cetera. As we are shuffling I relate this comment to him and we both have a good laugh and he says hopefully he will be on the broken end of the beatings this time. And, he is not disappointed.

Ben opens up with a Beta Black Lotus and a Beta Underground Sea. He then casts Ancestral Recall and has a Force of Will to stop my Force of Will. After that he uses his two blue mana floating, plus a black from his Underground Sea, to summon a Dimir Cutpurse onto his side of the table. I draw for the turn and am unable to Brainstorm into an Oath of Druids and quickly get out drawn and my window to win dissolves.

“Never a fair game, Ben.” I say shaking my head. He nods and shrugs and we shuffle up for game two. Strangely enough, the next two games are among the least broken games I have ever played in my entire games. Neither of us are able to draw anything as we continue to Duress and Thought Seize away each other’s dead draws. Eventually, I play an Oath (on approximately turn 12) and Stifle both of his Engineered Explosives set for two and win the game when Tidespout Tyrant joins the fight for me. Game three is much of the same except I am on the hard side of a slow and annoying beating. I resolve turn one Ancestral Recall but am unable to get much of anything going throughout the game. The three Oaths that I draw are all answered in turn by Explosives and I simply cannot draw blue spells to same my life. Eventually, with both our life totals low from casting numerous Thought Seizes and Fetching I am able to resolve an Empty the Warrens for three and six Goblin tokens take up arms for the good team. On Ben’s next turn he draws a Stifle to pair his Dreadnaught and my life total of ten doesn’t look so safe anymore. I draw dead and the goblins step underfoot of the Naught dropping my life down to four. I draw dead again and am defeated.

1-1

Round Three

I am paired up against Flash and get killed very quickly both games in spite of having Force of Will or Stifle in my opening hand. I don’t really want to talk about it—for, it is far too traumatic for me right now. In my rage and frustration at having gotten pummeled by Flash I drop for the event. I go outside and drink Pabst Blue Ribbon from the can that Willie and Lou have smuggled on sight and tell my sad, sad tale of losing to Flash.

1-2 and drop. Sad

So, on that note we move on to the second tournament.

DAY TWO

But, wait…

Not so fast. As it turns out it was a magic PBR that I drank. In the middle of a trade Tom Lapielle comes up and asks me why I am not at my seat for the tournament. I tell him that I have dropped, to which he tells me that I’m paired. He also reminds me that there are prizes down to top 16 and that I might as well play. So, I find my seat and the Judge tells me that I am one minute two late and that I will start with a game loss. I’m feeling frisky so I begin to argue that I should not be given a game loss because I had dropped for the tournament but had gotten paired in spite of this. The judge makes a really snied comment about how that doesn’t even matter since I had dropped—then why would I care about getting a game loss, since technically I should even be playing at all. I say that I would not have been late to my seat if I knew I was supposed to be finding a seat at all—and since the judge staff had actually screwed up by not dropping me that I should not be penalized with a game loss since it isn’t my fault that I was late. The judge says that in spite of this unfortunate fact he is going to uphold the ruling and walks away; I immediately shout “Judge!” and he walks back over, and I say that I would like to appeal to the head judge… Eventually, I am joined by the head judge and who hears my story. I point out that since I had dropped and was repaired the rounds should be repaired to maintain the integrity of the tournament. The judges then walk away and look through the match slips from the next round to see if I am in fact telling the truth, which I was. And, after twenty two minutes of debating my game loss is overruled and I am given a twenty minute time extension for the round.

Round Four Smile

I am paired up against a Red and Green Beatdown deck that features such classics as Kird Ape and Lightning Bolt. I have no idea what I am playing and keep a turn one Oath/Orchard hand. When he plays a turn one Taiga into Kird Ape I am practically ready to dance an Irish Jig. And when he plays a second Kird Ape off a Mox Ruby I am still feeling pretty okay. And when he plays a third Kird Ape off a Lotus Petal I am a bit anxious. I give him an Orchard Token (as I don’t have anymore land) and pass the turn. He attacks me for seven down to thirteen and then Shrapnal Blasts me down to eight, and things are getting Awkward. I Oath up a Tyrant and cast Brainstorm to bounce one of his monkey men and am forced to give him another spirit token. I don’t hit a land and don’t have a Mox so I must pass the turn. On his turn he attacks with the two Apes and two Spirits and double Lightning Bolts me and I did. Yikes.

Games two and three go much more smoothly. I have turn 1 Oath in both contests and he is helpless to stop it. Giant blue Tyrants make quick work of his tiny red animals.

2-2

Round Five

After the fiasco of being dropped, repaired and arguing with judges for twenty minutes an unquenchable fire has been lit in my belly. I tell Smennen and Lou that I am now in a mood to ‘dream-crush’ any opponent who has the gall to dare oppose me for the rest of the day. They laugh and roll their eyes.

Unfortunately, I cannot remember the name of my opponent. But I quickly realize that he is more than likely playing Dredge because he mulligans to four on the draw. My opening hand couldn’t be more perfect for ‘dream-crushing’ a graveyard mage. Forbidden Orchard, Mox Sapphire, Tormod’s Crypt, Tormod’s Crypt, Oath of Druid, Brainstorm, Force of Will. I play out my first turn.

“Must be nice.” He comments.
“Is.” I reply.

Game two is much of the same I keep a hand with Leyline of the Void, Tormod’s Crypt, Extirpate and business. The match is quickly over and the self-proclaimed ‘dream-crusher for the day’ tallies another win.

3-2

Round Six

Oh, Jerry Yang—how unfortunate that you had to catch me in the Swiss when I was so clearly bent on crushin’ dreams. I know that Jerry is playing the Painter’s Servant deck. I am pretty sure that Painter is a bad match up for me since he has eight main deck Red Blast effects, but I quickly decide that I will win in spite of this. Our match can only be described by one word, and that word is “Carnivalesque.” Jerry and I are both friends and have a great deal of respect for each other’s game. Also, we both share the same soft-spot for silly shenanigans and ridiculous banter. And, I must admit that by the end of the match multiple judges had been attracted to our table as a result of both of our inability to stop shouting absurd things at one another. In particular, one judge seemed to take offense to me loudly exclaiming “Why don’t you get completely #%$@ed,” after he Pyroblasted my Oath of Druids. To which I am pretty sure that Jerry responded with his signature one-liner: “Oh, Sure!” After a stern look from the judge I lowered my head indigently and timidly muttered: “Sorry, I’ll behave.”

Anyways, games one and two were very close. I got game one when I caught him without a Force of Will or Red Blast effect and Gushbonded him out. For the third time of the day I cast my Tidespout Tyrant while Yawgmoth’s Willing, went infinite and Brainfreezed. In game two Jerry got very luck and top-decked a Pyroblast after I had Seized away his first two blasts to nix my Ancestral Recall on turn three. He also top decked Yawgmoth’s will while he and I were both playing off the top of our decks—which drew the concession from me and forced the game three. The top decked Yawgmoth’s Will cast from his otherwise empty hand drew the sagely response and headshake of: “That play? Bah, it is so obvious.” In game three Jerry gets stuck on Volcanic Island and Steam Vents in play with a hand full of Red Elemental Blasts and Extirpate. I have Oath and Orchard but am unable to Oath because he can kill my Tyrant with a Reb and then top deck a black source and Extirpate my guys. I continue to make land drops and cast spells looking for a way to get the Extirpate out of his hand. Jerry continues to discard during his end step for several consecutive turns—and comments on how good I am at drawing land; insisting that he could serve to learn something from my insane land drawing skills. Eventually I Thought Seize away the Extirpate, the Tyrant fights for me, and Jerry falls by the wayside. The fundamental flaw in Jerry’s game seemed to be his inability to draw a third mana source.

4-2

Round Seven

I get paired up against Ray Rollibard playing for top sixteen and a shot at the prizes. It is always a pleasure to see Ray at the events, and an even greater pleasure to engage him on the field of battle. He and I have both played some pretty insane games against each other; the best of which (for me anyways) involved me hitting him for the final two points of damage with a Gorilla Shaman and Goblin Welder in the final turn of turns in the first round of Vintage Worlds three years ago.

He is playing a Mishra’s Workshop based beat down deck, which is obviously a good match up for a deck playing Oath of Druids and Force of Wills. Unfortunately for the good guys, Ray wins the die roll and comes out swinging. I am unable to stop his Spheres from hitting the board and find myself at the end of a fast clock of Trikes and other abusive monsters. A well placed Wasteland straight up Time Walks me so that I can’t play Oath of Druids on time. Eventually, I am able to Oath but I don’t have enough mana in play to efficiently bounce his threats from the board. The Tyrant is forced to trade with a Monster and the second Tyrant meets no better a fate. Ray kills me and we move on.

Games two and three go much better. In both contests I am able to drop a turn one or two Oath and ride it to a fast and decisive victory.

5-2

I finish in 12th place.

After having dropped from the event in the third round I end up finishing up the day with a 5-0 killing streak that ends up winning me a play set of four Revised Plateaus. However, as the tournament wound down the fun was only just about to start.

Part III. “My buddies and me are getting real well known / Yeah, the bad guys know us and they leave us alone.”

After the conclusion of the tournament I sit down and talk magic with Eric Becker for a little bit. He narrowly missed top 16 playing his version of the Painter’s Servant deck. I challenge him to a few games and he slyly ships his deck over to one of his barns who he says: ‘needs the practice more than he.’ We are then joined by Jerry Yang and the famous Mark Trogdon who watch as I slaughter the Painter deck. All the while Eric is constantly laughing and chiming in “I’m not sure that I would have made THAT particular play…” And, Jerry continues to comment on my ability to draw everything I need. After a few games Jerry tags in for me and I watch him for a little bit. He ends up in an awkward position during one game where he needs to peel cards in order to not lose—however, if he peels a few cards he will be able to win. He sighs and comments on his misfortune. I start joking with him, saying that if he doesn’t believe he can rip the nuts off the top that he doesn’t deserve to win the game. “You have to believe in the heart of the cards.” From my mouth is immediately met by somebody watching the match with: “Stop quoting Yu-Gi-Oh Cards!” And, a lengthy discussion of how it must be nice to be Brian DeMars who apparently just tries to draw whatever he needs from the top of the deck after falling behind. “Its not about trying to fall behind and then peeling out, donk. But, if you are behind you have to know what the outs are and then hope to draw them! And, if you believe that you can draw them then you have a shot at winning.” A few more games take place and each time Jerry asserts that ‘he believes’ he can rip what he needs, and I shake my head and sigh saying: “Are you trying to convince me or yourself that you can draw it?” Either way, I suppose that ‘seeing is believing’ and that possession is nine tenths of the rule, (meaning it only really matters if you end up actually drawing it—no matter how bad you believe you can draw it).

Shortly after the games with Jerry Yang and Eric Becker, my phone rings and I am informed that Paul Mastriano is about two hours outside of Virginia. While we wait a large contingent of Vintage players including Steve Menendien, Nat Moes, Mark Trogdon, Willie, Lou Christopher, Juan Rodriguez, Jerry Yang, Lizzish, and myself opt to go for food before Paul arrives. I end up catching a ride with Mark Trogdon and friends as we search for somewhere to eat. In the meantime I call up Jeff Anand (Samite Healer) and tell him about the days events. Firstly, I explain to him the deck list that Andy Probasco won day one with; and how the Painter deck plays eight copies of Red Elemental Blast. And, secondly I tell him about how I dropped from the event, got repaired, and won out to win a play set of Revised Dual Lands. He seemed to be impressed with the possibility of eight Blasts, but commented that he would feel uncomfortable playing a deck that was filled with cards that on their own were terrible. (Painter’s Servant and Grindstone). He also says that even after I had dropped from an event with a record of 1-2 he would still have put money on me to make top 16—a comment which put a big smile on my face for sure.

Thinking about Jeff’s comment about how the Painter’s Servant deck was powerful but full of bad cards made me begin to think about my own deck choice for day one. While it was true that I was fast falling in love with Gush and Fastbond, I did take notice of the fact that the actual Oath aspects of my deck were much worse than the Fastbond components. For instance, several times during the tournament I simply played Tidespout Tyrant the fair way while Gushing and won, because casting Oath would have given my opponent another turn. I quickly become committed to the idea of cutting the Oath plan from my deck (a series of cards that I had equated with Jeff’s evaluation of ‘bad cards’ in the Painter’s Servant deck), and replacing them with cards that were overtly ‘good cards,’ whatever that might mean. I begin to have a brainstorming session with my mates in the car to figure out what kinds of cards might improve the consistency with which I could win by Gushing. The first idea proposed was simply to play Dark Rituals and bombs like Necropotence. However, I quickly dismissed this plan because Dark Rituals and bombs seemed to me very similar to just replacing one set of underpowered conditional two card combos with another. I eventually throw the idea of playing with High Tide into the ring—and it is met with some enthusiasm. “In a Gush deck it has to be like the best Dark Ritual ever, right?”

We eventually settle on eating at a Ruby Tuesday’s in Richmond and the whole contingent of Vintage players all disembark from Trogdon’s van and into the restaurant. Unfortunately, our table is in the No Smoking section and I am forced to take my Cancer seeking behavior out of doors while the others find their seats. As I am outside having a cigarette Mark Trogdon comes outside and says that he is going to keep me company since I’m outside alone. He also starts talking about the deck I was proposing in the car. Particularly, he is interested in the High Tide aspect and thinks that it would probably be a pretty savage choice. Mark Trogdon is a very interesting Vintage player—he tends to play very rogue decks and has a real knack for innovating new strategies and playing with cards that other people have overlooked. So, if Trogdon can smell a possible winner in the form of High Tide in the new Oathless Oath build I am working on—it is a pretty safe bet that I am sitting on a good idea. Jerry Yang joins us a few minutes later and dives right into the conversation. He offers up a possible definition for the abstract idea of ‘good cards’ that I had been throwing around in the car on the ride to the restaurant. He proposes that I should just play with cards that I like and enjoy playing, but that also are inherently powerful in their own rite. I begin thinking about and making a list of cards that might fit this description: Mana Drain, Library of Alexandria, Duress, Dark Confidant, Sensei’s Divining Top, Quieron Dryad and Tendrils. I had been pretty sure from the get go that I wanted to win with a Tendrils of Agony but how to enable this had been the trick—with Rituals now an afterthought and High Tide + ‘good cards’ beginning to take shape I was at the helm of constructing a real tournament monster. After a very insightful ten minute conversation we all return to the table and tell our revelations to the rest of the group. Steve says that Duress and Dryad were both fantastic for him all day and that I might want to consider adding some number of those cards to our decks.

We get our food and the conversation dies down as everybody begins to eat, it has been a long day and everyone seems to be very hungry. In the middle of a peaceful meal Juan, from out of nowhere, pounds on Steve’s burger and completely flattens is. An uproarious laughter then ensues as I am sitting in my seat looking very confusedly for an explanation of what is going on. I am then told about the game of “Sandwich Punch” which allows players to punch the sandwiches of other players if those sandwiches are not properly protected. The game intrigues me and I decide that I too would like to be in the game. Unfortunately, I was unable to punch any sandwiches during the trip—but on a positive note I didn’t have a sandwich punched either, so it was a wash.

After dinner our party broke up and one car went to get plastic cups, beer, and ping pong balls, while the other car went back to the hotel. As we returned to the Marriot I got a call from Paul Mastriano who was driving around the hotel in a circle trying to find a parking spot. I give him directions to where I am at and I help him find a parking spot and carry his luggage back up to the room. By the time we get there a party is in full swing. We open the door and are greeted by plumes of smoke and the pleasant sound of friendly laughter.

I cannot express accurately in words how impressed I was to find that Willie and Lou had unscrewed the tall mirrored closet door from its axis and had used it to create a makeshift beerpong table. I watch for a few minutes as Willie and Lou slaughter Josh Morford and Travis, before Paul and I are challenged by Willie and Lou. As I make my way to the table I stumble over a very passed out Juan and prepare for battle. Things start off poorly for us and we find ourselves down three cups early. However, after a few bad tosses my game catches up with me and I make a sneaky bounce shot and end up making something absurd like four out of five tosses in a row including the last cup to put the game away. We are also joined at some point by Kowal and Liz who hang out for a while and join in the fun and games.

Around three in the morning Paul, Willie, and I decide to take the Type four stack down to the lobby and get some games in while the other’s sleep off the wear and tear of a night partying. As we are drafting our decks a constant stream of guests who were attending an Indian wedding stream past us ever few minutes; each one drunk and with a date headed back to their room to get some action. Occasionally they ask what we are playing and we reply “We are playing Magic and there is a tournament at the convention center across the street.” We are simply making polite conversation for the sake of humoring good spirited drunken wedding guests who are trying to get their game on. One young man misunderstands completely and replies “There is a magician’s tournament across the street tomorrow? That sounds awesome, I would totally be down for seeing a Magic show!” I think about telling him to go across the street tomorrow and ask for Evan Erwin, because Evan is the host of “THE Magic Show, the best one in town.” But, I realize that Evan would probably be none to happy with me if a host of wedding guests showed up asking him to pull rabbits out of his hat and whatnot. Nonetheless the thought of Evan Erwin having doves fly out of top hat makes me smile even right now as I read this.

I bring up the Type 4 because I ended up having one of the most savage decks ever. My deck was 75% blue, 15% Artifact, and 10% everything else. And, well over 65% of my deck was instants. Anyways, in the last game we played this situation occurred:

I have Vedelken Orrey in play and Irridescent Angel. (Yes, I know must be?)
Paul has Aladin’s Lamp..
Willie has Aladin’s Ring, Planar Portal and Panoptic Mirror.

On Paul’s turn he tries to cast some obnoxiously powerful spell and Willie responds by casting Time Stop and imprints Time Stretch on Panoptic Mirror. In response, I use the Orrey to flash down Gleemax. However, Paul comes up with a clutch Decree of Silence to stop my Maximus Gleeimus and then kills my angel with his Ring. On Willie’s Turn he puts Time Stretch onto the stack. I respond by casting Misdirection for its alternate mana cost pitching a blue spell. Willie responds by using his Planar Portal and casts Last Word targeting my Misdirection. I respond by flashing down a morph and unmorphing Mischievous Quanar and copying the Misdirection, then I morph it down and copy the Time Stretch. I end up with four extra turns on the stack going into my turn. Willie Ring’s my Quanar. The first spell I play is Yawgmoth’s Agenda. The next spell I play is Gleemax. The next spell I play is Door to Nothingness. The next spell I play is Mischievous Quanar. Next spell I play is some monster and Door Willie, and pass to Paul.

“ZIP!” “Must be.” “Is.”

We get back to the room around five in the morning and I throw my deck together, and replace the Oath stuff with cards that seem to me “good stuff,” at the hour of Five A.M.

Part IV. “When the stars go blue! Stars go blue!”

Sunday morning starts poorly. I wake up with twenty minutes to get to the Richmond Convention center, register my deck, sign up and worst of all try and wake up from a night of partying with friends. Also, there is no time to make last minute revisions to my deck, since I am cutting time so close—and I am basically all in on the revisions that I made the night before. Hopefully my instincts will treat me kindly. After almost getting hit by a runaway van crossing the street I make it inside, snatch up a deck registration sheet. Here is what I had come up with the night before.

Drain Tendrils

4 Force of Will
4 Brainstorm
4 Merchant Scroll
4 Gush
4 Thoughtseize
1 Duress
2 Mana Drain
2 Dark Confidant
1 Ancestral Recall
1 Time Walk
1 Vampiric Tutor
1 Demonic Tutor
1 Mystical Tutor
1 Yawgmoth’s Will
1 Tendrils of Agony
1 Empty the Warrens
1 Chain of Vapor
1 Sensei’s Divining Top
1 Mind’s Desire
1 Fastbond
1 High Tide

1 Black Lotus
1 Mox Jet
1 Mox Sapphire
1 Mox Emerald
1 Mox Ruby
1 Lotus Petal

4 Polluted Delta
3 Flooded Strand
3 Underground Sea
2 Tropical Island
2 Island
1 Volcanic Island
1 Library of Alexandria

Sideboard

2 Red Elemental Blast
4 Leyline of the Void
1 Tormod’s Crypt
2 Extirpate
1 Ancient Grudge
1 Oxidize
1 Hurkyl’s Recall
1 Trickbind
2 Quieron Dryad

While we are waiting for the player’s meeting Steve asks me if I came up with a new version of the deck or if I am playing Oath again. I pull out the deck and show it to him. He stops on a few cards (Desire, Bob, Drain, Library, and High Tide), but all he has to say is “Interesting.” I’m not exactly sure if he was impressed or disgusted at first glance.

Round one

I am paired up against some sort of a Gush deck—although I don’t know whether he was playing Painter’s Servant or Tendrils. Both games one and two play out very similarly. I have early Duress effects and Brainstorm which cripple his turn one and two plays and on turn three/four I cast High Tide, a tutor for Fastbond and then Gush. Each game ends very promptly and decidedly from that board position. I am sitting next to Kowal and Smennen that round and both comment during the match. “Whoa, High Tide is pretty disgusting…” In game two I surprise my opponent with a Mana Drain on his Gush and use the Mana Drain mana to fuel a Mind’s Desire which sets up a win from an already strong hand.

1-0 (day two)
6-2 (overall)

Round two.

In round two I am paired up against a 9sphere aggro deck. I quickly realize once the match starts that I am extremely soft to this sort of strategy during game one, since I only have one copy of Chain of Vapor in my main deck to remove problematic cards like Sphere of Resistance and Thorn of Amethyst. I lose a very close game one where my Dark Confidant reveals a Gush and drops me to two life against a Mishra’s Factory. I am put into a really awkward situation where he is at one life with a tapped Mana Vault and a Mana Crypt and exactly four Mana including his Mishra’s Factory which is untapped and can block my Bob. I decide to send my Dark Confidant in for a suicide swing so that he won’t kill me on my upkeep. I end up looking at two separate lines of play. One involves not attacking with the Dark Confidant, and the other is attacking. If I attack he must block and my Confidant will die and the Factory will pump itself and live. However, on his turn he must use the Factory to untap the Mana Vault to avoid death. He will also be forced to win a Mana Crypt roll before passing the turn back to me. Since the Dark Confidant is dead I can’t lose on my upkeep and I will have an opportunity to draw another out (Tendrils, Empty, or a Tutor). And even if I miss he still has to win another Mana Crypt roll in order for him to attack in with his Factory. Unfortunately sometimes the best laid plans of mice and men fail. If I don’t attack with the Bob, he will have to tap out and win the Mana Crypt Roll to survive the turn. On my turn if I reveal a 0 or 1 casting cost spell I can attack for lethal. I decide on the former line of play and sacrifice the Confidant. He blocks, and on his turn wins the Mana Crypt roll and untaps his Mana Vault. On my turn I draw Force of Will ( so if I had made the other play I would be dead) and pass the turn. On his turn he wins the Crypt roll and kills me.

I am on the play game two and make quick work of his artifact based strategy, in spite of the fact that he starts the game with Leyline of the Void in play. I cast a quick Dryad and make it grow. I have ample Force of Wills and Mana Drains, so I allow his Sphere effects to resolve and save my counters to hit his creatures. He is unable to put a body in front of my ever-growing Quieron Dryad which goes the distance in two swings.

Game three was pretty lucky on my part. My opponent starts off with a Mishra’s Workshop, Thorn and a Mox on his side during his first turn on the play. On my turn I play Polluted Delta. On his turn he adds a second Mishra’s Workshop, a Sol Ring and another Mox to the board and casts a Triskellion. On my turn I draw Oxidize play a second land and zip the Triskellion, taking three to the face from the Triskellion’s counters in response. My opponent draws for the turn and adds a Mishra’s Factory to the fight but is out of Spells. I untap, play a Quieron Dryad and begin to make it grow. The opponent is unable to answer the Dryad and much Gushing soon ensues.

2-0
7-2

I cannot remember the names of the players that I played in rounds one or two, but I do remember that they were players that I was not familiar with. Since I have been around the Vintage scene for a while I am assuming that both players were new to the scene. I don’t mean that with any disrespect—in fact I would like to pay each player a compliment if they were in fact new to the Vintage tournament scene, because both played very well and very tight. If these kind of players are characteristic of the new crop of Vintage players I definitely am impressed and take it as a sign that Vintage is growing and breeding some very talented new upstarts.

Round three

Another player whose name escapes me playing Deez-Naughts. Game one was my High Tide wet dream cum true. He is on the play and drops a land, a Mox and a Dark Confidant. I open up with Tropical Island, Fastbond, Underground Sea, Hightide, Gush, Merchant Scroll, Gush, Gush, Merchant Scroll, Demonic Tutor, Yawgmoth’s Will, Gush, Gush, Gush, Merchant Scroll for Gush, Gush, Demonic Tutor and Tendrils of Agony. Steve and Kowal are playing at the table next to me and both look fairly disgusted with how completely broken I had gone as did the small crowd of people who had gathered to take a gander at the strange High Tide, Gush, Mana Drain deck that I was playing.

Game two was equally bizarre. My opponent starts out with a Confidant and begins Thoughtseizing and Extirpating my cards. I quickly lose my Gushes and Merchant Scrolls and end up having cards get hit in my hand by the Extirpate. On his turn five a Stifled Phryxean Dreadnaught joins Dark Confidant and my 10 hit points do not look so strong anymore. I end of turn activate my Sensei’s Divining Top and see Island, Mox Emerald, Mox Ruby with a two card hand that includes Mind’s Desire and High Tide. I tap my Top to draw the Mox Emerald. On my turn I draw the Top. My board at this point is four different variety of cards that count as an Island and a Mox Sapphire. I tap the Sapphire to cast High Tide, play my Mox Emerald to cast Sensei’s Divining Top, and then tap my Top to draw Mox Ruby. I play Mox Ruby and tap 3 Islands for six Mana to cast Mind’s Desire with four copies of storm on the stack. My opponent frowns and says: “You play that too, eh?”

The five cards I flip off the Mind’s Desire are Demonic Tutor, Black Lotus, Quieron Dryad, Brainstorm, and Dark Confidant. “Must be unreal.” I cast my Dryad and Brainstorm into Time Walk. I cast the Walk, the Lotus, the Bob, and the Demonic Tutor fetching Yawgmoth’s Will. My opponent is killed by a Tendrils and a huge Dryad on the Time Walk turn. Mind’s Desire—nice card.

3-0
8-2

Round four

In round four I am playing for a guaranteed seat in top eight so I decide that I need to try and play as tight as possible. My opponent (I believe it is Meadbert from the SCG forums) asks me if I remember the last time he and I played, and I can’t recall the match. However, as soon as he reminds me of the context I remember exactly who he is. We played in the last round of SCG Roanoke when we were both trying to get into top eight. He had been playing Ichorid and I had been playing my version of ‘The Meandeck.’ In game three I found myself in a very, very poor position where my hand was a Mox Jet and two lands and there was no single card I could draw to win the game except for Brainstorm (not even Yawgmoth’s Will from the top of my deck would have been enough to save me. When I started my turn I laid my hand on the table to show my opponent how bad it was and told him: “It is looking pretty grim over here for the good guys and I think that you’ve got me—I only have four live draws in my deck and they are Time Walk, and the three remaining Brainstorms. My draw step was extremely kind to me as I drew Brainstorm and exclaimed: “We’re doing it! We’re really doing it!” The Brainstorm revealed Time Walk and Mystical Tutor for Yawgmoth’s Will which with the hand of the Mox Jet in my hand and the Time Walk and Mystical Tutor I had played was enough to win the game. “By George, I think I’ve got it!!!”

Anyways, I am expecting a tight match since he is likely going to want revenge for the savage luck-sacking I came up with last time we played. He is playing his signature Turbo-Land deck. Game one goes very well for me as I am able to stick a quick Dark Confidant and ride the card advantage into a quick Gush-bond Victory. Game two is not quite the walk in the park that game one was. I end up in a very awkward situation where I have a Dark Confidant and no way to control which cards I am going to reveal and he has Crucible of Worlds and Nomad Stadium with threshold. I am stalled out and at risk of killing myself with Dark Confidants over the next few turns. I am forced to draw-go and hit safe cards with Dark Confidant. My opponent ends up casting two Moxes and a Balance for value with two cards in hand, no creatures and seven lands—to my 1 Confidant, six cards, and three lands. My response is a Force of Will for Value, and he answers it with a Mana Drain. He was in his first main phase when the counter war started so he ended up with five mana in his second mainphase, and cast Crucible of World and burned for two. He passes the turn empty handed to me with my board of two Moxes, three lands and Yawgmoth’s Will in hand and a graveyard more than equipped to kill him. The rest is history.

4-0
9-2

Round five

I am paired against Jerry Yang playing Workshop Painter’s Servant and since we are both X-0 we opt to intentionally draw. Steve the only other X-0 player in the tournament is paired against Eric Becker in a heated grudge match with his top eight life on the line. Jerry and I watch his match, and he pulls out a pretty solid win to guarantee his top eight slot.

4-0-1
9-2-1

Round Six

I get paired down against the only player in the Swiss who cannot draw in. Or, so he thinks—as it turns out he could have drawn in based on the way that the rest of the event played out. So, we have to play it out since he cannot intentionally draw. Basically, he is X-1 with bad breakers and there is a gamble that if he draws and the player who is X-1-1 wins he will get pushed out on tiebreakers. However, if you have to gamble on beating Brian DeMars or having a random X-1 win I’m not exactly sure that playing it out is the right call. Anyways, I am guaranteed in either way and I have absolutely no problem with dream-crushing seekers of the top eight.

My opponent is playing with Workshops—I fact I discover when he plays one on the first turn and uses it and a Mox to power out two Thorn’s of Amethyst. The following turn some monsters join the fray and I am quickly defeated in game one. Games two and three are a much more fair fight; as I am able to tutor for Oxidize, Ancient Grudge and most importantly Hurkyl’s Recall. In game two I allow him to play his Thorns of Amethyst and make land drops. I counter his guys and take Mishra’s Factory beats until I am able to Mana Drain a Juggernaut and cast Hurkyl’s Recall during his end step. I use the Mana Drain mana to fuel a gigantic Yawgmoth’s Will that is preceeded by two Gushes and Fastbond. I ask my opponent if he would like to concede. He says “No.” I tell him that I have the kill in the graveyard (which I do) and that since I am guaranteed into the next round with a loss or a draw, and because he has to win that it is to his advantage to concede. He doesn’t understand—and I continue. I explain that I can continue to simply play inconsequential spells in a timely fashion that would eat up most of the time in the round before winning the game—and that since he needs a victory to top eight that he might run out of time. He says “Alright, just show me the Tendrils and I’ll scoop.” I say “No way. Its to my advantage if you don’t scoop—I’m not showing you anything.” He thinks for a second and says: “I’m going to concede let’s move on.” And I slyly reveal the Tendrils that is already in my hand and say “Nice choice.”

In game three I drop a turn one Dryad through his thorn of Amethyst and counter his men. He is unable to find an answer to my creature and quickly dies. At the end of the round he extends the hand and thanks me for pointing out to him that he should concede that game—because he hadn’t even considered the fact that a concession in the interest of time could be a tactical advantage. It also turns out that my opponent could have drawn into the top eight, because the X-1-1 had ended up losing. I am now certainly in top eight.

5-0-1
10-2-1

I finish second in the Swiss rounds and am paired up against Lou in the top eight.

Part V. “Sail on, Sailor!”

TOP EIGHT SUMMARY

In the first round of top eight I am paired up against the one match up that I really didn’t want to pull. I knew that since I was in second place and Steve had finished first in the Swiss that we would be in separate brackets and if we met it wouldn’t be until the finals. I felt that the only two decks in the top eight that I didn’t have a fantastic match up against were Steve’s GAT deck because it had 8 copies of Duress, or the Ichorid deck piloted by Lou Christopher. Unfortunatley, I drew Lou and I was going to need a little bit of luck to pull out the victory.

Game one started out very, very poorly I kept a hand with some action on the draw. Basically, I knew that my match up before sideboard was very poor and that all I wanted to draw was broken cards to try and win quickly—or, if I couldn’t have broken cards I would settle for Brainstorms and try to mise into powerful spells. My opening hand contained two lands, two Merchant Scrolls, Two Brainstorms, and a Gush. My first Brainstorm missed as did my second Brainstorm. Facing down a very probably turn two death and knowing that I had no hope of surviving long enough to see any new action I promptly tell Lou that I’ve had enough of this game and let’s move on. Game two I see exactly what I wanted to see. My turn one Brainstorm pushed me into Fastbond. Lou played a Bazaar and passed. I was able to untap and win on the second turn.

Game three was pretty interesting as well, and I think that it left Lou very surprised since he had the utter nuts. I started the game with Leyline of the Void in play. On his first turn he played a Bayou and Emerald Charm killing my Leyline. On my first turn I ran a Brainstorm and passed. On his turn he played and activated a Bazaar. On my turn I played a fetch land and Brainstormed again. I cracked the fetch and Brainstormed again. My hand at this point was Gush, Force of Will, Fastbond, Demonic Tutor, High Tide, Fetch Land, Tendrils and I left Yawgmoth’s Will and a Gush floating on top of my deck. I have to pass the turn with the mega-super-ultra kill in hand for next turn and hope that he doesn’t Therapy it all away during his turn. I will need to get a little bit lucky. On his turn he dredges before he draws and then for his draw step. To my dissatisfaction he drops a second Bazaar and continues to dredge. However, I am very, very lucky because he doesn’t hit much. He plays one Narcoaemoba, two Cabal Therepys and a Bridge from Below. He thinks for a long time and opts not to push the Therapy issue—after making a note of saying that my deck is very fast and that I could be holding the nuts. I sit in my seat smiling trying not to give him any kind of a useful read on me and he eventually decides that it isn’t worth throwing away the Narcoaemoba right away and passes. I flip over my hand and say “Yeah—gotcha, its all here,” and flip over Gush for my draw step from the top of my deck. He nods and says “Yawgmoth’s Will under the Gush too?” I nod and say “Afraid so.” He knows that its over and extends the hand. A very tough match indeed but hard fought on both sides. Its always a drag to have to eliminate a teammate—but, I would have been happy if either one of us had pulled it off. Lou wishes me good luck and says to take the whole thing down. “I do what I can…” I say.

6-0-1
11-2-1

Round two

I am matched up against the Painter’s Servant deck in the top four piloted by Stefan Ellsworth. Jerry Yang’s match against the Painter deck had gone on for hours it seemed, and I was anxious to play again. Game one goes very well for me. I end up casting a turn one Mind’s Desire for 19 off the Gushbond and High Tide combo.

Game two is much scarier. He drops a quick Painter, but doesn’t have the gas to back it up. Two of his Force of Wills pitching Painters stop my first two business spells, and he ends up empty handed with a lot of mana in play (multiple Moxes and Academy plus three Islands) I don’t have counters so I decide that I must kill him as quickly as possible before he can draw a Grindstone, Demonic Tutor, or Yawgmoth’s Will. Merchant Scroll find Ancestral Recall and I begin to look for my combo with Brainstorms smoothing out my draws with a fetch land shuffle effect. Two turns go by and he doesn’t cast any spells. I Thoughtseize him and he Gushes in response, he drew the Grindstone and I make him discard it and then quickly Extirpate it. The next turn I float Mana and Gush into a Demonic Tutor and get Fastbond. The Fastbond allows me to go off with the second Gush in my hand and the Merchant Scroll. The six free cards eventually lead to a Mystical for Yawgmoth’s Will and the game ends.

7-0-1
12-2-1

Round three (finals)
Andy Gassco playing Gush Tendrils.

Game one I end up botching a turn one kill because I thought I had Yawgmoth’s Will in my hand but actually didn’t. Don’t ask me how this happened—I blame fatigue. Anyways, I come out of turn 1 with a bunch of counter magic and Duress effects with a bunch of lands in play in pretty good shape to win. The next turn I draw Ancient Grudge off the top of my deck, which is a sideboard card. I am well aware that I have just game-lossed myself by not paying close enough attention to my deck. I notify the judge about what has transpired and he gives me a game loss and we move on to game two.

Game two is a really hard fought battle. Both of us Duress each other and I end up getting my Gushes Extirpated (with one getting hit from the hand). I get Thoughtseized the next turn and Brainstorm in response. At this point my opponent has 3 cards (one of which I know is a land from Gush) and my hand before I put cards with the Brainstorm back is Quieron Dryad, Yawgmoth’s Will, Thoughtseize, Merchant Scroll and a Tropical Island. I put back the Yawgmoth’s Will with the Dryad on top of it and he selects the Merchant Scroll and I discard it. On my turn I play my Dryad and Thoughtseize him stealing away a Merchant Scroll. On his turn he draws and casts Gush floating two. He thinks for a moment plays a Mox Ruby (representing Red Elemental Blast) and passes, burning for two down to ten. On my turn I draw the Yawgmoth’s Will and cast it. My lands are Underground Sea, Tropical Island, and Island, but I can replay a fetch land from my graveyard and play either a Brainstorm or a Thoughtseize. The problem is that I am pretty sure that he has Red Blast for the Brainstorm—but, I know the game is going to be tight and Red Elemental Blast will be a good card to draw on the next turn since it stops pretty much anything he could draw in order find an answer. I opt to walk into his Red Elemental Blast with the Brainstorm and hit him for four with the Dryad knocking his life total down to six. My patience pays off and I draw Red Elemental Blast off the top of my deck, and attack him for four down further to two. On his turn he draws for the turn and casts Gush floating a blue and a black. Red Elemental Blast answers the Gush and he burns for two and by the skin of my teeth I force a game three.

Game three is kind of strange—I am pretty sure that I should not have won but you guys can decide for yourselves. I am on the draw and my hand is Merchant Scroll, Merchant Scroll, Thoughtseize, Thoughtseize, Force of Will, Polluted Delta, Underground Sea.

He opens up with a fetch, a Sea and a Thoughtseize. He takes my Force of Will
I open up with a Thoughtseize and see:

Ancestral Recall, Extirpate, Vampiric Tutor, Force of Will, Island
On his turn he plays an Island and passes.

On my turn I say “Draw Step?” And I am allowed to draw, a Library of Alexandria. “Enter my first main phase?” I am allowed to enter my first main phase. I sigh a tremendous sigh of relief as I Thoughtseize him. He responds by casting Vampiric Tutor and then reveals his hand. For his turn he has drawn a Mox Ruby, and I make him discard his Extirpate. Andy is now left with Force of Will, Mox Ruby, which is up against my hand of Library of Alexandria and two Merchant Scrolls.

He draws and to my complete horror casts Tinker off the Mox Ruby—I assume that he threw away the free cards so that he could go get Sundering Titan and blow up all of my lands—I breathe a sigh of relief when he gets a Darksteel Colossus and passes with only one card in his hand, a lone Force of Will. I’m not sure why he got the Darksteel Colossus since I had two Merchant Scrolls in hand—he must have been gambling on the fact that I had boarded out my Chain of Vapor and would be unable to answer it. The luck keeps on coming, as I draw the Chain of Vapor off the top of my deck and bounce the Colossus and the Merchant Scroll for Gush off the Library I played hoping to get The Library on Line during my next turn. He draws and plays a land. Since he has dropped the land I know that there is nothing he can do (if he hadn’t I would have played around the two Misdirection Steve had told me he was packing. I drew another land for my turn and opted to use my last Merchant Scroll (so he couldn’t draw an Extirpate for it) and got Ancestral Recall and played it passing the turn after. He drew another blank and I untapped with an active Library and drew a Brainstorm which found me Yawgmoth’s Will and Fastbond to close out the game that turn.

8-0-2
13-2-1

I finish first and win the Black Lotus! And, it was a really nice Lotus at that. Also, it was kind of funny because I put a Black Lotus on hold with Ben from SCG saying that if I didn’t win I was going to buy it. Winning a Lotus is soooo much better than dropping cash on it.

Part VI. “I get by with a little help from my friends.”

   After the event and much congratulations from friends pretty much the entire cast of Vintage greatness meets up at a bar down the street to party and drink the night way. We wind up getting seated in a basement room of pub with a billiards table, darts and lots of space. In attendance are Owen Turtenwald, Mark Trogdon, Jerry Yang, Steve, Nat Moes, Ben Carp, Juan, and a whole slew of others that I can’t remember because the night is foggy to me. Some highlights include Smennen sandwich punching Ben Carps guarded sandwich and having to buy him a new one. Steve and I Winston drafting Shadowmoor against Owen and friend. Steve beating Trogdon at darts. Me facing off in a 18 turn slugfest of the mental magic 1 mana, 2 mana, three mana game. And casting Seedtime against Nat Moes end of turn Fact or Fiction in Mental Magic; and then untapping playing three Rituals, casting Upheaval into a Bird, an Elf, a Spiketail Hatchling, and a Sphere of Resistence. And of course, everybody getting sloshed. It was a fantastic end to a fantastic weekend. Monday morning we all get up again and I make the long 11 hour drive home to Michigan. I get in around 1 A.M. and get a call from Patrick Chapin who asks if I want to play basketball with Mark Herberholtz and Nassiff who are both in town testing for the pro tour. We play some game--and as it turns out Nassiff has an amazing outside shot. I had no idea.

Props

High Tide – “Best Dark Ritual EVAR!”
Paul Mastriano – “You guys don’t got shit on our beer pong skillz nubz”
Lou Christopher – “It is a Magic PBR—and it tastes great, less filling”
Willie – “That deck is INSANE. Door to Nothingness you.”
Steve Menendien – “Stop punching my sandwich!”
Eric Becker – “I’m not sure that is the most IDEAL play there buddy”
Ben Kowal – “It was almost a rematch of the finals in Chicago two and a half years ago!”
Lizzish – “Nice to meet you too”
Joey – “Why didn’t you play counterbalance slaver? Dredge is so passé.”
Jeremy Serogy – “Will you sign my demonic collusion? DQs are LAME”
Juan – “The Mariner’s Revenge Song is sick—thanks for riding back with me and keeping me company”
Jerry Yang – “Oh Sure”
Mark Trogdon – “he says: ‘bend over like that again and I’m gonna spank ya.’ Priceless—absolutely priceless.

Slops

Regular Camel Lights – how do you not carry 99’s Virginia? You grow tobacco, you guys love cigarettes!
Rich Shay, Mark Biller, Josh Franklin, and Paul Nicolo. I don’t care how much you guys love your mothers—what gives? I took my mom out to breakfast the weekend before hand so that I could go: where were you guys on that one?
Oath of Druids – 2 mana does nothing, pass the turn still does nothing.
Flash - _*_&*(^*&^V^%V^&%(^)& you flash

Cheers,
Brian DeMars