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Anusien
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« on: March 25, 2006, 01:28:31 am » |
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Really, I'm just starting this thread so Bardo will repost something hilarious from the LA lounge...
What is the best insult you've ever heard/delivered?
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Magic Level 3 Judge Southern USA Regional Coordinator The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule. |
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Bardo
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Res Ipsa Loquitur
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« Reply #1 on: March 25, 2006, 03:12:36 am » |
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Here's my tale on the strangest insult I've ever witnessed.
The scene: a high school gymnasium in suburban New Jersey;
4th Period.
I was in gym class with my best buddy, Chris. Chris, was a gangly oafish fellow, post-puberty, and was often the target of the bullying types we all know and loathe. Anyway, these kids are giving a Chris a hard time, as bullies are wont to do -- calling him "gay-boy [this and that]." Really original material.
Anyway, when Chris can no longer take it, he stands up for himself and tries to fend off his verbal assailants. Unfortunately, two competing thoughts enter his brain simultaneously: 1) "I'm going kick your ass!" and 2) "I'm going to fuck you up!" So what comes out of Chris' mouth, when his back is against the wall?
"I'm going to fuck your ass!!! ...[awkward pause]... Oh, wait. No!"
But the damage had been done, and it wouldn't be until college that he moved on from that precious moment in a young lad's social development.
* Postscript: as you can imagine, the bullies were both confused, horrified, and a little frightened -- but only for a split-second.
But this post is somewhat off-topic. The topic is: what's the best insult you've ever heard?
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« Last Edit: March 25, 2006, 12:30:43 pm by Bardo »
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noitcelfeRmaeT||TeamReflection - .gniyd ysub si ,nrob gnieb ysub ton eH
:nraw ot sevorp ,sdrow detsaw syalp nroh wolloh ehT
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iamfishman
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« Reply #2 on: March 25, 2006, 12:33:55 pm » |
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I had a similar but less funny experience when at the Marriott. My male boss was leaving the restroom I just entered close to 5:00 pm.
I tried saying at the same time
"Taking off?"
and
"Heading out?"
and it came out as:
"TAKE IT OUT!"
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RIP Mogg Fanatic...at least you are still better than Fire Bowman!!!
I was once asked on MWS, what the highest I ever finished at a TMD Open was. I replied, "I've never played in a Waterbury. I was then called "A TOTAL NOOB!"
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ErkBek
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A strong play.
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« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2006, 01:39:08 pm » |
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Brian Fisher and Mat Endress have been making your mom jokes for +8 years now and haven't stopped. I think the best one I've ever heard came when stopping at a gas station on the way to gencon. We had been riding in the car for about 3 hours straight so we were all sore getting out of the car. Our buddy Chad was getting out of the car and exclaimed "My but hurts" and with out hesitation Endress replied "That's what your mom said after last night." A number of screams, laughs, foot stomps, and strange noises could be heard by everyone within a few hundred feet after the massive burn.
I know its not the most original one, but Chad accidently gave Endress the best setup of all time and Mat's timing was perfect.
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Team GWS
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Komatteru
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Joseiteki
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« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2006, 03:18:00 pm » |
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"So is your face." There's no comeback for that. However, this one I had in class was pretty good. So, I have class in an ECE lab, and for some reason, you can't have drinks at the tables. It doesn't make sense, whatever. Our teacher drinks Tab, and has to keep it at the front of the room, and he once made a crack about how if you want to have a drink, you need to keep it up at the front and come up to get it when you get bored (he likes to kid around a lot too, so that's good), closing with "Well, maybe you should just sit up at the front in that case." Anyway, so my lab partner and I decide one Friday to go get drinks and SIT up at the front of the room. We bring down chairs and jack the cart the printer was standing on and use that as a desk. The professor walks in and sees us up there and this takes place: Professor: "You know, all you'll be able to see from there is my ass. But maybe you won't be able to tell the difference anyways." *class snickers* Me: "Yeah, then again, I always did think you talked out of your ass." Yeah, I win. I do this on a regular basis, so I'm amazed I'm haven't been thrown out of my classes yet.  |
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Kowal
My name is not Brian.
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Reanimate your feet!
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« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2006, 05:28:47 pm » |
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I remember BrassMan telling me a story about some younger (like 13/14) girls coming out of the laser tag arena making fun of eachother with mild poking and prodding, and one girl replied to one of those mediocre insults with: You're going to die cold and alone. |
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Komatteru
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Joseiteki
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« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2006, 06:37:07 pm » |
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Ouch. I'm a fan of saying to someone: "I hate you - go die in a fire."
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kirdape3
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« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2006, 07:04:08 pm » |
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Most of the time mine are "I hope you die screaming in a house fire" or something similar.
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WRONG! CONAN, WHAT IS BEST IN LIFE?!
To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of the women.
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Ephraim
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The Casual Adept
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« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2006, 08:19:16 pm » |
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When people drive badly around me in a way that puts me or others in danger, I say, "I hope you get hit by a train." I just wish they could hear me.
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Did you know that Red is the color or art and music and passion? Combine that with Green, the color of nature, spiritualism, and community and you get a hippie commune of drum circles, dreamcatchers, and recreational drug use. Let's see that win a Pro Tour.
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forests failed you
De Stijl
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« Reply #9 on: April 12, 2006, 08:39:20 pm » |
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"nice haircut... Lose a bet?"
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Grand Prix Boston 2012 Champion
Follow me on Twitter: @BrianDeMars1
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Hi-Val
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Reinforcing your negative body image
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« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2006, 01:25:51 am » |
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'Die in a car fire' and 'I hope your face gets burnt by chemicals' are both classics around here.
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Team Meandeck: VOTE RON PAUL KILL YOUR PARENTS MAKE GOLD ILLEGAL Doug was really attractive to me. |
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Liam-K
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« Reply #11 on: April 13, 2006, 06:30:57 am » |
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I laughed pretty hard when I heard "your momma's so fat, after sex she smokes a ham"
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An invisible web of whispers
Spread out over dead-end streets
Silently blessing the virtue of sleep
Ihsahn - Called By The Fire
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Godder
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« Reply #12 on: April 13, 2006, 07:33:00 am » |
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I always found Fuck Off And Die to do the job, even if it's not a true insult.
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That's what I like about you, Laura - you're always willing to put my neck on the line. |
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jpmeyer
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« Reply #13 on: April 13, 2006, 09:58:35 am » |
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When I was in 6th grade, we decided that the most offensive thing that you could call someone was "suckwacker" or "buttlord".
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Team Meandeck: "As much as I am a clueless, credit-stealing, cheating homo I do think we would do well to consider the current stage of the Vintage community." -Smmenen
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Komatteru
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Joseiteki
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« Reply #14 on: April 13, 2006, 10:03:01 am » |
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Ooohh, how about Fartknocker. I remember that being pretty serious!
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rvs
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« Reply #15 on: April 13, 2006, 10:04:58 am » |
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"Your metagame sucks"
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I can break chairs, therefore I am greater than you.
Team ISP: And as a finishing touch, god created The Dutch!
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Komatteru
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Joseiteki
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« Reply #16 on: April 13, 2006, 10:24:34 am » |
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No, better. "You're bad at video games." I've watched many a CS get inraged over that one. |
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Grand Inquisitor
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« Reply #17 on: April 13, 2006, 12:01:43 pm » |
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Man, these are fucking awful (the ham one was ok). Where the hell is Klown when you need him...
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There is not a single argument in your post. Just statements that have no meaning. - Guli
It's pretty awesome that I did that - Smmenen
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Anusien
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« Reply #18 on: April 13, 2006, 12:03:25 pm » |
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I've been told "Quit scaring away the customers" by 10 year-old FMA players.
I saw a TV show with this classic line: "I love your makeup. It's really doing it's job."
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Magic Level 3 Judge Southern USA Regional Coordinator The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule. |
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Komatteru
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Joseiteki
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« Reply #19 on: April 13, 2006, 12:23:06 pm » |
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Makeup. We once did a "Too much makeup! Keep it in the circus!" chant once to this girl who had on waaaaaayy too much makeup.
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jpmeyer
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« Reply #20 on: April 13, 2006, 03:26:30 pm » |
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No, better. "You're bad at video games." I've watched many a CS get inraged over that one. That was a good one, but it's been surpassed recently by "You're horrible at Texas Hold 'em" |
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Team Meandeck: "As much as I am a clueless, credit-stealing, cheating homo I do think we would do well to consider the current stage of the Vintage community." -Smmenen
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RThomas
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I got the key to Gramercy Park
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« Reply #21 on: May 06, 2006, 02:51:03 am » |
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Thanks for your opinion. Now, kindly fuck off. |
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BigMac
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« Reply #22 on: May 09, 2006, 04:14:11 pm » |
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You are blond right?
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Ignorance is curable
Stupidity is forever
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dandan
More Vintage than Adept
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More Vintage than Adept
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« Reply #23 on: May 11, 2006, 12:19:19 am » |
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I wouldn't piss on you if you were burning
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Playing bad cards since 1995
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Bram
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« Reply #24 on: May 11, 2006, 01:43:56 pm » |
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This came from the movie 'The Fan', and it sort of stuck with me.
Manny (refusing Jewel an interview with Bobby): "He'd rather nail his penis to a burning building."
That's kind of insulting.
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<j_orlove> I am semi-religious
<BR4M> I like that. which half of god do you believe in?
<j_orlove> the half that tells me how to live my life
<j_orlove> but not the half that tells me how others should live theirs
R.I.P. Rudy van Soest a.k.a. MoreFling
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RThomas
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I got the key to Gramercy Park
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« Reply #25 on: May 11, 2006, 08:14:52 pm » |
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You are blond right?
Haha, I thought you were talking to me  I am blond e, actually.  |
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Liam-K
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« Reply #26 on: May 12, 2006, 03:32:38 am » |
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This one is fun. Look at someone with the most venomous, hateful glare you can muster and say in a perfect monotone "I want to feel you die in my hands."
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An invisible web of whispers
Spread out over dead-end streets
Silently blessing the virtue of sleep
Ihsahn - Called By The Fire
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Jacob Orlove
Official Time Traveller of TMD
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When am I?
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« Reply #27 on: May 12, 2006, 03:40:25 am » |
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I remember BrassMan telling me a story about some younger (like 13/14) girls coming out of the laser tag arena making fun of eachother with mild poking and prodding, and one girl replied to one of those mediocre insults with: You're going to die cold and alone. I saw something eerily similar. A cousin (girl, like 8 or 9) asked my younger brother (fifteenish at the time) if he had a girlfriend. When he said that he didn't, she told him, completely deadpan, "you're going to die old and alone". How do you even respond to that? |
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Team Meandeck: O Lord,
Guard my tongue from evil and my lips from speaking guile.
To those who slander me, let me give no heed.
May my soul be humble and forgiving to all.
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Bram
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I've got mushroom clouds in my hands
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« Reply #28 on: May 12, 2006, 03:55:09 pm » |
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I'd say either of the following: "At least I'll die old, then."
Or...
"I've always known I'll die alone."
OMG that last line is the geekiest thing I've ever said on here. I wonder who knows where that's from.
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<j_orlove> I am semi-religious
<BR4M> I like that. which half of god do you believe in?
<j_orlove> the half that tells me how to live my life
<j_orlove> but not the half that tells me how others should live theirs
R.I.P. Rudy van Soest a.k.a. MoreFling
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Godder
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« Reply #29 on: May 12, 2006, 10:08:44 pm » |
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You are blond right? Haha, I thought you were talking to me  I am blond e, actually. You're female? Awesome! |
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That's what I like about you, Laura - you're always willing to put my neck on the line. |
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