When I read this thing I did a triple take when I realized the date on the callender wasn't April 1. I mean some of the stuff makes sense but the rest is just wtf with even stupider reasoning.
To figure out exactly where the problems were, we got into the mind of the casual player—not the player knee-deep in regular sanctioned play or Magic Online, but rather the one who plays our game at home, at school, or at the small local shop. We drew upon our own experiences and those of our co-workers. We ran focus tests. We went out in the field and played against such players—players who love, love, love Magic but don't have the need or desire to devote themselves to learning all the ins and outs of the rules.
I thought this was a joke at first. "Rather than try to please those that spend thousands of dollars a year each on our product we went out to find 7-year olds who crack a pack a month to see what they want." WTF? I mean clearly those people that can't be bothered to learn the rules or even spend money/time playing in tournaments are the ones that love magic, not the people that will go without eating for a week if it means they get to go to a major tournament. Do they honestly think that those players who don't play competatively even give half a shit that they're changing the rules? Those that aren't going to play in tournaments,
WON'T. ITS THAT SIMPLE. THOSE THAT WANT TO, WILL LEARN. PEOPLE WHO PLAY CASUALLY WILL ALWAYS HAVE TO LEARN NEW THINGS TO PLAY COMPETATIVELY UNLESS THE GAME IS DESIGNED BY A 4-YEAR OLD. LOOK AT PRETTY MUCH ANY GAME/SPORT/HOBBY.1) Simultaneous Mulligans
Good. Wasting time in tournaments is the last thing you want to do and mulligans can eat up a few minutes. On the other hand, mulligans are the first time you get to have a showdown with your opponent. The first chance to JMT (Jedi Mind Trick) your opponent comes here. I've kept many a borderline hand (something that could likely be mulled better even with 1 less card overall) when playing first just to psyche my opponent into thinking my 7 is better. Clearly dumbing down magic a bit, but they clearly give a logical reason. Maybe this won't be as bad as I think.
2) Terminology Changes
Oh. My. God.
2A) Battlefield
The Fix: The in-play zone is renamed the "battlefield," which brings it in line with other flavorful zone names like "graveyard" and "library." Permanents now "enter the battlefield" or are "put onto the battlefield" as opposed to "come into play" or "put into play."
OK, OK. I'll hand it to them. Battlefield isn't that bad. Sure it is a gay name, but from a simpleton's point of view stuff like Disenchant "destroys" an enchantment or artifact just like Stone Rain "destroys" a land. You can argue that it is more or less a battlefield between spells and resources. Not to mention obvious creature interactions.
2B) Cast, Play, and Activate
Alright so far so good I guess. I mean "cast" is certainly more flavorful and simple than "play". Thumbs up.
2C) Exile
Oh man they're really thinning out card space. I like it. Exile sounds so cool. Whats that you say? FoW makes me Exile a blue card? But that makes no sense. I thought Exile just affected permanents. I mean I can understand Exiling permanents. You're sort of banishing them. Wait what? They added a new zone? But why? Exile-zone? That sounds gay as hell. Removed-from-game zone still makes more sense if it affects spells also. Wait wtf? Do wishes work now? No? They're useless you say? Oh the sideboard. But wishes are already barely playable and they definitely kick ass flavorfully, so why cut their balls off? Oh to please the nerds who can't get lost in the fantasy if it isn't perfectly fantastical and magical. I see...
2D) Beginning of the End Step
You guys cracked your heads together for months to add the words "end step" on cards? Everybody already treated it this way so all you did was make it official. Congrats I guess.
3) Mana Pools and Mana Burn
I thought this was a rumor. It sounded way too stupid to possibly be real.
3A) Mana Pools Emptying
The Reality: Many players can't clearly distinguish between phases and steps. The fact that mana remains in pools from step to step but not phase to phase is arbitrary. The concept of floating mana from step to step is hard to understand. Mana pools, in general, should be empty most of the time that players pass priority for ease of keeping track of the game state.
Yes, and many people think eating their own poo makes them the Queen of France. We call those people idiots and generally ignore them. That is how the world works.
The Fix: Mana pools now empty at the end of each step and phase, which means mana can no longer be floated from the upkeep to the draw step, nor from the declare attackers step to the declare blockers step of combat.
Equally as arbitrary as end of phase so I don't really care. Your reasoning scares the hell out of me though.
3B) Mana Burn Eliminated
The Reality: Many players aren't aware of the existence of mana burn as a game concept. Discovering it exists, especially via an opponent manipulating his own life total for gain, can be jarring. Its existence impacts game play in a negligible way, whereas its existence impacts card design space somewhat significantly.
No, getting kicked in the balls where before you thought "it can't hurt as much as people say it does" is what one could call jarring. Learning that there is a small little rule that even a monkey could memorize that essentially is a mathematical stepping stone people pass in grade 1 isn't even remotely significant. I mean if people are having troubles with this then how the hell will they ever be able to handle probabilities and complex lines of play? Oh right, you're pandering to 7-year olds now so I guess thats the end of Garfield's dream of making a game as elegant and complex as chess. I honestly don't see what card design space is suddenly going to burst open now that people no longer need to manage their resources. I guess you can design this:
4) Token Ownership
The Reality: The current "token ownership" rule is poorly understood, mainly because it doesn't make a ton of sense. Currently, the owner of a token is "the controller of the effect that put it into play." That means I own the tokens put into play under your control due to my Hunted Dragon or Forbidden Orchard, which allows me to do unintuitive tricks with cards like Brand or Warp World. Few people are aware of this rule, and assume that the owner of the tokens is the player under whose control they entered the battlefield.
It makes tons of sense. I own the token, you control it. Who the fuck gets confused by that? (7-year olds sorry forgot) I mean by this logic if I let you borrow something, that means you own it? WTF? Stop using 7-year old logic to justify what is otherwise a decent decision. I have no problem with the person the token is first controlled by getting ownership, just say that. Don't try to slap together some bullshit reason like "people are confused by basic language skills."
5) Combat Damage No Longer Uses the Stack
APRIL FOOLS!
Yeah, I knew it. There is no way you could possibly have been this stupid. I knew my trust in you wasn't lost. Wait what, there is actually a 4-page wall of text about this? It can't possibly be a joke, and yet...
The Reality: The intricate system via which combat is currently handled creates many unintuitive gameplay moments. For starters, "the stack" is a difficult concept, even after all these years, so it is no wonder that many players go about combat without invoking it at all. Second, creatures disappearing after damage has been put on the stack leads to a ton of confusion and disbelief: How is that Mogg Fanatic killing two creatures? How did that creature kill mine but make your Nantuko Husk big enough to survive? How can you Unsummon your creature and have it still deal damage? While many of us may be used to the way things are now, it makes no sense in terms of a game metaphor and only a bit more sense as a rule.
The stack is not even close to difficult. LIFO+priority=knowing how the stack works. Thats 2 simple sentences that can carry you through 99% of situations. The reason that Mogg Fanatic is killing two creatures is because when you throw a punch at a guy he doesn't die instantly. How fucking hard is it to imagine creatures actually FIGHTING rather than just "oh I'm going to chop your head off at the exact same time you chop my head off." It makes perfect sense as a metaphor and using the stack is a remarkably elegant and simple way to impliment it.
Before: Our creatures are fighting, and both mortally wound each other. (damage is on the stack) I then Unsummon my creature and he lives because he is no longer on the battlefield to die while yours still does.
Now: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL OUR DOODZ JUST CHOPPED EACH OTHRS HEDS OFF LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
OL
Not to mention the new blocking system is dumb as shit. I should have the option to pull my creature back if they're not all fighting at once. The whole point of being able to assign combat damage is that you could tell your monster how much to damage each of your opponent's monsters. If you change it to a gauntlet then I should be able to tell my creature to stop going through the gauntlet. This shit is even dumber than yu-gi-oh.
6) Deathtouch, Lifelink
This is just the same thing applied to two different rules. It makes sense. Nothing else need be said.
I hope you'll agree, and here's to not doing this again for another decade.
I hope you mean "here's to never holding focus groups with 7-year olds about how to run a multi-million dollar industry and complex game." Fuck I mean the reasoning throughout this whole article is so bad I'm honestly scared as hell. I'm sure when the 6th edition rules changes came around they gave better reasons than "stupid people are stupid and this game is for stupids so we should stupid it up for them".
