Best Insult Ever

[kl0wn]

Man, these are fucking awful (the ham one was ok).  Where the hell is Klown when you need him...

You'll never be HALF the man your momma was.

[BigMac]

Quote from Godder

You're female? Awesome!

And now you are hoping to actually meet her off course.

[Godder]

You're female? Awesome!

And now you are hoping to actually meet her of course.

It's a long way from New Zealand to the Northern Hemisphere, so I think I'll pass. Besides, I want to use my French degree to pick up French chicks, not American chicks!

[BigMac]

It's a long way from New Zealand to the Northern Hemisphere, so I think I'll pass. Besides, I want to use my French degree to pick up French chicks, not American chicks!

She could be Canadian, even further away. However, Canadians have french as one of the main languages, so do not write her of just yet.

On a side note, why french chicks, dutch are way prettier and speak both french and english. No degree needed.

[dandan]

Too many dykes in Holland

[Bram]

On a side note, why french chicks, dutch are way prettier and speak both french and english.

Wait - what? Dutch chicks prettier than French ones? Strange, I distinctly remember you being at the Vintage champs in Paris last year. Maybe you were delusional from playtesting or something.

Too many dykes in Holland

Yeah, and we all know how much ol'dandan hates on the girl-on-girl action.

[dandan]

I don't believe I have ever made any comment on that 

And regardless of looks, French chicks have that whole French accent going for them. Surely the second best form of oral stimulation you can get.

[Godder]

It's more that my degree happens to be in French, and I think I should justify its existence .

I was planning on a North American tour at some point, with Quebec on the list of places to see, but first I have to save some money. Then I can visit a Waterbury and get completely smashed, going 0-8...

[BigMac]

Wait - what? Dutch chicks prettier than French ones? Strange, I distinctly remember you being at the Vintage champs in Paris last year. Maybe you were delusional from playtesting or something.

If you remember correctly, i was there with my girlfriend. Still i only was there to do some sight seeing and play some magic. The only other woman that was really pretty (next to my gf) was talking dutch so i rest my case there.

By the way, i never said French girls aren't pretty, i just say, dykes or not, Dutch are prettier. And they do the French accent so much more sensual, if only because of their wrong pronunciation...

[Grand Inquisitor]

Too many dykes in Holland

...funny guy.

What about German chicks?  I'm hitting there, Prague and Amsterdam next month, and I don't wanna miss out.

[Kasuras]

Too many dykes in Holland

...funny guy.

What about German chicks?  I'm hitting there, Prague and Amsterdam next month, and I don't wanna miss out.

I'm not German, but I've been there myself too. I'm assuming you're only visiting the capitals; Berlin is not that great regarding hawt girls. You can see the occasional 'mokay' chicks, like everywhere, but because of the wall; there's not much of a lush city center. Well, there is, but that's like 1 street. I can recommend that you spend most of your time in that 1 street and you'll have a lot of fun.

What street? Well, I don't know the name exactly.. but I can describe it to you! Basically, it's a pretty long street with an enormous number of expensive shops. There's a church with a large tower. Nonetheless, I suppose you'll know what I mean once you're there.

Anyway, the chicks there most of the time qualify. Oh, regarding the French vs. Dutch debate: Holland = France, both countries have their hot chicks: being at the right place at the right time is crucial.

[Toad]

Oh, regarding the French vs. Dutch debate: Holland = France

Thats just a biased comment you make because you are Dutch yourself. We all know France beats Holland.

[thorme]

I remember enjoying the story of Churchill's insult to Lady Astor....too lazy to google it right now though.

[Dante]

I remember enjoying the story of Churchill's insult to Lady Astor....too lazy to google it right now though.

there were a couple:

Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!"
Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober."



Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were married to you I'd put poison in your coffee."
Churchill: "Nancy,if I were married to you, I'd drink it."

[Dozer]

Too many dykes in Holland

...funny guy.

What about German chicks?  I'm hitting there, Prague and Amsterdam next month, and I don't wanna miss out.

You'll get cold-shouldered chicks in Germany, where the good-looking ones are stupid, the fat ones are annoying, and the plains ones can actually be nice to talk to. Action? Only after you've discussed Nietzsche with a Goth chick.

In Amsterdam, you'll find irresistably cute Dutch girls who look like they are 16 and actually are around 23. They'll speak a language you won't understand and you never know what lurks behind their smile, unless it's marihuana. Action? Unless you want to pay for love, stay away from the main streets and find a suburb pub, where the real dutchies go. Avoid the many travellers in Amsterdam; most of them live in skanky hostel rooms and can't handle the drugs.

My advice: Spend more time in Prague. HELLO, PRETTY GIRLS! Just make sure never to see them together with their moms, since that will tell you what the pretty girls will turn into after the age of 35. Watch out fot two things: a) British drunks (there's a LOT of those in town) and b) pretty girls who ask for sex (you end up having to pay them money). Make sure you watch a "cabaret" if a partially artistic, partially erotic program on stage interests you. Action? Either you pay for it or you're one lucky man. If you don't get action, no sweat -- the beer is dirt cheap.

Enjoy your trip.

[BigMac]

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were married to you I'd put poison in your coffee."
Churchill: "Nancy,if I were married to you, I'd drink it."

So funny this one. Especially when you know i will get married in October.

You'll get cold-shouldered chicks in Germany, where the good-looking ones are stupid, the fat ones are annoying, and the plains ones can actually be nice to talk to. Action? Only after you've discussed Nietzsche with a Goth chick.

In Amsterdam, you'll find irresistibly cute Dutch girls who look like they are 16 and actually are around 23. They'll speak a language you won't understand and you never know what lurks behind their smile, unless it's marijuana. Action? Unless you want to pay for love, stay away from the main streets and find a suburb pub, where the real dutchies go. Avoid the many travelers in Amsterdam; most of them live in skanky hostel rooms and can't handle the drugs.

My advice: Spend more time in Prague. HELLO, PRETTY GIRLS! Just make sure never to see them together with their moms, since that will tell you what the pretty girls will turn into after the age of 35. Watch out for two things: a) British drunks (there's a LOT of those in town) and b) pretty girls who ask for sex (you end up having to pay them money). Make sure you watch a "cabaret" if a partially artistic, partially erotic program on stage interests you. Action? Either you pay for it or you're one lucky man. If you don't get action, no sweat -- the beer is dirt cheap.

Dozer, man you crack me up but it is all so true. And i mean all of it.

One last advice on dutch girls, always and i mean always watch out for the boyfriend. Dutch guys don't dance but do drink. Intoxicated boyfriends watching their girlfriends being picked up is not a good combination, and i should know as i have been a bouncer for nine years. Especially be watchfull for the girls that know they are pretty enough not to bring anything with them and still know they can drink all they want and smoke all they want without paying for it. They will either leave you in the cold or have a boyfriend that is paying for all and that last one will never be happy about anything that is happening to their beautiful girlfriend. Most Dutch are cool guys, but as soon as the girlfriend enters the picture that coolness turns to dust. Probably the case in any country though hehe.

[Kasuras]

Oh but that depends on the region you're in BigMac; while I have heard that guys indeed don't dance in the southern parts of La Hollandia, this is definitely the opposite in the northern parts. I can't comment on regions such as Amsterdam which he most likely will be visiting, but I do think that there is a healthy blend of both and that it depends on the place you're at.

Nonetheless, the part about aggressive boyfriends is definitely true.

[BigMac]

I have been to a dance academy for a story once and i asked the girls about relations on the academy. They started laughing as their comment was: "We wish". All the guys there were gay. Now i am not saying all dancing guys are gay, but they either are or are trying to get layed.

One last warning. Not all women are women. Be aware of guys wearing girls clothes, some are unrecognizable.

[Dr. Sylvan]

JP hasn't said it, so I will: "OMG, a girl on the intarweb! Quick, reinforce the patriarchy!"

As for insults, here's some good ones that have hit me:

Melissa (my roommate): "I feel so bad Phil; I never cook you anything."
Phil (me): "Why would I expect you to cook for me if I don't cook for you?"
Melissa: "Well, you don't have any skills. It's different."

Rick: (classifying Phil's slacking) "Phil, you can't be hardcore unless you skip a lot of classes. You're softcore."
Phil: "Nice. I'm like HBO porn."
Ting: "HBO is pretty hardcore for you, Phil. You're more like Lifetime."

(22:24) Ting: phil, if it was up to you
(22:24) Ting: we'll all be driving around in trapezoid wheeled vehicles
(22:24) Ting: due to their braking ability
(22:24) Ting: you seem to miss the point of everything
(22:25) Ting: you should get a job dodging throwing knives in the circus

Or to someone else:

Rick: "Where'd my pen go?"
Ran: "Maybe you mistook it for a cock and ate it."

[Bram]

If you remember correctly, i was there with my girlfriend. Still i only was there to do some sight seeing and play some magic. The only other woman that was really pretty (next to my gf) was talking dutch so i rest my case there.

Oh yeah? What about Brit?

In Amsterdam, you'll find irresistably cute Dutch girls who look like they are 16 and actually are around 23.

Oddly enough, that works the other way around, too.

Action? Unless you want to pay for love, stay away from the main streets and find a suburb pub, where the real dutchies go.

OMG a foreigner who actually knows something about The Netherlands. How creepy

Oh but that depends on the region you're in BigMac; while I have heard that guys indeed don't dance in the southern parts of La Hollandia, this is definitely the opposite in the northern parts.

Yeah, I've seen that, but I always interpreted their moves as resulting from a genetic disposition towards spasmic attacks rather than any attempt at dancing. By the way, this thread now definitely qualifies for one of these:


Boy, I sure haven't used one of those babies in a long time. Shame ol'Pip managed to get things back on track.

[dandan]

To be fair a thread on insults was always going to lead to someone mentioning the Dutch.

[SpencerForHire]

To be fair a thread on insults was always going to lead to someone mentioning the Dutch.

Yaknow with all us hypocrite Americans, I'm honestly surprised we haven't made fun of the French more..

[BigMac]

Quote from: BigMac
If you remember correctly, i was there with my girlfriend. Still i only was there to do some sight seeing and play some magic. The only other woman that was really pretty (next to my gf) was talking dutch so i rest my case there.
Oh yeah? What about Brit?

We taught her some Dutch now didn't we.

To be fair a thread on insults was always going to lead to someone mentioning the Dutch.

To be fair, we are the only ones in the world to not start a war over this. So it is pretty safe to mention us. The rest of the world would start going nuclear when being insulted. Just watch the news and try and find out why wars start. Mostly bigots, powerhungry warlords, deities or just some nationalistic arse declares the end of an independent next to neighbor state. (did i leave anybody out?)

Yaknow with all us hypocrite Americans, I'm honestly surprised we haven't made fun of the French more..

Isn't that the same as making fun of the Canadians??

[SpencerForHire]

Yaknow with all us hypocrite Americans, I'm honestly surprised we haven't made fun of the French more..

Isn't that the same as making fun of the Canadians??

We do plenty of that already.  We don't even need a thread for that... Eh?