[Report] Take Your Whipping Like an Altar Boy

[Anusien]

I shouldn't even be writing this.  It's like what Anwar said: "At least when Bardo writes his 8 person tournament reports, he wins the tournament."  So there's no suspense, I was near the bottom of the standings day 1, and 23rd Day 2.  I didn't do well, but I did have an insane amount of fun.

Day 1
My original plan was to play Tog day 1 and Confinement Slide day 2.  Around the tournament I see crappy board control, Threshold and some random combo and such.  I know when the Northern Virginia crowd comes in they'll bring lots of Tide and Iggy, so I feel confident in Tog.  I barn 2 signed RV Underground Seas and an Unlimited Berserk off Klep (thanks!) and fill out my decklist:

// Lands
    4 Polluted Delta
    2 Flooded Strand
    4 Underground Sea
    3 Tropical Island
    3 Volcanic Island
    6 Island
    1 Swamp

// Creatures
    3 Psychatog

// Spells
    4 Brainstorm
    4 Counterspell
    4 Fire/Ice
    4 Accumulated Knowledge
    3 Intuition
    3 Cunning Wish
    3 Pernicious Deed
    3 Fact or Fiction
    4 Force of Will
    2 Duress

// Sideboard
SB: 1 Fact or Fiction
SB: 1 Duress
SB: 1 Berserk
SB: 1 Fling
SB: 1 Echoing Truth
SB: 1 Ghastly Demise
SB: 3 Red Elemental Blast
SB: 1 Blue Elemental Blast
SB: 1 Mystical Tutor
SB: 1 Haunting Echoes
SB: 2 Flametongue Kavu
SB: 1 Meloku the Clouded Mirror

This is very much a "Kevin Binswanger" decklist.  According to David Gearheart, you can tell my decklists because I run a bunch of powerful cards and just hope they're enough to beat the opponent.  I think he's wrong, but I defined a "Kevin Binswanger" list as one that's full of powerful cards and synergies that either A) just doesn't beat Goblins, or B) is one turn too slow.

A note on me as a player.  I tend to be very smart, and I can see extremely complicated lines of play.  I was playing a GW player with Moat and lots of lifegain.  I trapped my only Tog on the board against Moat, and he stopped drawing cards with Words of Worship to gain life.  I correctly drew all of my deck but one card at end step and Wished for Berserk (to go with my Fling) and Echoing Truth.  I untapped, drew my final card, played Pernicious Deed to kill his Nantuko Monasteries when he blocked, made Tog a 29/30, Berserked him to a 58/30, and flung for 116.  The problem with this brilliant line of play?  I should have played out Pernicious Deed instead to get a severe board advantage.  I miss the simple stuff but get the complicated lines of play.

Round One: Corey Florente, Affinity
I get out my Blue Book to keep track of life totals.  I'm an engineer, what else do I need it for?
Game One: I get a Tog on board and start looking for a Cunning Wish to go with my stocked graveyard.  He's beating down for 1 with a Blinkmoth Nexus, and after a few turns I get sick of it and cast the Fire I've been holding, targeting it and an Arcbound Worker that's been held back.  He's been slow rolling Shrapnel Blast and throws the Worker at me, making the Nexus immune to half a Fire.
I bring in FtKs for Duresses
Game Two: I keep a slowish hand but so does he.  Flametongue Kavu comes down turn 4, and two to three Deeds later I go ahead and cast Berserk.  He doesn't scoop to it but makes me count it out.  I manage not to screw things up and win the game.
Game Three: It would take longer for me to type out the five turns than it did for him to crush me.
0-1
Thank you sir may I have another!

Round Two: Damon Whitby ("Parcher"), UGW Threshold
I win the die roll.
Game One: He knows I'm on Tog because we were talking earlier, so he leads with Needle on Deed.  Needle on Tog, Nimble Mongoose, Meddling Mage on Cunning Wish and I draw the Intuition to Fire the Meddling Mage so I can Cunning Wish for Echoing Truth to blow Deed one turn too late.
I bring in FtKs, REB, and an extra Duress for Fire//Ices
Game Two: I stabilize early with Flametongue Kavu and at his end step I have a choice of Cunning Wish for Mystical Tutor to set up Haunting Echoes, or Fact or Fiction.  I cast Fact so I can Berserk later and get the world's most insane Fact or Fiction pile: Intuition, Accumulated Knowledge, Force of Will, Haunting Echoes, Brainstorm (the 5th card might be something else).  I take the two card Haunting Echoes pile and resolve it.  He scoops to make time for a third game.
Game Three: We draw, because we don't have a lot of time and I have blockers.
0-1-1
Thank you sir may I have another!

I thought I had pictures of the insane Fact or Fiction pile, but I only have pictures of the sane one.  Then again, is it any surprise I won game 2, since I Facted twice?  Eat that Predict!
The Fact or Fiction Pile #1
Parcher splits the pile (notice my awesome playmat!)


Round Three: Shaheen Sorani, Aluren (Extended style)
I win the die roll
Game One: Intuition for Cabal Therapies, goodbye hand.
In come Duresses, Ghastly Demise and Red Elemental Blast for Fire//Ice
Game Two: Duress, Cabal Therapy, Birds, Cabal Therapy.  I'm almost in it, but he rips the other combo piece the turn before Deed becomes active.
"I can be terse.  Once in flight school I was laconic."
0-2-1
Thank you sir may I have another!

Round Four: Corey Nunz, Vial Goblins
On the draw versus Goblins... ouch
Game One: Do we need another description of how the deck is one turn too slow?  Lackey draw >> 2 casting cost removal on the draw
Out: Duress and English Deed for Blue Elemental Blast, FtK
Game Two: He stalls on land, Tog gets Berserked
Game Three: Siege-Gang Commanders hurt, especially when I had a dual heavy draw versus a Wasteland heavy draw.  I actually am in this, but I Cunning Wish for a Ghastly Demise midgame, and if I hold that Wish I can Berserk him out later.
0-3-1
Thank you sir may I have another!

Round Five: Andrew Shephero, Vial Goblins
This is infuriating.  I was sitting near this guy all day (the 0-Xs tend to cluster at the bottom tables).  When I sit down, he goes, "Aw crap!"  He follows with "I was hoping an opponent wouldn't show up." to cover the fact that everyone at the tournament site hates me.  I resolve to beat him, but we all already know I suffer a crushing defeat.
Game One: See before
I sideboard better, taking out a Cunning Wish in addition for Ghastly Demise to save mana
Game Two: Tog gets Berserked
Game Three: Tog doesn't get Berserked.  I was actually in this game.  He gets the worst Ringleaders ever, and FtK and Psychatog start the beats.  I screwed up making Tog lethal, because I wanted to keep a hand just in case.  When I tap out to Cunning Wish for Fling for the last 5 points, he Red Elemental Blasts it.  He uses Gempalm Incinerator to off my Flametongue Kavu and then starts to build up a board over several turns.  Despite getting about 10 power on the board, he never attacks.  I just need to find Cunning Wish to make Tog un-chumpable and I win instantly.  He drops a Ringleader on the board and passes.  I draw: land.  He drops a Warchief and passes.  I draw: land.  Finally, he Ringleaders, double Gempalm Incinerates Tog, and swings for letahl plus about fifteen.  The top card of my library?  Cunning Wish
0-4-1
Drop for Subway.

We sit down to watch the Top 8 a few hours later and the world's most savage play has been recounted to me.  One of the Tide players is playing versus Brand Fish.  The Fish player has two Hunted Horrors, and the Tide player has all four tokens.  A judge is watching bemusedly.  The Fish player casts Duress to clear the way for Brand (his only non-land card).  The Tide player: "High Tide, Cunning Wish, Twincast your Duress so you have to take Brand.  JUDGE!  I just swung for the win!"

Everyone was psyched for BBS versus High Tide, but it was the slaughter that I knew it would be.  BBS has only one way to win.  A turn 3 Ophidian before the Tide player is ready to go off lets BBS keep all his mana open and start drawing cards.  Sadly, the BBS player just drew lots of Mana Leaks, Force Spikes and Vedalken Shackles and David Gearheart's ego advanced to the semifinals.

[Anusien]

Day Two
Despite swearing up and down to all the NoVa kids, I decide not to play a good deck after all.  In fact, this is the second time I've made major changes to this decklist and not test in paper.  However I told myself and anyone who would listen, "I know this deck backwards and forwards."
Then I precede to not be able to figure out what the three empty sleeves are supposed to be.  Luckily, I get my Chinese Eternal Witnesses back from Eric Darland and put this deck together:

// Lands
    4 Forest
    2 Plains
    2 Mountain
    3 Forgotten Cave
    1 Plateau
    1 Savannah
    4 Secluded Steppe
    1 Taiga
    4 Tranquil Thicket
    4 Windswept Heath
    2 Wooded Foothills

// Creatures
    4 Eternal Witness
    2 Loxodon Hierarch
    4 Jotun Grunt
    4 Wall of Blossoms

// Spells
    4 Astral Slide
    4 Life from the Loam
    3 Swords to Plowshares
    4 Lightning Rift
    3 Solitary Confinement

// Sideboard
SB: 1 Solitary Confinement
SB: 3 Boil
SB: 2 Viridian Shaman
SB: 3 Chalice of the Void
SB: 2 Compost
SB: 2 Engineered Explosives
SB: 2 Naturalize

Luckily, I don't get deckchecked as I have only three foil cards in the deck and they're all red lands (1 Wooded Foothills and 2 Mountains).

The pairings go up and I get paired against The Mana Drain's own Chris Coppola.  I go tell Klep, "I got paired up against Chris." and the head judge corrects me, laughing, "You can't get paired up until you lose."  Ominous...

Round One: Chris Coppola, Vial Goblins
He wins the die roll 20 to 1.  "It's not ominous," I tell myself.  "He's on Goblins, your best matchup.  Nevermind that you're 1-2 versus Goblins at StarCity events.  You've fixed the deck, and are a better player."  If anyone could hear that internal monologue, they would have laughed.

"Round 1: RGW Control, Kevin Binswanger
Definitely a matchup I was happy about."
Is this because:
A) I'm 1-2 versus Goblins despite testing results
B) Chris Coppola hates me and everything I stand for (bad decks, according to everyone in the room)
C) I'm the worst Magic player in the room
D) All of the above
Answer in the forums

Game One: I stall on real lands, and because I fear Wasteland I try to turn my cycling lands into something that taps for mana a lot of times.  He hits me for 4 and then 15.
Sideboard: Why bother?
Game Two: I have a really solid draw, despite missing four lands.  I get out Rift and Slide, and I'm holding multiple awesome cards like two Eternal Witness, two Solitary Confinement.  However, I can't find Life from the Loam and I'm praying off the top of my library for cycling lands like no one's business.  He goes by one and two past my Wall of Blossoms while getting Piledrivers in hand (two off a Ringleader, 2 off the the draw step).  This man had some really unfortunate Ringleaders too.  Eventually he goes for it, playing Warchief and four Piledrivers.  Of course I have the cycling land to kill Warchief, but he's still got four Piledrivers in play.  I get two of them, but two of them get me before I run out of gas.
Really, despite my bad draw, Chris deserved to win this.  Somehow, despite wrecking people with this over and over in testing, I forgot that his Gempalm Incinerators trigger my Rift and Slide.  He cycled twice before I remembered, and he didn't make any mistakes that I could see.
0-1
No, I'm a good player, I swear.

Round Two: Adam Bowles, BW Aggro
This build was interesting, it was a lot like BW Confidant but more aggressively oriented with Jotun Grunts and Descendant of Kiyomaro.  Unfortunately, I wreck BW decks.
Game One: I win the die roll, and he gets a decently fast start but I get an Astral Slide up and running.  He gets up to 22 with Descendants, but eventually he just scoops to my inevitability once I get a Lightning Rift up and running.  I have to play a few tricks to kill Descendants in the meantime.
Sideboarding: -3 Solitary Confinement, +2 Compost, +1 Naturalize (just in case)
Game Two: I get a turn 2 Lightning Rift, kill a guy on turn 3, turn 3 Lightning Rift.  His draw engine is Bob and Skeletal Scrying, so this doesn't take long.
1-1
Starting the long climb to the top.

Round Three: Michael Anderson, Welder Survival
Actually on the car ride back from Blacksburg where I crashed (and thankfully my car with UVA tags and stickers didn't get smashed) we were discussing Survival.  My idea is either Chrome Mox or Elvish Spirit Guide to get turn 1 Survival, and speed the deck up a full turn.
Game One: I win the die roll and lead with a basic Forest.  He leads with land, CHROME MOX, Survival.  I start cheering on the outside, but on the inside I'm crying since Survival decks have better inevitability than me.  His turn 2 is Aether Vial, another cool card.  On his third end step I crack Wooded Foothills for Plateau so I can have all three colors of mana, and cycle.  He responds by binning Anger, getting 7/10, putting 7/10 into the yard to get 7/10 and wrecking my manabase.  The two Swords to Plowshares in my hand mock me.  I miss my 4th and 5th land drops, and he finally kills me after masturbating with expensive artifacts for a while.
Sideboarding: -2 Loxodon Hierarch, -2 Wall of Blossom, +2 Naturalize, +2 Viridian Shaman
Game Two: He comboes me out with Intruder Alarm and Welder for Triskelion.
1-2


In between rounds I'm laughing with one of the infinite Tide players who lost to 43land.dec.  David Gearheart whips out his ego and hits the guy with it.

Round Four: Parallax, Tide
He introduces himself, and we joke around.  He's a really good guy, and I wish I had met him earlier in the weekend.  Most of our talk is about the CCF and the designer search, since he's agonizing, waiting to hear from him.  We joke how we both really like development more than design, but maybe that's because every now and again we have to beat up people who try to suggest counterspells for .
Game One: I win the die roll, and we joke around because this match is really a bye for Tide.  I can't put a clock on the board at all.  Accordingly, he beats me infinite game one.
Sideboarding: -4 Astral Slide, -3 Swords to Plowshares, +2 Loxodon Hierarch, +3 Boil, +3 Chalice of the Void, +1 Solitary Confinement, +2 Viridian Shaman (gets the beats started faster, but this is really a bad choice)
Game Two: He has a slow hand, but Remands my Chalice of the Void several times.  Eventually he Forces it, lets Jotun Grunt through and Forces my second Chalice.  This game was frustrating because I can't drop Wall of Blossoms to set up my mana because it gives him storm.  Cycling lands are definitely preferred here.  He end step gets Meditate, and I serve for 4.  On my end step he Cunning Wishes with one land back to set up the win next turn, and I drop Boil on him.  It resolves, and we're on to game 3 shortly.
Game Three: He mulligans to 5, while I'm keeping at 7.  He misses his second land drop and Chalice of the Void at 1 resolves.  Jotun Grunt gets in for 8 (best burn spell ever), but he's not cantripping and I can't find Loam so it goes away.  I play Chalice of the Void at 2 and he Forces it, but Boil once he makes his second land drop wipes his work away.  I get an Eternal Witness, and make THE STUPIDEST PLAY EVER.  Last game he showed me Rebuild from the board, and so rather than getting back Boil and wrecking him again, I get Chalice of the Void and lay it for 2.  The next turn, I cast Life from the Loam and start to get a cycling land and a fetchland.  The spectator says "Counter it" and Parallax laughs.  "No way."  And I laugh, saying, "No, he wouldn't ever counter Loam."  The spectator says, "You have no choice, counter it." and we both think he's joking around in the spirit of "Make the other guy burn his fetchland since he's at 1."  Then the guy points out, "No, Chalice of the Void counters Life from the Loam."  Oh splendiforous dead cards in my hand!  Of course I draw the third Life from the Loam, but my hand is pretty well stocked and I have him at 8, so I go ahead and drop Solitary Confinement.  This play I'm curious about.  My hand has enough cards to support Confinement until he would die.  I have 1 Chalice of the Void and 2 Boil left in my 35 card library.  He has 3 lands and a stocked hand (good enough that he discarded High Tide once).  Is it better to draw the 4 cards or run out the extra card?  He's already wished for Rebuild, so this way makes him find another Cunning Wish.  As it is, on his second to last turn he Rebuilds, and then on my turn he starts going off but Solitary Confinement really really tilts him.  He Brain Freezes for 6, and targets himself with one and tries to target me with 5, but he can't.  It really hits him when he tries to Peek (to avoid REB) and can't, so he has to target himself.  He was also really shaken up from losing to 43land, and he shows me the Echoing Truth for Solitary Confinement.  Mentally, I'm packing up my things but then he scoops after forgetting a few mana floating.
I tried to show this in enough detail to illustrate a point.  I should have lost that game if he didn't make a mistake (I think he had it if he remembers three mana floating).  After a mulligan to 5, missing land drops and getting Boiled he still almost won it, and he'd been playing the deck for a very short time.  Parallax just lost the mental game for a minute and lost.  It was still an incredible set of games.  I always keep track of things with pencil and paper playing that sort of combo deck, and I would recommend it to anyone else.  With a deck like IGGy you can represent mana with lands or an abacus, but with Tide just write it down.
2-2
Maybe I can do not awfully.

Round 5: William Montgomery, Vial Goblins with Lightning Bolt, Goblin Grenade, and Reckless Charge
Game One: I win the roll and he burns me some, but I Hierarch him.  Double Rift plus an Elephant takes it down.
Sideboard: as before
Game Two: I get Rift up, but no blockers.  He comes in with a Piledriver, and I take the 1.  Then he Grenades and Bolts me and suddenly I'm at 5.  He lacks any other burn, and I have Swords on my Jotun Grunt when I can't pay the upkeep.  Rift and another Grunt seals it.
3-2
That was technically Goblins, right?  So am I 2-3 versus Goblins?

Round 6: I didn't write your name down, Vial Goblins
Finally a chance to redeem myself and maybe T16.
Game One: I win the die roll and get 4(!) Wall of Blossoms out.  He plays it cautiously and slowly, but eventually he lays a giant Warchief alpha strike on the table, and I just can't find any cycling lands.  He takes it down from 19.
Sideboard: as before
Game Two: I keep an awesome hand that doesn't have any cycling lands, just lots and lots of nutty cards.  He plays slowly, and allows me to think I'm in the game with StP but he's really just waiting out the Pyroclasm I don't run.
3-3
1-4 versus optimal Vial Goblins lists

Damnations:
43land for beating Tide and taking 1 game out of 3 versus Iggy Pop
Chris Coppola: I understand wanting to prize split to leave at a decent hour, but had you played it out and won, you would have overtaken David Gearheart in dual lands won at SCG events and finally popped that kid's ego.
Slide: You're supposed to beat Goblins
Me: For playing bad decks
Hanni not making T8: Was 3-1 day 1 but didn't shuffle in a Force of Will to get a game loss in game 2 and lose the match versus Tide.  Then ended up 10th on tiebreakers on day 2.  I honestly think he was going to make it in.
Parallax: For going on autopilot because now I have this crazy delusion that I can beat Tide with Slide.
Solitary Confinement: For affecting the board twice
Life from the Loam: Why do you only show up in 2s?

Hosannahs:
The Star City Game Event Center is incredible.  It as big as some of the hotel rooms they've had to rent; it's clean, with nice tables and chairs and TONS OF ROOM.  They could stand to space the rows of tables a little bit, but that's made up for by The Sideboard Cafe.  They put a food shop in, the kind you find at football games, but they have good food and cheap.  It's like $1.50 plus tax for a slice of pizza, and it's very good and greasy, just the way true Southeners like it.
All the people: You're awesome
David Gearheart: This kid is a spastic marionette.  However, it was sort of disappointing talking to him; you point out that in about three sentences he's going to turn the conversation to his dual land win count and he gets sort of pouty.
Iggy: For making top 4 day 2 after day 1's Top 8 had 2 Thresh and a Tide player.
43land.dec: For showing up day 2 after day 1 had 7 Tide players in contention.
BBS: For being BBS.

For the Ichorid fans in the house:

[Hanni]

Hanni not making T8: Was 3-1 day 1 but didn't shuffle in a Force of Will to get a game loss in game 2 and lose the match versus Tide.  Then ended up 10th on tiebreakers on day 2.  I honestly think he was going to make it in.

Eh oh well, it was my first event anyway. 10th isn't too bad, at least it shows that the deck has what it takes to Top 8 in this format (I had tons of misplays both days to go along with the match loss day 1).

I'll be attending as many large legacy events as possible in the future, with the same deck of course. Hopefully I'll Top 8 at one of those events (TML Open, SCG Duel for Duals, Gencon Legacy Championship, etc). If not, oh well.

At least I had fun.

Oh and btw, Anusien is a really great guy. Very friendly person, very supportive, and he (along with other players that I met there) made my tournament experience much funner.

Maybe you and me will do better next time, lol.

Props to Anusien.

[Toad]

You scrubbed out with Psychatog because you didnt run Opt. Its the glue that holds everything together !

[Anusien]

You scrubbed out with Psychatog because you didnt run Opt. Its the glue that holds everything together !

I don't see how you ever won with it.  The deck is a turn too slow against almost every deck in the format.  You can't do anything relevant until turn 4 at the earliest (since turn 3 is either Intuition for turn 4 AK, or turn 3 Pernicious Deed, or turn 3 Psychatog).  And your removal is way too slow.

[Anusien]

Oh, I forgot one other thing.  Looking at the pairings for round 6 we had a few minutes, so I was curious if I could T8 at 4-2 (I was 3-2 after round 5).  There were 8 people with 12 or more points, but one player had 13 points.  I sat down, looked at the math for a moment, until I had this revelation: If everyone above me got 0 points, and I won 2-0, I still couldn't make T8.  I was one of like 3 three players that were absolutely a lock for not T8ing.

[Hanni]

Anusien, when will the decklists be posted on SCG?

[KrzyMoose]

Well, just take your losses, learn from them, and move on, I guess.

What made you choose regular 'Tog over Loam-A-Tog?

[Bardo]

Great report, Kevin!

Despite swearing up and down to all the NoVa kids, I decide not to play a good deck after all.

I detected a whiff of Stuck in the Middle with Bruce while reading your report. Look into that.

"At least when Bardo writes his 8 person tournament reports, he wins the tournament."

Any random Bardo-related name-droppings will get you +2 points in the competition.

<- Ego Wh0re.

[Anusien]

Oh, I have a few pictures that I'll edit it in when I get a chance.

Sadly the pictures I wanted the most, the Binswanger glass ones, didn't come out.  I put in links to the only two worthwhile pictuers; I got bad with the camera.

[Anusien]

Bump for pictures.

[Mr. Nightmare]

My playmat whips the shit out of yours.  The shit.  Out.

EDIT - <3

[Anusien]

Rich Shay signed mine.

[Norm4eva]

When RS signs a playmat you get to start at 30 right?  It's like when Garfield alters a card.

[Parcher]

Goddamn Kevin! Am I really that hairy? That picture looks like a gorilla is reaching for your cards.

[Anusien]

Not really.  The full picture makes it more clear, but I cropped it because it was actually something like 1280x960.

At any rate, I should point out that the signed RV Underground Seas (2 of them) were barned from Klep (as was the Berserk).  Thanks again!

[Bardo]

@ Parcher or Anusien - What was the Pithing Needle on?

[Anusien]

The first Needle was on Deed and in later games, the second Needle was on Tog, and the Mage was on Wish.



Gr0wned!!1! - Guess who...
Bardo?

[KrauserKrauser]

Wheeee I was listed in the report!  As spectator no less!

Too bad I was getting my butt handed to me by Goblins even through my E. Plague.