A Waterbury Report for the Rest of Us

Firstly, way to go with the new forums. Top-notch work. But if any of the high and mighty of TMD are reading this, can i get it moved to the Tournament Report forum? That would be pretty massive.

Most tournament reports you read will tell you how they single-handedly vanquished the entire field en route to a 8-0 record and that first place piece of jewlery. That's not what ur gonna get here, oh no. I am a somewhat talented player who runs a completely unpowered deck that has little or no chance of winning any tournaments in this metagame. In other words, im one of u, just another member of MTG's rank and file. But now, onto the report:

At about 830 in the morning, I rolled out of my bed. Blearily i gathered my deck from the desk, threw on my Chad Pennington jersey and trademark black wool hat and set off for Waterbury. The scene when I got there was nothing short of insanity. Who knew you could get 200 people up to the middle of nowhere, CT to play Magic? I took my seat, registered my deck, and looked around for somebody to play.

My decklist:
EBP (Experience Beatdowns Project)
12 Forests
8 Mountains
1 Black Lotus (proxied)
4 Kird Ape
3 Skyshroud Elite
4 Rogue Elephant
1 Scryb Sprites (Oddly enough, i win a lot of games with this)
2 Gorilla Shaman
3 Isochron Scepter (proxied. I got ripped on for that all day)
1 Black Vise
1 Sylvan Library (proxied)
3 Rancor
2 Naturalize
3 Giant Growth
3 Browbeat
3 Incinerate
4 Lightning Bolt
2 Price of Progress

SB:
3 Elvish Scrapper
4 Shock
2 Ankh of Mishra
1 Cursed Totem
1 Scryb Sprites
1 Bounty of the Hunt
3 Pyroblast

I played a few games against the people near me, splitting with Goblin Chains, and absolutely destroying UR Fish. That was one highlight of my day: being undefeated against Fish. If only i'd seen them in a match... The postings went up, and I went to my first match.

Round 1: Bryce Reynolds playing Burn.
I had heard his name somewhere. I was guessing it was cause he was good.
Game 1
He dropped a first turn Ruby, Mountain, Mox Monkey, Black Vise. This could be bad. I got out of it by dropping a Rogue and Incineratin the Monkey, but only after takin a lot of damage. He dropped 2 Pyrostatic pillars. In case u didn't notice, every spell in my deck costs less than 3. Massive Rancored Rogue beats made it 3-3. Then somehow he HARDCASTS a fireblast. That toasts me. SB: -1 Scryb +1 Bounty
Game 2
Explosive start with lotus to Incin on a stick and an Ape. But my first land got wasted and i didn't see another one. Shrapnel Blasting his Ruby and Tormod's got rid of me quickly. Games 0-2 Matches 0-1

Round Two: Matt Costa with Chalice Black
I played this round in what I dubbed Loser's Lounge. With no room for everybody in the main room, they moved as many losers bracket people into another, less smelly, better lit room. So maybe sucking at MTG does have its advantages.
Game 1
Dropped a first turn Mox Monkey and soon Rancored it. Massive Po'd Monkey beatdowns ensued, bringing him down to 6 and burning all his threats away. But he Stripped and Sinkholed all of my Mountains. Within the space of 2 turns, it became him: 6 life, 2 Hippies and 3 Negators; Me: 1 Po'd Monkey and a scryb. I didn't last long. SB: + 4 Shock +1 Scryb -2 PoP -3 Elite
Game 2
His first turn: Swamp, Ritual, Duress my naturalize, Chalice for one. I didn't stand a chance and got smacked by many angry Negators.
Games 0-4 Matches 0-2
I have to say im really not a fan of Chalices. Damn to the depths whichever mutton-head thought up Chalice!
Round 3: John S playing Rectal Agony
Back to Loser's Lounge. After running off every Big Lebowski and Office Space line we could think of, we started off.
Game 1
Suffice it to say that i've never seen Rectal Agony before. I was expecting Trix when Rector hit the table and was amazed to see Future Sight. While he was talking what seemed to be 10,000 turns, I was banging my head on the table and wondering out loud what in hell this guy's win condition was and why he wasnt using it on me already, much to the amusement of my tablemates. I almost snuck in a victory when he Memory Jar'ed me into a PoP that would have killed him, but he Cunning wished for a BEB with the last 4 mana he had open. Finally, he Tendriled me to death.
Game 2
I decided not to sideboard for the simple reason that I roll over and die to combo no matter what I do. Sure enough, he went off Turn 1 for 24 damage while i sat with my lone forest and Elite. Games 0-6 Matches 0-3
Stupid Combo. Stupid Stupid Stupid Combo.

At this point I was 0-3 and very much in the running for the Tangle Wire, Yavimaya Coast or Trade Routes that were being given away to the 3 people in last. But how long would it last? I was sent back to Loser's Lounge to find out.

Round 4: John P with Cherry Parfait
Game 1: Humility was a pain, but a Rancored Elite got in some early damage until i could find a Naturalize, after which he was joined by 2 Kirds. He had a land tax/Z-orb thing that was a pain, but eventually he ran out of lands and died to Bolt on a stick.
Game 2: Me: First turn vise, Second turn bolt on a stick. He tried to Charbelcher in desperation, but only got 4 damage in. Bolts finished the job. Games 2-6 Matches 1-3
Bout Bloody Time! I was not winning last, but that was ok. However, 1 win does not get you out of the Lounge, and I went back yet again. But this time i was filled with what was beginning to become very cold 1.50 per slice pizza.

Round 5: ??? playing Keeper
First thing the guy says to me when I sit down: "5 bucks and i'll concede" This shouldn't be too hard.
Game 1
Beat him down with Apes and Elite, while Naturalizing his Counter on a stick. Bolt finished the job.
Game 2
Still had absolutely no idea what he was playing. Dropped 1st turn Vise, but he got in an Orim's Chant on a stick, and locked me down until his Morphling could finish me off. SB: +1 Totem -1 Scryb
Game 3
His Abyss got rid of all my creatures after one swing. Beat him down to 8 before he could clear my board of everything but 4 lands. He dropped a Morphling, and before turn passed I tried to Naturalize his Fire/Ice on a stick. Him: "I Mana Drain it" Me: "OK. In response, PoP for 20. I win."
Games 4-7 Matches 2-3
Some people are not bright enough to play Keeper. Luckily I found one. I was at 2-3. Not bad for somebody playing a possibly un-tournament worthy deck. This got me out of the Lounge, but not before a few guys let me have about 100 commons and uncommons from 7th. True they were in Chinese, but thats ok. Tested against WW and got thrashed. Watched as Ray promised a 7th grader a free duel land if he could down an entire pizza. I think the kid got through 2 slices.
Round 6: Scott with "Chance Encounter" Fiery Gambit/Mana Clash/Krarks Thumb deck.
I've never had this much fun in any Magic round. Just sitting there flipping coins, and laughing when i actually guessed right. Awesome.
Game 1
Lost 3 straight flips twice on Fiery Gambit with some probability work that would have my AP Stat teacher shaking his head. He finally bolted me to death.
Game 2
Dropped a 1st turn Vise, and beat him senseless with 2 Kird apes before he could get any damage in. A 4 damage PoP finished the job.
Game 3
1st turn Vise yet again. Beat him down with Elite + Growth on a stick. Won Fiery Gambit on the 1st flip twice, taking none. His Mana Clash gave each of us 3 damage and I bolted for the win. Games 6-8 Matches 3-3
Oh yeah! a .500 record. I wasn't expecting to win at all.

Round 7: Slim Stix (not his real name) playing Dragon
I thought Dragon had been hated straight out of the metagame. It turned out that only 3 people or so in the entire field of 190 were running Dragon.

Game 1
He couldn't get his combo going. I smacked away with Kird Apes until I won. SB: +1 Totem +2 Ankh -1 Rogue -1 Mox Monkey -1 Scryb
Game 2
I Vised and Totemed on my first turn with the help of Lotus. Hovever, I couldn't find a Naturalize for his Deed. He cleared the board and went off turn 3.
Game 3
2 Kirds vs. Dragon combo. Not good odds for me. Another turn 3 win for him. My next 2 cards coming...both my Ankhs. Damn.
Games 7-10 Matches 3-4

At that point, my ride showed up and i dropped. A solid tourney by any standards.

Go's:
Scott for playing an awesome and enjoyable deck.
The little 7th grader with the pizza.
Anybody who spent more than 1 round in the Lounge.
The guy who won the lotus.
Whoever came in last.
Ray for running a sick tourney.
No Go's:
The main room for being overcrowed and smelly.
The guy who offered to concede if i paid him.
The gods of chance for screwing me against Dragon
Whoever's idea it was to continue to make people pay money for pizza that had been cold for 6 hours.