Best Movies of 2009 (Post your top 10!)

[Smmenen]

We do this every year.

Here is a complete list of movies released in 2009: http://www.the-numbers.com/movies/index2009.php

Here is what I saw:

Notorious
Taken
Watchman
Crank 2: High Voltage
The Soloist
Wolverine
Star Trek
Terminator Salvation
Up
The Hangover
Moon
District 9
The Informant
Precious
The Princess and the Frog
Avatar
Sherlock Holmes

That's very low for me.   I saw 33 in 2006, and 26 in 2007, and only 15 in 2008.   I saw 3 more this year, and there are still a bunch I want to see, like Inglorious Bastards, The Road (I love the book), Zombieland, Lovely Bones, etc.  

I'll just list my top 5, like I did last year:

5) Taken

I thought District Nine was incredible, and films like Up and Disney's The Princess and the Bride were very compelling, but this movie was just a blast.   Part of it was Liam Neesan's low key performance.   It was also the gritty realism.  I loved it.  

4) Star Trek

Fun, smart, sexy, and memorable.  This is a movie you should have seen in the movie theater.

3) The Hangover

The funniest film of the year (that I saw).  This years Borat/Tropic Thunder/The Wedding Crashers.    It was hilarious.

2) Avatar

This movie was not a film, but an experience.   I felt the same way when I saw the first LOTR in the theatre.  It was a breakthrough event.   My dad and Roger Ebert both compared it to the original Star Wars.   For good reason.

Wow.  If you haven't seen this, you must.

1) Precious

Not close really.   This movie was unreal amazing.  I hope it wins a host of oscars.  

[voltron00x]

I haven't seen Avatar or Precious yet.

Of those I have seen, I enjoyed these:

Coraline
State of Play
Star Trek
Up
District 9
Inglorious Basterds
The Hangover

Land of the Lost was absolutely awful.  Terminator: Salvation wasn't as bad as I expected.  Wolverine was just as bad as I expected.  Watchmen was in some ways better that I expected, and in others worse.  It wasn't the unwatchable mess I was afraid it would be, although it might come off that way to those that hadn't read the source material.  Drag me to Hell was a disappointment.  Public Enemies was watchable enough, but not even close to accurate in historical terms, which was disappointing.

Movies I still need to see:

Avatar
Precious
Up in the Air
9
A Serious Man
The Road
Zombieland
The Fantastic Mr Fox
The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus
Sherlock Holmes

I suspect that ultimately several of my top 5 would come from that list (I have high expectations of The Road, Up in the Air, A Serious Man, Mr Fox, and Parnassus in particular).

As it stands right now:

1. District 9
2. Star Trek
3. Up
4. Inglorious Basterds
5. The Hangover

Problem is I saw most of the popcorn movies and very little of the serious fare, although I don't think anything is topping District 9 for me this year.  That movie was amazing.

[pierce]

I most certainly hope that The Princess and The Frog was either a date movie or you taking your lady's kid to the flicks, not an admission of your undying love for Disney animation.

[Prospero]

I haven't seen Avatar or Precious yet.

Of those I have seen, I enjoyed these:

Coraline
State of Play
Star Trek
Up
I love you, Beth Cooper
District 9
Inglorious Basterds
The Hangover

Land of the Lost was absolutely awful.  Terminator: Salvation wasn't as bad as I expected.  Wolverine was just as bad as I expected.  Watchmen was in some ways better that I expected, and in others worse.  It wasn't the unwatchable mess I was afraid it would be, although it might come off that way to those that hadn't read the source material.  Drag me to Hell was a disappointment.  Public Enemies was watchable enough, but not even close to accurate in historical terms, which was disappointing.

Movies I still need to see:

Avatar
Precious
Up in the Air
9
A Serious Man
The Road
Zombieland
The Fantastic Mr Fox
The Imaginarium of Dr Parnassus
Sherlock Holmes

I suspect that ultimately several of my top 5 would come from that list (I have high expectations of The Road, Up in the Air, A Serious Man, Mr Fox, and Parnassus in particular).

As it stands right now:

1. District 9
2. Star Trek
3. Up
4. Inglorious Basterds
5. The Hangover

Problem is I saw most of the popcorn movies and very little of the serious fare, although I don't think anything is topping District 9 for me this year.  That movie was amazing.

Matt, I'd like to tell you that your personal favorites are wrong. 

...

JJK.

I still laugh about that original post...

[nataz]

What I saw: 19 movies (no love for HBO production movies?! - if so I'd add "taking chance" as an excellent watch)

Underworld 3
Confessions of a shopaholic
Watchmen
I love you man
Wolverine
Star Trek
Julie and Julia
Terminator salvation
UP
The Hangover
500 days of summer
This Is It
District 9
Time Travelers wife
Ingorious Bastards
Zombie land
Invictus
Avatar
Sherlock Holmes

Most Overated:
Avatar - seriously, it was wicked pretty but the storyline was predictable, unemotional, and bland. I washed in on a wave of hype, and an otherwise solid movie became a dissapointment when the story couldn't keep up with the visuals.  

Best Surprise:
Up - first 5-10 mins are amazing, and would have made an excellent short film. Maybe the best of the year.

Biggest Letdown:
Terminator Salvation - ugh. So much potential, so little execution.

Movie that I could watch again (a.k.a. I went out and got the DVD):
Star Trek - I'm not a trekie, but I am a fan of science fiction and have seen almost of of the movies at one point in time or another. This movie was a great time.  

Most conflicted:
Watchman - I wanted to love this comic icon, but ended up with mixed feelings after the movie. It was very faithful (except for the loss of the black ship/tie in with the ending), but so much so that it felt jarring and akward at times. I think this was a comic adaptation that could have used more production, and less comic. Perhaps more obvious story cuts or minuets ala sin city to mirror the multi-book set up of the original comic, instead of trying to make it all flow seemlessly together. Also, I realize that it was hard to add in the whole black ship angle, but I still can't help but feel that the entire story is lacking without that obvious counterpoint.   

Movies that were on my list, but for whatever reason I have not seen them yet: 10
Lovely bones
fast & furious
caroline'
notorious
Transformers Rise of the Fallen
GI Joe
9
Boondock Saints - Saints Row
Men Who stare at goats
ninja assasin

best title of the year of a movie that I didn't see, but made me stop scrolling when I passed it on the list:
Lesbian Vampire Killers

[voltron00x]

I bought District 9 on Blu-Ray on amazon.com about 10 seconds after I was finished watching the copy I got from Netflix.  I'm not sure if I was just in the mood for that kind of movie or what, but I really thought it was excellent.  The good sci-fi movies allow you to suspend your disbelief, which this movie did, at least for me.  I'd also actually really like to see a sequel, which I can't say is something that immediately comes to mind that often when I watch a movie.

[Side note, ever since the sequels to The Matrix, whenever I see a movie I really like, I usually pray that they won't make any God-awful sequels that ruin my memory of the first movie]

And Nick, it is kind of funny.  It's a tough crowd out there, man.  Now whenever I start to form an opinion, I immediately have to wonder why my personal preferences are always so wrong... chances are District 9 was actually a terrible movie, obviously 

[nataz]

I liked district 9 until I thought more about it.

I agree, the whole suspension of disbelief, but...

/spoiler/

ahhh, so they take 20 years to collect a vial of fuel that turns a guy into an alien AFTER he dumps a large amount of said fuel on himself. Then, they take the remaining fuel, and fly away. Well, why not have just used that amount of fuel and left 5 years earlier or something. And yes, there are a million reason you can make up for this not to work, but this just seems so obvious. We can be fairly/kinda/maybe sure that the last liquid wasn't just an ingredient with the quote "why does it make so little" or something like that, but w/e, it just bugged me! Ditto on why the Aliens just kinda took everything lying down. They had lots of weapons apparently, and they knew how to use them. Plus they were super strong. Why submit to just hanging in the slums, why not go out and take the damn cat food. Oh, and cat food. Why didn't the gov just give them tons of cat food whenever they wanted something done?  

[Smmenen]

i thought district 9 was pretty amazing, too, and I wrote a bit about it in a blog in August:  http://www.race-talk.org/?p=361

I most certainly hope that The Princess and The Frog was either a date movie or you taking your lady's kid to the flicks, not an admission of your undying love for Disney animation.

lol - I am not a big fan of Disney animation, except old school.  I love the Sword and the Stone and I do like Pinocchio, which is actually unreal if you watch it.    Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is oddly compelling.  

Lady and the Tramp is my favorite, though, after Sword and the Stone. 

[Yare]

I actually didn't like District 9, mainly because it suffered from the "Children of Men problem" as I've dubbed it, where you have a great premise and then a terrible application. In Children of Men, the premise of there being only one person able to reproduce turned into a chase movie and that was it. That was the same case here, only you had weird aliens that like cat food instead of the one pregnant woman in the world. District 9 at least had entertaining moments, I guess. Then again, Children of Men got great reviews and I thought it was terrible.

[LotusHead]

I finally got to see pretty much all of the movies that I just really had to see (Ing.Basterds, Star Trek, T4, Avatar, etc).

But Gran Torino can hold it's own in any top 10 list. (I checked: Limited Dec 12 08 release, general release Jan 09)

Oh, and my first car was a '72 Gran Torino! Too bad I had no idea how to maintain a car back then.

[Smmenen]

gran torino was def. an 08 film.  sorry

http://www.themanadrain.com/index.php?topic=37232.0

[reaperbong]

1. Halloween II
2. Transformers Revenge of the Fallen
3. Inglourious Basterds
4. Terminator Salvation
5. Watchmen
6. Public Enemies
7. Friday the 13th
8. Land of the Lost
9. Last House on the Left
10. Jennifer's Body

[Marske]

2009 was a horrible year for me when it comes to watching movies... I didn't get to see anything in theater except Inglorious Bastards (awesome movie, Brad Pitts Italian is stellar ) I did semi enjoy Terminator 4 as I have a soft spot for the franchise, however it was nowhere near what it could have been I did like Christian Bale as John Conner. Transformers 2 was more of the same for me and not in a very good way, as was GI Joe (thanks for messing with childhood memories !) Wolverine was mildly entertaining and followed the original story close enough to make me want to see it.

For me 2009 was the year of lots of series, I've been hooked on House, Dexter, Prison Break. Which took up most of my free time when I felt the urge to spend some time in front of the tube, although a bit off topic.

[Klep]

Apparently I only saw 19 of 2009's releases.

Taken
Coraline
The International
Watchmen
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
The Brothers Bloom
Angels and Demons
Star Trek
Terminator Salvation
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Public Enemies
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
District 9
Inglourious Basterds
9
The Men Who Stare At Goats
2012
Avatar
Sherlock Holmes

There were a few more I wanted to see but just didn't get around to (i.e., The Informant), and some that either didn't or haven't yet come my way (The Road, The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus).   Of the movies I saw I'd have to say my top 5 are probably:

5. The Men Who Stare At Goats
4. District 9
3. Sherlock Holmes
2. Avatar
1. Inglourious Basterds

Basterds had hands-down the best single performance of the year by Christoph Walz.  Avatar's plot was generic, but well-executed and James Cameron's amazing world building was truly stunning.  District 9 was an excellent original film and served as great social commentary (particularly in South Africa, where it would have a special resonance), but Sherlock Holmes just edges it out for me because I'm a huge fan of the character and Robert Downey Jr. was actually playing Sherlock Holmes (not just some other guy with the same name).  Also, Watson was appropriately competent  (though they remembered his gambling problem).  #5 was a tough pick between Goats and Brothers Bloom, but I gave the edge to Goats because of the sheer absurdity of it, and the wonderful deadpan way that Spacey and Clooney play their parts.

Worst of the bunch easily goes to Transformers, which was a number of decent robot fights wrapped up in genetalia "humor" and offensive racist caricatures, held together by Shia LeBouf's inability to stop babbling.  Also, apparently one babbling idiot wasn't enough, so they had to give Shia a babbling idiot friend; presumably so that Shia could take a breath now and then without interrupting the flow.

[Killane]

Sadly, I didn't really get the chance to see very many good movies this year, and those that I did get to see were very much of the "popcorn" variety. However, this was a hell of a year for popcorn movies. I only have a top two:

2. Star Trek

This movie took everything good about Star Trek and made it great. Special effects? Upgraded. Witty Dialog? Upgraded. Kirk? ok, not upgraded, but present, which alone makes this better than the last 4 Star Trek movies. Absurd yet awesome paradoxical time-travel based plotline? check. Romulans? Check. Spock? twice!

Of all the Star Trek movies, this one was the most daring. It took risks, and took the franchise (boldly) in a badly needed new direction. While Roddenberry's Utopian vision was admirable to a certain extent, it was also somewhat saccharine and unrealistic. It's nice to have a Star Trek film in which the people act like real people, and it's also nice to see some space battles occurring in three dimensions.

A+

1. Avatar

This movie was beyond fantastic. Yes the plot was predictable. Who cares? Is the plot of Star Wars unpredictable? No, not really. Is the plot of LOTR unpredictable? No, not really. The acting was good, the story was still fine (predictable doesn't always ruin the moment), but this film took the medium and demonstrated a complete mastery of what makes film, as a medium, unique. Unlike stage or television film is potentially unlimited in scope and Jim Cameron used this film to show us just how unlimited that scope can be. From the Zendikar-reminicient floating mountains to the 100% real feeling CGI and 3D, this transcended the average viewing experience and immersed the audience in a rich, lush world that, while featuring environments evocative of earth's natural bounty, was nevertheless completely alien.

In my opinion, film is not the best place for a piece like Frost-Nixon for example. It's a fine place for that kind of story, and likely the correct option due to mass-market considerations and budgets, but the best place for a small, character driven story with no effects is the stage. You can't substitute the energy of live actors. Films like that may be thought-provoking and important, but a film like Avatar is the ultimate evolution of the medium - it takes all of the things that make film unique as a medium and maximizes them, while still giving time to things like plot, character, and emotion. The only problem is that it won't translate properly to home viewing unless you are one of the lucky wealthy few to have a realD capable 200 inch 1080p HiDef Widescreen in your home theatre.

A+++, 2nd favorite movie of all time (for cinema).

[Sextiger]

Most conflicted:
Watchman - I wanted to love this comic icon, but ended up with mixed feelings after the movie. It was very faithful (except for the loss of the black ship/tie in with the ending), but so much so that it felt jarring and akward at times. I think this was a comic adaptation that could have used more production, and less comic. Perhaps more obvious story cuts or minuets ala sin city to mirror the multi-book set up of the original comic, instead of trying to make it all flow seemlessly together. Also, I realize that it was hard to add in the whole black ship angle, but I still can't help but feel that the entire story is lacking without that obvious counterpoint.   

While I did like the movie a lot, it could have been so much more.  First of all, they probably should have found a way to make this 2 movies, not one.  Unlike 300, which was like 3 issues, Watchmen is like 14. The 300 novel is so short they had to pad the movie with all the Queen scenes. They should have also got rid of Snyder and picked another director.  Snyder basically planted a coat of 300 onto Watchmen, effects and all. 

[Klep]

The biggest problem Watchmen had, as far as I'm concerned, is that it was immediately obvious who the bad guy was.  One of the great strengths of the original GN is that that information is well-concealed from the reader up until it is discovered by the characters, which makes the reveal much better.

The second biggest problem, and this is close to the first, is that they changed Ozymandias' iconic line near the end to something that had far less dramatic impact.  There was no reason whatsoever to do that, so I can't imagine why it was done.

[reaperbong]

i didn't like Avatar nor Star Trek, both completely failed to live up to the hype for me *shrugs* meanwhile the movies people hated i loved the most. As a fun Sci-Fi popcorn movie Transformers was far more enjoyable then Star Trek, and Terminator Salvation better then Avatar as a more serious and purely dramatic Sci-Fi.

[Diakonov]

Movies I saw in 2009 (chronologically):

Coraline
Watchmen
I Love You, Man
Star Trek
Up
The Hangover
Food, Inc.
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
(500) Days of Summer
District 9
Gake no ue no Ponyo
Zombieland
2012
Avatar

Want to see:

Fantastic Mr. Fox
Inglourious Basterds
Precious
The Road

Favorite comedy: Zombieland

The acting was great and the style was witty.  It's a nicely balanced hybrid of comedy/zombie horror with a few serious undertones.  On par with Shaun of the Dead.

Runners-up: I Love You, Man, and The Hangover

Favorite action movie: Avatar

I agree that this movie is more of an experience than just a film.  If you have the opportunity to watch it in 3D, you should do so.  The environments and creatures are creatively conceived, much like in Star Wars.  As a film I would say it is still not as good, because even though they have tapped into that feeling of otherworldly wonder, it lacks the iconic characters and moments that exist in Star Wars.  It was also reminiscent of Ferngully, and particular themes from the Final Fantasy franchise, for those who are interested.

Runners-up: District 9, Star Trek, Watchmen

Favorite movie overall: Up

This may be the best Pixar film yet, and that's saying a lot.  Driven by a well-written story with great characters, it traverses comedy, tragedy, happiness, and adventure with flawless execution.

Runner-up: Coraline

Honorable Mentions...

1. Ponyo

Hayao Miyazaki is one of my favorite directors, so there was no question about going to see this.  One of his weaker films overall, but definitely worth watching nonetheless.  I'm surprised that nobody has mentioned this movie yet.

2. Food, Inc.

I'm a big fan of Michael Pollan's books, so perhaps I'm biased.  I thought this was a great documentary.  For anyone who is unfamiliar with the movie, it's sort of a modern-day version of Upton Sinclair's The Jungle.  It is a bit disturbing at times.  Do not watch this if you plan to remain comfortable with American cuisine.

[Doomsday]

I saw:

Without a Paddle: Nature's Calling
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans
Taken
Push
The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice
Watchmen
The Last House on the Left
The Haunting in Connecticut
Fast & Furious
X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Angels & Demons
The Hangover
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Inglourious Basterds

I would not recommend any of them except Taken, Angels & Demons and The Hangover to anyone, so they're my top 3.

[Dr. Sylvan]

IMDB and Netflix both list Taken as 2008, so I'm leaving it out. If it were in, it would be in contention for my favorite of the year.

Seen (mostly via Netflix)
He's Just Not That Into You
Coraline
Push
An American Affair
Watchmen
I Love You, Man
American Swing
Star Trek
Powder Blue
Up
The Hangover
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
District 9
Inglourious Basterds
The Informant
Zombieland
The Men Who Stare At Goats
The Blind Side
Avatar

Want to see but haven't: Knowing; Adventureland; Battle For Terra; The Hurt Locker; Bruno; (500) Days of Summer; A Serious Man; The Invention of Lying; Whip It; Where the Wild Things Are; Precious; The Fantastic Mr. Fox; Bad Lieutenant; Up In the Air; Invictus; Crazy Heart; Sherlock Holmes

My favorites of the year:

# 1. District 9
# 2. Inglourious Basterds
# 3. Up
# 4. Avatar
# 5. The Informant

The problem with January is that I just don't see movies in theaters often enough to be caught up on all the titles from last year that I expect to compete for my affections. For instance, everything I've read makes me think I'll love Hurt Locker and Crazy Heart, but on the basis of what I've seen so far, this Top 5 feels padded.

On the contrarian side, I despised the new Star Trek. When I saw it, I came up with about a dozen major plot objections immediately. Not like suspension-of-disbelief objections; it was more like implausibility so severe it took me out of the movie every few minutes.

Avatar was good, I might say very good, but not quite the revolution the hype makes it out to be. It was visually stunning, but had flaws, most notably whenever it made me worry I was about to watch an excerpt from Pocahontas or Fern Gully. I thought the love story was kind of shoehorned in.

On a related note, my friends and I were talking about the Academy Awards increase to ten nominees for Best Picture, and for me the best outcome of that would be finally letting Pixar compete where it should have all along, for Best Picture overall. This year seemed weak to us, so filling out ten slots while also ignoring an excellent, commercially successful animated movie seems dumb.

[Diakonov]

Pocahontas

I know the exact moment in the movie that you are talking about.  I had deja vu while watching it.

[pierce]

Why is Bruno not on any of these lists? Aside from the graphic penis shot, that movie was hilarious.

Smmemen, Sword and the Stone was my favorite as a kid. good call.

[Smmenen]

Why is Bruno not on any of these lists? Aside from the graphic penis shot, that movie was hilarious.

OH MY GOD.


How did I miss that from the list???

BRUNO was AWESOME.    The other movie I saw that I didn't see on the list was Ponyo, which was ok.   Bruno would definitely make my top 5.    In some ways, Bruno was more brilliant than Borat.   A large portion of the population had to be aware of Cohen's antics, and yet he got people ever BETTER in Bruno than he did in Borat.   The gags maybe weren't as funny all around, but they were much more searing.   

[nataz]

I'm so glad people are making the fern gully -> avatar connection. I think FG was a better movie then then avatar, although no where near as pretty, but meh, thats just me.

Avatar is like a decent looking blond with fake tits. Fun to look at, but once you get past the pop-up graphics there isn't a lot to write home about. 

[LotusHead]

I'm so glad people are making the fern gully -> avatar connection. I think FG was a better movie then then avatar, although no where near as pretty, but meh, thats just me.

Avatar is like a decent looking blond with fake tits. Fun to look at, but once you get past the pop-up graphics there isn't a lot to write home about. 

Many people have said similar things.  But I first saw Avatar in 3D at IMAX (the real kind, not the "imax" at the cineplex).
On Xmas, my familiy went to see it (in regular theater 3d).  On a second viewing, I can honestly say that Avatar's Story and Characters got better, because I wasn't completly overwhelmed by all the awesome visuals going on.

[reaperbong]

Why is Bruno not on any of these lists? Aside from the graphic penis shot, that movie was hilarious.

i just plain forgot! i had it on a previous top 5 list, loved that movie.

[AngryPheldagrif]

OH MY GOD.


How did I miss that from the list???

BRUNO was AWESOME.    The other movie I saw that I didn't see on the list was Ponyo, which was ok.   Bruno would definitely make my top 5.    In some ways, Bruno was more brilliant than Borat.   A large portion of the population had to be aware of Cohen's antics, and yet he got people ever BETTER in Bruno than he did in Borat.   The gags maybe weren't as funny all around, but they were much more searing.   

Anyone who didn't burst out laughing to read that clearly has not met Steve in person.



Gags you say, Steven?

[Matt]

I'm so glad people are making the fern gully -> avatar connection. I think FG was a better movie then then avatar, although no where near as pretty, but meh, thats just me.

Avatar is like a decent looking blond with fake tits. Fun to look at, but once you get past the pop-up graphics there isn't a lot to write home about. 

http://web.me.com/pascalboogaert/Site/foto3_files/original.jpg

[Norm4eva]

I'm surprised to see so many people in this crowd actually liked the new Star Trek movie.  JJ Abrams has constantly failed me as being able to tell a story through dialogue, he gives the 'smart' guys this horrible aptitude for making logical leaps that just pander to the audience - Fringe did this in pretty much every episode I've ever put up with and Spock does it in Star Trek: Lens Flare.

One thing that totally invalidates this as a real 'reset' to me is the fact that certain characters go through such HUGE revamps.  Kirk as a punk-ass kid with a fucked up home life who Matt Damons his way into command of the flagship of the Federation?  Spock's uber-commitment to Vulcan logic, tossed out the window whenever Uhura bats an eye at him?  McCoy's sarcastic backhand replaced with dark, predictable drivel?  They fucked with The Big Three.  Superhero 'resets' are often valid because they may change elements of the story but generally not the motivation of the characters, which is why it's cool to take a concept as old as Batman/Bruce Wayne and turn it into The Dark Knight.  Changing where Kirk comes from so that Abrams can write him the only way he knows how - as Han Solo in a tight black shirt - doesn't make for a character study, it makes for a farce.

Gah, and then they fucked with certain aspects of the physics of Trek.  You canNOT tell me that this isn't important to a non-insignificant portion of Trek fans.  Sulu's guffaw in his first scene doesn't add up, since inertial dampeners (a) generally only compensate for internal changes in inertia (or: why nobody wears seat belts) (b) have NOTHING to do with hampering a ship's ability to go to warp - warp drive moves the space in front of/behind the ship while the ship remains more or less motionless within its relative spacetime, this is why they don't kick up to Warp 6 and come back to Earth 2000 years too late, thanks time dilation you cruel mistress of high acceleration.  What about the oddity of that huge Romulan *mining ship* going and wreaking havoc on several starships onscreen and offscreen, it's reported it took on like f-o-r-t-y Klingon ships.  Generally it takes something dumb like a Borg cube to fuck up that much shit and just keep going.  I mean I get it, it's from the future and all, but the ship is just a mining vessel.  I liken it to taking a modern day steamroller or Caterpillar back in time and changing the outcome of America's Civil War.  Sure, you guys got muskets and cannons and sheer overwhelming numbers and shit, but ME!  I have a CAT!  Back, the, fuck, UP.  Shit.

That and other screw ups are okay though, right?  Because who gives a shit about fantasy physics, it's all technobable that just propels the story, amirite??  Oh wait, then they screwed up regular physics too when they let Scotty beam into the Galaxy Quest room with the water tubes and the GIANT FAN OF DETH, and they forgot that water doesn't really compress easily and even if the tube is open at one end, Scotty should probably be bottled and sold as picante sauce by the time it's all over.  There is, at the end of the day, a certain amount of suspense of disbelief built into Trek which is predicated on the notion that the physics are at LEAST speculative.  This was just blatant bad storytelling, making a funny-yet-oh-so-dangerous-scene at the expense of credibility.

Oh and that entire story is pretty much a direct steal from Star Wars IV.  Certain scenes are just unforgivably parallel, especially the "lets give everyone medals for being rad space cadets" closer.  Fucking Jesus.  Abrams even admits he's always been a bigger SW fan and wanted to inject some of that into ST.  Last I checked, the putative Venn diagram of Trek and Wars was fine - you watch one for one reason and the other for another, and never the twain shall meet except in little kid's basements and in poorly edited YouTube videos.  Way to cross the streams asshole; Trek can't behave like Wars because the premises are supposed to be insanely different.  Throwing utopia out the window is a bad move for Star Trek, and if you don't think that's true then just take a look at the failings of more recent efforts of the douchebags left in command after Roddenbery passed.  Braga and Berman were shitty shitty visionaries for Trek, and it seems like they dropped the utopian aspects of TNG whenever they felt like they were out of story to tell.  Enter the Maquis.  Enter Section 31.  Enter Paul Sorvino.  Fail, fail, fail.

I won't say the movie wasn't entertaining.  It was.  The opening sequence really sucked me in, I was ready to toss my notions of Abrams and concede to the storytelling.  But then he kept making error after error and I realized he wasn't actually making a Star Trek film.  That's fine, make a neat movie about being in space.  But this story doesn't resonate with Star Trek well enough to enter into the canon in my view, because Trek assumes certain things and disregards certain things in order to tell its best stories, and quite frankly JJ Abrams isn't up to the task.  This is to Star Trek what Puzzle Fighter is to the Street Fighter series; a non-critical afterthought with too much fundamental dissonance to be considered the real deal.

And at the risk of invoking TL;DR - this was the ONE PLACE I go on the Interwebs where I thought people would have actually spotted all this.  Magic players like this movie?  Us, reconciled in our nerd status as we are, this community didn't make a mental checklist of shit that was off about new Trek?  I am a man without a country, and now I shall go hang from the nearest curtain rod.