MWS/Appr Horror Stories

[GothRock]

So I'm playing a T2 game against this dude who just walked in with an extended blue-white random deck

Jose906 plays Meddling Mage from hand

<Goth> dude, mage is ext
<Jose906> no is not, boy
<Goth> excuse me? boy?
<Jose906> ya mege is t2, boy
<Goth> w/e, what're you going to set it to
<Jose906> ravger

(I'm playing green black control, and ravager was banned in march.)

<Goth> lol, ok. in case you didn't know, old man, ravager is not t2, just like your deck
<Jose906> Pass

It is now turn 1 (Goth)
Goth untaps his/her permanents
It is now the Beginning Phase, Upkeep Step
It is now the Beginning Phase, Draw Step
Goth draws a card
It is now the Precombat Main Phase
Goth taps Forest
Goth plays Birds of Paradise from hand
<Jose906> WTFFF
<Goth>?
<Jose906> BIDRS IS NO T2
<Jose906> FUCKY NOOB
<Jose906> SPUTID BOY
<System> Player Lost

[Das_Boot]

Smokestack now has 2 (+1) counters.
It is now the Beginning Phase, Draw Step
Das_Boot draws a card
It is now the Precombat Main Phase
<Das_Boot> Pass
It is now turn 10 (FireFall26)
It is now the Beginning Phase, Untap Step
FireFall26 untaps his/her permanents
FireFall26 draws a card
FireFall26 sacrifices Mox Sapphire

(His Oath of Druids is his only other permanent)

<FireFall26> Pass
<Das_Boot> sac your oath
<FireFall26> no
<FireFall26> u cant sac enchanfemtns
<Das_Boot> yes
<FireFall26> no
<Das_Boot> it is a permanent
<FireFall26> noi it isnt
<FireFall26> cehck the ruklings
<Das_Boot> why not?
<Das_Boot> i have
<FireFall26> i kno u cant
<Das_Boot> how do you know?
<FireFall26> cuz ive read it
<FireFall26> many a tiem
<FireFall26> watch
<Das_Boot> cards that stay in play permanently are permanents
<FireFall26> ill show u
<Das_Boot> ok show me

(Long pause while he looks it up)

<FireFall26> ummm
<System> Player Lost

At least he actually looked it up and didn't claim to be a judge or anything.

[Meddling Mike]

It is now the Precombat Main Phase
juaooooooo plays Island from Hand
juaooooooo taps Plains
juaooooooo taps Island
juaooooooo plays Echoing Truth from Hand
<Meddling Mage> read trinisphere
<juaooooooo> wat
<juaooooooo> noob speak my ass you is noob
<System> Player Lost

I think something was lost in the translation, then about 1 minute later

<-------- New Game Started -------->
Meddling Mage's Security Code: 9EEE9300 [Type 1]
Richy(ita)'s Security Code: 879D0721 [Type 2]
It is now turn 1 (Meddling Mage)
It is now the Beginning Phase, Untap Step
<Richy(ita)> t2
<Meddling Mage> no t1
<Richy(ita)> noob speak my ass you is noob
<System> Player Lost

[Matt]

[Iron_Chef]

First of all, throughout the game he keeps asking if i'm playing t2 or t1, just to give you a clue where this is going...

o.O plays Wirewood Herald from Hand
Nick plays Mana Leak from Hand
<o.O> hey
<Nick> ?
<o.O> thought u using t1 = =
<o.O> ............................
<Nick> t1 equals everything
<o.O> no = =
<Nick> t1 = alpha -> 9th edition
<o.O> type 1 equals those not the news
<o.O> well
<o.O> mana leak is like the champim of something
<o.O> which is type 2 `_~~
<System> Player Lost

[JDawg13]

This guy's a real winner...his entrance message when the game started was "Suck my cock," so I knew I was in for a real treat...I wouldn't normally post the whole thing, but it's all pretty priceless...

<-------- New Game Started -------->
JDawg's Security Code: 1CE5E2C1 [Type 1]
Joker's Security Code: E84F6A6E [???]
It is now turn 1 (Joker)
It is now the Beginning Phase, Untap Step
<JDawg> Hey
<Joker> what
<Joker> ?
<JDawg> just greeting you
<JDawg> Hey = Hi = Hello
<Joker> ok
<Joker> bicht freaky
<JDawg> interesting
JDawg rolled a 14, using a 20 sided die
Joker rolled a 14, using a 20 sided die
JDawg rolled a 9, using a 20 sided die
Joker rolled a 13, using a 20 sided die
<JDawg> p or d?
<Joker> p yo are freaky , bitch freaky
JDawg shuffles library
JDawg shuffles library
<Joker> son of bitch
Joker shuffles library
JDawg shuffles library
Joker shuffles library
JDawg shuffles library
Joker shuffles library
Joker draws 7 cards
JDawg draws 7 cards
It is now the Precombat Main Phase
Joker plays Swamp from Hand
Joker plays Dark Ritual from Hand
Joker puts Dark Ritual to Graveyard from Play
Joker plays Hypnotic Specter from Hand
Hypnotic Specter is now 99/99
It is now the Combat Phase, Declare Attackers Step
Joker taps Hypnotic Specter
Joker taps Hypnotic Specter
<JDawg> cute
<Joker> bitch freaky
<JDawg> now, go away
<Joker> i fuck wiht your mather
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> your mather is a bitch
<JDawg> that's nice
<Joker> yes
<JDawg> and your spelling is bad
<Joker> bitch freaky
<Joker> nojodas
<Joker> suck my cock
<System> Player Lost

[Matt]

Shine on, you crazy diamond.

[Dozer]

Speaking of funny... I had to smile at this one, although it is not a "horror story" per se. Also, wtf is a "Back Lotus"?

<-------- New Game Started -------->
<The Back Lotus (swiss)> hi
<Dozer> hi
<The Back Lotus (swiss)> u starcity dozer?
<Dozer> that's correct
<The Back Lotus (swiss)> and tmd?
<Dozer> TMD, too
<The Back Lotus (swiss)> ok
<The Back Lotus (swiss)> wait
<The Back Lotus (swiss)> i take more serious deck

[War]

He has Tog, I have Balancing Tings.

*_RaStA_* plays Fact or Fiction from Hand
War plays Seedtime from Hand
<*_RaStA_*> Ok
War puts Seedtime to Graveyard from Play

*fof resolves.*

It is now turn 19 (*_RaStA_*)
*_RaStA_* untaps his/her permanents
*_RaStA_* draws a card
<War> Wait!
*_RaStA_* plays Polluted Delta from Hand
<*_RaStA_*> wath?
<War> i have a seedtime turn
<*_RaStA_*> lool
<*_RaStA_*> look
<*_RaStA_*> u play seedtime
<*_RaStA_*> at end of turn
<War> then i take an extra one
<*_RaStA_*> end of turn its like the beggining of mine turn
<War> no
<War> it is not
<*_RaStA_*> yes
<*_RaStA_*> man
<*_RaStA_*> read the rules
<War> it's the last part of my turn
<*_RaStA_*> come on
<War> so then i take an extra turn
<*_RaStA_*> but not now
<War> yes now
<*_RaStA_*> because the text say
<*_RaStA_*> after this one
<War> take an extra turn after this one
<*_RaStA_*> u over your trun
<War> so then mine ends
<War> and my extra turn starts
<*_RaStA_*> the is my turn
<*_RaStA_*> no
<*_RaStA_*> nooob
<War> are you kidding me?
<*_RaStA_*> no
<*_RaStA_*> read the lures man
<*_RaStA_*> do u know
<*_RaStA_*> ?
<*_RaStA_*> there are rules in magic
<*_RaStA_*> maybe u dont know thath
<*_RaStA_*> come on
<*_RaStA_*> ask a judge
<War> it says i take another turn
<War> thats the point
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noobnoob
<*_RaStA_*> noobnoobnoob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noobnoobnoobnoobnoobnoobnoobn oob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> v
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<*_RaStA_*> noob
<System> Player Lost

I tried.

[Liam-K]

t1 troll slayer 43 taps Black Lotus
t1 troll slayer 43 puts Black Lotus to Graveyard from Play
<Liam> um
t1 troll slayer 43 plays Ancestral Recall from Hand
t1 troll slayer 43 plays Force of Will from Hand
<Liam> black lotus is restricted
<Liam> and so is that
t1 troll slayer 43 plays Force of Will from Hand
t1 troll slayer 43 taps Force of Will
t1 troll slayer 43 plays Ancestral Recall from Hand
t1 troll slayer 43 plays Force of Will from Hand
t1 troll slayer 43 taps Force of Will
t1 troll slayer 43 plays Force of Will from Hand
<t1 troll slayer 43> damnit
<t1 troll slayer 43> u got me
<t1 troll slayer 43> g2?
<Liam> what was the point of that?
<t1 troll slayer 43> what?
<Liam> playing a deck that totally ignores constructed rules?
<t1 troll slayer 43> yeah
<t1 troll slayer 43> yeah
<t1 troll slayer 43> i love u
<t1 troll slayer 43> ohhhhhh cmon
<Opponent is requesting a new game>



...

[ashiXIII]

<ashi> I'm done. this is going on the Drain
<Subzero> you already drained

[ramon]

I have a Memnarch in play

<me> U3, now your jitte is mine
<bold> but....forever?

[Matt]

That post is also from two years ago. At the time the thread was new. Since then we've seen about 200 examples of people simply not knowing the rules, and they have grown tiresome and stale. Simple rules misunderstandings and a rude tone are COMMON, EVERYDAY, and BORING, and therefore not HORROR stories. It takes somehing above and beyond the average incompetancy - a colossal failure to understand the rules (such as a guy who tried to attack me with a counterspell), or somethig especially humorous ("But...forever?") - to be worth posting.

This thread has already undergone numerous cleanups. This was not the first, and it won't be the last. It is simply how this thread has been, is, and will continue to be run.

On that note, it's time for another cleanup of this thread.
-Jacob

[Yare]

I look up at the top of the screen and notice that my opponent's hand is a little thin relative to the number of turns.

It is now turn 5 (Yare)
It is now the Beginning Phase, Untap Step
<Yare> Hrm, you haven't been drawing cards
<[otherguy]> When do I draw cards?

[brianpk80]

<BPK> Hi
kev shuffles library
BPK shuffles library
BPK rolled a 14, using a 20 sided die
kev draws 7 cards
<BPK> Roll please
<kev> karensdfera?
BPK shuffles library
<kev> sukonda!!!
<BPK> English
<kev> =/&%$§§!"%&/()
<BPK> Oh my
<kev> !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!garetsatrema
<kev> °

[Jank Golem]

It is now turn 1 (krono)
It is now the Beginning Phase, Untap Step
<krono> BRASIL?
<JankGolem> hi?
<krono> BRASIL??
<JankGolem> what?
<krono> BRASIL?
<JankGolem> i have no idea what you are saying
<krono> OK
<JankGolem> k...
<krono> A COUNTRY
<krono> BRASIL
<JankGolem> yes
<JankGolem> what about it
<krono> YOU FROM BRAZIL?
<JankGolem> no
<krono> OK
<krono> ROLL

He continues to type in all caps for the rest of the game. At this point it was lategame and I had 8 cards in hand after him breaking my Standstill during his turn.

JankGolem untaps his/her permanents
JankGolem draws a card
<krono> DESCART
<krono> 1 CARD
<krono> IN MY TURN
<JankGolem> at the end of MY turn
<JankGolem> thats when i discard
<krono> NO IN MY ALSO
<JankGolem> no
<JankGolem> look it up
<krono> YOU HAD A 8 IN YOUR HAND
<System> Player Lost

[nietzsche]

<pyroclasm> YOU CANT COUNTER A CABLKA RIT NOOB IST S MNAA SORCE!!!!
<pyroclasm> FUCKIGN NUB

[Harlequin]

As he's about to lose:

<eMPe3> I'm not who i look like, so, I'm a pedofile. You know, A old man who are fucking young kids!
<eMPe3> HAHAHA
<Zero> ??
<eMPe3> Pracktikal joke!!
<eMPe3> bye,bye!!
<System> Player Lost

[Nehptis]

Here's a good one, playing against Panda.

I play Strip Mine.
I tap/sac Strip and target Workshop.
Panda: You can't target it, it's a non-basic land.

I hope he was joking.  But, he said G2G and left.

[brianpk80]

Guy playing Bomberman.  After losing twice to Oath of Ghouls Fish, we start a new match.  He keeps his sideboard though.  (?)

<Freeman> i am sided versus the noob deck you played before
<BPK> Thinking
<BPK> Noob deck?
<BPK> You lost twice
<Freeman> BPK from TMD?
<Freeman> loost
<Freeman> 1-1
<Freeman> ftw
<BPK> 0-2
<Freeman> idiot sucker
<Freeman> i go fucnking your
<Freeman> mum in tits
<System> Player Lost

[The Atog Lord]

Playing Type Two

I cast Think Twice
Opponent: I prefer in your case mishrabubble
The Atog Lord: mishra's bauble?
Opponent: except if you use the flashback capacity
The Atog Lord: that card isn't very good
The Atog Lord: right
Opponent: yes, misha = artefact for 0
The Atog Lord: that's the point

[pyr0ma5ta]

<-------- New Game Started -------->
Tito plays Mox Pearl from Hand
Tito plays Plateau from Hand
Tito plays Mox Pearl from Hand
<Pyr0> ...
It is now turn 2 (Pyr0)
It is now the Beginning Phase, Untap Step
<Pyr0> mox pearl is restricted.
<Tito> End my turn
<Tito> sorry
<System> Player Lost

[Tash]

Uhm... I'm going to drop 2 into one post, because both of them are funny.

I'm playing 43 lands.dec he's playing... something. I saw wasteland turn 1, and that's it.

Tash plays Life from the Loam from Hand
Tash puts Wooded Foothills to Hand from Graveyard
Tash puts Taiga to Hand from Graveyard
<Hiro> gg bad deck
Tash puts Life from the Loam to Graveyard from Play
<Hiro> bye
Hiro puts a 0/0 n00b  token into play
Tash is now the controller of n00b
<System> Player Lost

My first n00b token. I'm so proud of me.

Tash draws 7 cards
<Tash> thinking
<Tash> keep
<juruy> kp
juruy plays Underground Sea from Hand
juruy sacrifices Underground Sea
juruy's life total is now 19 (-1)
juruy is looking its Library...
<Tash> Uhm.
<Tash> No
juruy puts Island into play from Library
juruy shuffles library
juruy stops looking its Library...
<Tash> Underground Sea isn't a fetchland
<System> Player Lost

I didn't just see that happen, please tell me I didn't see that just happen.

[brianpk80]

I swear it never ends with these people:

0:00:00 [BPK] <BPK> Hi
0:00:00 [BPK] BPK shuffles library
0:00:00 [Lucho] <> hi
0:00:00 [Lucho] Lucho draws 0 cards
0:00:00 [BPK] <-------- New Game Started -------->
0:00:00 [BPK] It is now turn 1 (BPK)
0:00:00 [BPK] It is now the Beginning Phase, Untap Step
0:00:06 [Lucho] Lucho shuffles library
0:00:08 [Lucho] Lucho draws 7 cards
0:00:09 [BPK] BPK shuffles library
0:00:12 [BPK] <BPK> 47 cards?
0:00:16 [Lucho] Lucho plays Full Moon from Hand
0:00:18 [BPK] <BPK> I'm testing for T1 here
0:00:27 [Lucho] Lucho puts a 7/6 Pantera Metalica  token into play
0:00:34 [Lucho] It is now the Combat Phase, Combat Damage Step
0:00:37 [Lucho] Lucho taps Pantera Metalica
0:00:43 [Lucho] <Lucho> attack pantera metalica
0:00:48 [BPK] <BPK> lol
0:00:51 [BPK] <BPK> Thanks
<System Player Lost>

[Gandalf_The_White_1]

onoez draws a card
It is now the Precombat Main Phase
<onoez> Thinking
<onoez> dude
<onoez> I suck
<System> Player Lost

This guy apparently didn't understand the wording on Teferi:

Planeswalker taps Snow-Covered Island
Planeswalker taps Snow-Covered Island
Planeswalker plays Mana Leak from Hand
<Mr.Clock> u cabt
<Planeswalker> why?
<Planeswalker> it only affects opponents
<Planeswalker> not me
<Mr.Clock> each opponents man
<Planeswalker> i'm not my own opponent
<Mr.Clock> me and u
<Mr.Clock> ....
<Planeswalker> You are my opponent, I am not
<Mr.Clock> no right
<Mr.Clock> u are a noob -.-
<Planeswalker> it doesn't say 'each player'
<System> Player Lost

[UR]

Not T1, but still great (I deleted a few lines);

**M** plays Flagstones of Trokair from Hand
**M** puts Flagstones of Trokair to Graveyard from Play
**M** puts Flagstones of Trokair to Graveyard from Play
**M** puts Akroma, Angel of Wrath into play from Library
**M** puts Razia, Boros Archangel into play from Library
<UR> ???
<**M**> u can’t counter
<UR> u can’t get akroma
<**M**> read the card
<UR> it reads plains card
<**M**> plains CARD means u can get anything
<UR> anything that is a plains
<**M**> akroma isa plains card
<UR> congrats… u win

[Glix]

I was testing Aggro Loam in extended out of boredom, when the following happened:

Player taps Swamp
Player taps Swamp
Player plays Withered Wretch from Hand
<Glix> Ok
Player taps Chrome Mox
<Player> remove life from the loam
<Glix> rsp
Glix plays Tranquil Thicket from Hand
<Glix> cycling
<Player> Ok
Glix puts Life from the Loam from Graveyard
<Glix> Dredge
<Player> NO
<Player> NO
<Player> NO
<Player> NO
<Player> NO
<Glix> ?
<Player> ITS REMOVED
<Glix> No, wretch is still on the stack
<Player> I REMOVED LIFE WITH WRETCH
<Glix> it's ability uses the stack
<Player> YOUR MOM USES THE STACK
<System> Player Lost

[Meddling Mike]

I am playing under the guise of "player" and my opponent is playing a sweet deck featuring seething song, oxxida golem, chainflinger, granite grip and any number of other absolutely terrible cards, I actually thought it might be an interesting match simply because my deck is full of dead cards(null rod isn't so hot when the only artifact he has is oxxida golem) and can't really deal with other creature based strategies, so I decided not to quit out of the game, turns out I was wrong 

Player puts Polluted Delta to Graveyard from Play
Jopu discards Granite Grip
Player's life total is now 17 (-1)
Player is looking its Library...
Player puts Underground Sea into play from Library
Player shuffles library
Player stops looking its Library...
Player taps Tundra
Player taps Underground Sea
Player plays Voidmage Prodigy from Hand
<Player> End my turn
<Jopu> why you looking ypour libary
<Jopu> lol
<Player> I had to search when I cracked my fetch land
Player puts Polluted Delta into play from Graveyard
<Jopu> lol
<Jopu> noob
<System> Player Lost

[Nehptis]

Gotta love this one.  After he scooped to seeing a Turn 0 Leyline from me I thought he was playing Ichorid.   I guess not.

It is now turn 1 (neckfire)
<neckfire> i play
Nehptis plays Leyline of the Void from Hand
<neckfire> god ok
<neckfire> Thinking
<neckfire> g2
<Nehptis> Ok
<neckfire> lol yea scoop b4 first card
<Nehptis> ich will do that

It is now turn 1 (neckfire)
Nehptis plays Leyline of the Void from Hand
<neckfire> Ok
It is now the Precombat Main Phase
neckfire plays Ancient Tomb from Hand
neckfire plays Mox Diamond from Hand
neckfire plays Wasteland from Hand
neckfire taps Mox Diamond
neckfire plays Gorilla Shaman from Hand
<neckfire> End my turn
It is now turn 2 (Nehptis)
Nehptis plays Unmask from Hand
Nehptis puts Leyline of the Void to RFG from Play
neckfire plays Mycosynth Lattice from Hand
neckfire plays Gamble from Hand
neckfire plays Shrapnel Blast from Hand
neckfire puts Mycosynth Lattice to RFG from Play
<Nehptis> End my turn
It is now turn 3 (neckfire)
<neckfire> Thinking
<neckfire> scoop god you wrecked my stratagy
<System> Player Lost

[2faces]

2faces plays Yawgmoth's Will from Hand
huh plays Tormod's Crypt from Hand
huh puts Tormod's Crypt to Graveyard from Play
<2faces> from hand?
<2faces> how do you play it from your hand exactly
<huh> you are a little kid man
<huh> vintage is not for amateurs like you
<2faces> haha
<System> Player Lost