MURDOLONT: no can defense!

[gongmeister]

It has been FOUR FREAKING YEARS since my last post on these boards -- one year for each of the beautiful Legions commons that are the first cards into any decklist that I write.

I don't know anything about Magic anymore.  I'm just another loser in his late twenties with a job and no time do to anything fun.  I don't know anything about what cards are broken, or which random 11-year-old from Japan is crushing everyone not named Jonathan Magic in the pro tour.

But what I do know is that the people in charge of figuring out that cards that get reprinted are OUT OF THEIR FREAKING MINDS AND SHOULD BE FIRED IMMEDIATELY, and replaced by me.

Why?  I'm glad you asked.

How is it possible that all these years have gone by and the greatest green creature EVAH has not yet been reprinted?  I'm surprised that people are even willing to still play Magic, given the magnitude of this travesty.

When I am hired by WoTC to lead the development of the next block, I will remedy this travesty, and amend the reprint policy to ensure that BESERK MURDOLONT is always in the current set.

According to The Gatherer, there are currently 24 beats that are legal in Standard.  Giant, vicious beaters wandering aimlessly around beyond Dominiaria without a deck to call home, because they lack the leadership and vision that the MURDOLONT provides.

The BESERK MURDOLONT is the BARACK OBAMA of Beasts.  He provides a stimulus package to all of his companions and he SHREDS THE PACKAGES of his opponents.

BESERK MURDOLONT must be reprinted.  I know that WoTC is concerned that it will skew the Standard metagame similar to reprinting Counterspell, but they need to find their balls and reprint the MURDOLONT, before the MURDOLONT comes for their nuts!

In conclusion, you have no chance to survive make your time.  I encourage you all to write WoTC and demand the reprinting of BESERK MURDOLONT.

YES WE CAN!

[Evergreen]

This could not have been more pointless.

[Shock Wave]

It has been FOUR FREAKING YEARS since my last post on these boards

It has been a long time but I still fear the MURDOLONT. Because of your pearls of wisdom, I know to protect my privates because the MURDOLONT can strike for the nuts at any given time.

This could not have been more pointless.

You know not what you say.

[Meddling Mike]

This could not have been more pointless.

You'd really have to go back and check out the Gongmeister's original post when he first introduced the MURDOLONT's immense power to the vintage community to appreciate this post.

The only reason Stephen Colbert thinks bears are the #1 threat to America is because he hasn't been informed about the MURDOLONT and it's insane nut sack ripping abilities.

Grizzly Bears = 2/2

MURDOLONT = 3/3 that gets even BIGGER if blocked

You do the math.

[andrewpate]

MURDOLONT = 3/3 that gets even BIGGER if blocked

You do the math.

I think you mean WHEN it gets blocked, because when there are MURDOLONTS on the table, they ALWAYS SWING FOR THE WIN.  And are you, as a hapless defending player, actually NOT going to stick some chump in the way to put its own nutsack on the line instead of yours?  This is basic, basic stuff here, people:  Who's the Beatdown, how to count card advantage, fearing the MURDOLONT.



In other news, after four years, TMD still cannot spell Murlodont.

[TopSecret]

This is basic, basic stuff here, people:  Who's the Beatdown, how to count card advantage, fearing the MURDOLONT.

It's actually even more basic than that,
since Who's the Beatdown can be simplified to who drops the BERSERK MURDOLONT.

[Matt]

more like MURDERLODONT

[Dr. Sylvan]

This could not have been more pointless.

For reference among the uninitiated:

"This really isn't much of a question.  Without any doubt, the best green creature ever printed, IN ALL FORMATS, is the Onslaught beatstick that is BESERK MURDOLONT.

I shall now lay out my argument for the supremeness of this card.

Begin with the aesthetics.  Look at the picture.  Do you quiver with a proper quantity of ph34r due to the large fangs protruding from the MURDOLONT's mouth.  No?  Think, then, of these fangs shredding your jeans and ripping off your nutsack.  You will ph34r the MURDOLONT when it comes for your nuts.

The people who say Mongrel > MURDOLONT are just wrong, and they will know this after they lose hardcorestyle in whatever tournaments they play in.

Wild Mongrel knows that he is inferior to the MURDOLONT.  The MURDOLONT comes for its nuts.  It requires a 2 card investment for the flea-ridden rabies receptacle to even trade with the MURDOLONT, and a 3 card investment for the Mongrel to survive with its nuts in tact.  (This math is due to the fact that when MURDOLONTS are on the board, they ALWAYS SERVE FOR THE WIN).  That's like an anti-Ancestral-FREAKING-Recall just to deal with the MURDOLONT.  And as you know, card advantage is very important to Type 1 magic.  FURTHERMORE, after you have de-Ancestraled yourself in order to contain the MURDOLONT, there will still be THREE MORE MURDOLONTS coming for you, because it isn't even restricted.

In conclusion, I will say this.  Michael Jordan was complimented for making his teammates better -- for raising the level at which they play.  In this manner, the MURDOLONT is much like MJ, as the MURDOLONT can be windmill-slammed down onto the table and instantly improve an entire board of beasts.

So much synergy, so little time."

[Demonic Attorney]

Not to threadjack such a productive discussion, but now I have to ask-- Phil, do you have an archived copy of the flamewar between Saucemaster and PTW?  No one else seems to, but your access to other past gems from TMD history gives me hope.  Please don't let the dream die; Murlodont would want it this way.

[nataz]

was this the ninja's with boner guitars thread?

-thread dutch-ie-fied

[Dr. Sylvan]

Phil, do you have an archived copy of the flamewar between Saucemaster and PTW?  No one else seems to, but your access to other past gems from TMD history gives me hope.

Sadly not. My quotes page follows, more or less, the MoreFling wisdom that, "If your 'funnay' fills up a whole page, it's NOT FUNNY." (So in a sense, it's the fault of the Dutch in general, and Rudy specifically, that we have no records of this battle of wits.)

Especially in its earliest days, I made no preservation efforts for any entire threads, only one-liners and short bursts of conversation. Of course, in retrospect, early-to-mid 2004 should have been when all of us would be most sensitive to issues of historical thread backups, due to the demise of TMD's preceding iteration in December 2003. (For the curious, that's why people like Z et al have "Date Registered" 2004/01/12 and 2004/01/13, while the uncool barns of the era have dates like mine, 2004/01/19, after he spread the news of the resurrection. Zherbus' actual join date was previously only determinable by measurement of carbon isotopes in the stone tablets of his first posts.)