"I did a stupid thing"

[Demonic Attorney]

To everyone thinking that this guy "couldn't care about" this chick and was being truthful about that in the e-mail:

No way.  If everything he said about not really caring for her was true, he would have reacted with virtual indifference to hearing about her drunken escapades and let that be that.  He certainly wouldn't have invested the time needed to write and BCC a spiteful, visceral, vitriolic diatribe.  As the old saying goes, there's a thin line between love and hate and when you have that much of an emotional investment in someone who does something like this to you, all those feelings have to go somewhere.  Too often they go into a bitter vendetta against the person you used to love, and find expression in ways like this. 

That e-mail had two messages to it, as I read it.  The text of the e-mail said she was an insignificant drunken slut that he never gave a shit about.  But all that anger and hurtfulness showed that, whether or not he wanted to admit it, this guy was really invested in this chick, and had no other way to manage his feelings over what she did to him. 

[Methuselahn]

he would have reacted with virtual indifference to hearing about her drunken escapades and let that be that.

replace 'he' with 'she' and 'her' with 'his.'

He certainly wouldn't have invested the time needed to write and BCC a spiteful, visceral, vitriolic diatribe.

On the contrary, her email was the perfect weapon to humiliate her.  Which makes it even funnier because she has no spine at all to tell him in person.

When your mate deflates your emotional investment and the feelings, as the saying goes, have to go somewhere, it's usually someplace bad in an eye for an eye type of matter.  That's the evil in society.  In this case, we have a guy who, like many, takes it out with anger.  The way he carried it out just happenend to be funny and happens to be thread worthy.

[Hi-Val]

As someone who has been in a distantly similar situation before, let me say, funny as hell and an understandable reaction.

There's this girl that's probably out of your league and you feel somewhat insecure being with her because you think she'll cheat on you. All your friends respect your ability to pull such a fine girl. Then blam, she cheats on you in public. She humiliates you there and takes your dignity, so the only recourse that is acceptable is to publicly humiliate her, especially in a way that she cannot interrupt you while you spout.

Haven't been in that exact situation, but I will be the first to say that I can totally understand what this guy did.

And funny AS HELL.

[Dozer]

She humiliates you there and takes your dignity, so the only recourse that is acceptable is to publicly humiliate her, especially in a way that she cannot interrupt you while you spout.

Honestly, what the fuck? This is unacceptable. Here's my story, so you be the judge if I can talk about this or not: My last girlfriend left me because she was making out with another guy, IN FUKCING PUBLIC. (I don't know if she gave him a headjob, but there's a thing I don't really want to know.) She came to me and said "listen, I don't love you anymore, I love him now", and split up with me, just like that, after two years and three months, living together and all that.
Why EVER should I ruin the memory of our beautiful years together by humilating her, by putting the blame on her, and making her new life a living hell? I could. But would never want to, because even though I cannot and do not want to love her anymore, she deserves to be happy.

Also, what in the world has it to do with "dignity" if my girl makes out with someone else? Would you berate someone because "he lost his dignity" if you saw it happen? I would pity him if anything, but women are not a status symbol the loss of which can make you lose your dignity. If you take it (and dismiss her) with grace instead of groveling before her and humiliating yourself, you even earn dignity from me. If you go aggro on her, you lose everything including pity.

Stories like the one this thread is about affect me personally on two levels: a) because I lost a relationship that way I had wanted to keep, and b) because there is something fundamentally wrong on how the two people treat each other. Sure, she cheated on Brad, in public. She shouldn't have, but neither should he have done what he did. This "eye for an eye"-mentality is horrible. It creates mistrust, enmity, and more hurt feelings than if he had just taken it with grace. I am not saying he has to forgive her. Not at all! But stuff like that is something you discuss with your closest friends, and put her on your ignore list if you feel you need to.
Hurting someone just because s/he hurt you is unfriendly, vain, weak and ego masturbation. What she did was just as bad! But that's no reason to escalate the hate. If Brad needs a vent, he should vent in a way that hurts no person, neither him nor anybody else. People shouldn't treat others like that, regardless of what happened before.

Sorry I'm turning this into such a serious matter, sorry to all who just had a good laugh out of it. But I don't think this kind of thing is funny at all, and I pity everybody who has to handle his feelings like Brad because no good will ever come out of it. Sounds cliché, right? Yes, it does, but out of experience I know it to be true (from both sides, I might add).

As a last word: I understand what Brad did, and why, too. I just think it is wrong on every level possible.

Dozer

[Limbo]

As a last word: I understand what Brad did, and why, too. I just think it is wrong on every level possible.

Very nicely put. People handle things in different ways. But one has to be careful not too confuse "understanding the action" with "I would do that too" or even "I agree with the way he handled it".

In this case, I both understand the action and kinda agree with (and see the funnay in) what he did. However, this is not how I would handle something like this.

To further explain my point, look for example at an animal-freedom-fighter. He / she could set fire to a farm in protest. I would understand why he / she would burn the farm. However, I would most certainly disagree with the taken course of action, and most definately not do the same.

[Bram]

Wait till your girlfriend blows me for a full hour, and then see how you handle things

[rvs]

Why EVER should I ruin the memory of our beautiful years together by humilating her, by putting the blame on her, and making her new life a living hell? I could. But would never want to, because even though I cannot and do not want to love her anymore, she deserves to be happy.

Wait, is that the ex-gf you're currently living with? If that's so, then my guess is you can't humiliate her because you'd be a homeless bum if you did.

[Meddling Mike]

Personally, I think this is pretty funny, but I have a soft spot for rants. I'm surprised this grew into such an in depth discussion.

[Dozer]

Wait, is that the ex-gf you're currently living with?

That's why it would be so easy to make her life hell. What I could do to her is nothing compared to the horrors Bram just offered, though... :p

[dandan]

Honestly, what the fuck? This is unacceptable. Here's my story, so you be the judge if I can talk about this or not: My last girlfriend left me because she was making out with another guy, IN FUKCING PUBLIC. (I don't know if she gave him a headjob, but there's a thing I don't really want to know.) She came to me and said "listen, I don't love you anymore, I love him now", and split up with me, just like that, after two years and three months, living together and all that.
Why EVER should I ruin the memory of our beautiful years together by humilating her, by putting the blame on her, and making her new life a living hell? I could. But would never want to, because even though I cannot and do not want to love her anymore, she deserves to be happy.

Also, what in the world has it to do with "dignity" if my girl makes out with someone else? Would you berate someone because "he lost his dignity" if you saw it happen? I would pity him if anything, but women are not a status symbol the loss of which can make you lose your dignity. If you take it (and dismiss her) with grace instead of groveling before her and humiliating yourself, you even earn dignity from me. If you go aggro on her, you lose everything including pity.

Stories like the one this thread is about affect me personally on two levels: a) because I lost a relationship that way I had wanted to keep, and b) because there is something fundamentally wrong on how the two people treat each other. Sure, she cheated on Brad, in public. She shouldn't have, but neither should he have done what he did. This "eye for an eye"-mentality is horrible. It creates mistrust, enmity, and more hurt feelings than if he had just taken it with grace. I am not saying he has to forgive her. Not at all! But stuff like that is something you discuss with your closest friends, and put her on your ignore list if you feel you need to.
Hurting someone just because s/he hurt you is unfriendly, vain, weak and ego masturbation. What she did was just as bad! But that's no reason to escalate the hate. If Brad needs a vent, he should vent in a way that hurts no person, neither him nor anybody else. People shouldn't treat others like that, regardless of what happened before.
Sorry I'm turning this into such a serious matter, sorry to all who just had a good laugh out of it. But I don't think this kind of thing is funny at all, and I pity everybody who has to handle his feelings like Brad because no good will ever come out of it. Sounds cliché, right? Yes, it does, but out of experience I know it to be true (from both sides, I might add).

I had a girlfriend who cheated on me with an Iraqi. Initially I was only concerned with trying to keep her, when I saw that was impossible, I remember thinking 'fuck Iraqis'. That night George Bush (senior) started bombing Iraq. Just worth bearing in mind if you fancy knicking a bird off me. In comparison a funny email is a bit of a let-off.

[Bram]

Why EVER should I ruin the memory of our beautiful years together by humilating her, by putting the blame on her, and making her new life a living hell? I could. But would never want to, because even though I cannot and do not want to love her anymore, she deserves to be happy.

Honestly, this is probably because you are a better person than some of us. Me, I'm a vindictive little sod.

What I could do to her is nothing compared to the horrors Bram just offered, though... :p

"Oh, they scream, right enough, and plead, too - but the Baron keeps no mercy in his vault of horrors."

I had a girlfriend who cheated on me with an Iraqi. Initially I was only concerned with trying to keep her, when I saw that was impossible, I remember thinking 'fuck Iraqis'. That night George Bush (senior) started bombing Iraq. Just worth bearing in mind if you fancy knicking a bird off me.

HAHAHAHA! OMG. That's even better. You steal my girlfriend? I'll have the most powerful military force in the world destroy your whole country. Very James Kirk-esque. It reminds me of a friend I had in highschool who once noticed that every time he had a one-night stand, the consecutive morning, some world leader would have been assassinated or just plain died, leading him to actually consider the possibility that he had screwed them to death. Hooray for spurious relationships!

[forests failed you]

Sometimes, at the end of the day being the 'bigger more mature person,' just isn't good enough.  Every now and then people do things that really hurt a person, and it just feels good for one to say to that person:  "You know what?  You are actually an awful person."

It doesn't make one an immatrure crappy person, it just makes you human.

There is nothing wrong with letting someone who deserves it, have it.

[Ephraim]

There is nothing wrong with letting someone who deserves it, have it.

Most people feel that way until they're the one that deserves it.  Hard justice is a fine thing until you've earned a little bit of it yourself.  I'd rather be merciful from the outset.